This was during the time that we were still in the final stages of getting my father awarded sole custody, and having my mother's parental rights terminated. The stress on both of us did leave me actually constipated.
Dad waited until I was playing on the floor in the living room. He walked in and started talking to me.
He was holding a black rubber bulb, about 4 oz with a hard black tube. He sets it on the coffee table and just says, "You know Lisa, you haven't pooped in more than two days. That IS a problem, and we need to do something about it.
I did what came naturally to me, I picked up the bulb and squeezed it. It was empty, but the air made a kind of whistling sound.
I said, "What's this?"
He said, "That's the tool that we need to solve the problem."
He said, "Lisa, come up her on the sofa next to me!"
I got up there and sat beside him. He looked me in the eye, and said, "This is NOT going to be something that is any fun for either of us. You won't like it at all. I won't like doing this to you! Not at all!
This is one of those things that I wish we had a mom around to get you through, it’s a Mom thing, really, especially with a girl, but really for any child. Since there is no mom in your life, I'll do the best I can."
I said, "I understand!"
He also said, "Now it NOT something we can avoid doing, or can get out of, in any way. There is no point in fighting it.
You HAVE to do it!
I HAVE to do it!
Now, I am going to explain how it will work, and what will happen. I will do my best to explain how it feels, but it feels a little different every time, so I can only tell so much before it happens. You need to cooperate, and talk to me! Tell me what you're feeling at each time as we go through."
“It's called an enema." He wanted me to say it.
"It is a very private, and personal thing. Not something we talk about to friends or at preschool. It's just between us! OK?"
I said, "OK!"
We'll do it on your bed, because that's the familiar comfortable place that will make things easier for you."
I am going to have to mix up some soapy water and put it in this bulb. The way I do that is by squeezing the bulb like this and putting it in the water up to here." He pointed to the place where the bulb and the tube met.
I let it inflate and it pulls the water up into it. Do you see how that works?" I said, "Yeah."
"Then you will have to lay in a position I know is not comfortable, or even very easy to stay in, but I will help you with staying in position."
He showed me a drawing from an old medical handbook of a woman in ponytails lying what I now know to be the knee-chest position.
When I do it, putting a pillow under my knees helps, but I don't know if you are big enough for that yet."
Before you get in that position, your panties and tights have to come off! No excuses, they just get in the way!
When you get into that position, it helps to relax as much as you can without slumping out of it. Then I will have to lift your dress. I have to stick the black part in your bottom. It won't hurt, but it will feel a little weird. I will, give you a few seconds, no rush. Then I will say 'deep breath', and I want you to breathe in as deeply as you can. Hold it for just that second while I start squeezing the bulb, and once you feel the water squirt inside your bottom, and you WILL feel it, you need to breathe out. Then, just breathe normally."
I said, "Will it HURT?" He said, "This is a small enema, and I will do the best I can to be as gentle as possible. I can't say whether it might hurt a little bit, but it should ABSOLUTELY NOT hurt so much you need to be screaming or crying! A quick "OW" is usually about what you will feel. May not hurt at all. There are things you can do to make it hurt less. One way you can make it hurt is by trying to keep the water out of you or try to fight it. The black part is that length for a reason. Only the muscle there at the end just inside your bottom is the only one that can hold anything out of your bowel. That is the muscle you can feel getting tighter when you try to tighten your butt. Once anything gets above that, you CAN'T hold it back! This tool is made to put the water far enough inside you that you CAN'T stop it from going in. If you relax, and don't try to stop it, it will ALWAYS hurt less! Maybe still a little bit, but a lot less! Understand?" I said "yes!'
Then He says, “I can't be completely sure it won't hurt at all, but I will be as gentle as I can. If it hurts more than a little, hurts enough to make you scream or want to fight, that means one of us didn't do it right! So let's both do the best we can, and we'll get through it OK."
I said, "Dad, have you ever had to get one of these? An enema?" He said, "Sometimes, and because there is no mommy in the house, I have to do it all for myself. When you are old enough, I will teach you how to do for yourself. I want to show you something!" He goes in the bathroom, I follow. He takes out this big, hot water bottle type bag and puts water in it from the bathtub faucet. He holds it up to his tummy, and says, "This is what I have to use. It's the bigger adult size!" I now know it to be 3-qt! I've used it since! He holds the bulb up to my tummy and says "See the difference?" I just nod a "yes." He says, "This hurts EVERY time! Being a grown up is sometimes not a lot of fun! Enjoy being a kid while you have a chance!"
"Back to what is going to happen NOW," he says.
I will slowly squirt that water in you. You will feel some bloating. When you really feel like you can't take any more, you have to tell me so I can stop. I don't know what YOUR body feels. You need to tell me!
When you get that water inside you, you will feel a little pressure. Maybe right away, more likely in a few minutes, you will feel ilk you REALLY have to poop! Not just a little like you CAN poop, but like you HAVE TO poop!"
He looks me right in the eye again, and says, "This is the hardest part, but it is also the most important! You need to HOLD THAT WATER INSIDE YOU UNTIL YOU CAN'T HOLD IT ANYMORE!!! The feeling you have to poop will be stronger some times and not as strong another time. That's normal! That's how this works. We both need for you to get to that one wave that is coming out anyway, no matter what you do. When you are really starting to think you might not make it to the toilet. I will check the clock. If it has been in long enough to help you, I'll tell you to run to the toilet
He then dumps the water out of that bag, and hangs it up to dry
If it's not long enough yet, I'll tell you to start taking slow, deep breaths. Do that until you CAN hold it another moment. That is only going to buy a short time, but it should be enough. When you get to the toilet, you WILL have a loos watery poop, and likely several more over the next little while. The whole thing, from sticking it in you, until you poop should be less than 20 minutes. Then, within another 20 minutes, it should be finished. Depending on how much comes out, I'll have to figure out as we go along if you need to do it a second time. Remember, you will be having no fun, and neither will I. I want to get it over with as bad as you do! I will try to make it go as fast as reasonably possible, but how long it really takes depends on things neither of us can control.
. He says, "OK, now the quicker we get started the quicker we'll finish!"
He says, Go to your room, and take your shoes, tights and panties off. I'll be in just as soon as I can.
I did what I was told. I sat on the bed for what seemed like forever Dad showed up with the same bulb in one hand, and a jug of soapy water in the other. He said, "Let me go and get a couple of towels and two washcloths, just to catch any drips."
He goes to the linen closet, and returns with a beach towel, which was used to cover the whole bed, a bath towel that he put around my pillow, and two washcloths. He put the washcloths on the nightstand, and the jug of soapy water on one washcloth, and the bulb on the other. I looked at the bulb. There was a drop of water running down the nozzle. He said, "It's normal to be scared! Everybody is, the first time! What helps me, when I get scared doing this is not to look at the bag. I think you would have an easier time if you just look at the bulb quickly, and then look away."
He said, "Now I need you to kneel down with your knees on this pillow. Good, good, spread the knees just a little more! There perfect! Now lower your chest until your chest is on the mattress." He showed me. Then said, "Come back just a little. The weight needs to be on your chest, not your neck. There, you've got it! Now you know enema position if you ever need another enema."
He said, "This feels better if you hold still. At your age, I don't know if it is possible to both hold still AND relax, but try it! See if you can lie completely still without tensing up." I tried to do that, and he said, "Good, you're there!" He picked up the bulb, and said, "Stay relaxed, now, but maintain position." I felt him lift up my sundress. I felt the black tube go inside me. He tilted it up a little, and just held it there for what seemed like an eternity, then said, "Deep Breath, just like I said." I took a deep breath. He said, "Now hold it for just a moment, and when you feel the water, breathe out." I tried to just do what I was told, then, when the water started, I think I kind of gasped a little. He said, "It's OK, everything is happening the way it should!" I felt like I had to poop. He pulled the bulb out of me and stuck it in the jug. He let it fill up again, and stuck it back in. "Deep breath." I did it again. This time, it felt like I was full of water, and there was just that little pain in my tummy. I said, "I feel pretty full, and it hurts just a little!" He said, "Good! That’s what I need to know. This is why I need you to talk to Me." and pulled the nozzle out of me. He set everything back on the night stand. The bulb was right next to the jug. The water in the jug had brown pieces of poop in it.
He said, "Now remember what I told you, you really need to hold it in as long as you can!! When you don't think you can hold it, tell me!" I said, "I think that's happening!!" He says, “Just hold it! The longer it stays in, the more good it does you! You're a strong girl, and you're a big girl!" I was! I was tall for my age, and eventually grew to 5'11"! Right then, I was just trying not to blow poop all over the bed. After several more waves, and Dad encouraging me on every one. I finally said, "Dad, this time it's coming out, NOTHING I CAN DO!" He says, OK, then head for the toilet! NOW!" I ran for the bathroom with him right behind. I managed to get my dress up, and get onto the toilet before it came out, but it was close! He looked at his watch, and said, "Now just relax! Let it come out as it wants to! Don't hold back, but don't push hard either, just let it come! You did great!! You probably won't need another one any time soon! I didn't! Not until I was 6! That one was given with a small white “children’s” bag, which was sent unsolicited by Mom’s sister in Saskatoon. He still won’t tell me, even after this long, but I thought then and I am even more convinced now that he thought long and hard, maybe even agonized over whether to use that small white bag, which has raised lettering around the neck “1 imp. QT” He says he still has it. Haven’t seen it since.
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