First off, let me appreciate Norway. I went to the Norwegian national jamboree as a young scout, and fell in love with the country & people. (My sister married a Norwegian.) I am reading Kon-Tiki to learn modern Norwegian, and studying Gordon's Old Norse as the request of a philology student who wants to do Old Norse.
Also, I'm in the same boat as you. It has to be ME doing it, not receiving it, even though I'm keenly aware of the pleasure experienced by the boy being penetrated. Second, the idea of the passive patient being someone who does anal stuff all the time just grosses me out. Plenty of people in porn willing to try larger and larger dildos, turn their bodies inside out, YUCK! It has to be a VIRGIN-BOY, face down, and he has to NOT LIKE IT. That's crucial!
The whole point of anal play is that people are extremely sensitive down there; that matter is supposed to go out, not in; that it's Against Nature for the thermometer to go IN; that it's a shock, a surprise, a violation, something that the prone-boy has NEVER FELT BEFORE. That's key! And I think RTDUDE would agree with me on those points. (How do I know these things? I JUST DO.)
Also: I like to see the guy's eyes and hear his voice change when he gets penetrated. (You can hear this clearly enough in the movie DELIVERANCE.) There's something that passes between us, when he knows that I know that he's experiencing the feeling of penetration down there. That something is GOING INTO HIS BUTT. That means having a mirror or having the boy lay on his back and put his legs up. But both of those complicate things, and I like simple.
A young man laying on his stomach . . . that's perfect. He thinks that doctor can't see his erection, can't see him squirming around uncomfortably as the wave of arousal spreads uncontrollably from his buttocks to his whole lower torso, to his whole body.
OH YEAH!
Now comes the psychoanalysis: What may be going on here is an effort to reclaim (both for RTDUDE and for me) a connection with that precious and profoundly stimulating moment of first RT rectal penetration that WE experienced as boys, to divide up the awkwardness and shame from the undeniable, powerful, visceral excitement. That's why it has to be a YOUNGER (>1😎 guy for me; that's why (doubtless) it has to be a virgin guy for RT DUDE. I can sense the hostility ALREADY coming from RT DUDE at any suggestion coming from me that “It's really HIM that wants to be getting the RT.” I've made the firm rejection of the role for myself, so I understand where he's coming from. But still . . . there's no denying the intimacy RTDUDE and I both feel for this, the profound sense of CONNECTEDNESS we feel with the guy getting penetrated. For me, I guess it started when I went in for an appendix operation in fifth grade, and was anally penetrated by the male nurse . . . with my mother watching. YUCK! (Dan Savage reports a similar experience.) So I sort through, as I read Zb, and filter out the ones where the mother . . . and the mother's PHALLIC ANIMUS (male penetrative presence) is a feature. Indeed, the phallic mother, the mother where the nice, giving feminine mom AND the unacknowledged brutal male penetrative spirit are both present, is one of my most powerful sexual hate/love bug-a-boos.
Moving forward: With RT dude, we see a convergence of three of my favorite themes: Norwegian masculinity, a passionate interest in RT (NO TAKE! ONLY GIVE!) and a strong-willed man who isn't going to let anyone pull a fast one on him. YUMPIN' YIMINY!
(There was a guy here (now banned) who complained loud and long about being a strapping young teenage boy in an orphanage who kept getting used over and over again as a medical patient for young doctors to experiment on . . . so it was an endless round of genital exams, rectal temps, and enemas for him. . . .all of which he bitterly resented . . . . not least because they all made him extremely aroused . . . and he was powerless, being in an orphanage, to say no. HE WAS A FUN READ!)
A rational person might think that the distance between San Diego and Norway, and RTDUDE's clearly and powerfully expressed distaste for the prone-boy position, would mitigate against the “magick” every happening between us. Still, I have many years of chatting with folks about these issues, here and elsewhere, and I know what I know. By and by, it may happen that RT DUDE has a dream or a fantasy that causes him to rethink his positions. It's all a matter (I have found) of establishing yourself as a trustworthy person who totally understands where the other guy is coming from. Perhaps RT DUDE will share his “origin myth” with us, and tell us how he came to be interested in RT. From something that he saw, or read about? Or something that happened to him? In any case, Zb is a good safe place to talk about stuff.
(For comic effect, fellow posters, you have to imagine RTDUDE rolling around in bed at night. He's on his stomach for a moment . . . and then he VIOLENTLY flips over in order to avoid the train of thought that being on his stomach and thinking about this post of mine have started in his mind . . . .)
It's so much easier working with somebody like the Swiss Examined-Teen, who KNOWS that the Magick happens for him when he's on his back and his feet are lifted up into the air, frog-style, for an RT . . . with RTDUDE, there is very much the sense of having to strain to reel in a large, fighting fish . . . . More work . . . more reward!
1970's boy.