Dominance Versus Domineering

There are a number of discussion threads that lightly touch on the subject here on Zity. Generally speaking, we frown on people that are domineering and generally desire someone who is dominant. So I am opening it up to discussion as how do we tell the difference between the two and what characteristics are associated with each.

The short of it is that people who are submissive want someone who is dominant to control various activities or aspects of their life..

Domineering people prey on people who are unwittingly submissive or are unable to stand their ground, often taking advantage of them.

For me, submitting empowers me. It allows me to explore an area of my sexuality that I desperately need an outlet for. If I had an ideal dominant partner he’d be a partner in every other aspect of my life, supporting my personal and career goals etc. But our private life would be him in charge.

A domineering person is not a supportive partner and doesn’t take into account the other person’s needs and desires.

There is such a distinction between the two and I often come across what I call, “self proclaimed doms”. They tell their “sub” what to do, smack them on the ass when they don’t obey and call themselves a dom.

I have a very low tolerance for domineering people. I think they are controlling @assholes, that think they can demand respect, control others by being bossy bullies. They are most often only concerned about themselves and getting what they want with no regard of others or consequences.

Dominant people on the other hand learn about others, their wants and needs. They can take control of a situation or person and execute what needs to be done. While they can be stern, firm and seem tough they are learning, teaching, guiding.

Dominant people earn your respect, they take their role seriously and will admit when they make a mistake and want to amend it.

As far as dominants and their submissives, they have their subs best interest in mind and will make every effort to keep them safe and meet what goals they wish to achieve.

Domineering people use their power to get what they want, they abuse their power they have over people in order to achieve what they want.

The two, can be in and out of the bedroom.

There is such a long list of character traits between domineering and dominant, but I think you get my point ?

@bridgette I would be curious to see your list of character traits and I am sure others would be interested as well! I started this thread for new and old to help them see the signs. I am also half minded after reading another recent thread concerning people with Anti-Social Personality Disorder( Sociopaths and Psychopaths) and potentially how to spot these people as most are very clever and can destroy people.

Aaah @Master Dorson, it is quite interesting isn’t it?

I find the whole D/S dynamics extremely fascinating and I am still learning so much.

I think the dominant has a very heavy role that carries great responsibility. I often find myself questioning what they get out of the relationship.

For some I am sure its power, control, a boost to their ego, etc. But I think a true dominant takes it as the ultimate gift from their sub. They never take it for granted, they appreciate it, nurture it, care for it, they respect that relationship and cherish it.

Where as a domineering person sees it as they are entitled to it, they demand it thus they deserve it. They have no remorse for mistakes and do not take the blame.

I think being narcissistic and domineering go hand in hand.

A dom will build up their sub, in order to make them feel safe and secure, not only physically but mentally as well, so they will want to share their desires and feel they can explore them without fear of judgment or it being used against them later on. Where as a domineering person would use it to manipulate them, coerce,threaten.

Hmmm....should I make a side by side list of traits? It would be interesting for others to add to it as well.

I am sure there are so many characteristics that many may have experienced in real life.

@accountantally, you really hit the nail on the head with your description.

I have said before that I am a late bloomer in the kink scene. I came to Zity almost by accident, looking for erotica to read, with my main interest being spanking.

WOW ! I discovered a whole new world and I couldn’t get enough! I not only wanted to learn but I wanted to experience it too.

I was extremely lucky with my first real life encounter with a “dom”. That was a few years ago now, and I couldn’t be more grateful to him and the experiences he made possible. We remain friends and he will always hold a special place.

When I first joined I did not think of myself as submissive, I knew I was not dominant in the bedroom though. Giving up that total control was not easy for me, I was not even sure I wanted to. Thanks to watching porn I had many pre conceived ideas of what sub and dom roles were and what my hard limits would be. Definitely not the right place to learn!

I realized I had never in my life let those walls down, not all of them....

With that trust, I was able to fully submit.

Like @accountantally, I could explore my sexuality, without fear of being judged, and I knew I was safe in every sense.

I experienced things I never thought I would do, some being what I thought were hard limits for me. And enjoyed them !

A good dom will get to know their sub, know what limits to push and when.

They will always respect their subs safe words and let them be used without repercussions.

A domineering person will disregard their subs wants and needs and only be concerned with fulfilling their own desires.

One of my plethora of hobbies is the study of human personalities and traits. This is such a fascinating thread.