Is a boy ever too old to have his mom sit in?

My mom’s final sit in on a physical came at 17. I was never embarrassed to be undressed in front of the doctor or nurse but mom was what I dreaded the most.

Regarding me, whether I wanted or not, when going to the doctors, someone, mum, dad or grandma, had to be with me as that was a requirement I think. The last time at 16 it was dad.

I would think at 12 Mom should be out of the Exam room.If there is a concern it can be brought up outside of the exam room. Parents have to let go at some point.

I think puberty age is a good time for this to happen.

I would think once the boy is either sexually active or fully developed then the mom should let him do it alone. I know my mom stopped going in with me when I was about 14. She would wait in the waiting room.

My mom never sat in on my exams. I’m guessing that the doctor spoke with her about any issues that required attention. I started to see an adult gp by the time I was 17. That was true for most people that I knew. I worked with a guy who still saw a pediatrician at age 21. I’m surprised that his doctor didn’t refer him to a general practitioner for adults.

@Bad_Princess Yes! Same should apply to girls (who may have intimate things to discuss that they would not want their mother to hear, e.g. sexual activities)

I would think once the boy is either sexually active or fully developed then the mom should let him do it alone. I know my mom stopped going in with me when I was about 14.

Agreed. The mom should see the boy develop to Tanner Stage IV, and then give him his privacy. It shouldn't be a set age, as with a late bloomer like me, I didn't develop to that stage until I was almost 16. So my mom saw at my exam at 16 that I had caught up, and then let me be examined alone starting at 17. If you aren't late like I was, an earlier age is more appropriate.

Why base it on age or sexual development? Why not whenever the boy is more comfortable with the mom not present? If he's fine with it at 20, why not? If he's uncomfortable with it at 13, that's when it should stop.

I don't follow the reasoning for connecting it to Tanner stages. A 16 year old who's behind in development, still has the maturity of a 16 year old. Moms don't need to see their son's stage of development. The doctor can have this conversation with mom after the exam.

I don't think my increasing modesty and sense of privacy was connected to my level of puberty.

My mom never sat in on my exams.

Never ? Even as a little child ?

I started to see an adult gp by the time I was 17. I worked with a guy who still saw a pediatrician at age 21. I’m surprised that his doctor didn’t refer him to a general practitioner for adults.

Many pediatricians will continue with their patients through their college years, if the patient wants to. The feeling is that the patient would have to start with a new doctor at 17 or 18, as you did, but then when most people finish college they find a job away from home and would have to start with a new doctor all over again.

When I was 13 I had an issue where one of my testicles swelled up (it turned out to be epididymitis - fairly benign condition). My mum asked me if she could come in when I went to the initial consultation and I said yes because I was very nervous / upset thinking I would have cancer.

The examination process ended up being way more invasive than I expected, and the whole time I was very embarrassed that my mum could see everything, especially given she hadn't seen me naked for a few years at that point and I was going through puberty.

A few weeks later we went back for a follow up and I asked if she would wait outside. She was unhappy about it (she wanted to ask questions about something) but agreed, and after that I went to the doctor alone. She probably would have insisted if it wasn't a trusted family GP who she could speak to afterwards and get the information she wanted.

So to answer the core question of the thread - yes, I think when the boy becomes uncomfortable with it, that's when the mother should stop sitting in.

Why do you want to have a rule about a mother coming with her son and being present in the exam room.

In the past it was always the common rule (or practice if you prefer) until at least 16 age, and it was not to follow an explicit doctor rule but rather to respect common use but it did not mean that the mother saw always her son naked because thre was each year at least in France a mandatory check up physical examination at school, a private doctor had not tpoo perform such an exam, we went to see him rather for an illness, so it was different sometimes we had to undress until briefs, sometimes to strip complrtely and sometimers to be only bare chest.

In my opinion, it must depending on boys ( some arez more modest or shy toxards nudity than others, some wants the presence of their mother because they are anxious at a private doctor's office and so on ..; ) Anyway it cannot be a big issue if a mother see her son in the nude at least until 16 age.

It is like those who prefer to continue to see their pediatrician until the end of the college years about 21 age rather that at the end of high school years or even 16 age, it does not matter , why would it be different for a college student to be examinede by a pediatrician than by a general doctor ?

because they are acting differently? in which way ? the undressing ? A pediatrician requires more frequently the complete nudity than a general doctor ? Even if it is true, why would it be important if the young man is used to see that pediatrician and prefers to be examined by him?

I have an 8 year old son and I take him to the pediatrician. He is not yet ashamed of me and my presence. But I know it will happen soon. I don't know how to behave when it happens, because until he is a minor an adult must come in with him and he will be ashamed when he has to lower his underwear in front of the doctor and in my presence.

I have an 8 year old son and I take him to the pediatrician. He is not yet ashamed.

@Vanna88 , 8 years old is quite young age. He is not ashamed at the paediatrician because anyway you probably still help him in bath and see him naked in other circumstances. But once you stop seeing him naked, he probably would automatically become modest and shy at the paediatrician. In the end it’s not something which is harmful or humiliating. A parent should be present when a child is seen by a doctor. It’s absolutely normal thing. May be in cases of boys a father would be better for the situation.

I understand mom's being in exam rooms for all the various reasons at younger ages. I think around 12 years of age is time to cut the cord for boys or girls.

Reasons being is what if the young patient wanted to discuss various aspects without mom knowing. Puberty, sex, mastubating, or common concerns. Parents don't necessarily need to know everything.

They possibly could be much open about their concerns or issues to a medical professional. Did you discuss ALL your concerns or issues to your parents? I didn't, hey mom I mastubated last night!!!!

They possibly could be much open about their concerns or issues to a medical professional. Did you discuss ALL your concerns or issues to your parents? I didn't, hey mom I masturbated last night!!!!

I can't say that I ever wanted to tell my doctor that. I figured he knew that I was masturbating on a regular basis.

@Kulemh

you're right, but puberty brings so many changes that you don't want your parents to see you naked from one day to the next. I did the same with my father, around 9-10 years old I didn't want him to go into the bathroom with me anymore

My mother was always present for my childhood exams. The doctor & nurse always had me stripped down to my tightie-whities to start the exam, and then naked for the last half.

Eventually, maybe around 11 or 12 years old, the doctor recommend that I be part of a developmental study for boys on the lower end of the developmental scale. Those appointments were much more frequent and since she was a working single mother, my mom was not present for most of them.

"Vanna 88"

I think that you can accompany your son without any issue until he was 12 age and after you can ask at him if he prefers that it was you or his father but normally it is more easy and frequent that it would be the mother but you can explain him that your presence is necessary for the discussion with the doctor and because you are in charge of his good health since you care about him since his birth and you love him but that you would be discreet and if he wants you can look away when he is undressed completely ( it is what my mother did )

I’ll add my two-cents on this one:

In real life, I think it depends on the kid. The last time I remember a parent going in with me to a doctor’s appointment I was 12 (I think, 13 at the latest), and it was my dad rather than my mom, who actually asked if I wanted him to come in with me. I said yes, but afterwards I reflected on how him asking me that question meant that I could have asserted my independence and gone in on my own, so perhaps from now on I should, and from then on I did. That was just me though. Every child is different and some might not get up the confidence. Knowing I experienced arousal at certain medical procedures by then even if I couldn’t say it like that or explain it did mean that the older I got the less I wanted a parent to potentially witness my reaction, so I had that sense of ‘I’m on my own with this and it’s better that way’ as a teenager, and looking back I was glad that safeguarding rules allowed me to see the doctor on my own from 13 onwards with minimal questions or attention drawn to my age. I was fine with it and only good things ever happened.

Times change, and I don’t know how its done now, partly because asking my friends who have kids (I don’t have any) what it’s like when they take those kids to the doctor isn’t exactly the done thing, or a typical conversation you’d get into naturally, but I like to think most of them are good parents who’d get to that stage of thinking ‘I don’t need to be there anymore’ at the right time because they know their kids and they know when that time is, and they wouldn’t have any worry about inappropriate behaviour on the part of medical professionals. Bad actors do exists, but they’re probably rarer than the media would have us believe.

I like the approach our pediatrician has taken with us as our kids have gotten older, it fits my natural inclination for protecting my kids’ autonomy and privacy, which I very much appreciate.

We always went in with them when they were smaller. Once they started developing, the exam would start with us in the room and then she would ask if they felt comfortable being examined with us in the room. Once they indicated feeling shy that way, she began asking them at the beginning of the appointment. If they are not comfortable, she touches base with us before and after the exam - and we step out.

Once they started developing, the exam would start with us in the room and then she would ask if they felt comfortable being examined with us in the room. Once they indicated feeling shy that way, she began asking them at the beginning of the appointment. If they are not comfortable, she touches base with us before and after the exam - and we step out.

Two things though:

1) Back to the analogy of slowly boiling the frog, since I was used to my mom being at my exams every year, I don't think I'd ever have requested time alone with the doctor unless/until I had questions about sex I was afraid to ask my parents.

2) In an office where the policy is to have either a parent or a chaperone, I'd have picked my mom over a stranger every single time.

We always went in with them when they were smaller. Once they started developing, the exam would start with us in the room and then she would ask if they felt comfortable being examined with us in the room. Once they indicated feeling shy that way, she began asking them at the beginning of the appointment. If they are not comfortable, she touches base with us before and after the exam - and we step out.

That is a good approach to the idea. Then the child can have a say, but the parent is involved after the fact. Making sure that all gets answered done for the best. As an adult medical information can be very confusing and hard to understand. How much easier is it for a child?

Having not gone through all the many things sub and I have gone through, medically before, it is very hard to know what to ask and what is important to remember. Goggle does not always give helpful medical advice.

Two things though:

1) Back to the analogy of slowly boiling the frog, since I was used to my mom being at my exams every year, I don't think I'd ever have requested time alone with the doctor unless/until I had questions about sex I was afraid to ask my parents.

2) In an office where the policy is to have either a parent or a chaperone, I'd have picked my mom over a stranger every single time.

That's how it was for me, too. It just became second nature to have my mom stay for my physical exams and I never thought of not having her come in with me. And since all of my friends seemed to have their moms stay with them it just seemed that that is how things were to be done.

And to your second point, even in these more modern times, I don't know any boys who would prefer a stranger, especially a female nurse from the office, to be in the exam room instead of their mother. Obviously I have not questioned every boy that I know but I have known a number of young guys who had their mothers stay with them during their physical exams.

I don't know any boys who would prefer a stranger, especially a female nurse from the office, to be in the exam room instead of their mother.

Their mother is a nurse and they’ve been around nurses their entire lives, so maybe that accounts for it in my sons’ cases?

And to your second point, even in these more modern times, I don't know any boys who would prefer a stranger, especially a female nurse from the office, to be in the exam room instead of their mother.

Absolutely I would have preferred a female nurse to be in the exam room instead of my mother. Even if was a bit embarrassing, it would have been better than my mother or any family member. It would have been a sense of independence.

Absolutely I would have preferred a female nurse to be in the exam room instead of my mother. Even if was a bit embarrassing, it would have been better than my mother or any family member. It would have been a sense of independence.

Not only a sense of independence, but any potentially embarrassing things happening or said or whatever would have stayed in the room with the stranger. With a mother or family member, you'd be seeing them for a long time at home and you could never know if/when they might start talking about the exam in the presence of others while you are also present. Super embarrassing.

You can never really trust anyone about such things, family included. And since you would be seeing more of your family, probably for years to come, it would be years of wondering when this embarrassing situation might be brought up again.

With a stranger, you'll never be seeing them again most likely. And why give a fig about what a stranger thinks anyway?

any potentially embarrassing things happening or said or whatever would have stayed in the room with the stranger. With a mother or family member, you'd be seeing them for a long time at home and you could never know if/when they might start talking about the exam in the presence of others while you are also present. Super embarrassing.

I definitely was not doing that calculus at that age, worrying about my mom talking about those things with others. All I would have been considering would have been whether a completely new person is seeing me naked, or whether my mom, who always would see me naked every year in the same circumstance would be seeing me one more time.

As for embarrassing things happening or being said, if the doctor was going to give my mom a full report on the state of my puberty afterwards anyway, it would have been my mom knowing those things, as well as a member of the staff who would have less concern about gossiping about me. In a small town, there really wasn't such a thing as a stranger.

Indeed, I did once overhear my mom talking to my friend's mom about our well child exams and development in general. This was shortly after my doctor had declared me a late bloomer. My friend was half a year younger than me and a grade behind me, but I heard that he had started getting "hairy down there" and was "always playing with himself." My mom responded that I still looked like a little boy when the doctor took off my undies at my exam at 13. I don't think it gets any more embarassing than that, but it never would have occurred to me that keeping her out of my next exam would stop her gossiping with other moms.

I only had my mom sit in on one of my exams, and I hated it. Fortunately she was kind enough to honor my request to not look at me, and the doc was nice enough to shut the curtains.

As a youngster, I found the whole health care process to be a tedious bore. If it were an open group physical exam where I could shoot the shit with my buddies and flaunt myself to any girls or women who happened to be present, I would probably enjoy myself immensely. But in a freezing cold room with just my mom and the doc present? No fucking way.

Girls modesty? I do not know where you men get the idea we are treated like delicate flowers.

At the boarding school, we had a visiting Doctor. The Doc Martin TV show reminded me of him. This guy was indifferent to anyone's modesty or sensitivity. He made me feel like a chicken being dressed for dinner. I was 12 menstruating and sexually active.

We had the option of either wearing a gown or going nude. My first experience was with the gown. It was uncomfortable and I felt silly. All the other girls waiting were wearing bathrobes or nothing. The first thing that happened was the gown being removed for the exam.

After the usual poking and prodding having my ears and throat checked the new stuff happened. It was brutal I made a fuss and was told " Shut up and do what you are told this is happening whether you like it or not" I did shut up and resigned myself to my fate. My breasts were examined, and the Nurse strapped me into the stirrups. This was my first adult exam experience. I left it mortified and crying.

Not long after I had a visit for an anal infection.I was so humiliated. It almost put me off anal sex.

No, I did not enjoy it.

Not long after I had a visit for an anal infection.I was so humiliated. It almost put me off anal sex.

I once had an anal exam at a proctologist. I thought I had haemorrhoids but as it turned out, I had a cut along the inside of my sphincter muscles caused by my girlfriend's long fingernail.

Now that was embarrassing, as the doctor abused me of my initial self diagnosis and explained the reality.

But it didn't put me off anything except long nails ... ha ha

Didn't really give a fig about what the doc thought either.