Spanking by parents

if they raised a query for the use of spanking.

1.- would you agree?

2.- If a friend asked you for advice or help about spanking, would you do it?

I don’t believe in spanking children (unless they physically endangered themselves or others). Children should not fear pain from adults, especially parents. If they do receive a spanking, it has to be over a very serious matter. I’m there for my friends, regardless the subject. I have had to restrain a child that the parent couldn’t, but I have never spanked a child. I just restrain them to get their attention, and then talk to them.

My approach would likely be different if I wasn’t a six foot- two inch, 220 pound man.

Just my personal opinion as NON-parent. I think spanking can be a most valuable tool, I would never say it should be your first tool but I wouldn't hold it back till the last tool either. I would not likely participate in any way because I have a fetish, that said I could advise on what to use (my Dad only ever used his hand but I think an implement can be more useful for example the standard ping pong paddle is louder less painful than the hand and can be very effectively used without leaving a mark (one can do serious damage with anything, including your hand). I have only once smacked a child (3 light swats on the seat of his pants to get his attention when nothing else seemed to), his mother and grandparents were right there and seemed to think it was appropriate.

No I would not give advice regarding spanking. I think that is up to each parent without outside influence.

I was quite a handful growing up and my mom was not at all hesitant to spank me otk on my bare bottom. That being said, it was never done when she was angry and was done with love and my understanding why I was to be spanked. I was comforted after the spanking and encouraged and expected to not repeat the offense. As a result, I definitely acquired a spanking fetish pretty early on in life and in addition to getting a spanking I administered many a spanking in my youth (my poor teddy bear was over my knee quite a few times!! lol). My husband and I enjoy our private time together enjoying each other in many ways with spanking included. I have never spanked our daughters for a few of reasons that come immediately to mind: 1) It is frowned on these days and might be considered child abuse and illegal if done too harshly (how too harshly is defined I do not really know). 2) If the kids are inclined to develop a spanking fetish, I want to leave it up to a discovery on their own without influence from their parents. 3) I think the taking away of their cell phones for a period of time would really be much more effective in correcting errant behavior than a spanking. Those are just a few of my feelings without having any judgement whatsoever of how others raise their kids. Denise

There are many better punishments like ban for phone and social media. Or grounding. I would allow spanking only if all these methods are impossible to enforce. If kid has both parents there is no problem with enforcing non-violent punishments.

1-yes

2- it would depend on the individual circumstance but I might give advice on that

We would occasionally spank our 3 kids and it was mostly my wife's job. I think it was usually just the threat and if she was getting attitude she would yell for me. I'd come into the room and whip off my belt and snap it and there would be kids leaving the vicinity. I don't think I hit any of them more than once, after that the threat was enough. My parents did the same for me. I wouldn't recommend spanking in this climate. There is the added threat of someone complaining and having you turned in. It just isn't worth it even though it may be needed. Sometimes the occasional swat can help though.

1.- would you agree?

2.- If a friend asked you for advice or help about spanking, would you do it?

Yes.

Yes.

Spanking has it's place as a form of punishment. It may not be for everyone (I believe it is frowned upon by many.). But it can deter some from doing what they shouldn't. It worked well for one of our kids, not so much for the other.

1.- would you agree?

2.- If a friend asked you for advice or help about spanking, would you do it?

1/ it is not for me to put in my two cents on such a question, but I would not agree

2/ no way would I ever help. No way at all. Never. Jamais de la vie. That would be insane and setting yourself up for some pretty serious charges. Imagine if it were found out in school that mommy/daddy's friend helped spank. Ho ho ho, you would be up for the chop. And rightfully so.

If anyone asked for my advice, I would tell them not to do it. Find another way to readjust your child's behavior and attitudes or seek professional advice.

I would not give anyone advice as to whether or not or how to spank their children. That's none of my business even though I don't condone spanking (generally) as a form of punishment. However, If I had any reason to believe they were abusive, I would report them.

I don't believe in spanking children any more than a swat or two to get their attention. I also think that as someone who has a big kink for spanking, I'd never spank my own children (if I had children) or advise a friend about spanking their children. Spanking is something that strictly stays in my adult sexual life.

I don't believe in spanking children

@rosie12 - or anyone. But for play that's a different story 😉

I grew up in the 70s and 80s and got spanked - sometimes way worse than I deserved - but I would never support doing it to anyone now.

Grew up in the 50s-60s strapped with dad's leather belt not spanked for whatever reason. Then in Jr. High, swats by the PE coaches. I think it was overkill. Erotic spanking on the other hand Oh Yes!!

I agree @JakeNewYork

Even though I was spanked, hitting children is never a good idea, it can really damage their sense of self.

Spanking between consenting adults is ok though 😉

Yes, spanking is an effective form of punishment, regardless if some people have a fetish, the same logic would say that we should not take our kids to the doctor because some people have a medical fetish. Regardless of how I feel NOW, I hated getting spanked as a child and avoided it at all costs. Other punishments were not the same, not as effective, and usually not followed through with. My parents worked a lot, and could not enforce groundings, restrictions or other sanctions. A spanking was something I would actively avoid. When I did get one, the punishment was over with immediately, and didn't drag out for months. However, I would've chosen the longer punishment over a spanking…and actually did once. The reason was that a spanking was embarrassing and painful (effective), and I knew there was a chance that a long punishment would not be followed through with.

Today, I see children literally running amok everywhere, in restaurants they get up from the table, dance around, run in front of people, scream, yell, and are rude and disrespectful. I've seen parents tell them to be quiet and sit down and kids LITERALLY roll their eyes at their parents and keep going. They have zero respect for their parents or fear of consequences. I've seen non-spanking family members take their kids cell phones away…. only to give them back when they want them to be able to contact them or something. On the other hand, I have friends with LARGE families, like 8 kids, that use spanking. When the parents tell them to do something, they do it, and all 8 kids can sit still in a restaurant through a meal.

Human nature hasn't changed, so the idea that somehow modern kids need different discipline is just something to make people feel intellectually superior. Spanking still works, and is more effective than other forms of punishment. And as someone who has been in the adult spanking scene for years….. there are as many spanking fetishists who didn't get spanked at all as those who did.

To answer the questions….Yes for both. I grew up in the 50s and 60s. My parents, Aunts and Uncles were all spanko's because they were spanked growing up and knew that punishment worked. My Dad left my mom just after I was born so my mom raised three boys pretty much on her own.

She would ask her sister {my Aunt} if she should spank me for something naughty that I did. {Question one} and she would say Yes a naughty bare bottom spanking would be the right thing to do. By the time I was a teen, she would call on my Uncle or Aunt {Question two }to come and assist her when I needed to be spanked for doing something very naughty. I was always embarrassed when they were called in to help, even though they had seen me naked lots of times growing up. Butt now I was growing up and maturing so it got to be embarrassing.

The spankings did hurt because Mom used her Oval Oak Hairbrush for most of the spanking. She started out with a few hand spanks and then picked up the brush to finish the punishment making my hinney bright red and tears rolling down my cheeks promising to be a good boy.

Today at age 76 I am a switch as I love to give spankings and I also love to get spanked every so often.

Today, I see children literally running amok everywhere, in restaurants they get up from the table, dance around, run in front of people, scream, yell, and are rude and disrespectful. I've seen parents tell them to be quiet and sit down and kids LITERALLY roll their eyes at their parents and keep going. They have zero respect for their parents or fear of consequences. I've seen non-spanking family members take their kids cell phones away…. only to give them back when they want them to be able to contact them or something. On the other hand, I have friends with LARGE families, like 8 kids, that use spanking. When the parents tell them to do something, they do it, and all 8 kids can sit still in a restaurant through a meal.

One reads this often enough, but in all truth and honesty, I have never ever seen this kind of behavior in real life. No where I have ever been. I just don't see children acting in the way described above.

I know I have been living in Belgium since 1963 after growing up in the US. But even back then, prior to 1963 and afterwards on trips to the US with my family, I've never witnessed that kind of behavior either in the US. And never anywhere in any EU country I've ever visited or travelled to (apparently it seems I've never travelled outside the EU, which I just realise now … ha ha)..

But anyway. I can't help but wonder if this has become a trope, something that is repeated again and again, used in movies and TV, but without anyone really having witnessed it. I certainly haven't. Are all kids sweet little angels? Of course not. But I've yet to see kids acting as described in restaurants or in public, in trains (which I use a lot) or elsewhere. And this pertains to kids from all groups of people living in my country, obvious immigrants and others.

I have really never seen it happen.

I never spanked my children. If you hit one of your children all you are actually doing is taking your own frustrations out on them. And worse still you are teaching them that violence is the norm. And like @agracier I've never seen children running amok in pubs or restaurants.

Those of you who have not lived in the US over the past several decades don’t see what we see. It’s not everywhere and all the time, but you don’t have to look far to see unruly children and teenagers creating havoc for others.

For the record, I was spanked (once in the 50s) growing up. I never spanked my daughters and they (and their husbands) have never spanked their children. But my daughters both parent their children, as did their mother and I. Many parents don’t. It is hard to be parent, especially when both work (or are a single parent). You can’t let them go where they need a cell phone for contact if you take it away and if you ground them, you have to ground yourself. But you can discipline children without spanking if you are willing to be a parent and set an example.

But anyway. I can't help but wonder if this has become a trope, something that is repeated again and again, used in movies and TV, but without anyone really having witnessed it. I certainly haven't. Are all kids sweet little angels? Of course not. But I've yet to see kids acting as described in restaurants or in public, in trains (which I use a lot) or elsewhere. And this pertains to kids from all groups of people living in my country, obvious immigrants and others.

Not only have I seen it, I once had a child come up to my table and start screaming at the top of her lungs. I looked for the mother, and she was deep in conversation with another lady. There was an older man, presumably the grandfather, who was standing there watching and smiling as if nothing was wrong at all, I and my family should be delighted. And I mean SCREAMING.

The incident I related with the kids rolling their eyes at their dad happened at a Whataburger, a fast food chain here in the southern US. There were 3 kids jumping up and down, running back and forth to the soda fountain, and the dad told them to stop, and one girl rolled her eyes at him, and none of them even tried to stop.

And the kids up and running around, good grief, I can't even count how many times I see it. One that sticks out was at a Cracker Barrel, where a kid almost tripped a waitress. The waitress said “careful honey” and was nice, but the kids should've been sitting acting civilized. What were the parents doing? Talking to each other ignoring the kids completely.

And the incident with the 8 kids all sitting still, with parents that spanked… I was there, we were having dinner together at a nice restaurant.

These are all first hand accounts, not just TV scenes.

I was spanked growing up never abused and never spanked for no reason I was however disciplined in other ways as well including mouth soapings,put up against the wall,early bedtimes. I never did spank my own kids though.

I'd say yes to spankings,and at school too

This is hard for me because I really do believe that spankings should be used but only to correct Bad behavior.

I was spanked by my stepdad who came into my life at 11 and it was always bare bottom. I realize now that what he was doing to me was crossing a line because of his behavior.

He went from spanking me for things I deserved it for (talking back, throwing things, sneaking out, etc) to spanking me for his personal pleasure (which is wrong).

I would tell people that sometimes kids need to be spanked to get their attention but that there are also other ways to do it.

I've posted a few times that I think dads and also stepdads and uncles too who spank their teenage daughters and nieces might not be doing it strictly for “disciplinary” reasons. @ccm93 has verified this in her post, as have a couple other female Zity members.

I'm not accusing every parent of doing something sexual just because they spank their kids, although I'm personally against corporal punishment of children. But if you read the accounts of some female Zity members and what their dads, stepdads, and uncles did to them, you really have to question their motives.

If you can't reason verbally with your 16, 17, 18 year old daughter, whose fault is that? Does pulling down her pants and panties and hitting her bare bottom do anything productive? It gives some men an erection but I don't think that's productive for the female.

@RichardAsni You are sooo correct. I think one of the problems, at least in my case, was that he started giving me bare bottom spankings when I was 11. So I just naturally believed in my own mind that this was “normal” behavior. I was to embarrassed back then to ask my friends “Hey does your dad pull your pants and panties down (or make you do it yourself) and spank you”.

I am sure that my stepdad spanked me many, many times for his own personal pleasure and not because I deserved it. I am sure that it was those spankings that have brought me to sites like this. When I was entering puberty and noticing my bodies changing it was his behavior that messed me up, in my opinion.

This isn’t to say that I was totally innocent though, I did do a lot of things that deserved a spanking or some kind of punishment. I just don’t think that every spanking had to be on my bare bottom, or really needed to be a spanking at all.

@ccm93 Kids are conditioned to think that bad behavior deserves punishment. But some parents use bad behavior, which is just part of growing up after all, as a chance to teach their kids instead of as a chance to beat them. The mom and dad can still teach that what the child did was wrong and that you feel bad or ashamed or guilty, but does the kid need to feel physical or mental pain? And then of course there's the question of sexual gratification being the parent's goal. That's just sick.

The mom and dad can still teach that what the child did was wrong and that you feel bad or ashamed or guilty, but does the kid need to feel physical or mental pain?

People seem to forget what they themselves were like as children. You can teach a child something until they understand it perfectly, and though they understand it, THEY DON‘T CARE. Human nature is to want what you want when you want it. This is where we all start out at. I was a pretty good kid by today’s standards, but I know what was in my head and heart.

Here’s an example: I knew playing with matches carried a risk of fire. My parents sat me down and explained it and even as a small child, I knew it was bad and wrong. However, I still wanted to try it and see what the big deal was. Getting caught and spanked made it something I didn‘t repeat because I didn’t want my butt to hurt again. And though I knew playing with matches was risky and could start a fire, a child has no concept of wiping out all of your belongings and your neighbors belongings, and possibly killing someone. Kids don’t fully grasp all of that. But something they do grasp is pain. We all grasp that, and we all do what we can to minimize and avoid it.

And spankings are a consequence that physically hurt, but do no permanent damage. And they continue to work in teen years because they‘re an embarrassing consequence.