While in college I met a man who was 15 years my senior, he taught me the art of doing stain glass, cooking with cast iron, needless to say we had a April to September romance. He like all men had a fantasy and that was a prostate massage, well there was no internet so I found a book, read how to do it OK. I bent him over, put on a rubber glove and greased him up, went in, then up and there it was. Instead of gentle as I was supposed to do, I hit it with gusto and did he ever take off trying to climb the ceiling fan. Not good, but I got better and he did enjoy my efforts.
Another of my brief conquests wore wild boxers which had Superman, Batman, Smilies, Clovers, well you get the drift. One night he had on his Batman boxers and I began doing the Batman theme song. Batman, Batman do do do do do Batman. Just about that time, he took a wild leap and came into the bed head first, the bed broke down, he went into the nightstand and turned the lamp over. We spend most of the night fixing the damage but had a good laugh.
We had only been married a couple of years when my husband and I went to Jekyll Island, Georgia. The very south end of the island is rather desolate, well we were down there one night. He began to undress me, then he stripped down, put his shirt under us and we went at it. A very short time later, I began feeling something on my hiney and back which began to make my very uncomfortable. And it got worse as I told him to let me up. We have gotten near a bed of ants which ate us both up, ended up leaving his shirt.
And you thought a grain of sand up the twootie was bad, try ants eating at your ass.