Spanking by parents

And spankings are a consequence that physically hurt, but do no permanent damage. And they continue to work in teen years because they‘re an embarrassing consequence.

And spankings, especially the abusive kind with parents (usually fathers) wacking and slashing with belts and belt-buckles or having daughters (especially step-daughters) strip naked (legs spread please) obviously leave no damage or consequences.

Well, maybe resentment, hatred, distrust of authority. Especially if, as often enough happens, the punishment is not deserved at all, but done by parents or authority figures out of laziness or an appetite for doling out spankings or taking some kind of sexual advantage.

And I have read enough accounts here about continued spankings given by parents that did not work at all. The spankings just seemed to roll off the kid's backs like water off of a duck. Enough accounts here of members who just kept on with their behavior. So clearly, spanking did not work.

You know the saying about doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result? That seems to be a good definition of spanking children.

Spanking often seems to be not much more than tension and frustration relief for parents.

Growing up there was only one main punishment and that was spanking, no compromising. my parents would ground us at times but mostly spanking was the go to punishment. and thinking back on it now I understand why my parents did what they did .. we could be brats at times.

And spankings, especially the abusive kind with parents (usually fathers) wacking and slashing with belts and belt-buckles or having daughters (especially step-daughters) strip naked (legs spread please) obviously leave no damage or consequences.

Well, maybe resentment, hatred, distrust of authority. Especially if, as often enough happens, the punishment is not deserved at all, but done by parents or authority figures out of laziness or an appetite for doling out spankings or taking some kind of sexual advantage.

And I have read enough accounts here about continued spankings given by parents that did not work at all. The spankings just seemed to roll off the kid's backs like water off of a duck. Enough accounts here of members who just kept on with their behavior. So clearly, spanking did not work.

You know the saying about doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting a different result? That seems to be a good definition of spanking children.

Spanking often seems to be not much more than tension and frustration relief for parents.

I don't think any step-parents should be physically punishing kids. Sorry to step on toes of any step-dads or step-moms, but it's not right. I just think there isn't the bond. I know some people DO try to be good parents to the kids, but there's too many who don't. Not saying real parents don't abuse kids. I just think a step dad spanking a girl or a boy is more open to problems.

As much as I am into adult spankings, I don't think most kids benefit from constant spanking. I think it sets up a resentment. Yes, there are probably some issues that deserve a spanking. We have all seen it in the store with a child manipulating an adult. But it shouldn't just be the “go to” punishment, either.

@sundaybrunch - you bring up an interesting question; do those who were spanked growing up get turned by spanking, now, or are repulsed?

And I have read enough accounts here about continued spankings given by parents that did not work at all. The spankings just seemed to roll off the kid's backs like water off of a duck. Enough accounts here of members who just kept on with their behavior. So clearly, spanking did not work.

Basing your evaluation of the effectiveness of spanking on internet accounts from a fetish website is not a very academic study. I have personally talked to scores of people in my years of adult spanking about the subject, including people in real life, and I also grew up with other kids who got spanked. All, and I do mean all, of my childhood friends got spanked. None of us let it “roll off” or took it lightly. In my fourth grade class kids were starting to get out of control and someone threw a pencil, and the teacher shouted “the next person who throws something will be taken to the office for a paddling.” What happened next? Your prediction is continued mayhem. Nope..the class pretty much immediately got completely quiet, even though being noisy wasn't the target behavior. On the school bus once in middle school, two of the boys in the back starting getting rowdy, and throwing punches and the bus driver pulled over and said if they didn't stop he would spank them, and he didn't care if he got fired for it. What happened with these 13-14 year old boys? Continued fighting, laughing at the driver? Nope. The bus got completely silent. Basically, any time I was ever around when a spanking was threatened, from earliest memory through teenage years, this was the result. It worked.

And spankings, especially the abusive kind with parents (usually fathers) wacking and slashing with belts and belt-buckles or having daughters (especially step-daughters) strip naked (legs spread please) obviously leave no damage or consequences.

These kinds of extremes are not what we're talking about and are not disciplinary spanking. Of course telling a teenage girl to strip completely naked and bend over for a grown man is not appropriate. Of course spanking a kid with a metal belt buckle is extreme and abusive. This is the problem with all of the so called “studies” of spanking, they lump these ridiculous extremes in with normal spankings. And the opposite extreme of 1-2 love taps over 2-3 layers of clothing are also lumped in. Obviously if you beat someone up and humiliate them for your own gratification, it's not going to work. And at a website like this, this is the kind of stuff you're going to find, because that's the kind of situation that produces people with kinks and fetishes and obsessions, which is what this site deals with.

@sundaybrunch - you bring up an interesting question; do those who were spanked growing up get turned by spanking, now, or are repulsed?

I was never spanked as a child. Never. My mother did not believe in it and woe betide her husband (ha ha) if he ever dared suggest it. And yet she was strict as can be, just by enforcing things in a different manner. And my late wife was beaten regularly and remained resentful (a mild word) at her parents for doing so all of her life. However she liked being spanked during sex. So I guess different backgrounds make little difference for adults. Either extremes can result in being aroused by adult spanking. I too take a definite pleasure in it now.

However I do get more and more repulsed by the practice of physical punishments for children. It is simply doing the same violent thing over and over to children who have no recourse or means of defense against stronger physical force.

Even in the armed forces officers do not strike other ranks or there will be hell to pay. They find other means to punish offenders. That should be example enough to show that even the military deems it demeaning to use physical punishments.

@sundaybrunch - you bring up an interesting question; do those who were spanked growing up get turned by spanking, now, or are repulsed?

I don't know. I wasn't spanked growing up. But I was keenly aware of it at a young age, due to friends talking about it. I'm just grateful I don't have any bad memories or issues with how I grew up.

Does spanking work? I suppose it does to an extent. I suppose a lot of creative and smart kids were punished unfairly for just being themselves, which is a BIG DIFFERENCE from a lot of what you see out there today, which is just spoiled kids.

I knew some of my friends were spanked unfairly. They were good kids. I don't think they were good just because they were spanked. I think some things come from inside and personal aptitude.

Wouldn’t you rather your child make a choice based on UNDERSTANDING the problem and LEARNING why something is right or wrong, rather than your child make choices based solely on FEAR or PAIN?

Its easier to spank and harder to teach. People make their choices.

Wouldn’t you rather your child make a choice based on UNDERSTANDING the problem and LEARNING why something is right or wrong, rather than your child make choices based solely on FEAR or PAIN?

Isn't the pain a part of the learning to not do the inappropriate choice? It hurt to do it the first time so they reconsider doing it a second time.

Spanking by parents: Do you Agree? No.

From a Positive Parenting perspective, the main discrepancy is actually quite simple. Discipline focuses on instructing and training our children in a PROACTIVE way, while punishment focuses on inflicting blame, shame, or pain for a past offense in a REACTIVE way.

Because spanking responds to a behavior after it occurs, it falls into the reactive category. Unfortunately, being reactive isn’t a great way to address the root cause of a misbehavior; nor does it stop a misbehavior from reoccurring.

Being proactive, on the other hand, helps target the source of the misbehavior and focuses on creating a more sustainable solution.

https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/parenting/is-spanking-effective

Children can understand something and still choose not to do what’s right. I know because I did it several times. This is the problem with the no punishments philosophy. This is a battle cry for the anti spanking crowd, based on an assumption that people that spank their children don’t ever teach them. Actually, I know literally dozens of parents that spank AND homeschool. They do more direct teaching of their own kids than most parents that don’t spank. Kind of throws that argument out the window.

Actually, I know literally dozens of parents that spank AND homeschool. They do more direct teaching of their own kids than most parents that don’t spank. Kind of throws that argument out the window.

That doesn‘t throw the argument out of the window. You can dismiss other folks points of view but we are all entitled to our own opinions. There are voices on both sides of the spanking fence - some pro, some against. It boils down to how each person decides to raise their kids. I happen to disagree with spanking, you don't. This is an age old argument and will probably never be resolved as to who is right and who is wrong. !

Whether a parent chooses to use corporal punishment or not is really up to the parent - not for me or anyone else to dictate to anyone. As long as it isn't abusive or harmful, which is a very elusive bar to set.

Https://www.verywellfamily.com/facts-about-corporal-punishment-1094806

"The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) has taken a firm stance against any type of corporal punishment. In 2018, their revised policy on corporal punishment, Effective Discipline to Raise Healthy Children, encourages parents and caregivers to use healthy forms of discipline when correcting their children and to refrain from using corporal punishment.1 Here is an excerpt from their policy.

"The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends healthy forms of discipline, such as positive reinforcement of appropriate behaviors, limit setting, redirecting, and setting future expectations. The AAP recommends that parents do not use spanking, hitting, slapping, threatening, insulting, humiliating, or shaming."

Overall, the AAP recommends that parents, schools, and caregivers refrain from using any type of physical punishment with children including spanking and paddling in schools. They also indicate that corporal punishment is ineffective over the long-term and leads to negative outcomes."

This is the problem with the no punishments philosophy. This is a battle cry for the anti spanking crowd, based on an assumption that people that spank their children don’t ever teach them.

You are confounding the issue. There are virtually no people/parents or whatever who argue for no punishments.

What they do argue for is no physical punishments. There is a huge difference, a world of difference between the two approaches.

Of course most people know that parenting will involve handing out punishments of some kind or another, at one time or another. These punishments needn't be, probably should not be physical though, no deliberate infliction of pain. Modern societies are not ancient Sparta, they are not trying to raise a class of cold-blooded warriors.

Physical punishments are more for the relief of stress and dare I say, often for the pleasure and gratification of those handing out spankings. They are a default choice for parents who won't take the time to think situations through. There is no education involved other than children learn that might/strength is right. Whoever is stronger wins the day.

That last is a game that should be reserved for adults and politicians (not always the same thing mind you) when they are engaged in geo-politics or waging war.

Actually, I know literally dozens of parents that spank AND homeschool. They do more direct teaching of their own kids than most parents that don’t spank. Kind of throws that argument out the window.

Homeschooling is, or should at any rate, involve the teaching of facts and specific concrete subjects (spelling, grammar, history, mathematics and so on).

That is a different kind of teaching than merely doling out spankings.

That doesn‘t throw the argument out of the window. You can dismiss other folks points of view but we are all entitled to our own opinions.

The point you were trying to make is that parents that spank don’t try to teach their kids anything. However, that is false, because I know many homeschooling parents that spank. If they didn’t want to teach their kids, they wouldn’t be homeschooling. So actually that does throw that argument out. Most of the arguments made against spanking are based on a lot of false assumptions and conflating ideas. People that are against spanking think a spanking is the same as just grabbing a kid in anger and loss of control and beating them to take out your frustration. The reality is if you use spanking you will avoid that scenario because things will never escalate to that point. Children often will stop misbehaving at just the threat of a spanking, if they know there’s a real chance of it happening.

If you want to disagree and raise your children in a different way, that’s fine. But what you often find is people like yourself and others who are against it often seek to impose their ideas on others through legislation. Like many Eorpean countries. And if you want to talk seriously damaging children’s lives, how about ripping them away from their parents. But again, this is what many anti-spanking advocates want to do with people that spank their kids, they want to forcibly remove the kids from their parents.

The point you were trying to make is that parents that spank don’t try to teach their kids anything. However, that is false, because I know many homeschooling parents that spank. If they didn’t want to teach their kids, they wouldn’t be homeschooling. So actually that does throw that argument out. Most of the arguments made against spanking are based on a lot of false assumptions and conflating ideas.

I made no reference that parents who spank their children don't try to teach their kids anything. That's a ridiculous assumption. There is no connection between homeschooling (teaching your kids) and how you decide to discipline your kids. What false assumptions and conflating (to fuse together????) ideas made against spanking are you talking about??

You are confounding the issue. There are virtually no people/parents or whatever who argue for no punishments.Physical punishments are more for the relief of stress and dare I say, often for the pleasure and gratification of those handing out spankings. They are a default choice for parents who won't take the time to think situations through. There is no education involved other than children learn that might/strength is right. Whoever is stronger wins the day

Some more arguments that are easy to deconstruct:

Spankings do not relieve stress and aren’t easier in the moment than giving other punishments. This is spoken like someone who has never given a spanking. Giving a spanking is actually stressful and requires a lot of personal effort. Taking two seconds to say “no playstation for a month” or yell ”knock it off” is much easier and feels better in the moment.

Long term, it might be harder because you have to become the police when you ground a child and make sure they are sticking to it. And if they don’t…. well more grounding and more policing. Then you’re weeks or months away from the actual misbehavior, and that whole time there is friction and possibly resentment over the punishment. The same problems that opponents of spanking love to decry.

And regardless of what you are doing to punish, you are bigger and are exerting your authority. Part of life is dealing with authority. Police usually have some kind of weapon, and the first thing they will do if you are arrested is take your weapons away making them a lot mightier than you.

And the not thinking things through comment is just stupid. Of course you have to think things through. This is your own confounding the issue between spanking done in a calm and rational matter and senseless and out of control beating. And there is a huge difference between those two things as well.

How about a historical perspective on the efficacy of physical punishments?

If this kind of punishment were all so effective, how come most/all advanced/developed nations have abolished physical punishments as punishment for a crime of whatever degree? Felons are no longer whipped, lashed at the stake, put in the stocks or bodily harmed (capital punishment is another matter). Even in the military, traditional physical punishments like whipping, lashing, keelhauling etc are no longer used. An officer even striking a lower rank can get into serious trouble for doing so.

There is a reason and that is because as punishments go, they are not effective and more than not cause lingering hatred. The State and the military have developed other methods of punishment, usually imposing financial fines, confinement, forced labor of some kind, travel restrictions etc.

So it seems if these large bureaucracies can devise non-physical methods of punishing wrongdoers, parents certainly ought to be able to follow the good example.

First of all, I would want everyone to understand that I have not nor will I ever spank of my daughters for any number of reasons. Taking away of their cell phones for a short period of time I think is much more effective punishment!! lol

Growing up, I was a bit of a handful for sure but I never really did anything particularly bad. My mom followed in my grandmother's footsteps of being brought up with a great deal of love but they also ran a pretty tight ship so to speak. Mom spanked me quite a number of times even until the time I left the house as a young adult. It was never done in anger and with a great deal of love and yes on my bare bottom. My father left any spanking up to my mom, but if he asked me to jump, I think I would have done so immediately without question, asking him as to “how high on the way up.”

Prior to spanking, my mom would have a quiet discussion with me about my either disobedience or infraction and would be told I would be getting a spanking later on usually after supper. This gave me plenty of time to reflect on what I had done or said or about a bad attitude, bad language, etc I might have had. Spankings were done on my bare bottom privately with no one else in the room over her knee with my pants and panties pulled down or skirt raised. Depending on the infraction, they were done by hand or with the dreaded hairbrush or worse case the paddle. Afterwards, I was hugged and told how much she loved me and I frequently sat on her knee feeling the love she had for me. It made me feel so close to her even to this day. After the spanking, the air was completely cleared and the infraction never mentioned again unless it was repeated. When I got married, I am not sure whether he meant or not, but he advised my husband to take me over his knee and give me a spanking if I ever “got out of line”. I later found out, that on occasion, my mom was spanked by my dad but if was done in fun and for erotic purposes. I know as a result of being spanked during childhood that I developed a bit of a spanking fetish that both my husband have enjoyed with one another that has enhanced our closeness in marriage. It is always with love and affection for one another and always consensual. And it does light up some “fires” that need to that are not easily put out. I have never once thought I was abused by my mom for spanking me. They were well deserved!!

Now back to the question….would I advise another couple regarding spanking. NOOOOOOO!! The only advice that I would offer would be to have a frank talk with their spouse and decide what is best for their particular situation. Denise

@Denise what a frank and honest retelling of your experiences. It tells me you are very comfortable with your sexuality.

Your comment reads like you equate being spanked as love. I felt the same way about being given enemas by my mum.

Of course if one is spanked while wearing a very tight girdle takes it to another level 😉 ❤️ 🌹

Wouldn’t you rather your child make a choice based on UNDERSTANDING the problem and LEARNING why something is right or wrong, rather than your child make choices based solely on FEAR or PAIN?

Its easier to spank and harder to teach. People make their choices.

I agree. I think children should be taught how to navigate life. They shouldn't be punished for making mistakes. Spanking should be reserved for outright defiance and breaking of important rules. If you spank someone for everything, then the big rules don't stand out. There can be consequences for minor issues.

Children can understand something and still choose not to do what’s right. I know because I did it several times. This is the problem with the no punishments philosophy. This is a battle cry for the anti spanking crowd, based on an assumption that people that spank their children don’t ever teach them. Actually, I know literally dozens of parents that spank AND homeschool. They do more direct teaching of their own kids than most parents that don’t spank. Kind of throws that argument out the window.

Sometimes, allowing someone to suffer the consequences of their bad decisions, is a good idea. For example, if you're told not to ride your bike in the woods when it rains…and you do…your bike is full of mud, the gears don't work well, and your bike is a mess. Now you have to clean it. When you get older, this translates into bigger and more resultant issues.

I don't know how anyone can develop a real “gut feeling” about anything, if they are told “no”, and then spanked for doing the opposite. Trusting your gut feeling usually never fails.

The lack of spanking or any discipline in the home can be found in cities all around the country. Where ‘’peaceful protests'' are a cover for rampant vandalism. The lack of punishment by the court systems further exposes the problems our country now faces.

The lack of spanking or any discipline in the home can be found in cities all around the country. Where ‘’peaceful protests'' are a cover for rampant vandalism. The lack of punishment by the court systems further exposes the problems our country now faces.

And yet the US imprisons (punishes) at the highest rate in the world. It's judicial punishment system is the harshest in the developed world.

https://www.google.com/search?client=opera&q=incarceration+rate+by+country&sourceid=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

These are easily established and verifiable statistics.

The lack of spanking or any discipline in the home can be found in cities all around the country. Where ‘’peaceful protests'' are a cover for rampant vandalism. The lack of punishment by the court systems further exposes the problems our country now faces.

I don't see a connection between not being spanked at home and participating in violent protests. That's more an issue of whether the parents taught and instilled values and respect to their kids. I don't believe one learns those traits by being spanked.

And yet the US imprisons (punishes) at the highest rate in the world. It's judicial punishment system is the harshest in the developed world.

That's because a number of prisons in the US are operated by private companies for profit. Therefore they have a vested interest in keeping them full. Most people in prison in the US are there for petty drug possession, or other drug related crimes. Meanwhile, the medical and pharmaceutical industry legally make billions off of people for basically the same thing.

This really has nothing to do with spanking, this has to do with politics. There is no perfect system.

Here are some things that have to do with spanking observed in the past 24 hours. While at ice cream last night two kids keep getting up and running around. The parent tells one of them to sit down, and he just mocks the parent “sit down Jessie” like a parrot and laughs. The parent says “you must not want to go to ____ tomorrow”. The kid again parrots her. “Or the next day” The kid finally sits down for 5 seconds then jumps back up. Parent gives up. How much would you bet me the parent had NO intention of following through any way. The child learned absolutely nothing except complete disregard for authority and selfishness. Replace spanking into SUPPOSEDLY not going to whatever place he was going. Do you think he would have parroted, laughed at, and disregarded his mom? I highly doubt it.

Same basic scenario just happened while I was out today. Kid is basically telling his mom what to do. Care to wager on if she has ever been spanked? She’s 3-4 years old, by the way. I’m sure if you sat down and explained to her it’s not nice to mock people she’s going to change her behavior, right?

*edited for numerous grammatical errors thanks to using a phone with auto-correct

And yet the US imprisons (punishes) at the highest rate in the world. It's judicial punishment system is the harshest in the developed world.

We have some of the most violent crime in the world. A lot never get punished, so they go back out and do it again.

Same basic scenario just happened while I was out today. Kid is basically telling his mom what to do. Care to wager on if she’s ever been spanked? She’s 3-4 years old, by the way. I’m sure if you sat down and explained to her it’s not nice to kick people she’s change.

You can see some kids run the home. They've been made into “pets” and can do no wrong. The parents have no problem with them annoying or disturbing others. You see this on airlines all of the time…the kid behind you who continually kicks the seat, after you've asked them to stop. The child (not infant) who cries or yells or chants the same thing over and over, in a whiny loud voice and disturbs the whole flight. Most of the time, these are teachable events, where one can demonstrate the real reason behind asking them not to do something. The parents think everyone should tolerate them.

At 3 or 4, they can perceive if they can push the adults around. By 10 years old, they don't even listen to the parents anymore. So it's too late by then to instill any manners or techniques.