OMG...I am gay! Why do people say these things????

I am a Emergency Room physician. I always try to keep my private life private but sometimes the word gets around. I am sure I am not the only gay man that people have asked such things as..".Is the hospital OK that you are gay?" or something like "Could I have a real Doctor please." I have no idea how they know I am guy. One kid a few weeks ago and gave me a dirty look and sad, "Does your Dad know you are gay?"

I know what I would like to say back to them. Maybe something like "You must have been born with your brain in your ass."

Do any of you have guys say stupid things to you and how do you handle it?

As most here know, I'm not gay, but am slightly Bi.- 2%

It is absolutely impossible to account for the stupidity some people demonstrate.

A snarky reply could be something like "would you rather have an experienced gay doctor or a macho hetero resident who graduated medical school last week?" (You don't really get a choice, you get who is on call or nothing)

Wow, that is just crazy. Unfortunately being in a public facing job means you get the worst of society. To the kid "Does your father know you are an asshole?" To the adult "So my X yrs of medical school, X yrs of residency and X yrs of ER experience doesn't count?" It's too bad you can't say what they really deserve.

I apologize on behalf of the hetero community which unfortunately has such ignorant dolts among our ranks.

I just remembered one line that my father in law used to say to uncooperative patients when he was throwing them out of the practice.

"I hope you get the kind of treatment (or doctor) you deserve." [which meant a lousy doctor or treatment] It sounded nice to the patient, but he meant it with the proverbial knife in their gut.

@Sparty , first I would like to tell you I am sorry you have to be subjected to such ignorance and stupidity.

I shake my head thinking that this still goes on in this day and age.

I would take the opportunity to “ school “ such assholes, and enjoy myself doing so .

Simply tell them( with a big smile of course) that you are proud of who you are and hope one day they too could achieve such success , but first they need to have their head removed from their own ass and know that sexual orientation has nothing to do with anyone’s qualifications and its a good thing that you will treat them anyway regardless of their condition, called stupidity.

I'm bi/ Lesbian...okay 2% bi and 98% Lesbian

And when the gentlemen finally put two and two together the comments come out.

Now unlike you who are representing the facility that you are working for, I am the wild card and depending on my mood at the moment depends on how vicious the response is.

But mostly I direct them to go back to their wives and allow me to stalk and hunt the rest of the unattached females at the gathering.

I don't promote being Lesbian but my actions speak louder than words for the most part and in a large gathering...say a charity event.. you can tell who I'm with and who I am not interested in.

I don't wear pins or ribbons or whatever the saying for the week is...

I am just myself. Get to know me and see if you like me as a person, not my lifestyle.

Most people like me once they get to know me...not just jump to conclusions and simply call me a bitch.

But a fair warning to all....I am a bitch...

I hope things become easier for you.

Love you anyway

Faith

@Sparty said, "Do any of you have guys say stupid things to you and how do you handle it?"

Why not just take the high road and tell them you do not discuss your private personal life with a patient. Then leave it at that.

But if they push it, just tell them, 'You don't have to be gay to be a cocksucker.'

Then drop the mic and walk away. Or whatever it is you have in your hand at the time. It does not have to me a mic. 😉

@SwitchableSusie, 'As most here know, I'm not gay, but am slightly Bi.' I've been 'slightly' pregnant three times. 😉

@Dahiana, 'But if they push it, just tell them, 'You don't have to be gay to be a cocksucker.' This must be you being 'slightly' tactful. 😉

Sparty: As comedian Ron White is fond of saying, "you can't fix stupid". This seems to be a disease that is becoming more rampant......

Good luck "meeting the public".....

Im with the group.

with this on top physically experi truma make for ptsd.

Thank you so much for your responses. Hopefully, some day, all of the dull people will move to Planet Assholy and learn how to be a decent, caring person. Zity is my one place that I don't have to "hide."

I come from a religious culture that is built on ignorance and can attest this kinda stuff is common in some circles. It's impossible to argue with 'god.' i don't hide my orientation, but i don't readily display it either, so many i work with do not realize i'm gay and it's interesting the comments people will make when they do not know.

Fun story. i had this crush on one of the doctors where i work. Stuart was gone for a couple of months and then came back as Julie (i had a Victor/Victoria moment). Having experienced the lash of rejection from family and 'friends' when i came out, i am floored by her courage. She could have gone anywhere and started over where she was not known, but instead decided to stay put where everyone knew/knows her, and i love her for that. There's a lot of understanding at the hospital where i work, but still plenty of ignorance too.

I have a gay kid and have been fielding stupid questions since they came out. My two favorites are “why do you allow that?” And “aren’t you worried about god/heaven/hell?” To which my replies are always “it wasn’t up to me to decide or allow it, it’s who they are.” And “I figure god gave them to me that way so it’s probably cool with him and not something I’m expected to try to change. And My kid is an atheist so no worries about hell for them. Honestly, my biggest worry isn’t hell, it’s humans. People, small minded people, right here, right now are a bigger threat to my kids long term safety!”

I come from a religious culture that is built on ignorance and can attest this kinda stuff is common in some circles. It's impossible to argue with 'god.'

That sums it up.

You don't have to say any more than that!

.

My two favorites are “why do you allow that?” And “aren’t you worried about god/heaven/hell?”

No need for ANYONE to ever worry about that.

I have been raise and am still a Catholic.. I attend Mass semi regularly. I never take communion officially in church. I have an understanding Mother that only questions things when she gets overly stressed out with other people's shit.

My Priest is a very special man. He takes my confession and has mentioned on several occassions that his wings are secure in heaven for sitting through THAT. And sometimes he just breaks down in laughter. Which is so COOL.

He will not allow any of the other Priests hear my confession because he's affraid I will break them.

This man stood by me when I came out. He stood by me when my Dad died. He has been with me through Deafness and Stroke. He is my Dad now and I am his disappointing daughter. He serves me communion in private once I've done confessional.

Then I tell him I will see him in a month...he just shakes his head and smiles and kisses me on the forehead and tells me to go out and sin less. He knows my heart and knows if he ever needs help he can always call me. And when he does I drop everything and head to see him and help with whatever he asks because that's what a good daughter does.

So, what does that all mean... Well I have no concerns or issues with afterlife. I have no real issues with most of the religious sentiments And I have absolutely no concerns about what other people think about me. I am just me the way god made me and I am living life to the fullest. Going as fast and as hard and as strong as I can until I can no longer move forward.

So the doctor that started this thread...we all support you. And we understand. Lots of things are unfair but its how you deal with it is how great or less of a person you will be...but being a great person is so much cooler than being a lessor person.. been there too, got the shirt, it was cheap.

Peachfuzz: I think you pretty well NAILED IT!

@Faith

https://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=931431

Brava! 🌹

Find yourself a one line response you feel comfortable delivering that will set the offenders back on their heels. Having nothing to do with sexual orientation, I often have a similar situation when folks I know casually like to start bashing blacks. I listen for a minute before I announce: "My son-in-law could win an Eddie Murphy look-a-like contest and my granddaughter is biracial. Now, what was it you were saying?" That usually stops them in their tracks.

You just need to figure out what it is you can say that will cover most situations and you feel comfortable delivering. Say it often enough and one day you won't even have to think about it. The words will flow off your tongue.

@Faith, I hope you are not going to confession to apologize for being Bi!

@Sparty I too am very sorry that some of your patients are so mean and full of hate. That shouldn't be happening these days.

Remember that you are an ER Doc you are seeing people at their worst and sometimes that turns them into assholes. Keep your head up and be proud of who you are. Unfortunately your position often calls for turning the other cheek but that doesn't mean you have to like it or accept it, but it does mean you need to take the higher road and be a true professional. Yes, that sucks sometimes.

I too have been the receptor of some hate over the years and it really sucks big hairy donkey balls. My kids are half Hispanic and my youngest claims to be a lesbian, so I too get it. Trust me when I tell you, I have heard it all. I live here in the middle of Amishville USA and people around here are just plain ignorant sometimes. I just smile and walk away from them most of the time. As a professional it's really my only choice.

Again, I am sorry you are feeling and going through what you are going through. That just sucks!

Mashie

How stupid! I am sorry, but if I am in the e.r. (as I was yesterday because of a car accident), I am not worrying about who my doctor wants to have sex with! I am more worried about the care I receive from those that are taking care of me. However when he is cute or handsome, well....that might help a girl feel better too, lol! Sorry you have to deal with assholes. Perhaps they need to be given a referral to a proctologist!

@Mashie,

I confess the serious stuff. You know like all wanton out of marriage stuff. Have sex, having protected sex, doing unnatural sexual things. Plus the annoying little things like swearing like a sailor, perhaps drinking to much, the excessive use of ropes and chains.

I've never apologized for being how I am.

Oh and the wanting of certain people dead. Yeah that is usually a long list.

You now normal stuff.

Faith

I confess the serious stuff. You know like all wanton out of marriage stuff. Have sex, having protected sex, doing unnatural sexual things. Plus the annoying little things like swearing like a sailor, perhaps drinking to much, the excessive use of ropes and chains. . . . Oh and the wanting of certain people dead. . . .

I obviously think your debauched sexual activities are perfectly OK--I do them too.

I'm an atheist and don't know exactly how confession works. I think you ask for redemption when you confess. So I am seriously asking if confessing these things and asking for redemption for the "sins" you commit over and over, and that you obviously have no intention of changing your ways is being hypocritical and insincere at best? How do you reconcile that?

ASwitchable

Being Catholic you can pretty much do anything as long as you confess it and do the pentness for it but to continue to do the same thing over and over is not quite how it works . Lol I am most likely not going to heaven but enjoying the time here instead.

Again folks, thanks for your response and your love. I never knew that ANYONE would have said things like this . I feel they are really judging me for absolutely no reason. I am thinking of looking for a medical job teaching. I love my profession. I worked in the ER when the PULSE massacre happened. It changed me. I think I want to work in a University helping younger students .

BTW...the person that asked me what my dad would think of me...My answer is "My father loves me to the moon and back."

Been bi all my life. Did have both sex as a partner. All my life now I am with a man.

Always thing that I live my sex life rather then talk about it with my shape as a large man, shoulder wide as a door they are too chicken to come at me. Still I am a Nice Guy.

But always a but, would ask him if he need help to put his ointment where you know they are so tight!

Or do you need help to untighten the rubber band around your sex so blood irragates your brain.

“I’ll have the nurse bring you a suppository for that cranio-rectal inversion.”

“Were you born in the 50s? Or does your attitude just live there?”

“How about I save your life first, and you can pray for me later?”

“I am gay, but I’ve been thinking about switching. Was it easy for you? You seem to know a lot about it...”

“Am I what? You know what, I am! Today had been a great day and I’m super happy about that! Everyone should be happy and gay on a day like today! I mean, except you obviously, let’s get this stick out of you ass so you can cheer up! You’re here for chest pain? Oh sorry, my bad.”

I work in a healthcare system as a provider and I'm sure some people know I'm gay as I live in a predominantly Mormon area...and I don't have a family. I've never had anyone question my professionalism or my skills...or being gay for that matter. Another professional, a lesbian, was very out in the open with her gender preferences and she was just as accepted as I am. Perhaps it's where you live and work that makes a difference?

I do, however, have one leg and someone said something that took me by surprise (about my leg, not my about my being gay). I was standing in line at the cashier in a large grocery store when this big guy behind me noticing I was on crutches, asked me if I was a veteran. I said "no" and that I was born this way. Then he commented, "Your mother must have been taking (forgot the name of drug) when you were born." My first impulse was to turn around, grab him by the balls and squeeze hard enough to make his tongue crawl down his throat and his eyeballs pop out of their sockets. But the thought almost made me laugh out-loud, dispelled my brief anger, and so I simply ignored him. Some of the people standing in line heard him, including the cashier, and they gave the idiot some pretty disapproving looks.

I'm missing a leg but he was in worse shape than me: He was missing a brain!

Moral of the story is: Ignore those comments about being a gay professional and chalk it up to less than adequate I.Q. Then refer them to psychiatry!

luvmawater said

I do, however, have one leg and someone said something that took me by surprise (about my leg, not my about my being gay). I was standing in line at the cashier in a large grocery store when this big guy behind me noticing I was on crutches, asked me if I was a veteran. I said "no" and that I was born this way. Then he commented, "Your mother must have been taking (forgot the name of drug) when you were born." My first impulse was to turn around, grab him by the balls and squeeze hard enough to make his tongue crawl down his throat and his eyeballs pop out of their sockets. But the thought almost made me laugh out-loud, dispelled my brief anger, and so I simply ignored him. Some of the people standing in line heard him, including the cashier, and they gave the idiot some pretty disapproving looks.

The drug well known for causing missing and malformed limbs is thalidomide.

Ironically it was a drug used to treat morning sickness also as a sedative so the guy on the cashier line wasn't entirely out of line with you. You are also the right age to have been affected by thalidomide. It's NOT like that guy was calling your mother a junkie.

Had you replied that you were a veteran, I am sure he would have given you a great "Thank You" for your service and sacrifice so I can't fault him. If he wasn't going to say something positive to you, he wouldn't have asked.

Presently thalidomide is used in cancer treatment.

Had you replied that you were a veteran, I am sure he would have given you a great "Thank You" for your service and sacrifice so I can't fault him. If he wasn't going to say something positive to you, he wouldn't have asked.

I too think that you may have over-reacted in this particular case, luvmawater. (SwitchableSusie has put it exactly correctly!) Possibly it was the guy's loud voice that got to you? In my eyes, his actual question was no more than a natural one if he were being up-front and wanted to engage you in conversation. Not to voice his question would have been to let the elephant in the room roam free, something he may not have believed in - and good on him, I say!

But I'm on your side, luvmawater! Hey, I've just re-discovered this thread, and it's a beauty! My sympathy goes to all of us who have been hurt by savage, uncaring attitudes because of our sexual preferences, or kinks, or being our honest selves.

- Ken

...But the thought almost made me laugh out-loud, dispelled my brief anger, and so I simply ignored him. Some of the people standing in line heard him, including the cashier, and they gave the idiot some pretty disapproving looks.

my read about what you wrote is different from some. Your reaction was "to ignore" the guy, which doesn't strike me as extreme. Your feelings are different from how you reacted. What strikes me as a mistake (one i have made countless times) is the guy was presumptuous. He made one assumption, then after finding out he was wrong, jumped to another conclusion about you. We don't know if he would of thanked you for your service had you answered you were a vet, he could just as easily have been just curious, or wanted to tell you about his experience in Viet Nam, or_____________________.

i know what it means to be born outside the cultural norm (i'm gay), but that is not something that is readily (visibly) apparent to just anyone standing in a grocery store line. So i cannot relate to how you might feel or the myriad reasons why you might feel that way, but i can understand if you explain.

Put another way, what if the guy had been behind a black person and asked the question: "are you from Africa?" And upon hearing the "no" answer, immediately responded "your mom must have slept with a black man." To me it's not just a social faux pax. If the guy was really interested in you, he could ask you to tell some of your story instead of trying to guess at it.

One can take that different ways, depending on perspective, but i think they're pretty intimate comments/questions to be posing to a stranger in a check out line.