I like both, sex with my wife and masturbating solo. Masturbation gives me the opportunity to practice my enema fetish that started since I was a teenager and that was always an important part of my sexuality. Sex with my wife (or another female partner) is much more than simply achieving orgasms, it includes the intimacy and closed contact with another human being, something even the best masturbation technique cannot replace.
This is difficult.I always LOVE masturbating, but when I play and explore with another person it can be so wonderful too, even without intercourse. Then, there’s the couple guys I dated who, in hingsight, were more into fucking me than they were into me. Not great memories.So, if I have a long lovely session playing doctor with someone and I end up orgasming, is that sex? If a certain guy fucks me and I feel unsatisfied, is that sex? Is sex the act or is it how the act makes me feel?
In my opinion, a clear distinction should be made between self-masturbation and sex done by masturbating the partner (mutual masturbation).I prefer the second hypothesis, because the fantasy and the sensations are much more strong than what you get with sex based on penetration.I see that all of my game girls also really enjoy being masturbated in all ways. :-)
For vast amounts of my recently completed 20s, I would have chosen masturbation. Turns out however, that this might just have been that while sex has been good with my previous girlfriends, it just hasn't been as great as letting the wicked mind's fantasy flow freely. Now with my fiancée, whom I thoroughly infected with a passion for medical BDSM ("I can't wait until the evil doctor is visiting me again!"), there is no doubt I would pick sex with her over masturbating if only one were possible for the rest of my life. But luckily, it's not 😉
Interestingly, I came across a documentary in which high school age girls and boys were questioned about sexual activity in the school. I was surprised to learn that some do no consider masturbating someone, or giving them a blow job was not considered to be sex. I was just an event in which you got him or her off. The act of getting someone to cum was not sex! School was never like this when I was young!
Interestingly, I came across a documentary in which high school age girls and boys were questioned about sexual activity in the school. I was surprised to learn that some do no consider masturbating someone, or giving them a blow job was not considered to be sex. I was just an event in which you got him or her off. The act of getting someone to cum was not sex! School was never like this when I was young!That was certainly not how I experienced anything.But people can be very hypocritical when it comes to doing something they desperately wish for but are not allowed. I would say that the stricter the social norms, the more wriggle room that people are likely to invent for themselves.
I’ve enjoyed both, but, with masturbation, you have a lot more flexibility, than with a partner. You can get up and leave after you’re finished, no accidental pregnancy or disease, and nobody’s feelings get hurt, if the relationship doesn’t work out.
I’ve enjoyed both, but, with masturbation, you have a lot more flexibility, than with a partner. You can get up and leave after you’re finished, no accidental pregnancy or disease, and nobody’s feelings get hurt, if the relationship doesn’t work out.While masturbation is pleasurable - that is NOT a good reason to to masturbate instead of having sex. If you want to get up and leave and not worry about your partners feelings - get a hooker!!
While masturbation is pleasurable - that is NOT a good reason to to masturbate instead of having sex. If you want to get up and leave and not worry about your partners feelings - get a hooker!!Prostitution is illegal in many countries. Which sort of puts a big damper on things.And even if not, it is expensive enough, even for the basic types of encounters. Moreover, engaging a working girl involves feelings just as with a non professional partner. There is personal interaction and the proper social protocol to follow before and afterwards, however basic it might be. A sex worker is not a sex robot.And if after masturbation, the preference is for one to fall asleep, which is common enough, then boy oh boy, it's gonna be real expensive in engaging a professional.Plus, once done, there is no afterplay. The expectation is for a client to get dressed and leave their premises, as quickly as possible. Not always the definition of a pleasurable experience.
For vast amounts of my recently completed 20s, I would have chosen masturbation. Turns out however, that this might just have been that while sex has been good with my previous girlfriends, it just hasn't been as great as letting the wicked mind's fantasy flow freely. Now with my fiancée, whom I thoroughly infected with a passion for medical BDSM ("I can't wait until the evil doctor is visiting me again!"), there is no doubt I would pick sex with her over masturbating if only one were possible for the rest of my life. But luckily, it's not 😉You are very lucky, but I bet that you are also an exception to the general rule.Most members don't have partners/wives who share each other's wicked mind fantasies … which is sad, but the way of the world.
You are very lucky, but I bet that you are also an exception to the general rule.Most members don't have partners/wives who share each other's wicked mind fantasies … which is sad, but the way of the world.I agree that I'm very lucky to be able and inspired. I always believed that given enough thought and effort I can create whichever reality I desire.I have found that most girls you would even want to date as a sane man (no daddy issues etc.) are very open for their man shaping the mutual sex life. If she is deeply into you, she will most likely LOVE what you love. Every man with enough grit should be able to reproduce this.
I have found that most girls you would even want to date as a sane man (no daddy issues etc.) are very open for their man shaping the mutual sex life. If she is deeply into you, she will most likely LOVE what you love. Every man with enough grit should be able to reproduce this.Guess I am not a true man after all then.There were many (sexual) things that I liked, but which my wife did not. And there was no way to change that.
I have found that most girls you would even want to date as a sane man (no daddy issues etc.) are very open for their man shaping the mutual sex life. If she is deeply into you, she will most likely LOVE what you love. Every man with enough grit should be able to reproduce this.While there has to be some mutual sexual compatibility, hopefully relationships are based on more than just that. Real men and women can compromise if there is more than just sex in a relationship.
Guess I am not a true man after all then.Haha wow, that's not what I aimed to imply! But I simply can't believe that while it was highly reproducible for me, that it wouldn't be for others. I don't think I'm that special, even though the thought of that is very flattering.While there has to be some mutual sexual compatibility, hopefully relationships are based on more than just that.Fully agree, but it's besides the point, since sexual compatibility can be sussed out much sooner than long-term relationship compatibility.This seems like it would make for a very interesting discussion, but I recon it's off topic here. Will start a new discussion.
Guess I am not a true man after all then.__________________________________________Haha wow, that's not what I aimed to imply!I was trying to be funny, but actually remembering back, it wasn't all that funny really.One thing I have not failed to notice about people is that they are virtually impossible to change when it comes to their deep seated likes and dislikes, sexual ones too of course. Maybe especially for sexual likes/dislikes.I suppose a partner may very well go along and participate as a way of pleasing you or being considerate and willing to accommodate. But after a while it wears thin and the (pretended) mutuality just sort of dissipates into nothingness.
@agracier But after a while it wears thin and the (pretended) mutuality just sort of dissipates into nothingness.Oh so true! As for the topic of “masturbation vs sex”; from a young age I masturbated to pictures of women found in my older sister's magazines showing girdle, panty, swimsuit ads. I somehow believed that once I married, real sex would negate my need for this - but it did not; instead it's like there are two kinds of sex - the conjugal kind versus what I experienced looking at picture of other women.
Oh so true! As for the topic of “masturbation vs sex”; from a young age I masturbated to pictures of women found in my older sister's magazines showing girdle, panty, swimsuit ads. I somehow believed that once I married, real sex would negate my need for this - but it did not; instead it's like there are two kinds of sex - the conjugal kind versus what I experienced looking at picture of other women.That is so correct and true.Some people (not zity members I would think) think that there is just sex and that real, actual sex with a person will dispel all need for any other kind of sexual activity. That anything else is a sort of perversion, something unnatural and only desired in lieu of the ‘real thing’. Perhaps that is why many of the early sex researchers liked to lump activities like homosexuality, Lesbianism, anal sex, foot fetishism etc together as unnatural perversions. Or why in old movies there used to be scenes on the theme of an older lady ‘making a man’ out of a poor sexually lost soul or ‘converting’ a gay person to ‘real’ sex. Like in ‘once he gets a taste of my naked female body, he’ll be cured of all the queer stuff …'To be honest, when my gf/wife moved in with me, I somewhat sorrowfully, thought that from then on masturbation as an activity would be off the table for me from then on, even furtive, secretive masturbation. Well that lasted about a week or two … ha ha.And many partners then feel they might be lacking in something or else come to have a quite marked disapproval of these other forms of sexual activity, perhaps thinking it shows a lessened interest in them.
To be honest, when my gf/wife moved in with me, I somewhat sorrowfully, thought that from then on masturbation as an activity would be off the table for me from then on, even furtive, secretive masturbation. Well that lasted about a week or two … ha ha.And many partners then feel they might be lacking in something or else come to have a quite marked disapproval of these other forms of sexual activity, perhaps thinking it shows a lessened interest in them.You know my wife?
I agree with @agracier : partners do not have to like the same things sexually to still be partners, and I don't think its a prerequisite that they do either.For me currently masturbation is more enjoyable than sex, but that is because I feel for me there is more room for sensual touching and other sensory type play with masturbation than sex.
@agracier To be honest, when my gf/wife moved in with me, I somewhat sorrowfully, thought that from then on masturbation as an activity would be off the table for me from then on, even furtive, secretive masturbation. Well that lasted about a week or two … ha ha.Wow - reading what you wrote I had at first thought it was something I had written - amazing how similar our experiences.
Sex ~ please n' thank you. My partner does NOT have anywhere close to the sex drive I do and he could take or leave sex. He actually disclosed to me at one point that masturbation was “just easier,” and he didn't have to worry about effort. Lazy about sex? WTF. (pardon the language). I don't mind mutual masturbation (I show you mine if you show me yours… and I've had male friends stroke off for me (HOT HOT HOT). But, at the end of the day I would always take an active partner playing WITH me than just watching.
I prefer masturbation. You have satisfaction, nobody gets hurt, no rejection or head games, and there are no expectations, or commitment.
I prefer masturbation. You have satisfaction, nobody gets hurt, no rejection or head games, and there are no expectations, or commitment.And also quite important, you can do to yourself whatever you like as stimulation without having to worry it might gross out a partner or cause some offense to their sensibilities. As for instance engaging in anal stimulation. Or talking out loud and such.All is fair game in solo masturbation.
Sex. There's nothing like his warmth in me. The closest 2nd has been a warm enema, to which I get off faster with. I do enjoy being able to get a quick orgasm from masturbation vs sex, sometimes, but still prefer sex.
I would choose sex over masturbating, hands down. While masturbating can allow for some exploration, it only affords so much. Sex is a very visceral, earthy, and downright hot experience. So much to feel and to explore, and to share on a very, soulful level. Sex is something to be cherished, and not misused or abused. It is spiritual whereas masturbation can just feel physical. Hope that makes sense.
Masterbation used after the erection from sex has faded, works for us. We get to experience the feeling of being together, flesh against flesh, bada bing - bada boom, and with the finish of masturbation -- rubbing one off -- together, for my finish, can be satisfying.My orgasms through sex are better than through masterbation. But I am happy with what we do...together.
Sex with yourself is so much less expensive, with no drama, no regret, no worrying, no disparity of desires, no questions about consent, no possibility of exploitation, no need for negotiation, no one getting hurt when it doesn’t work out.I know, sex and relationships are healthy and fun. Also they are irrational. Who knows, I’ll probably fall in love again and change my mind about all this 😃
This topic goes hand-in-hand (ha, cheap pun) to what I just mentioned https://en.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=1304195 about my experience two kind of sex when I married.