I think that you might be over analyzing this a bit. I am a father of 3 and a DL. My wife accepts my disposable diapers everywhere but in our bed. It is her boundary and I respect it. Additionally, I do not use my diaper, I just enjoy the feel, sound and look. Having these boundaries is important in keeping diapers from over-taking our home and relationship. I love my wife and appreciate her more than words can express. She does not participate with me, just accepts; and I am ok with that. I am in my mid 30s and we have been married for over 10 years. Getting to this point has been difficult, but I feel like we finally reached a a comfortable understanding we both can live with, and enjoy each other and our lives. I do not have any problems around my children and my diapers. Children have nothing to do with my underwear any more than they would if I chose to wear boxers or tighty whiteys. I will do everything in my power to prevent my children from ever finding out. I am not proud of this part of me, it is there and I live with it.
Ultimately you must gauge yourself. My DL side is in check with the boundaries discussed above, where do your boundaries lie? As you mature in age, life takes on new perspective. Learning to live for someone elses needs instead of your own is the key. The world does not revolve around us. Cheesey movie lines are over used, but one I think is relative to us everyday keeps me focused: "Sometimes I do what I want to do; the rest of the time I do what I have to." The answer to your questions are in your heart. Children require sacrifices, lots of them, what are you willing to do or not do for them? The answer for me is simple. I will do what ever it takes to keep my children safe and happy; helping them learn and grow to be productive members of society. I wouldn't wish this DL thing on my worst enemy and wouldn't dare jeopardize their safety or emotional well being by making my diapers a part of their innocent lives. I think my wife understands this which is why we have met on common ground and live happily together. Marriage also requires sacrifice not just about diapers but in all things. Keep your focus, if diapers rule your world and you cannot establish boundaries, you might want to think long an hard about starting a family. As a man, you must be a MAN, and care for your wife and familiy's needs above your own.
Sorry to get up on my soap box, I am not preaching, just offering the honest help you asked for. This is the world from where I sit. What is your perspective?