Constant Cravings

Tools with a rough surface like that have been knurled, it aids in gripping. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/knurl I don't know what it'd do to someones ass hole if it gripped down on it, but I think I'll pass on it. 😄 BTW, I'm a Tool & Die maker. 😃

It took a while and a fan but our mattress is dry now.

After my initial experiment with my brand new "Womanizer" I couldn't wait for my husband to get home. He knows where everything is on me and I was already "primed" and hot to go from my previous experiment. I was having a very heavy buzz and totally feeling the effects of the brief time I had spent using my new toy and it was all I could do to keep from ravaging Tanner when he got home. He knew I was hot to go because of all of the 30,000 texts I sent to him with all the google-eyed emoji's and exclamation points and generally acting like a cat in heat.

I was fidgety and he could tell that I was pent up and coiled like a spring the moment he walked through the door. I was trying to maintain some sort of decorum and was getting my act together, finally, after we ate dinner and relaxed with the kids. I love the kids dearly but I was watching the clock and when it was bath time, they were got their baths and they did pretty good because they could sense that Mom was on a mission or something. Kids are sharp and they don't miss a thing and they knew Mommy was acting a little different but they just didn't know why. My son, Mr. Empath 🌹 kept hugging me and gave me a kiss on my cheek and asked me if I was OK. That brought me back to earth a little, he reminds me of his Dad a lot. My daughter? She's a tough little customer and she and I are going to butt heads more and more when she gets older. She could tell that something was "off" with me that night but her attitude was more along the line of, "… whatever it is Mom, you'd better deal with it before you do my hair …"

When I was getting the kids their baths and getting them ready for bed, Tanner had seen "our" new toy and the apparent effect it had on me. At the time I didn't know it, but he had gone to our bedroom and got things ready for us to play and try that "Womanizer" out. He had the angle pillow on the bed, my big enema bag was full and my large 1 ½ by 8 inch stainless steel enema nozzle and my vaginal vibrator were ready. He even got some towels out and had them placed strategically, or so we thought. He was getting done with getting the bedroom ready when I walked in and we passed each other on his way out to tuck the kids in bed.

When he got back was totally naked and I had the "Womanizer" out along with the instructions. The instructions being out was a pointless move on my part because he doesn't need instructions. I wasn't going to press the issue.

Tanner gets naked and I lay down on our bed and there isn't going to be any foreplay. Tanner lubed the enema nozzle and slipped it in my ass like he has many times before and he is looking at my pussy and noting that it is already looking "used" and that it probably wouldn't need to be lubed. I'm like, "… yeah, yeah, whatever, just slip my vibrator in and let's get this started!" And when he did slip the vibrator in my pussy it got me started back on my way up into that mist. Then he picked up the "Womanizer" and touched it to my clit and I was gone! Words like, BLISS, EUPHORIA, and Mom's CUM LUST MIST, just barely describe what kinds of electricity were playing all over me. I wasn't wearing a stitch of clothes and I passed the point of caring whether I was soaking anything and anyone with my cum.

I just lost it and was totally blown away and I really don't know how to describe it all except that I just couldn't stop cumming. More to the point, I did not want to stop cumming even though my clit was becoming electric all by itself. But at the end I was so tender that I had to ask Tanner to put our slope pillow under my ass so that he could fuck me and not rub against my clit. I don't really remember Tanner taking the vibrator out of me and replacing it with his cock, just the feel of him fucking me and cumming in me. He always likes fucking me with an enema nozzle in my ass, and this big one is one of his favorites.

I would have been thirsty, except that when Tanner was done fucking me he opened up my enema. I took all 3 qts with no problem, partly because I was so relaxed and also probably because my hips were elevated and a little above my head. The enema really helped bring me down or out of that cum lust mist and literally was barely able to move my little finger. I was that out of it. I have NEVER orgasmed that much in my entire life. Never.

When the mist cleared, I had soaked the bed with my squirting. I lost it totally and Tanner was wet from my cum, too. As wet as everything was I thought that I had leaked some enema or sloshed it out of the bag when I was being fucked, and that is possible, but it was my cum mostly.

So there were consequences for my "over-indulgence" with my, our, new "Womanizer". This all went down a couple of days ago. That night I slept in the nude, like I usually do, but we were in the guest bedroom because, for some reason, we don't like to sleep beneath a wet spot in the bedspread, the blankets, the sheets, the mattress cover, and yes, the mattress. As the night wore on, my clit, already electric, couldn't stand being brushed across by the sheets. By the morning it was clear that there was no way I was going to be wearing any jeans, or slacks, or even panties. I wore a blouse and skirt and no panties but some suspender tights to keep my legs warm. Every single time my skirt would brush against my clit, I would feel like someone was scraping sandpaper over it.

It's cold and breezy outside today, but still no panties for me and I've picked up some more suspender tights. My clit isn't as electric and if I'm in the car, or at my desk, or someplace out of sight of the public or anyone, my skirt is hiked up to let my pussy air out and heal. The mattress is now dry, I did all of the bedding which is a pain all by itself. I even had to be careful not to let the sheets or bedding rub up against my poor abused pussy. I'm drinking cranberry juice like it is going out of style to possibly head off any UTI that may be down the road, although I doubt that, but I'm not taking any chances.

If Tanner wants to "do me" and I'm getting pretty healed up ? then it will be him taking me from behind and leaving that "button" alone for a while. I do not want to explain it to my doctor as to why I'm so red and raw down there. But it's not like she hasn't heard that before from me. 😁

Oh, BTW, that was only setting #2.

When the mist cleared, I had soaked the bed with my squirting. I lost it totally and Tanner was wet from my cum, too. As wet as everything was I thought that I had leaked some enema or sloshed it out of the bag when I was being fucked, and that is possible, but it was my cum mostly.

You have found out @Dahiana why I put lots of towels down when I had my first play with my Womaniser. I would just have soaked the whole bedroom if I had not. lol

You have found out @Dahiana why I put lots of towels down when I had my first play with my Womaniser. I would just have soaked the whole bedroom if I had not. lol

I really think I would have been super thirsty, too @Amethyst if it hadn't been for that enema Tanner gave me at the end. Since then, we are going to get something like Chux pads to put down underneath me when we do this again. And we will be doing this again 😉 😈

But we were only on #2 when it drove me out of my mind, and there are eight settings. Granted, Tanner taking over and "doing me" let me get totally into it and that may have made it more intense, along with the vaginal vibrator and the enema. I really don't know how far I can take it up as far as settings go.

That is a wonderful little toy. 😈

I have only used mine up to setting 3 @Dahiana and I think 5 to 8 would just be too much for me. Maybe the really high settings would be better for ladies who do NOT have orgasms easily but I have never had any trouble like that. I think the high settings could be too much for you too.

@Amethyst I think you're absolutely right about that. I have no problem "getting off" either and am very sensitive, and lucky 😃 , in that respect. I really don't see me going over #3 either and #5 through #8 would be too much for me. I may try someday just to see, but I don't think that will be for me, unless it is somehow supposed to work over panties or something?

No @Dahiana it is meant to be used bare over your clitoris, not over underwear. You should really put a bit of water based lube on the tip of the Womaniser, it helps to get a good seal around the clitoris. I do not think I have seen you say you have used it with lube but I think it will be better to if you have not used it so far.

@Amethyst I did not use lube, yet. But in the future I will be doing that but I doubt that going without the lube caused me much trouble. I'm not going to swear by that, though, and when Tanner was "doing me" with it, it was a lot longer than when I first gave it a little try.

Good point. 😉

Tanner and I have got a lot to learn about medfet, and our attempts at "playing doctor" are pretty comical in a lot of respects. Tanner made an exam table for us to play with, and it is disguised as a work bench in the back part of his shop and it's really pretty slick how he set up things.

The braces or brackets for the stirrups are hidden from view of anyone who might wander into the shop. (Before I forget, Tanner's forehead is all better, and there really isn't a scar. 😳 ) We now have an IV pole which can be explained if someone should get curious. A lot of Tanner's fixation, or what he calls "caution" with keeping things out-of-sight comes from his years and years of keeping his enemas a secret from the world. During the past three months or so we've been really looking into play exams, doctor/nurse/patient and for us to just clear off one of his work benches, put down a pad, put a sheet or paper over it, and pillows, just wasn't putting us in the right mood.

Tanner has built a room at the back of the shop where we are definitely going to turn or dedicate it to our kinks as we develop them. The exam table is our first step, and will eventually go into the room where we can lock it closed and not have to worry about kids and his buddies that come in to borrow a wrench or work on one of their own vehicles.

I've been on the "new" exam table as a "patient" a few times, with my feet up in the stirrups and the adjustable back. We've been using the speculums we bought and I love having him be able to look inside of me all of the way. I've discovered that I really like rectal temps which in a lot of ways doesn't make any sense because the thermometer isn't even near the largest thing I've had in my ass. But there is an eroticism with it that has me liking it. Part of him taking my rectal tem, along with the speculums, and enemas from him, is becoming part of our "medfet play" and I am really liking it. Him checking my breasts, poking around on my abdomen, putting on a glove to lube me up, the gowns, the paper on the "exam table" top, being spread wide open, being examined and controlled by Tanner in such a setting is way more intimate than I imagined.

To be honest, I never really understood what medfet was or is all about, and I am not close to appreciating it all by any stretch of the imagination or my pussy. 😉 But having my husband see me completely naked, being examined, touched, felt, (there is a difference) probed, inside and out, is blowing us away. We have more equipment we want to get, like a real exam light, because the trouble light we used to use just kinda sorta doesn't help with the mood. 😁 😁 😁 😁

Sure Tanner has seen me naked before, well duh, but when he "examines" me from literally the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, and everywhere in between, is a whole 'nother experience entirely. We have our little scenario where I need to have an exam, the questions, the problems, the "let's have a look," and from what it sounds like, you need an enema or two so we can really sort things out. And we really did utilize some of "Dr. Tanner's" skills when I went way overboard with my "Womanizer" and chapped my clit. 😳 😧 😮 :-\\ There was real concern that this girl was going to have to see a real doctor to take care of my button. I wasn't sure how I was going to explain it, but doctors aren't dumb and I figured one of the first questions would have been, "What? No lube?" or "What the hell setting did you have that on?" to "Where can I get one?" Luckily, during the coldest snap we've had so far, a breezy skirt, leggings, and no panties and some TLC from "Dr. Tanner" saved me some embarrassment.

No, we have to do better than that trouble light. No way is he going to hang it off one of my knees while I'm in the stirrups so he can "put some light" on the situation. 😉 But we think we know how we can get away with having one in the shop because he does a lot of detail work on electronic parts and small engines.

We think we are going to like medfet and I am definitely liking rectal temps. 😃

I'm going to post a couple of YouTube links here so that I can come back and write about Tanner's and my new "play" room which has an examination table, a small stainless steel sink, an IV pole, exam light https://www.amazon.com/SoHome-Medical-Floor-standing-Shadowless-Examination/dp/B07334L6ZR/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1519754222&sr=8-3&keywords=Examination+Light, a roll of exam paper and a couple of those gawd awful hospital gowns with the tie in the back and slippers. And not to forget https://www.amazon.com/DDP-HIRSHMAN-ANOSCOPE-SMALL-MEDIUM/dp/B0743BRCVR/ref=sr_1_6?s=industrial&ie=UTF8&qid=1519754457&sr=1-6&keywords=anoscope

https://youtu.be/cPJ4PM0dnzo

https://youtu.be/GxwrKkwBKD8

We are so new at this and it is good that Tanner and I have our day jobs otherwise we would completely fail as medical professionals let alone the medfet scene that we are clumsily trying to find our way around. But we are having fun doing it and we are loving it.

I'll be back to add more of this and I bet somewhere in corporate America they are wondering if a new medical clinic has been opened in downtown rural America. 😉

More later when I have the time. 😃

Dahiana - Thanks so much for posting those You Tube videos! VERY instructional! (Sorry guys, but they're purely medical, so don't look for cheap thrills!) It had been a long time since I had instruction in examining female genetalia. Any of you play docs reading this should take the time to watch. Aside from making your shtick more realistic, they will help you to NOT injure or hurt your "patient"! These should be required viewing for all playdocs!

@Dahiana

We are so new at this and it is good that Tanner and I have our day jobs otherwise we would completely fail as medical professionals let alone the medfet scene that we are clumsily trying to find our way around. But we are having fun doing it and we are loving it.

As long as you are having fun - go for it and enjoy! From the sounds of it - you two have bought into the medfet big time, and are setting out to have some fun. 😄 I liked those two YouTube videos - even though you have to sign in, and they are pretty much on the up and up as far as learning how to do it right.

One thing I didn't see that you mentioned - is a rectal thrmometer 😉 those things are small in comparison to what I've had up my ass 😄 but there is a certain amount of eroticism that goes with it. You two - have lots of fun and write about it. 😄

@Dahiana

The two YouTube videos you have linked to are exactly the same ones I had found when I started getting more realistic in my role play exams of my wife.

Can't wait to hear more about your and Tanner's play room and your fun in using all your new equipment.

Thanks for sharing.

Fn

Being able to fulfill my fantasy and explore with my husband is sometimes just, no way that can happen! 😮

https://youtu.be/aKo2meWXXc0

I would love to think of myself as a love goddess, which I am, really, 😎 , but every once in a while, like ALL THIS WEEK, reality hits me right between the eyes!

My Mom was one of those "tough love" mom's by the time I was "hatched" and accuses me of being tactless, blunt, and way the hell too literal, and a why-the-hell-am-I-such-a-tight-ass-beotch kind of woman. I get where she was coming from, and this was basically her:

https://youtu.be/M4OKjNB7KMo

I also know I'm lucky to have lived past my teenage years. I know this, because I hear that from her just about every single day! 😮 I am tired of hearing her shit about, "...wait until they get to be teenagers..."! Get over it Mom, I heard Grandma describe me as payback for all the shit you put her through.

I had intended on writing this week about Tanner's and my new batch of toys and our "child free" zones that we would call our very own, and I will, just not today. If someone objects to these couple of YouTube videos being here, fuck you. I just want you to know that I am a human, sort of, I'm a Mom, and damn good at it.

Also, because this week was such a train wreck anyway, there was no way Tanner and I could put together a proper scenario to follow through with what we want to do. We will.

Just not this week.

Later peeps. 🌹

@Dahiana I loved the videos! 😁 😁 😁 😁 And I hope you and Tanner someday get the time to try out all of your new toys and develop a few scenarios and have fun.

But I would not say you were

... tactless, blunt, and way the hell too literal, and a why-the-hell-am-I-such-a-tight-ass-beotch kind of woman.

No I would not.

Your Mom already said it, so why repeat it. 😉 😁 😁 😁 😁

@Ms_Lila thank you for passing through quickly.

Stay tuned boys and girls! In a while I'm going to come back and tell you what I think of motherfucking therapists and counseling session for suicide prevention for our veterans. Just a hint though, those fucking snowflakes don't have a fucking clue![/i][/u]

😡

Shrinks or more like, fucking shrinks.

My husband is a giant of a man, shaped like a big meat carrot with muscles that won’t quit. He is wide at the shoulders, a chest that ripples with muscles, “guns” that are so muscular and strong with hands that have a grip like vices. From just below his chest his body tapers down and he has a six pack belly and his waist is just a little wider than his really tight flat ass buns. But then his legs beginning at the tops of his thighs start to widen out but not too much. All muscle and my guy is totally fuckable and yet one of the best Dad’s in the world. He’s gentle with our kids and patient with me. He tells me that he will always have his arm around my shoulder and when needed his hand over my mouth.

He is tanned but some of that is from his complexion which is dark and he is gorgeous to see naked. He is also a veteran. His body shows it and his knees hurt him and he complains about them the most. But when he is naked his body looks like a road map because of all of the surgery scars, shrapnel wounds, and maybe a little scar above his eye that, well I didn’t think he would react like he did when I fondled his “package” while he was working under a truck. His ears ring constantly and he has a hard time hearing sometimes.

And hopefully the last of his surgeries happened recently to remove the last of some shrapnel from his back and close to his spine that were moving. He was in a Humvee that went vertical in some after an IED was detonated in a place he described as being “Twenty clicks south of Bum Fuck Nowhere and 2000 years in the past.”

That was 2005. His last surgery, we hope, was this year. We still have the parallel bars he used to get back to walking and which he now sometimes uses to do his version of gymnastics. No. There are no Olympic games in his future. He wasn’t going to remain broken and paralyzed. He did not.

But what he did have was an unwanted “presence” following him around. Call it PTSD. Call it TBI, which he did suffer, but is or has learned to live with. Some of his friends call what it a 1,000 yard stare. A friend of his, according to Tanner, “chewed on his gunsights” and got rid of his demons. Tanner has had that “look” since we’ve been married, the darkness, and something I have recently heard from here as the “abyss.”

I learned about this “darkness” and “the abyss” from here at Zity.Biz. Not the VA shrinks who are supposed to help our veterans and families deal with severe injuries. Family counselors. Couple’s therapy. And I’ve found more answers and help here than in those offices of “professionals” with an “I LOVE ME WALL” behind them with their diplomas and oh so smart.

Now my bitch.

To deal with my husband’s TBI, which included severe headaches, double or blurred vision, mood swings and anger issues, it was recommended that we get counseling so that we could recognize the signs of distress. Fine. That part was good and it made sense. It was explained to me that TBI is partly about the brain’s synapses being damaged or traumatized. It was explained that these synapses or whatever were sort of like silly putty. Silly Putty can be slowly pulled without much problem or none. But pull it too fast and it will break. It was simplistic and meant for a country girl like me in nice simple terms. A very nice doctor explained this to us, and that some of what Tanner experienced or could experience could be a cause of this. Fine.

For some reason when we went in for follow up appointments, we were scheduled to meet with a counselor about every other time for testing on his recall, emotional quotient (?) and batteries of test for cognition, etc. That made sense to me.

But somewhere along the line it was decided that couple’s counseling should be instituted. This was way before BZ (before zity). The appointments or sessions weren’t consistent and with the VA it was seldom with the same “counselor” and we just went through the motions as part of the rehabilitation process. To be honest I thought they were a waste of time as far as “awareness” went. I knew when he was grouchy and usually I knew why he was grouchy. The way was because he was going to college, working full time, and putting up with a bitchy pregnant wife.

But there were those times when he would crawl into a shell, get quiet, withdraw, and barely “be there” for life. I now know this is because of “the abyss”. The doctors call it PTSD. Tanner would call it “nuthin” and put up a wall until he worked through it. He would sometimes go off by himself to the garage and tinker around. The sessions continued and finally we got a little “happy, happy, happy cheerleader” who knew everything and was so damned smart. To help guide us through getting back in touch with ourselves and all that. She would start out with each session by having us all introduce ourselves to each other, tell how we were feeling at the moment, what we thought was going to happen, what our goal was for the session, and she or the person being told all of this was supposed to cheerfully ask, “And how can I help you achieve your goal.”

I never answered stuff this session up your ass you condescending bitch. Tanner would have had to put his arm around my shoulder and his hand over my mouth. I’m surprised we didn’t have to sing the kumbaya song.

Thank goodness these chipper little sessions were only when he went in for a checkup and tests. When he was cleared I was glad that session stuff was over. But Tanner and that darkness would happen now and again. So would his time away alone. He was hiding something or being secretive but I never suspected him of cheating on me.

Then for whatever reasons, I ended up here at Zity.Biz right around the same time that Tanner and I both were searching for a way to get back to fucking each other’s lights out. Guess what? Zity has people here who know about this stuff. But most importantly, I got interested in enemas as a way to prepare myself for anal sex. Tanner’s reaction to me having enemas was surprising in a good way. My just mentioning the word enema would bring him back from that darkness. Doing an enema and that meat carrot I love 🌹 was all so eager to help. I had found a key and his visits to his darkness decreased and I scoured zity for more ideas and clues.

Closet enemas. That term I made up stuck in my mind and I got suspicious when Tanner was willing to let me give him an enema in exchange for me going down on him. He was too willing but I just figured I was becoming a good cocksucker. 😉 We were “getting our kink on” and it was looking good for us.

Still there was that dark there but a little different. Reading on zity and how guys had to hide their enemas from their wives and the world made me wonder. Long story short, I asked a guy here on zity.biz about some of what he wrote about “closet enemas” and his secret life. It sounded a lot like my Tanner. I eventually, or Tanner and I, got it out in the open about his enemas. His secret set up in the garage and now we have an exam room there and the rest of our lives opened up for us.

Then some of Tanner’s shrapnel started to move again and he was headed back. The darkness returned and this time it wasn’t about him keeping his enemas a secret from me. It was something else. Not just about the surgery, he’s been through that drill before, lots of times. The guy I asked about the secret enemas knew something about the darkness. He shared what he knew and it was a bitch for him to do it. There is also a woman here who knows about the abyss and walked me through what it can do and how to keep or be there to pull Tanner back from the edge.

Both of these two said, “communicate”. What if he doesn’t want to talk about it? Be there ready to listen and give him a little space. If he doesn’t come around, go in after him and either suck him back from the edge but make it plain you are going to communicate, both of you. My guy friend from here, backed up by that nice lady, answered my question even before I asked it, “What if he won’t communicate?”

“Don’t take his shit.” I haven’t.

So back to getting geared up for another surgery and the battery of tests, the screening, and that obligatory “session” with a family counselor. It was little Miss Kumbaya and I thought to myself what a time to have employee retention! Every other time we had a different counselor. Not this time. This last Thursday for the final release and medical eval for the VA.

“So let’s all introduce ourselves” (she has a fucking chart, read the damn thing and it will tell you who we are, bitch!) We do that. “How are you feeling?” (Tanner was glad the surgery was over and they got most of the shrapnel out. I was just peachy and relieved.) “What are your goals or expectations for this session?” (Tanner said he just wanted to wrap it up and be able to get on with the rest of his life. I just didn’t want to get arrested for kicking Sally Sunshine’s ass.) “How can I help you achieve your goal?” (Tanner lied and said something icky sweet like how his communication skills had improved. I did not roll my eyes or sneeze ‘bullshit’ and said something like we were communicating and taking it one day at a time.)

Then she does this, “so what I’m hearing BS BS BS BS BS and more BS.” How she felt the counseling was the reason for the marked improvement with us from the very first time she saw us. The bitch didn’t even know our names. I’m looking at the watch. Tanner is giving a sideways glance like he will have to soon pull my foot out of this bitch’s ass if she went on much longer on how her guidance and professional expertise brought us to this point.

No bitch, your therapy did nothing. I and my husband got so damned horny and wanted to get our sex life back that we would try anything. That lead me here. I talked to real people and pried into their business and maybe stirred up some strong feelings they would rather not have shared. Like a bull in a china shop. But it worked or is working.

Now what I have to do is make amends to those I pried into their lives and asked questions about things that were pretty sensitive. But the main thing I’ve learned is that shrinks are all but worthless and clueless when it comes to making things work.

Little Miss Sally “Kumbaya” Sunshine would do better getting couples to just fuck each other. When I’ve got Tanner off and really did him right, he is in a talkative mood. I’m not above using sex to break the ice and get to the good stuff like filling in the abyss and turning the light on if it gets dark.

This is way over simplified, and maybe I’m wrong about the psychiatrists and therapists being able to help someone. You just need to communicate with the one you love. And you can do that a lot better after you’ve fucked their wheels off and got them relaxed.

Wow! VA support sucks.I think you and Tanner have something to hold you together and build on to get over all he (and You) have gone through. My kudos and support for you guys.

All except Sally Sunshine have been terrific and she just irritated me from the beginning. The VA "machine" is full of roadblocks, but the actual people who you meet are great. 😃

Just not that Sally Sunshine. She obviously hasn't been fucked in forever. 😁

I have figured out why my Mom likes to cook so much. 😈 I've been cooking all morning, a turkey, dressing, the works, for the first ever time that I will be hosting Christmas dinner. And now I see why my Mom likes to cook. My Mom is such a pervert 😈 and I'm probably just projecting on to what she did in the past with what I am feeling now, horny. 😈

I'm standing at the stove with the turkey in the oven that I put there at 5:00 AM to cook and then back to bed. My husband was "up", not awake, but "up". He was laying on his back and making a tent with his pole and we sleep in the nude. My bathrobe comes off easily and I settled onto my husband. 😈 My husband is a very heavy sleeper and hardly anything can stir him. 😈 He feels good sliding into me and his eyes begin to flutter because I can see them in the light of the alarm clock. This wasn't going to be an involved "Merry Christmas" "Joy To The World" "Silent Night" it's good to be alive wake up love-making session. I am having my second orgasm pretty much self induced by the time my husband is fully awake. 😈

I am thinking, barely, that if he wants his he will have to get it when he can because it's all about me right then. 😈

I fucked him. 😈 🌹

And we had planned on sleeping in until around 7:00 AM because the kids would be up to open their family gifts and I would get a couple more hours of sleep. But that didn't happen. 😈 My husband woke up in the middle of me fucking him and MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I had discovered why Mom liked to cook because standing at the stove with the oven preheating while I wrestled with that turkey I felt something very warm and wonderful right at pussy height spreading through my thick terry cloth robe and just hitting all the right spots. 😄 I wrestled with the turkey and rubbed my pussy against the oven door handle in the process. I felt more heat invade my robe. I wasn't sleepy anymore and that is when I went and did the deed to my husband.

Grandpa and Grandma are dealing with our monsters right now and my husband is in the shower. It's been a stressful last few months and this morning, the oven door handle, the heat, and everything, me realizing what it must be like for Mom and her perverted reasons for becoming a cook 😈 maybe 😉

And here I am stealing a few moments to write this down before getting my shower and here I am at zity.biz telling someone about what I've found out because you perverts will understand. 😈 🌹

And this, I looked up this;

https://inktank.fi/the-37-most-astounding-facts-about-sex-youll-ever-read/

1. Cleopatra is credited with the invention of the vibrator. She is said to have taken insects and placed them inside a hollow sphere. The insects would become agitated and begin buzzing around, causing the sphere to vibrate.

2. The clitoris extends 9cm under the skin.

3. French bulldogs cannot reproduce naturally because they are too top heavy. Every French bulldog puppy is born of artificial insemination.

4. Amazon River Dolphins are the only species of animal recorded to have engaged in nasal sex.

5. Avocado is the Aztec word for testicle. In Aztec culture, avocados were considered sexually powerful and were restricted for virgins.

6. The average erection contains enough blood to keep three gerbils alive.

7. Four popes have died during sex.

8. The average human sperm cell or spermocyte contains about 37.5Mb of genetic data. So when orgasm occurs, roughly 1.5Gb of data is ‘ejaculated’ in about 3 seconds, a data transfer rate 6 orders of magnitude, or a few million times, faster than an average internet connection.

9. Opossums have a double-headed penis.

10. Kangaroos have three vaginas.

11. About 100 million couples around the world have sex every day. That means around 65,000 couples are having sex right now.

12. Human males ejaculate at 27mph.

13. Female hyenas have clitorises that extend seven inches out of their bodies and serve as pseudopenises as well as the birth canal.

14. Thailand is world leader in women cutting of their husbands’ penises.

15. Thailand also performs the largest number of sexual reassignment surgeries in the world, mostly on foreigners. However, the country with the second most sex change operations, and the highest number to do so on its own citizens, is Iran.

16. The blue whale can ejaculate about 200 gallons of semen.

17. Pigs orgasm for 30 minutes.

18. A woman’s breasts increase in size by up to 25% when she is sexually aroused.

19. If your parents had waited five seconds later, or began five seconds earlier you wouldn’t be here.

20. Alligator’s have erections for 100% of their lifetime.

21. The clitoris is anatomically and developmentally synonymous with the male penis, it just lacks a urethra.

22. It’s illegal in Florida to have sex in any position other than Missionary. Though that’s still lawful, it’s illegal to kiss a woman’s breasts while engaging in heterosexual sex in the Missionary position.

23. The antechinus, a type of Australian rodent, has sex for about twenty-four hours, after which most males die of exhaustion. The clitoris extends 9cm under the skin.

24. Make-up is meant to simulate what a woman’s face looks like mid-orgasm. Reddish or dark pink lipstick mimics the way lips will engorge with blood. Blush mimics flushed skin. Eyeliner and darker eyeshadow will make the eyes appear half closed, hence the term “bedroom eyes”.

25. It’s also believed that red underwear is considered sexy because it’s an evolutionary callback to when our rumps used to get all hot and red when the ladies of the species wanted a man.

26. Tapirs have an elbow in their penises.

27. In Victorian times, a slang term for a prostitute was “blowsy”. At the same time, “blow” was slang for ejaculation. So, by the 1930s, the act of fellatio came to be known as a blow job. In Ancient Greece, the common slang for a blow job was “playing the flute”

28. The barnacle, by percent of total body mass, has the largest penis of the entire animal kingdom, often more than 50% of their soft tissue.

29. From an evolutionary standpoint, women are louder in bed to attract other males. Men are taught by evolution to become more aroused when they think a woman has had sex recently.

30. When banana slugs have sex, sometimes they get stuck, and the male and female each take turns nibbling at the penis until they get unstuck.

31. The right whale, though not the largest whale, possesses the largest testes of any animal in the world. They weigh around half a ton.

32. According to a survey conducted by Intel, 46% of American women would give up having sex for two weeks rather than logging off the Internet for the same amount of time,

33. When a grasshopper ejaculates, it looses 1/3 of its body mass.

34. Penguins only orgasm once a year.

35. Praying Mantis sex. The male has second brain in his bottom to continue having sex while the female eats him.

36. The record for having sex with the most men in 24 hours goes to American Lisa Sparks who bedded an incredible 919. That’s roughly 38 men per hour.

37. A full-grown female blue whale has a clitoris three feet in length.

Mom is such a pervert. 🌹 I've got a lot more to learn from her. 🌹

@Dahiana I have three words ?❤ for you ?❤?

??? SPIN CYCLE BABY!!! ???

And pray for an off balance load! ????

? BWAHAHA ?

I want to come back as a pig in my next life....

36. The record for having sex with the most men in 24 hours goes to American Lisa Sparks who bedded an incredible 919. That’s roughly 38 men per hour.

All those men were premature ejaculators.

They sound like lousy lovers with no self control.

YUCK

36. The record for having sex with the most men in 24 hours goes to American Lisa Sparks who bedded an incredible 919. That’s roughly 38 men per hour.

In my younger years, I have given guys "sloppy seconds", but this gal gave guys "sloppy hundreds."

One thing you can be sure of, she didn't need any supplemental lube!

At about 3 ml per ejaculation, that's almost three LITERS of cum!

20. Alligator’s have erections for 100% of their lifetime.

Make mine a gator. ?

All those men were premature ejaculators.

They sound like lousy lovers with no self control.

YUCK

That is soooooo wrong. ??

In my younger years, I have given guys "sloppy seconds", but this gal gave guys "sloppy hundreds."

One thing you can be sure of, she didn't need any supplemental lube!

At about 3 ml per ejaculation, that's almost three LITERS of cum!

@SwitchableSusie when you do the math you DO the math. ?

At about 3 ml per ejaculation, that's almost three LITERS of cum!

@SwitchableSusie thank you ever so much for that bit of knowledge. ?

I suppose she could have done six men at a time provided she was an ambidextrous masturbator. ??

The record for having sex with the most men in 24 hours goes to American Lisa Sparks who bedded an incredible 919. That’s roughly 38 men per hour.

That comes to 1.5 men per minute.

Unless there was some kind of clever way of defining sex as non-penetrative, that doesn't really sound very believable. There has to be some kind of catch involved to get to that number.

@agracier , I think the catch is that no one said it was good sex ! Lol