Going slow

I just need an opinion. If your new to this whole thing, and you've made that clear, and someone tries to push you beyond what your comfortable with, why get punished for it? (Not as a spanking, but put down and left) why can't they just respect your boundaries in the first place. I'm afraid I'll draw fire for asking this, but I gotta ask anyway. Isn't all this supposed to be done with mutual respect?

I'm not an expert on this - but I think boundaries are established, respected, and expanded as you go. If someone gaffs you off early on because of your limitations/boundaries - they aren't worthy of being a dominant for you. Any relationship that is lasting requires respect on both sides - just my opinion, I wouldn't be in a relationship without it.

It's all about respect. Aretha Frankin said it best. Also needs to be safe, sane and consensual. Relationships are developed and not forced. There is my 2 cents worth and you could probably get change. 😃 Stay safe!

Boundaries should be respected for both players, the doctor and the patient. With time, though, hard limits can become soft limits or even exciting new things to try. Once trust and comfort are established.

If you've had an encounter with someone who hasn't respected your boundaries, and makes YOU feel bad about THEIR behavior, I think that would be the end of the relationship.

Doc

You should spend some time before you ever meet. It can be months and expectations and limitations should be laid out before you ever meet in RL. If those boundaries are crossed that should be the end of a relationship. You can also agree on a safeword which would end a play session. Once you meet once or twice you can increase the tempo of your play. Safety is always first. If you aren't 100% Comfortable don't go there. Trust is everything.

@TwighlightEyes I have to agree with docinny45, on this and then some. If they are doing this at the start of a relationship and you feel uncomfortable about it, that is a red flag. If you continue this relationship, do you think he will continue to push you past that comfort zone and respect you? You already indicated some sort of punishment which to me is a bad sign. Take advice from someone who has been active in the BDSM world and not online, who has seen real life relationships go south in a bad way due to this type of behavior, WALK AWAY, for your own sake.

Boundaries should always be respected. Having said that, usually people open to more once they relax and are comfortable around you.

If you have made your list of boundaries clear and they are attempting to go "after" a hard limit, it would be best to remove yourself from that situation, different people may try to rationalize it as "growth/pushing limits", but if you are not comfortable going that route and have made it know, remove yourself from that situation as soon as possible and as safely as possible.

Anyone who wants to push the lines you have drawn and has not talked to you about it ... no worth your time and trouble as that tells you all you need to know about them and that they might not respect yourself.

Isn't all this supposed to be done with mutual respect?

@TwilightEyes

YES! Absolutely respect must be mutual and set your limits! As stated by several previous posters, anyone worth getting involved with will respect those. Having said this, I also know that I, relatively new to all this, am willing to stretch my limits if/when I am respected, comfortable and given time to grow in learning what I like and don’t like since I am slowly figuring that out. A relationship, even in kink land, is an investment and some are worth investing in and some are NOT.

Your boundaries are important. Decide what they are. Annunciate to others what they are. Revise as necessary. Stick to your established boundaries. If others won’t respect your wishes, disconnect. The Internet has changed many peoples respect for others causing pain to many people. Hold to your values. Be a survivor. You are entitled.

@TwilightEyes

. A relationship, even in kink land, is an investment and some are worth investing in and some are NOT.

I totally agree with this. You need to feel comfortable and have trust before you ever meet in person. Your play scenario should be worked out in detail and followed for the first time or two until you get comfortable around each other. It takes time to do it right. My advice is to take your time and don't get in a hurry. It will happen!

Play patient and play doctor must discuss any limitations either has before doing anything. Starting slow and limiting exam is good and can lead to more detailed exams later.

It’s important for both people to be comfortable with the encounter