OMG...I am gay! Why do people say these things????

tallslenderguy said

Put another way, what if the guy had been behind a black person and asked the question: "are you from Africa?" And upon hearing the "no" answer, immediately responded "your mom must have slept with a black man." To me it's not just a social faux pax. If the guy was really interested in you, he could ask you to tell some of your story instead of trying to guess at it.

That's patently ridiculous. It's not the same thing.

I am the chief cynic on Zity, and even I wouldn't have assumed bad things about the person speaking to luvmawater on the cashier line. The guy on the cashier line spoke in good faith, with good intentions to luvmawater. They just had a misunderstanding.

That's patently ridiculous. It's not the same thing.

I am the chief cynic on Zity, and even I wouldn't have assumed bad things about the person speaking to luvmawater on the cashier line. The guy on the cashier line spoke in good faith, with good intentions to luvmawater. They just had a misunderstanding.

lol. and if i get a vote, i'd say "most outspoken" too. You might be right, you might be wrong. I present another side, not as fact, but simply to point out that we are reacting to a second hand story.

Obviously being born without a leg and being born black are not the same thing. my point is they are both physical, visible, and there are people who react to both as inferior. I'm confident you know such people exist. I'm not saying this guy was such a guy. Since we were not there we can only infer things like visual and tonal cues, which comprise the bigger part of communication, input that Luv and the others there experienced, and we did not. Cynic or not, you are presuming to understand this guys intent better than someone who was actually there as well as the other people who gave "disapproving stares."

tallslenderguy said

Cynic or not, you are presuming to understand this guys intent better than someone who was actually there as well as the other people who gave "disapproving stares."

Many times people who are actually there are too close to the action, too concerned with their own condition or too unintelligent to see what is actually happening. The exchange of words was pretty clear.

I want to thank everyone for their response. Unfortunately, I don't agree with all of it.

Let's lay down some facts: First, we don't know if my mom took thalidomide or not. If she did, it was a secret (or maybe she wasn't aware of the fact) that she took to the grave with her. My siblings, all older than me, did not know either, and none of my siblings developed any physical or other issues. Secondly, thalidomide was, in fact, responsible for many children being born with defective, deformed, or missing limbs, and yes, I was born in that era where the drug was commonly used. Third, not ALL children born with defective limbs and/or other birth defects were due to thalidomide. There are children being born every day with birth defects, some of them from mothers who followed every rule in the book during pregnancy to ensure their children would be born healthy and normal; yet, they still produced children with birth defects.

The problem with this guy in the grocery store is that he made an immediate ASSUMPTION to something that he had no knowledge of. He pointed a virtual finger at my mom as the blame for my disability. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't, but was he in the right to make that assumption without knowing the facts? Could I have also suffered a disability simply because of a gene gone bad? And it DOES happen. When I asked my mom (as a child) why I was born the way I was, her simple response was, "Because God loves you enough to make you special." And I accepted it from that day forward.

Had you replied that you were a veteran, I am sure he would have given you a great "Thank You" for your service and sacrifice so I can't fault him. If he wasn't going to say something positive to you, he wouldn't have asked.

This is another one of my pet peeves. Just because I didn't lose a limb in battle, does that make me any less of a person?? Does being gay vs being straight make me any less of a person? God, I sure hope not! But sometimes I FEEL like less of a person when someone ask me if I'm a veteran so they can praise me for my sacrifices, but what do you say to someone who lost a limb that DIDN'T lose it in battle? "Well, uh, gee, uh...you're mother must have been on thalidomide." Duh!! There have been times I've wanted to say, "Yes, I'm a veteran" just so I could get the compliments for a change instead of being looked at like I did something stupid, or my mom did something stupid, to make me the way I am. But, that would be lying and it would also degrade the sacrifices that veterans give, and I won't do that to them.

Believe me, I appreciate all that veterans do. They are, in my book, REAL HEROES. I truly appreciate their sacrifices and the countless loss of lives given to keep our nation free. I support the DAV (Disabled American Veterans) through donations throughout the year, year after year, and never hesitate to offer a donation when they're standing outside our local Walmart. But, I'm special too! What I lack in body parts, I more than make up in compassion and caring for my patients (I'm a healthcare professional) and others. There's no need to make me feel inferior just because I'm not a veteran, or because I'm gay, or whatever. If you can't say something positive about someone with a disability not a veteran, it's best not to say anything at all, but please don't make assumptions unless you KNOW THE FACTS!

Alex

Okay, I admit I came across a little bit strong on that last post, and I certainly don't mean to belittle anyone, offend anyone, or lay my personal woes on them.

Growing up, I've been called everything in the book because some teenage friends found out I had more interest in boys than girls. I've been called a "faggot", "queer", "cocksucker" - you name it. Between my disabilities and my sexual orientation, I went through a ton of psychological challenges that, for awhile, required the services of a psychologist to help me get over those issues.

I've since discovered that the ONLY way to really be in peace with myself was ACCEPTANCE - of who I am, what I am, and what God gave me to live with. I'm okay with that and so life goes on.

Peace and love to all,

Alex

Well spoken Alex - both your recent posts! You have my full sympathy. You live in a country which has some of the most thoughtful and most excellent people, but also some of their opposite number! (The idea of the Ugly American abroad still has some validity, I would judge!) I imagine that such a phenomenon can be confusing for someone like yourself who encounters a sampling of it on almost a day-to-day basis!

I count myself fortunate for having studied at school in Australia the autobiographical children's book 'I Can Jump Puddles' (1955) by Alan Marshall, who had been born with poliomyelitis. (Who needs thalidomide, if you follow me?!!) Our excellent English teacher helped us to see the exemplary fortitude of this Aussie youngster who had used crutches since he was a boy growing up in a country town.

- Ken

Well spoken Alex - both your recent posts! You have my full sympathy.

He probably DOESN'T want your sympathy. Just your acceptance.

Thanks, Ken, for your insightful message. But Switchablesusie is right: I don't seek sympathy, empathy, pity or any of those attributes; just acceptance and without prejudice. I think we all desire that, not just those of us who are, shall we say, "different".

Thanks, Ken, for your insightful message. But Switchablesusie is right: I don't seek sympathy, empathy, pity or any of those attributes; just acceptance and without prejudice.

My meaning was perhaps broader than you and Switchable allow! I basically meant that I am IN SYMPATHY WITH, i.e., attuned to, your experience and outlook. Mind you, as something of a Buddhist, I try to live by the Buddha's 'four measureless minds': love, compassion, joy, and equanimity! Don't knock any of those qualities, including compassion (as Switchable is noticeably inclined to do, lambasting the softies in our midst!).

- Ken