Is a boy ever too old to have his mom sit in?

It's not really about undies being pulled down vs completely off, so I moved the conversation back here.

... after 16 age when you were at the last grade of high school aged of 17 or 18, it was nevertheless more embarassing to be examined by a doctor in her presence, you were a teenager, no more a small kid !

The older I get, the more shocked I am that we let 16 year olds drive cars. I was a very responsible and obedient teen, who never got into any trouble, and in retrospect, my brain was not mature enough to direct a ton of metal at highway speeds.

Likewise, I don't know any teens I think are responsible enough to handle such important decisions. At 16 I was studying college level calculus, physics, etc. and could tell you all kinds of detail about how the human body works, but when it came to my own health decisions, there is no way I was mature enough.

I think we treat teen boys who have reached Tanner Stage IV (adult sized genitals, but pubic hair not all the way up to the navel and down the thighs) like adults, because they're adult-sized, and historically, that has been the definition of adult. But now that we see through FMRI brain scans and other diagnostic tools that they're still very much kids, I think we need to reconsider the way we do things.

I was a late bloomer, and I didn't get to Tanner Stage IV until 16, so my mom attending my physicals until I was 16 was a no-brainer. But even for guys who are that developed by 13 or 14, it's probably best for parents to keep attending their physicals as long as they are still living at home, which typically is until the end of high school. For us 80s kids that typically was the mom, but I realize that today it's more 50/50 between moms and dads.

You are right on a certain point on the fact that boys are generally not enough mature to care about their health until the last grade of high school as long as they are living at the home of their parents and are treated by them as children.

So I agree that there is nothing wrong if a mother is coming with her son when he went to see a doctor.

I remember that in my case, she was ofen coming with me, even after 14 age if I was sick and if she was anxious but it was never for a complete routine check up since I had one each year and rather thorough at school, so I went to see a doctor only in case of a special sick, And the doctor who was a male did not perform a complete exam and I had generally not to undress completely, just a few times, not often, in briefs.

And my mother was sitting face to the desk of the doctor and I believe that she did not turn her head to look at me when the doctor was performing his exam at the back of his office. She was very dicreet and never talked to me about my undressing, she was only interested by the result of the exam and the advices of the doctors.

I remember only one time, certainly aged of 14 or 15, when the doctor wanted to look at my genitals, so he told me to go with him at the back of his office and told me to undress into briefs, after a visual exam of all the body, he told me to pull down my briefs to look at my genitals, he lifted my foreskin and he also palpated my balls, then he told me to come on the side to be weighted on a scale ( in brief ) and then he told me to turn around to inspect my spine, he slided his fingers all along my spine from the neck to the cleft of the butt, he lifted the waist of my brief from back just for a short look but did not pull it down below the butt.

I was not facing my mother, so I cannot be sure that she had not turned her head to see the inspection of the doctor but even in that case she had not seen a lot of my body, anyway she had not talked to me about the exam and my undressing.

Later when I was a university student, she came with me just one time for an issue on my balls, after some questions the male doctor instructed me to strip into briefs and to lie on exam table and he pulled down my brief to look at my genitals and palpate my balls, my mother was sitting not far from the examination table but I cannot know if she had seen my balls being palpated , anyway I was myself anxious, so I did not care if she saw me, she was my mother..and being anxious about my health, I was not embarassed .

Too old? Not at all, especially if you have a strong Oedipus Complex.

I'm not Freud, just sayin'...

It depends on the comfort level of the given family, and on the doctor's expectations. A teenager SHOULD have some private time with the doctor to discuss things he may not want to ask/say in front of either parent. I mentioned this in another thread, but one of the doctors we went to when I was a teenager had parents out of the room for a conversation with me, but the clinic rules were that a parent or guardian had to be present for the actual physical exam or any time clothes came off. Both of my parents were present for some of these, and for some just my dad. I remember one with only my mom because dad had to work. The doctor did the whole exam as usual, but he did seem to be a LITTLE more tuned into not letting mom see it all.

With rare exceptions, a mother or even an older adult sister was always present at the reception. Any medical examinations with nudity then in our country could only be carried out this way. There were simply no other options. Even an interview with a child always takes place in the presence of parents or someone instead of them. In such situations, hospitals always had two nurses. One is a doctor's assistant, the other accompanies the child to the necessary rooms. This rule appears to have been in effect until the age of 14.

Kids (boys or girls) that are approaching the age of sexual activity should be able to see the doctor alone. They are more likely to discuss intimate or embarrassing things without a parent present. Doctors are not required to tell parents everything discussed. Obviously, any medical issues/concerns and general well being would involve or be discussed with a parent. Some articles recommend preparing the kids and parents around age twelve for independent exams by 16. Doctors can ease into it this with partial exams with a parent present then asking - or arranging - for the parent to leave at a certain point.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I only remember a parent present for ER visits. Don’t recall the age they started not attending, but it was before I was twelve.

I think once you're starting puberty you've reached a stage when you should go in alone.

My most embarrassing exam was when I was 12 and still went in with my mother and big brother for the last time. I felt self conscious as I had to strip down to my boxers in front if them, strange in a way as both of us would lounge about in our boxers at home when we got up but this felt different.

It felt embarrassing standing against the wall getting my height measured and then standing in the scales getting my weight read out, even though I no longer had puppy fat at that age. Also sitting on the bed in front of them being asked to take deep breaths in and out, then lying down and the doc saying in a childish way "I'm just going to have a listen to your tummy now Scott".

At least I didn't have to take my boxers down as that would have been super embarrassing.

I had to get a physical to play sports when I was 14. It had been a while since I had been to the doctor as I was pretty healthy and rarely got sick. I had an appointment with the pediatrician I had been going to since I was a baby but was really not sure what to expect. My mother went into the exam room with me and all was well until we got to the genital part of the exam. The doctor asked my mom if she wanted to step out and she immediately said no and seemed offended that he would ask! He sheepishly said some moms preferred to leave the room at that point, she then said "it's not something I have not already seen". I thought it odd that my opinion was not considered! The doctor pulled my shorts and underwear down and felt my scrotum and penis, then did a hernia check. It was all fairly quick but in full view of my mom. It had been a while since she had seen me naked and I think she was quite surprised to see that I was well advanced into puberty and had quite a bit of pubic hair and a mature penis. I think she had still thought of me as her little boy! Thankfully that was the last time my mother accompanied me into an exam room! I often wonder why situations like this, not recognizing young males modesty, would be entirely different if it were a 14 yr old girl with a father present.

In accordance with medical ethics, it is mandatory to obtain the permission of the parent or guardian for every procedure and examination performed by physicians if the patient (boys or girls) is under 18 years of age. However, in emergency cases, examination can be performed without the permission. In schools, the teacher or sports coach on duty must be present during the examination. No sane doctor would want to take on this responsibility alone. Most of the time, they also have a nurse in the room. This seems strange for young people over the age of 15, but it is the truth. When I was 15, both my mother and father attended my examination. I felt like a baby among 3 adults.

As an adult it can be difficult to understand some of what a medical professional says, in important discussions (this may not be the issue for general discussions and check ups). So having an extra pair of ears and eyes may not be a bad thing. To make sure that questions get asked and information is understood.

To "pear 17"

can you tell us just the country where you were living when there was the rule that the presence of a parent, normally a mother or like you said an older sister was required during the exam of a boy until 14 age when nudity ws involved ?

( including the age of 14 ? )

and at hospitals , there was always two nurses so that a boy of 14 age could be naked in front of three persons possibly a female doctor , a nurse assistant and a nurse chaperone to accompany the boy, do you think that it was a good rule or did you think that it was too much embarrassing for a pre-teeenager boy ?

I had to get a physical to play sports when I was 14... The doctor pulled my shorts and underwear down and felt my scrotum and penis, then did a hernia check. It was all fairly quick but in full view of my mom. It had been a while since she had seen me naked and I think she was quite surprised to see that I was well advanced into puberty and had quite a bit of pubic hair and a mature penis. I think she had still thought of me as her little boy!

That's precisely the situation to avoid. If your mother had been witnessing your genital exams every year like clockwork, there would have been less or no surprise. If she went from seeing you at Tanner Stage I and then not again until Tanner Stage IV, it's no wonder she was shocked.

I was a late bloomer, so for most boys, this calendar happens two years earlier, but my pediatrician showed my mom at my fourteen year old check up with the orchidometer beads that my testicles had started to grow (Tanner Stage II). Then at my fifteen year old check up, he showed her that my pubic hair had finally started, and reassured her that my penis was growing too, even though I had gained weight, and the fat pad made it seem like my penis still hadn't started growing (Tanner Stage III). Finally when he lowered my undies at my exam at sixteen, she saw my full adult sized penis (I had slimmed back down) with significant pubic hair (Tanner Stage IV), which was the most change she witnessed in any single year, but given the trajectory of the prior two years, was not shocking.

We changed doctors, but had she been at my exams in my later teens and seen me at Tanner Stage V (adult pubic hair pattern), it would not have been a big deal for me, since she had seen me all the way through puberty. Again, if you subtract two years for most boys, with the above path from Tanner Stage II to V happening between twelve and sixteen, it's all very reasonable and why so many places have that policy about having a parent present until sixteen.

@happygsp: That must have been a very unpleasant and embarrassing experience for you at the time. I can understand why that stuck in your mind. Your mother's behavior was very insensitive and anything but empathetic. In this examination situation, which is already tense for a boy going through puberty, she should definitely have given you the opportunity to be alone with the doctor during the genital examination.

Your pediatrician should also have been more convincing and clearly asked your mother to leave the room. But what I find saddest is that you as a patient were not included in this situation at all. A sensitive doctor should have first asked about your well-being and ultimately left you the option and decision as to whether you would like to have your mother with you during the genital examination or not. It shouldn't have happened the way it did for you :/

For me personally, I was glad my Mom did not go with me into the room after 5th grade. I am the youngest of 5 kids with 4 boys so I think by the time she had me she knew the drill with boys and exams. Maybe this is why I have the fetish?

I would say age 11 onward providing two important factors are present. Ask this question. Is the child intellectually and emotionally mature enough to be alone with a doctor? When I was 11-13 my parents were present in the examination room. They didn't exit the room when the doctor examined my genitals. I had to remove my underwear, stand with my feet shoulder width apart with my hands behind my head when the doctor examined my genitalia.

My Neuropsychological assessment (age 11 upon the recommendation of my new Pediatrician) indicated I had an advanced (adult level) vocabulary and as such adults seemed to forget they were interacting with a preteen. I would use this skill at every opportunity while I was in the foster care system out of a sense of self preservation and being in survival mode. On more than one occasion I had to prove I was capable of playing their game on their field and sending them off to Google to search for a word they didn't understand. It was a great tool to use but more often than not I ended up on the receiving end of emotional, physical or sexual abuse by my adult custodians. For some of those incompetent simpletons the action of slapping, punching or kicking a child is a helluva lot easier to do then engaging in a bottle of wits with somebody who is quite capable of winning said battle.

One hot summer night I awoke from a horrific dream with my shirt drenched in sweat. I exited my bedroom and walked onto the deck with a glass of water firmly in my hand along with my loving dog in tow. I sat down, stared out at the static filled night sky hoping the beauty in the stars above would somehow soothe my soul. I started to cry, trying my absolute best to quell my sobs to no avail. My FPs came out to console me. I was hurting but things were going to be better.

Both my Doctor and my FPs knew and understood my intellectual potential but it was also quite apparent I struggled with severe anxiety and insomnia. These factors caused low weight and asthma along with few coping skills. I was so anxiety ridden at my first complete physical I had an asthmatic attack and emotionally shut down. My parents sat in on my yearly physicals and sick visits because I needed them to be there. Time, counseling, and moving forward at that point is how things came to pass. Some days were great, some good, some normal and other days I would regress into an emotional train wreck but my FPs never gave up.

Age 14 was a milestone. I was ready to see the doctor alone for an adoption physical. My parents sat in the waiting room. After a grueling one hour exam the doctor told me to get dressed and meet my parents in a conference room. To me that is how it should happen if the child is ready to see the doctor alone. My Pediatrician also worked diligently to gain my trust.

The one time my mom sat in on my exam when I was 10-11 years old, I HATED it. Especially when I got an erection from the doc manipulating my penis.

Thankfully my doc had already closed the drapes at my request. If my mom had seen me with a hard-on while being examined by the doctor, I wouldn't be able to look her in the eye for days afterward due to embarrassment. It's her fault I felt that way. By that age, both my parents' prudery and body shame was fully indoctrinated into my young brain. It took me over a decade to finally shed their toxic conditioning.

It depends on the environment at home.

If you are used to seeing parents seeing you naked, then in front of the doctor shouldn't be a problem.

It depends on the environment at home. If you are used to seeing parents seeing you naked, then in front of the doctor shouldn't be a problem.

That's certainly true, but nudity at home isn't the only way for a boy to be comfortable with nudity at the doctor. After I was 13, my mom never saw my penis at home, but since I was used to her seeing it every year when the pediatrician pulled down my undies for the genital exam, I never had anxiety about it. Everything just seemed normal and the way it always had been.

@happygsp The "it's not something that I have not already seen" bit is familiar to me, though the exact wording was different. 😃

My dad was in the room when i was 16 years old (in 1972) and the doctor checked me for a hernia. I never forgot or forgave that twisted bastard. Beyond humiliating.

I don’t think that either parent should be in the exam room with a teenager, or young adult, unless the son or daughter has specifically requested it. Boundaries should be respected.

I don’t think that either parent should be in the exam room with a teenager, or young adult, unless the son or daughter has specifically requested it. Boundaries should be respected.

With all these predatory pervert healthcare workers seemingly coming out of the woodwork, I can't help but wonder if it'll eventually reach a point where an adult parent or guardian's presence is required by law for any patient under the age of 18, for the protection of everyone involved. I could imagine that that would be an extremely awkward and unpleasant situation not only for an older teen patient, but also for their parent as well. Unfortunately, that seems to be the world that we're living in nowadays.

I imagine that a parent or teen who grew up in a more nudity-friendly culture than what is typical in the USA would probably be far less bothered by it than a typical American.

With all these predatory pervert healthcare workers seemingly coming out of the woodwork,

Let's not exaggerate. The media loves to scare people with stories that are unusual and out of the ordinary so that they sell newspapers/media content.

Have you forgotten the times when serial killers and Satanic cultists were all the rage in the media and scared gullible people half to death, thinking one of these evil entities lurking around every corner?

Let's not exaggerate. The media loves to scare people with stories that are unusual and out of the ordinary so that they sell newspapers/media content.

Have you forgotten the times when serial killers and Satanic cultists were all the rage in the media and scared gullible people half to death, thinking one of these evil entities lurking around every corner?

I remember it well, unfortunately. Back when I was a depressed and moody teenager, my parents blamed demonic influence rather than hormones and a toxic environment. It was fucking ridiculous.

I can't help but wonder what old, archaic medical practices and procedures have either fallen out of favor or disappeared due to either real or imagined impropriety. The "hysteria treatment" for women during the Victorian era is probably one example.

A lot of modern day woke progressives consider the nude male assembly line school / sports / military physicals and nude swimming traditions of decades past to be degrading and even exploitative. None of the now old men who actually lived through that era complain about it. They either LIKED the attention, or they simply didn't care. To a large degree, it was the same type of people who created the Satanic panic that were responsible for the end of nude male swimming.

A lot of modern day woke progressives consider the nude male assembly line school / sports / military physicals and nude swimming traditions of decades past to be degrading and even exploitative. None of the now old men who actually lived through that era complain about it. They either LIKED the attention, or they simply didn't care. To a large degree, it was the same type of people who created the Satanic panic that were responsible for the end of nude male swimming.

The same type of people do indeed create all the panics, moral, criminal or societal. There must be a whole lot of insecurity floating around in their easily scared minds.

It's the same kind of people who predicted societal collapse when jazz or later on, rock-and-roll became a favorite type of music. Or remember the ridiculous hysteria about Elvis and the Beatles? As if they were going to corrupt and destroy civilization.

And about those of us who swam nude back then: I miss it and love the memories.

A lot of modern day woke progressives consider the nude male assembly line school / sports / military physicals and nude swimming traditions of decades past to be degrading and even exploitative.

Along with some other supposed outdated "degrading and exploitatve" behaviors of the past. I don't remember the attitudes and behaviors of today being tolerated many years ago. Can it be said things are better today? Sometimes I do not believe so.

The same type of people do indeed create all the panics, moral, criminal or societal. There must be a whole lot of insecurity floating around in their easily scared minds.

It's the same kind of people who predicted societal collapse when jazz or later on, rock-and-roll became a favorite type of music. Or remember the ridiculous hysteria about Elvis and the Beatles? As if they were going to corrupt and destroy civilization.

And about those of us who swam nude back then: I miss it and love the memories.

Some things never change, do they? It's always the same bunch of self-righteous loudmouth assholes who ruin things for everyone else. They ruined nude male swimming, they ruined beauty pageants, they continue to try to ruin sex work between consenting adults, they're trying to ruin the 2nd Amendment for law-abiding citizens, they attack traditional masculinity and femininity, and now they're trying to force everyone into electric cars.

I'm all for a better world, but I've had enough of these people.

The moment a boy choose for himself to be alone with the pediatrician is the moment he is too old to have his parent sit with in.

Age doesn't really matter, you can be 9 or already 16.

For example i choosed to go alone to my pediatrician when i was 13. My mom made the appointment, but i wanted to go alone. So i took my bike and drove to my pediatrician by myself. I know for some people from the USA this might be sound shocking, but for what i experience it is nothing special for us in europe to give their children a lot more independence. By the way i was 9 the last time my mom was with me in the exam room.

Along with some other supposed outdated "degrading and exploitatve" behaviors of the past. I don't remember the attitudes and behaviors of today being tolerated many years ago. Can it be said things are better today? Sometimes I do not believe so.

Things are so much WORSE today. The blatant racism, sexism, and homophobia back then were awful, but at least those people had some level of common decency, instead of everyone looking and acting Iike an episode of Jerry Springer.

Those nude swims and exams may have had a slight erotic element to them ( due to having a bunch of young, healthy, fit young males stark naked in front of a bunch of females ), but everyone still conducted themselves with class and dignity. Leering, ogling, giggling, and whispering were acceptable, but groping or making lewd / vulgar remarks were definitely NOT.

A lot of modern day woke progressives consider the nude male assembly line school / sports / military physicals and nude swimming traditions of decades past to be degrading and even exploitative. None of the now old men who actually lived through that era complain about it. They either LIKED the attention, or they simply didn't care. To a large degree, it was the same type of people who created the Satanic panic that were responsible for the end of nude male swimming.

Welllll... that might be a reach. I am pretty progressive, but I never had a problem being fully naked for my wrestling physicals. Embarrassed? Sure, sometimes. I was a teenager and teenagers have a lot going on in their heads about their bodies, but no serious problem. The complaints about nude physicals at my school came from conservative religious families.