Heteroflexible vs bi

In my mind, heteroflexible is someone who is straight, very open and accepting to those who are not, and may possibly be open to trying a same sex relationship or encounter someday, but just hasn't yet for whatever reason.

I consider that "bi curious" to be in the middle of heteroflexible and bi, where "bi curious" is someone who has an interest in same sex encounters, but either hasn't actually gone forward and had one yet, or has has one or a few, but is still in "exploring" mode. And that one key transition from bi curious to bisexual is when you have a same sex encounter with someone that has led you to want to have another one with at least that person again.

What you consider or what these words mean in your mind do not matter.

What matters is what the dictionary says and bisexual, heteroflexible and bi-curious are well defined in the literature.

With some very slight modifications, these are the definitions:

Bi-curious has an interest in homosexual relations but has not partaken, heteroflexible means the person desires and has a preference for mostly heterosexual relations, but occasionally partakes in homosexual relations. Bisexual means the person will have or desires more or less equal amounts of heterosexual and homosexual relations as opportunities present themselves.

You can look them up yourself. These are not my definitions, these are the dictionary definitions.

What you consider or what these words mean in your mind do not matter..[/b]

Wow. Harsh. LOL.

I think what matters is how folks feel about themselves, and what constitutes where they feel they are on the spectrum.

If someone is having trouble with a term, the dictionary is a good starting point. But this is no longer a black and white world anymore. The waters have gotten muddy.

If this topic WERE all about the dictionary, it wouldn't have like 60 posts from folks opting to weigh in. It would have just 2. The original post, and someone going "look it up in the dictionary" or "Well, the dictionary says...." and that would have been the end of it.

But the topic is "What's the criteria IN PEOPLE's MINDS", right ? Not "What's the criteria in your Funk & Wagnall's"

Make sense?

My reply was factual, truthful and unembellished. Maybe the opening post of the thread is completely misguided because what a word means to you doesn't matter. The dictionary matters. If you do not like what a word means in the dictionary when you are expressing yourself, use a different word that means what you want to express. Don't bastardize a word whose definition has been previously accepted.

One should not need a flowery literary reply to define a few words that have clear definitions in the dictionary.

I like rules when it comes to language and the fact is, the lack of people following the rules and making up their own definitions is causing the language and quality of communication to go down the toilet.

The Kinsey scale developed in 1948 described all sex activity as some degree of heterosexuality or homosexuality. The terms bi-sexual, bi-curious, heteroflexible evolved after that and are well defined as Susie points out - in my opinion those terms evolved to reduce the stigma of same sex activtity as being homosexual. People adapt the definitions of their degree of homosexuality to soften or justify their proclivity. ALL same sex activity falls under there umbrella of homosexual.

Similarly, a lot of "social drinkers" are just sugar coating their alcoholism.

. . . . People adapt the definitions of their degree of homosexuality to soften or justify their proclivity. ALL same sex activity falls under there umbrella of homosexual.

Similarly, a lot of "social drinkers" are just sugar coating their alcoholism.

YES!

I have also described myself as partaking in homosexual activity when I talk about being heteroflexible. Bisexual and heteroflexible people engage in homosexual activity at times. I really don't care if someone wants to call me bisexual or heteroflexible. I just use heteroflexible to describe that I have a primary sexual preference (which is with men) and frequency of engagement in homosexual activities with women.

People who describe themselves as "gay" or "lesbian" use those terms to avoid calling themselves homosexual, especially in mixed company. It is as if they won't stand behind calling themselves homosexual, while "straight" people have no problem calling themselves heterosexual.

Whats the criteria in people minds for being heteroflexible versus bi? Does it simple come down to the ratio of opposite versus same sex experiences?

Was the original question of this topic. It asked for members opinion on this subject. Not a definition from a book.

As JTMac said

If this topic WERE all about the dictionary, it wouldn't have like 60 posts from folks opting to weigh in. It would have just 2. The original post, and someone going "look it up in the dictionary" or "Well, the dictionary says...." and that would have been the end of it.

It would be a very short discussion.

Whats the criteria in people minds for being heteroflexible versus bi? Does it simple come down to the ratio of opposite versus same sex experiences?

In MY mind there isn't a difference - both are homosexual. There are clear definitions about each term - it's obvious from this thread people make up their own definitions. Some peoples criteria (in their mind) is based on defined terms - others make up stuff to justify themselves.

People who describe themselves as "gay" or "lesbian" use those terms to avoid calling themselves homosexual, especially in mixed company. It is as if they won't stand behind calling themselves homosexual, while "straight" people have no problem calling themselves heterosexual.

So true.... It's certainly easier for me say I'm heteroflexible than bisexual. Heteroflexible gives me some wiggle room; I can think (more like pretend) I'm more normal than I am.

@MissStress said

Was the original question of this topic. It asked for members opinion on this subject. Not a definition from a book.

As JTMac said. It would be a very short discussion.

That's all it needed to be.

It's certainly easier for me say I'm heteroflexible than bisexual. Heteroflexible gives me some wiggle room; I can think (more like pretend) I'm more normal than I am.

You're being honest about how you use the term - I may not agree but I respect that!!! 😄 I have a neighbor whose son married a guy - and the couple have become good friends of ours. Both my neighbor, their son and his partner are comfortable with the term gay - but will not tolerate them being called homosexual!

Both my neighbor, their son and his partner are comfortable with the term gay - but will not tolerate them being called homosexual!

That might be because of the connotation the term homosexual had back in the days when it was still an illegal activity in many countries. For older people the word homo or homosexual still has lingering residues of not only illegal, but also shameful and sinful activity.

Picture a courthouse where whomever reads out the charge: 'You stand accused of engaging in 3 instances of homosexual acts ... yadda yadda yadda ...' Sounded grave and serious. Charge someone in a courtroom with being 'gay' and the charge sounds (rightfully) frivolous and silly ...

The term 'gay', as in homosexual, used to be a code word or a self-depreciating jocular usage in the gay community, if I am not mistaken, starting in the 1920's-40's. Gays could use the term more or less openly without straights readily recognizing the true meaning. Remember, this was important when homosexual acts were illegal and thought depraved and perverted.

But like many code words, the meaning became well known enough for the word to enter common usage. I couldn't put a date on when, but probably sometime in the late 1960's or the 1970's?

I tend to distinguish between gay and homosexual. Homosexual is a technical term for same sex acts, and folks that have them. Gay is more of a feeling, a behavior, an attitude, an outlook. I will engage in homosexual activity with men who do not act gay. People who act gay do not turn me on. Some homosexual men who do not act gay turn me on.

And guess what. I don't give a fuck what the dictionary says either way.

That might be because of the connotation the term homosexual had back in the days when it was still an illegal activity in many countries. For older people the word homo or homosexual still has lingering residues of not only illegal, but also shameful and sinful activity.

Picture a courthouse where whomever reads out the charge: 'You stand accused of engaging in 3 instances of homosexual acts ... yadda yadda yadda ...' Sounded grave and serious. Charge someone in a courtroom with being 'gay' and the charge sounds (rightfully) frivolous and silly ...

The term 'gay', as in homosexual, used to be a code word or a self-depreciating jocular usage in the gay community, if I am not mistaken, starting in the 1920's-40's. Gays could use the term more or less openly without straights readily recognizing the true meaning. Remember, this was important when homosexual acts were illegal and thought depraved and perverted.

But like many code words, the meaning became well known enough for the word to enter common usage. I couldn't put a date on when, but probably sometime in the late 1960's or the 1970's?

i think this is a good example of how words can and do change. How they, for instance, 'change' because words can be a means to try and describe something fluid and not static or exact or equally comparable.

Both my neighbor, their son and his partner are comfortable with the term gay - but will not tolerate them being called homosexual!

I seems like they have some soul searching to do because THEY ARE HOMOSEXUALS and are using semantics to deny what they are.

@Switchablesusie - right on! Mincing words is ridiculous! It recalls the joke about the Navy's Top Secret: Navy Blue is really black!

Picture a courthouse where whomever reads out the charge: 'You stand accused of engaging in 3 instances of homosexual acts ... yadda yadda yadda ...' Sounded grave and serious. Charge someone in a courtroom with being 'gay' and the charge sounds (rightfully) frivolous and silly.

If you're being charged with a crime for your sexual persuasion and face a punishment, I seriously doubt you care whether the prosecuting attorney accuses you of "homosexuality" or merely "being gay."

If you're being charged with a crime for your sexual persuasion and face a punishment, I seriously doubt you care whether the prosecuting attorney accuses you of "homosexuality" or merely "being gay."

I was trying to visualize from the perspective of legislators and the language used to indicate the seriousness of a crime.

I think you have to be appreciative of man sex but disgusted by overtly effeminate male behavior to understand the difference. So I have to be understanding that most people just won't get it.

I think you have to be appreciative of man sex but disgusted by overtly effeminate male behavior to understand the difference. So I have to be understanding that most people just won't get it.

That's a little passive aggressive.

I think everyone "gets it". You don't like effeminate males - whether they are gay, homosexual or straight. Homosexual and gay are synonymous. You create a term "man-sex" to distance yourself from the fact you engage in homosexual/gay acts. Labeling "man-sex" doesn't change anything. There is a lot of porn out there of very manly men having sex with other very manly men - these are gay men comfortable with who they are and that are NOT effeminate. If you have "man sex" - you're committing a homosexual=gay act. Period. Creating a new label for it doesn't change what it is. Just be comfortable with who your are and enjoy sex with whoever you decide to do it with.

I think everyone "gets it". You don't like effeminate males - whether they are gay, homosexual or straight. Homosexual and gay are synonymous. You create a term "man-sex" to distance yourself from the fact you engage in homosexual/gay acts. Labeling "man-sex" doesn't change anything. There is a lot of porn out there of very manly men having sex with other very manly men - these are gay men comfortable with who they are and that are NOT effeminate. If you have "man sex" - you're committing a homosexual=gay act. Period. Creating a new label for it doesn't change what it is. Just be comfortable with who your are and enjoy sex with whoever you decide to do it with.

100% correct.

Many men LIE to themselves about their not being a homosexual when that is exactly what they are.

As an occasionally homosexual woman, I can say that.

I originally labeled myself on Zity as heteroflexible because although I have only been with women, I can admit to myself that if my girlfriend wanted to include a male in our bedroom play, I would at least consider it. I’m “hetero” but “flexible” in my thinking as opposed to strict.

Then I was viciously attacked here on Zity for replying to a particular thread which some members felt I had no right to reply to because of my “heteroflexible” status. I tried to calmly explain my reasoning, but essentially I was made to feel that I do not get to determine what I am or how I label my sexuality, and that I did not understand what “heteroflexible” means.

Months later I changed my description to heterosexual since that describes what I have experienced in fact, although I remain open to other possibilities. From my personal perspective, it seems there’s no one term to encapsulate both my factual past sexual experiences and my potential possible future sexual experiences.

I originally labeled myself on Zity as heteroflexible because although I have only been with women, I can admit to myself that if my girlfriend wanted to include a male in our bedroom play, I would at least consider it. I’m “hetero” but “flexible” in my thinking as opposed to strict.

Then I was viciously attacked here on Zity for replying to a particular thread which some members felt I had no right to reply to because of my “heteroflexible” status. I tried to calmly explain my reasoning, but essentially I was made to feel that I do not get to determine what I am or how I label my sexuality, and that I did not understand what “heteroflexible” means.

Months later I changed my description to heterosexual since that describes what I have experienced in fact, although I remain open to other possibilities. From my personal perspective, it seems there’s no one term to encapsulate both my factual past sexual experiences and my potential possible future sexual experiences.

Your sexuality classification should be about how YOU feel about yourself and your sexuality. And not how society labels you. Mostly on this website, I have found folks are a lot less judgemental and labeling as the outside world.

That said, your sexuality is about how you feel and define yourself. Any opposition to that is an opinion At BEST, moderator or not. Though if you want to say you enjoy sucking cock, then claim to be a heterosexual male, then okay, there are obivous flaws in your self classification.

Ultimately, don't give too much of a fuck how others choose to label you. Keep in mind, it may not be a universal thought among readers. Unless you find yourself badgered by responses, what 1 or 2 people say and how they choose to "judge" you should not mean anything in the grand scheme of things

This topic is crasy, why don’t we all just have sex with each other, then determine the outcome! If you have a great orgasm your bi,or Hetero, or homoflexible, why put labels on sex? Just forget identity crisis, lay back and enjoy your orgasm! I’ve known lots of “so called straight men”that when it came to sex, they had no inhibitions, gay or bi, so how can you draw a line? Look at the prison system, in the USA, prisoners just want to “get a nut” so to speak, being jailed for years, many have family’s and children, does that make them gay to have sexual urges? I don’t think so. Men are always horney, let’s just enjoy ourselves.

This topic is crasy ,why don’t we all just have sex with each other, then determine the outcome! If you have a great orgasm your bi,or Hetero, or homoflexible, why put labels on sex? Just forget identity crisis,lay back and enjoy your orgasm!

Thats a +1 from me too.

Some of my most memorable orgasms were with another man and despite not being my plan in life, I do treasure that experience more now than at the time and glad I tried it.

Until recently I was confused about "am I bi or simply heteroflexible"... It was when it was pointed out to me that I'm "bi when dressed" meaning just as it says - when I put on something feminine (in my case) my personality changes. I've know others who are the same; men who need some article(s) of clothing to set them off into bi mode. The garment(s) don't have to always be something feminine, it can also be something masculine. I started a thread on this https://en.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=1112598

I put myself down as bi as i found it easier to remember and spell.

These are just made up words. The proper term is gay as defined as two members of the same biological gender having sexual relations. Lets move on please.

I fixed all the wrong spellings of "hetero" and I hope everybody is happy now.

I put myself down as bi as i found it easier to remember and spell.

Thats one way of looking at it!

I've know others who are the same; men who need some article(s) of clothing to set them off into bi mode. The garment(s) don't have to always be something feminine, it can also be something masculine

Or indeed being in any undressed situation would have the same effect dont you think?

I just keep it simple. If you enjoy having sex with both the opposite and same sex you are bi. The ratio of opposite sex to same sex really doesn't matter. I am and have always been bi.