First Diaper Today

OK, so where to start.

I potty trained when I was one, apparently I got the hang of it quickly too.

I was in terrys nappies my whole babyhood, and I know I used to rub the plastic pants for comfort.

I was always intrigued by disposables. It's something we never had.

From the age of four or five, I often had dreams (when asleep), and thoughts (when awake) about being back in nappies; but it being disposables.

This continued (to the present day - I really have absolutely no idea where this whole thing came from) and I was 12 I think when I first tried to put on a friend's sibling's nappy. I felt so ashamed. I didn't try it again.

Some of the dreams I had, and still get, feature me in a nappy and trying to let go, of either wee or poop. Sometimes I would wake from these dreams and imagine buying the largest nappies I could find in the shops.

I didn't know ABDL was a thing or I would have looked it up sooner.

So I ordered some ABU which arrived today. The first thing I did after the delivery guy left was to strip from the waist down and try to put one on. I'm not slender anymore and have a classic 'mummy tummy'; it wasn't easy to secure it and the tabs are sticky.

I realised I wouldn't need to poop til the evening and there's no way I'm ever telling anyone I know about this, so I needed to try it out before my partner came home from work. I downed three Bisacodyl laxatives.

Peeing in the nappy wasn't a big deal and wasn't uncomfortable. I can see how people can say it feels sort of comforting, though I've always had sensory issues with being unclean and feeling anything but soapy clean. But when I suddenly had to shat my innards out, the smell was atrocious and the dog was getting all confused and bothering me. It didn't feel very good either. I went straight to the bathroom and had another shower.

I guess what I'm wondering is, why was something I've pretty much fantasised about for over 30 years, so anticlimactic. I know I only ever imagined regular more solid poops, but I don't get a lot of those anyway (why would a woman in the UK have Bisacodyl if she didn't have bowel issues...)

And why do I even have this need to infantile myself.

I've got some dummies and a babygro vest arriving tomorrow. The vest will legitimately work under my various cool pinafore dresses, and I might get away with using the dummy because of my well known sleep problems (I was a hardcore thumbsucker til my late teens, I'm actually hoping this might help, and stop me from grinding my teeth).

But why do I have this need to regress. I can't ever, ever imagine myself behaving like a baby, like some of the adult babies on YouTube who move and sound like babies.

And why do I want to mess myself.

I'm also extremely ashamed about this last bit, but watching the videos of ABDLs filling their nappies kinda turns me on. And I hate poop. Specially other people's. And I would definitely not like to see someone doing that without something covering their butt.

Answers on a postcard.......

ExxE, congrates on your first diaper experience. I might be able to answer your questions. I understand that you fantasize about wearing disposable diapers for many years. I cant answer that question, but maybe it's because you wore cloth diapers instead of disposable diapers. Maybe you are wondering what the differences are wearing disposable diapers along with what they feel like and etc. For some diaper wearers it gives them a sense of comfort and security. To answer the question of ABDL. Many people are into wearing diapers only for what ever reasons consider themselves as a DL which means diaper lover. Others use the term AB for adult baby for baby dressing, acting, talking etc. The term ABDL is adult baby diaper lover. This can range from one end to another depending on what the person wants, needs or likes.

From what I gathered on your post you are not interested in AB. It sounds like to me that you are interested in being a DL or at least fantasize only wearing and using (wetting) disposable diapers. There are different types DLs. Some just only wear them without using them for their intended purpose. While others wet diapers and not messing (pooping) them while others wear and use them both wetting and messing. As myself I'm urinary incontinent and wear both cloth and disposable diapers 24/7. I consider myself as a DL, but I only wet them due to my urinary incontinence from a spinal cord injury. Yes I have messed them before because of accidents due to medication or the flu. I wasn't a DL until I faced reality that I was going to be wearing diapers for the rest of my life. For myself being a DL makes it easier to accept that I need them. I dont mind wearing diapers because it's a part of my life now. I hope this helps you in some way. Happy wearing, Indiana

Thanks for your reply.

I'm sorry you have had the choice taken from you regarding your incontinence. I've had issues with it before, I become completely urinary incontinent if I get a severe coughing virus. To the point I cannot leave the house. Could have done with knowing about adult diapers way before now, I would have had a better chance of getting on with things while ill (I didn't trust the over the counter Rena products because I'd cough and lose an entire full bladder very quickly).

I like aspects of AB. When I've had these bizarre dreams, I'm always infantilised either in part or in full, particularly if there's one or several other people involved. I've often had these fantasy-like dreams where I'm very small and delicate (I'm short, but even when I was slim I was never a delicate person) and have sometimes had the ability to fly. I become overpowered by men, who take me from where I've inevitably fallen after being shot down or something, and I'm held sort of captive - incapacitated by a broken leg or something.

There is sex involved but it's more than that. It's being restrained sometimes, it's always about being smaller in stature, but completely in proportion. Sometimes people in the dreams are people I've met or seen in movies, but these days particularly, people's facial features etc are a blur.

I am changed by various people, depending on the time and who is around. Sometimes I'm taken into one room, sometimes into that of someone else. It's about cuddling and comfort, not just sex.

The dream I'm basing this description of actually occurred before I was even sexually active.

I don't know what it all means and I don't understand what it all says about me.

I know I seek comfort and constant validation, I need to be wanted and cherished and thought of by others, and I've not often had that in my life. Being that I'm rather an oddball. I just wish I knew why I was like this and why I can't have more normal, mainstream and possibly boring feelings and ideas. It seems there's never a part of me which isn't just... Odd.

I don't know if I will use another diaper, I bought a pack of ten but I expected to feel different about this.

Can't wait for my vest and pacifiers to arrive tomorrow though.

It's been several hours and I'm still suffering the effects of the Bisacodyl. Dear GOD it's bad. Lucky we have an en suite. I'm planning an early night if I can get the family to bed.

I can't message back yet, but I've received the messages and requests from two of you, thank you. Not sure when I can send messages back.

I am wearing my very first Adult Diaper. Since its Night time will it hold if i pee instead of getting up to go potty

I've realised that I'll never get what I was imagining, from this. And it's not for me. But I'm glad I tried.

Come on ExxE,

Don't chicken out yet without trying some alternative approaches

xx

Nappiednow

Not chickening out, at all. If someone says no to something, then their decision is final.

I don't like being pushed into anything.

I know why I feel this way, I've had time to work it out.

And I've blocked you from private messaging me; if someone hasn't asked to have perverted and inappropriate contact sent to them, then you shouldn't send it.....

So I'd appreciate it if you would stop messaging now, thanks.

@ExxE said

I've realised that I'll never get what I was imagining, from this. And it's not for me. But I'm glad I tried.

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@Nappiednow said

Come on ExxE,

Don't chicken out yet without trying some alternative approaches

xx

Nappiednow

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@ExxE said

Not chickening out, at all. If someone says no to something, then their decision is final.

I don't like being pushed into anything.

I know why I feel this way, I've had time to work it out.

And I've blocked you from private messaging me; if someone hasn't asked to have perverted and inappropriate contact sent to them, then you shouldn't send it.....

So I'd appreciate it if you would stop messaging now, thanks.

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This is a sex/kink/porno website. Just look around and see the content. See the forum posts, blogs, photos and videos. This place is for sex in all its varieties. You need to be of adult age to join. People try to get others involved in their kinks. Look at people's profiles and see how many are looking for friendship and others to play with in person or online.

I think an introduction is a good idea before sending very suggestive messages, but since you are perverted enough to be here, a perverted message should not harm you and could even be taken as a bit of amusement. Lighten up. Certainly you can delete their message and block those senders if you like. I know, I know, I know all about political correctness, and being polite, and that is an ever increasing worry and concern here that causes a degree of personal and administrative censorship. If you don't think you are perverted, tell your parents, children and vanilla friends and relatives you are a member here and have a discussion about it at your next family gathering. We are all perverted in someone's eyes.

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You were pretty expressive when you said

@ExxE said

And why do I want to mess myself.

. . . . I'm also extremely ashamed about this last bit, but watching the videos of ABDLs filling their nappies kinda turns me on. And I hate poop. Specially other people's. . . .

so it shouldn't really surprise you if you get a suggestive PM. You made yourself an open book with that entire thread.

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@Nappiednow was being friendly in his post and not being coercive. Furthermore, nobody's decision, as you say, "is final." People change their minds frequently and time gives people the ability to change their minds. Certainly, if you are in bed with someone and say you don't want to have sex, you can say "no" and that has to be respected, but asking if you want to have sex at a later date is neither coercive or wrong because relationships change, people's experiences change and people change their minds.

Finally,

THREE VERY GOOD GUIDELINES WHEN YOU MAKE A POST, regardless if they are for blogs, forum posts on dreams, fantasies, fictional and non-fictional stories, or accounts of real life events and experiences, are:

1--THINK about what you want to say and ORGANIZE it.

2--WRITE IT and check that it says what you want it to say

3--STAND BEHIND WHAT YOU WROTE--and I cannot emphasize that enough. Wear your big girl/big boy pants and be prepared for others to criticize or disagree with what you wrote or even for someone to send you a suggestive message. This site is all about sex, its perversions and deviances.

This is a FORUM.

A forum is defined as a place, meeting, or medium where ideas and views on a particular issue can be exchanged.

If you aren't prepared to receive a variety of comments approving or disapproving what you wrote, DON'T WRITE IT.

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https://en.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;topic=107742

I believe in tough love. I tell the truth. There are people who do not want to hear the truth. If I make a lengthy and well thought out post, the intention is to help someone improve their situation or become a better person. The truth doesn't care how you feel about it. The truth IS WHAT IT IS. Placating and appeasing people when their actions and words don't fit the situation is not my style.

I'm too exhausted to continue to explain myself to people over this. It would be easier for me to leave since a few members had already politely PMed me over the issues I raised in this post regarding diapering. The problem has been sorted by a moderator who I've explained my feelings to and I further understand on a personal level why I did not handle the entire situation with the messaging, better. But I don't need to write down what I've worked out. It's obviously better for me to only continue my ties to the kinkworld through my friend as I did before. I'll do that, he's a good barrier between myself and things which make me feel very uncomfortable.