Is a boy ever too old to have his mom sit in?

@Adorkable I know this belongs in another thread but just have to ask do you have your pediatric & adolescent patients undress for their physicals or do you have them keep their clothes on and do the physical around their clothes since you are a Family medicine resident? I hope you don't mind me asking?

My mom came with me to exams up until I was about 12 years old at which my dad would go with me as the pediatrician I went to required a parent or guardian to come with you to all exams and once I started puberty I no longer felt comfortable with my mom in the room.

My mom always came to mine

As long as he's comfortable, no I don't think he's ever too old while still a minor. But definitely a boy can be too young to have a parent stop observing his exams, if he's not well into puberty yet. I think most of us of a certain age had stay-at-home moms, so naturally it was our mom who took us to the doctor and sat in on exams until puberty. As parents have started sharing such responsibilities more equally in recent years, I can see why the preference would be for dads to go with boys and moms to go with girls, especially when puberty starts or is due to start soon.

It happened accidentally, because at age 12 I had to see my pediatrician, but mom and dad had to go to work and my 3 years older brother to school. But it worked , so my parents only joined when there was something to decide or to sign and so on.

Interestingly it was the case when I faked being sick and didn't want to do the test at school (see other topics). My mom did the phone calls to the pediatrician and to my school and pharmacy and managed everything , so I only had to go to the doctor and getting medication afterwards. This only happens when you live in a village I guess ?

I was always more embarrassed to be nude/exposed in front of the doctor, not my mom. It was only when I look back on it that I get embarrassed knowing what my mom could see

I'm 19, and my mother still comes in. It's not embarrassing.

I think the last time my mother sat in on me being examined, was when I was about 14 or 15. It was probably for my annual chest infection. I had a weak chest as a child (and still do) and most of my doctor visits were for respiratory issues.

After turning 13 I went in by myself unless I was sick. Than mom went in to get all the facts. It did not effect me because mom saw all I had every Tuesday and Friday nights. Being seen so often was like it was just a normal thing. The doctor always asked how was my BM problem was going and mom would reply. He would say to just continue until I go without any troubles. Those 50's on days were a lot different than these days.

Yes, as I grew in my teenage years there were lots of things that I didn't want to discuss in front of my mother,who accompanied me and my younger brother to our checkups. For example from the time I was 12 until I was 16 I had gynecomastia,that is I had full, almost feminine ,breasts. Since I was 5'9 and 130 lbs it was even more pronounced. When I had a checkup with a female doctor at 13 she sent my mother and brother out while she examined my breasts. In private,with the nurse chaperoning, she showed me how to self examine my breasts. But most importantly she reassured me that this goes away. She also explained that my nipples would be super sensitive. I appreciated how she explained an embarrassing condition with compassion. It's the reason I go to female doctors .

I tend to think that for both sexes, there is a time when taking personal responsibility for one's health as well as being seen alone without a parent is preferable, as a teenager. Surely the teen has a lot to say about when he or she wants to go in alone. I also think that this can be fluid and change if the teen wants a parent to participate. I think that when when is say 16 or older it would be rather unusual for a parent, especially a mom, to be present for her son's exam. By then, any competent physician is going to have the son exposed for a genital examination and one's mom is not necessary as a witness. Perhaps the dad might go if the son required more reassurance. By age 17 and beyond, take a friend but leave mom and dad at home! Again, it would seem best to honor the wishes of the teen or respect the necessity of a parent being present if required by the MD.

I do agree that a teenage boy ought to be able to go to his doctor with out a parent sitting in on his exam, especially a complete physical. I do understand that if there was something of importance for a parent to know about then the doctor would do so with the patient either gowned or dressed. For teen girls, there may be a tendency to have mom present for the first gyn but even then there is often a nurse prepared to be present.

Just think at some point one has to bite the bullet and be brave!

Several years ago, I was talking with some guys about a mutual friend who was furious that his thirteen-year-old son's pediatrician had kicked him out of the room for a physical exam the day before. Parents' rights and all that. And most of us thought he was being unreasonable.

The guy with the son was living in San Francisco, as were most of us in the conversation. But one of the guys in the conversation was a pediatrician in rural Michigan. He said that his office had a policy that for the exam either a parent or a chaperone on his staff had to be present through age sixteen and that past the age of twelve it was the choice of the boy being examined. He also said that almost every single boy would choose the parent, and that almost every time it was his mom who had brought him.

The rest of us were incredulous, but he said that, at least in his part of the country, moms at boys' physicals up to age sixteen was commonplace, and the boys all seemed fine with it. We asked if he did any part of the exam behind a screen or something, and he said no, the moms would witness the whole thing. And then he said we San Franciscans were the weird ones for treating teenage boys like adults.

Is it regional? This was maybe 2005 when this happened, so not ancient history. But the pediatrician in the conversation was pretty old -- nearing retirement.

Last physical I had with my Mom present was at the age of 13. When he got me down to my underwear he told my Mom she had to step out. He said, "the rest is guy stuff."

During my grade school years my mother was always present during my physical exams. As I was approaching my early teens I was becoming very self conscious regarding the growth of pubic hair. It was change I was not comfortable with. I felt disconcerted for reasons I couldn't explain at the time. I was 14 when my mother stopped coming into the exam room with me. It was at my request. I thought it was appropriate. I had been seeing this family doctor since I was 8. My mother had a good rapport with the doctor. I knew there would be conversation between my mom and the doctor after the exam.

I would say 11 or 12, based on his maturity.

I do not believe my mother was especially interested in being present for my exams but was in the room with me through the age of 10. I had to change pediatricians at age 11 due to the death of the prior doctor and from then on my mother waited outside. It was lucky for me too because, unlike the original pediatrician who did not have me undress and did not expose my genitals, the new pediatrician did my exams stripped to my briefs and had my briefs down for a thorough genital exam. By 11, I had already experienced growth of penile size and enlargement of the scrotum, which I would have been really embarrassed for my mother to have seen. At 13, he added the hernia exam which would have been super embarrassing for my mother to have witnessed.

We only went to the family doc and I think she was in there until about 10. This old doc didn't do much but listen to your chest and give you any shots you needed which I don't remember in the ass. I do remember being in there helping with younger siblings who got them in the ass but my mom was a nurse and it wasn't unusual for someone to get one with pants down on the bed.

I remember my pediatrician as a very respectful and trusting man who actually took care of me until I was 22. I remember that yearly physical early one summer. In my underwear, mom sitting next to me in walks the doctor. After the usual exchange of pleasantries he looked up from my chart and said "Age 11? Time flies. We should make a few changes as to how you are handled as a patient starting now but only if you feel you are ready. Your body is going to be changing soon, if it is not doing so already. You might have questions that you may not feel comfortable talking with your parents about. You are not stupid and will probably seek out those answers in your own way. I encourage you do so. One of the best ways I can help you from now on is to have your mom or dad step out of the room while you are being examined. You can have some privacy, You can ask those difficult questions while I check you over. Two guys having a conversation. My greatest wish for all my patients is to have them grow up to be healthy well adjusted adults. I think you are well on your way to getting there. Mrs S. please have a seat in the lobby. I will speak with you after I am through with JD."

Our relationship did change at that point. I was unsure if I was ready for this or not but what I do know is that he started treating more like a man and less like a boy. He was preparing me for the road ahead.

Quick edit: if the boy (or girl) is ok with their parent being there for the exam then I don’t necessarily think it’s a problem. This is more if the patient doesn’t want the parent in the exam room.

I think that teenage boys (and probably girls too) are much less likely to ask questions to the doctor if their parents are present. Especially if these questions are potentially embarrassing.

When I was 16, my anus was itchy in the few days before my checkup so I asked my doctor and he examined it and said that everything looked fine and that if the itching didn’t go away in a few days to call the office and he would prescribe me something. The itching would up going away and everything was fine but I don’t think I would have asked that question if my parents had been sitting in on the exam.

My mom took me to all appointments to diverse doctors. She always sat in the exam rooms and mostly the doctors talked to her about me.

I was comfortable with my mother sitting in on my doctor appointments, even my physical, through high school. I know many other guys with similar experiences, some bringing their mom in with them even through college.

I suspect it will be even more common now.

Because of the legal climate, no pediatrician will ever be alone with his/her patient during a genital exam. There will always need to be another person.

Because the medical staff and secretaries at a doctor's office are mostly female, it will come down to either having his mother in the exam room or else having a (possibly young) female (that potentially is a different one every year).

For me, if I was a teenage boy, I would pick my mother. The fact that she had changed by diaper, bathed me, and had been at all my previous doctor appointments would make me more comfortable being exposed to her, than to a strange female chaperone.

Apparently, I am not the only one who feels this way

https://slate.com/human-interest/2021/10/blending-families-parenting-advice-care-feeding.html

(See Turn and Cough Conundrum)

Don’t remember having my mom with me during a physical. By age 12 I went (walked) to the doctors office alone. As a teen, if I had to have a chaperone I would prefer a nurse or a stranger that I didn’t have to see every day. Like @Young_Patient I would probably be more reserved with a parent than some else.

I only remember my mom being in the room when I was between the ages of 4 to around 10. At that time it was the norm. When we moved, I saw the doctor without a parent attending. They waited in the waiting room.

If I remember correctally, mom was with us for our exams up until we were around 12-13.

I honestly cannot remember my mother sitting in with me during an exam except for once, when I was around 16 or so and the school med exam indicated that I had too high a heart rate and was referred to the family doctor. My mother acted like she was at my wake, as if getting a death sentence from the doctor was just a matter of time.

I suppose she must have been with me when much younger, but I cannot really remember. I do know though that, however justified her concerns about my health, she always acted like the doctor was going to announce I had a terminal disease, like I was one step away from the grave. It was maddening and I hated it beyond words. It made me feel like an utter wimp. A good rule of thumb is that boys do not like to be made to feel like wimps or sissies.

So yes, I would say that at some point boys are too old to be with their mothers during exams. If chaperones are required to be present, far far better to have a stranger or neutral person sit in, even a neighbor as far as I was concerned, but not a family member who you'd have to see every day at home and could not escape their emotions and concerns. Mothers are just too emotional and fathers too distant and disapproving and overbearing.

Far better to have an unknown, neutral but trustworthy person. Besides, in the long run, boys are not going to have their mother at their side for long in life. Better to get used to standing on their own feet or get used to other people in uncomfortable situations. That is what the rest of life is going to be like after childhood.

My mom would in the room for the whole exam from birth to 14, then at 15 she stepped out for the genital exam, at 17 she stayed in the room for the genital exam but turned around for it, and at 18 I started going in completely alone.

The only times I've ever had an unrelated chaperone even offered were during exams at the student medical center when I was college.

I think once puberty starts a boys dad should be in the exam room and that you’re never too old to have dad in the room. But not not mom.

At some point, you have to grow up. At 12-14 years old you should be able to “fend for yourself”. Unique cases such as @agracier ‘s high heart rate warrant parent concern or if you’re severely ill. The only times I remember a parent with me was when I cut myself and had to have stitches - they drove me to the doctor and stayed in the room while I got sewed up.