How many sex partners have you had?

Over the years since college, about 15-16. I'm 65 now. I'm surprised it's that high - I just counted for the first time ever. I never really thought of myself as much of a ladies' man, though I guess 15-16 is pretty low for a lot of people. I'd just like to have one now. It's been a long time.

Eric

I was a sophmore in college and I actually had found a boy that I liked and he cared about me. Living in one of the low rise dorms, boys pretty well much came and went on weekends. One weekend my roomie was going home and I decided it was time to see what this ole boy was made of.

So we go to the drug store to get protection, he picks up a pack of 3. When I asked him if this was a short term relationship, he picked up 3 more. By Sunday night he was out.

It's odd that those of us who have low numbers are being thought of and somewhat ridiculed as "not having enough fun". While those with high double and even triple digits aren't being dished for too much.

You get one chance and one time around.

You have to make the most of it, especially when you're young!

You get one chance and one time around.

You have to make the most of it, especially when you're young!

Yeah you are right and I know I did make the most of it when I picked my husband, I just never wanted anybody else and I am sure I was right when he can just make my legs wobbly with the orgasms he gives me.

You get one chance and one time around.

I did make the most of my one chance. 31+ years together is not something to sneeze at in this day and age.

When I was young no one wanted this Miss. Boy did they possibly miss out on something, but hey it's their loss.

You have to make the most of it, especially when you're young!

WAY too late for me! Maybe I'll try again next life...

I agree with Amethyst and MissStress. I have high numbers because I didn't find what I was looking for. I much would have rather found the right one and quit at two or three. I still haven't found the right one.

It's odd that those of us who have low numbers are being thought of and somewhat ridiculed as "not having enough fun". While those with high double and even triple digits aren't being dished for too much.

I don't feel as if I am being ridiculed at all. At least not by other members. They give me too much credit in talking about true love and finding the right one and all that.

If anything, it is me who is berating myself for playing it so safe and sure all these years, for not being just that tad more adventuresome when younger and formally unattached, for not being more open to a degree of an intimate relationship with someone else, for not opening up to others and being honest about feelings and desires. I'm not necessarily talking about a straightforward sex relationship exclusively - though fine too. And not a straightforward platonic thing either. Maybe things in between like having friends with benefits or someone for some cuddling, petting or whatever.

I'll refer back to my tennis analogy.

SwitchableSusie said

I think of it like playing tennis. It's fun to play with someone a bit better than you so you can learn and experience more and have a challenge. On the other side of the coin, it's also fun to be a teacher.

Would you want to play tennis with the same partner all the time, never playing someone new?

Liquidsky said

I agree with Amethyst and MissStress. I have high numbers because I didn't find what I was looking for. I much would have rather found the right one and quit at two or three. I still haven't found the right one.

There is no ONE right person. There are probably several you have known in your life that would be or could have been good partners, but you have to work at it. No relationship is 100% perfect and I don't care how much the two of you love each other. Could the reason a lifetime of intimate relationships didn't work out be YOU? I also think the statement, "I much would have rather found the right one and quit at two or three" is more than a little disingenuous. Come on, you were right in the middle of the hippie "love generation". None of them wanted to stop at two or three partners.

It sounds like you want to give special importance to sex and would like sex to be too important to share with more than one or many people and should be reserved for one or two in your life. I don't see it that way at all. I see it as an almost social event where you do something that you both immensely enjoy. Why share that with only one or two people? If you like someone, have sex with them. I have had sex with plenty of people I didn't love but I never had sex with someone I disliked. Sex is not love and love is not sex. You can do them both together or separately.

The only reason my husband and I have not been swinging since having children is to protect our children until they are completely self sufficient and done with all their schooling and set up with their own families. Then they won't need us at all. They are bright girls and probably would do just fine now without us now. I should have bought stock in condom companies when I was younger because my entire sex life has been in the AIDS era. My husband and I used condoms all the time (not with each other, we're fluid bonded) and never had an STD because we were strict about it. If you protect yourself, there is no reason not to go out in the world and enjoy yourself.

@SwitchableSusie - I see it as an almost social event where you do something that you both immensely enjoy. Why share that with only one or two people? If you like someone, have sex with them. I have had sex with plenty of people I didn't love but I never had sex with someone I disliked.

This is something I have just begun to understand - except for one time, everyone I've had sex with is someone I've liked and enjoyed as a friend first. And of those who weren't 'friends' as I see a friend - there was something about them that touched me in a friendship way. @SwitchableSusie - I liked what you said, and I can't add much to it, sex adds to the experience of knowing and sharing with a friend.

@Lora_C said

....... everyone I've had sex with is someone I've liked and enjoyed as a friend first. And of those who weren't 'friends' as I see a friend - there was something about them that touched me in a friendship way. @SwitchableSusie - I liked what you said, and I can't add much to it, sex adds to the experience of knowing and sharing with a friend.

Yes, I understand that very well. As I said in an earlier post, when I was at university I often knew girls for a while before anything sexual happened. It was not always so, but it often was, and I would know them for long enough beforehand to call them friends. I wouldn't say there was ever an expectation that those friendships would develop into long lasting romances, and none of them really did, but I'd say the sex was an honest expression of how we liked each other. It added something extra. Also, spotting each other at a later time and making eye contact, there was usually a smile exchanged and a spark of shared memories that we both enjoyed.

There could also be a warm smile exchanged with a more casual partner also, but with a friend there was something more.

This was all at a time when no one had heard the expression "friends with benefits".

This was all at a time when no one had heard the expression "friends with benefits".

What a wonderful expression! It sort of counterbalances the horrid modern day usage of 'junk' as synonym for genitals. And it describes very well a sort of relationship that I would like to have with several good friends of mine.

I wonder how long this has been in use? I have the impression it's something I first heard on 'Sex and the City' but no way I am going to check up on that supposition. Too many episodes and probably outdated as well. Does anyone else have any thoughts or ideas how long 'friends with benefits' has been in use or where it came from?

It sort of counterbalances the horrid modern day usage of 'junk' as synonym for genitals.

Does anyone else have any thoughts or ideas how long 'friends with benefits' has been in use or where it came from?

Yeah, I think that term is stupid too. Just like the expression "bumping uglies" to refer to sex.

As for where "friends with benefits" came from, I knew about it in 2006 when I was asked and had such a relationship. The web shows :

Etymology

Possibly first used by Alanis Morissette for her 1995 song “Head over Feet”, although in the original context it seems to refer to a committed rather than a casual relationship.

2003, Alexander Hart, Time in Question:

“I’m just saying that usually when you have a friend who’s a girl, it’s not just that she’s your friend. Either you’ve known her a long time, or she’s a friend with benefits.”

2003, William Marsiglio, “Making Males Mindful of Their Sexual and Procreative Identities: Using Self-Narratives in Field Settings”, in Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, volume 35, number 5:

Gender norms influence how young men orient themselves to sexual partners and girlfriends, and men’s procreative consciousness is sometimes affected by how they define a potential or actual sex partner (e.g., casual or serious girlfriend, “friend with benefits”, hookup).

I've had a total of eight men and five women sex partners so far. I do wish that I had been more open to 'friends with benefits' a lot sooner than I did. I really do think that having friends with benefits is one of the most intriguing and satisfying aspects of my sexual life so far. But like others here I need to have at the very least a friendship with those I would have sex with and I think it would add more to my life and theirs.

I have had two men and I cannot count the women. I'm not a woman whore they just happened. I don't really count the ones when I was 12 with my sister and best friend. That was just experimenting as in touching and masturbating. I only count from the time I lost my virginity at 17 on.

. . . . I don't really count the ones when I was 12 with my sister and best friend. That was just experimenting as in touching and masturbating. I only count from the time I lost my virginity at 17 on.

I agree on both counts.

Many of us have done things with friends as an experiment or "show and tell" that are not really sexual encounters, but rather young experimentation. I didn't count those few very young experiments either.

One. We met 55 years ago and have been married for 53. Thank God, we got it right first time. I don't count the earlier experience of being anally raped after drinking too much, which taught me both not to get that drunk again and that though anally erotic, I'm straight. It gave me the creeps.

Johnny

Eight. First two were women, then I switched over to fellas. That's not counting the jack-off buddies I had.

Is marrying your cousin really that bad from a scientific perspective? About 15 years ago a scholarly article concluded from empirical evidence that the rate of genetic defects in cousin marriages isn't nearly as bad as previously thought. It seems to typically be about double the normal rate, but it varied a lot between the several populations studied. The main risk comes from recessive genetic defects that are merely carried by just one of the common grandparents. Each grandchild has a 1/4 probability of being a carrier too, so there's a 1/16 probability that the grandchildren in a cousin marriage both carry the recessive genetic defect. This gives each of their children a 1/64 chance off actually having the recessive genetic defect--not just being a carrier of it. That doesn't sound so bad, but humans typically are carriers of multiple recessive genetic defects, so there are multiple 1/64 crap shoots in cousin marriages.

In some Middle Eastern countries, more than half of all marriages are still between cousins. Marriages of cousin persist because it's ingrained in the culture, and most of the population in those countries is illiterate. Also, the doubled rate of obvious genetic defects in children of cousins is still pretty low, so it's not that big a concern or maybe not even noticed.

Not enough! Not enough!

@WildBill2: That's my understanding of it. It can become problematic with multiple generations of cousins marrying, but one specific instance of it has a negligible effect on the chances of a genetic defect.

A total of 7 ..........3 when I was raped ........4 others ........ 1 guy ........6 women

@cowboy - Make it just 4 partners for yourself. Anything non-consensual is a sexual assault but can't be described as having sex. People who commit such acts can't be described as partners.

Cowboy , I am so sorry for what happened to you . Rape is something that should not happen to anyone.

DrZ said it perfectly.

Big hug , Bridgette xxoo

@cowboy rape is NOT sex in any way shape or form - it is an attack, and I hope you are talking to someone and not keeping in the feelings. Rape is beyond words - don't think you can go it alone, talk to someone who knows how to help. 🌹

A total of 7 ..........3 when I was raped ........4 others ........ 1 guy ........6 women

I stopped trying to do the Martian math on this one.

That said, just curious @cowboy - did you take legal / criminal action against the individual(s) that you say raped you? Police called? Criminal complaint(s) filed? Warrants issued?

A couple was lying in bed one night when the wife asked,"How many women have you been with?"

"Why do you want to know?" the husband replied.

" Just curious," she said.

"That's nothing you need to know."

"Pleeeeease?"

"No."

" Well, if you ever want sex again, you'll tell me."

"All right, let me think." He started counting on his fingers. "Let's see, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 , 7, you. 9, 10, 11..."

I have had sex (PIV) with 51 women. The women I have been with are a combination of LTR’s, marriage, friends with benefits, dating, and exploring my fetish predilections for gyn exams and BDSM. When I divorced, I began doing online dating and after a few dates with a woman (when they determined I wasn’t an axe murderer…lol) they wanted to have sex just as much as I. I’ve also had some play gyn exam patients that part of their fantasy was that their Doctor would have sex with them while they were in the stirrups. Looking back, I can recall some women in particular where the sex was exceptional.

32 men, no females...yet.