Does your bisexuality ebb, and flow?

One thing I've picked up on is something about myself, and how men and women react to it differently.

I enjoy having my balls felt, and I appreciate the compliments from men who admire them. Shortly after I became bi curious, i came up with a phrase I now often use "It's always appreciated to be appreciated."

I was at a mens sex party 2 years ago, and though I realized from being at it that the party thing wasn't really for me, a few cool things did happen. One was that a man who sat across the room all afternoon came up to me at the end, complimenting me on my balls, and asking if he could feel them.

In contrast, women apparently don't give a shit about specific parts of men's anatomy that much, let alone a man's balls. Had I never turned toward men, I can see where I would have missed out on experiences and compliments, all of which boosted my self esteem. Which became significant when I had previously spent several years depressed as fuck after a break up with a woman.

So when we talk about ebb and flow, I think a lot may have to do with what's going on in bi people's lives, and what each gender can offer them. And what's missing that they can find in the other gender. I'm sure the same goes for women, during times when they can turn to other women that can better relate to them than their male counterparts, resulting in a special bond that made lead to more. Perhaps during specific times when there is a perceived need.

@JTMac said

. . . . In contrast, women apparently don't give a shit about specific parts of men's anatomy that much, let alone a man's balls. . . . .

Au contraire!

I always paid a lot of attention to their balls. Not having my own I liked playing with theirs and rolling them around between my fingers. In the same manner that boys and men don't have breasts and like playing with ours, I always liked playing with their balls. Listening to their sounds while I was massaging them, I quickly learned they liked that. Knowing that was one of the things that kept the boys and men coming back for more. 😁 😁 😁

I always paid a lot of attention to their balls. Not having my own I liked playing with theirs and rolling them around between my fingers.

You have to keep in mind that you're atypical. You've done a lot of things many women haven't done, and are into many things a lot of women aren't. Sadly, more women are not like you in that regard.

I use words like "apparently", after having asked in another forum about how women felt about men's balls, and getting a general sense of apathy in the feedback. Which certainly doesn't make it any more favorable when you get to the vanilla world.

Always been bi all m'y life ,never stop myself to love so I don't know if in witch ratio I could say 50/50 May I say

One thing I've picked up on is something about myself, and how men and women react to it differently.

So when we talk about ebb and flow, I think a lot may have to do with what's going on in bi people's lives, and what each gender can offer them. And what's missing that they can find in the other gender. I'm sure the same goes for women, during times when they can turn to other women that can better relate to them than their male counterparts, resulting in a special bond that made lead to more. Perhaps during specific times when there is a perceived need.

There are so many great posts on this of late, loving this discussion.

When i was married (to a woman) i came to think of my marriage as my "prison relationship." To clarify, it was my own beliefs and conditioning that held me 'prisoner', not my wife. i don't see my own experience as "ebb and flow" so much as discovery and flowing towards men as a result of realizing i'm 'wired' or predisposed towards men.

On the emotional/psychological side, it's the "Top" drive to create, control, penetrate, inseminate/impregnate (and a whole bunch of other descriptors) with Their Self that i have come to associate with the men i am attracted to for sexual/emotional/psychological bonding. Simply put, i see it as opposites attracting and i am wired 'bottom' and i am the opposite fit to those 'things,' and (more importantly?) to the drive/needs behind them. I.e., emotionally/psychologically my drive is malleable (be "created"), receptive/submissive to that "controlling" drive, need to be penetrated, inseminated, impregnated, etc., etc..

i know there are women who have the "Top" emotional/psychological drive, though i haven't encountered many. But i am not really attracted to them sexually and relationally beyond friendship. So, i identify as gay. But being gay doesn't mean i am sexually and relationally attracted to all men because not all men are "Tops." i may love a guy who is a bottom, but there won't be that magnetic pull between opposites that is generally associated with attraction between "opposite sex."

i've come to a place where i rarely even hook with a "versatile" guy, and wouldn't likely consider a serious ongoing intimate/sexual relationship with someone identifying as "versatile." my experience with versatile guys has been, sooner or later, they want me to 'top' them (and "top" has so many layers to me, more than just "fucking"), i am not versatile or top and i have found a lot of versatile guys have a hard time relating to that because they go both ways. i know there are versatile guys out there that go either way (i.e., way to simply put, Top or bottom), but there are guys who pretty much stay toward the Top end, and others who stay toward the bottom.

i am way oversimplifying this to make a point. i see the "ebb and flow" as more about the (complex) Top/bottom (whether male or female) disposition than gender? For me, if there were a whole bunch of women out there who wanted to "Top" me, i'd still not "flow" towards them. But from what i read, there are guys here who might be a whole lot more hetero if they could only find women who would "Top" them (again, "Top" and "bottom" are very complex to me, much more than simple sex positions). I.e., their "bisexuality" is more related to that position (disposition?) than gender. Their 'attraction' to men is more of a "prison" type relationship? More out of making do than ideal?

Yes, mine does. One minute I'm not interested and then I am. I think it depends on the mood I'm in.

When I see pictures of men in regular clothes, underwear, or naked I feel nothing... yet when I see a rock hard penis sticking out of a woman's pair of full-cover panties or a 1950's style girdle, I become interested...

When I see pictures of men in regular clothes, underwear, or naked I feel nothing... yet when I see a rock hard penis sticking out of a woman's pair of full-cover panties or a 1950's style girdle, I become interested...

Same here. Although for me, the interest suddenly develops when I see them in jockstraps. (or sometimes black outfits with clergy collars)

I guess I am sort of always on. Its like being at a buffet and wanting to eat everything all at one time. I do tend to lean more towards girls. I am always checking out their asses and feet I love girls asses and feet then spot some strong looking guy and wonder what it would feel like to have him griping my sides ramming cock up my ass then on my knees sucking it clean. Unless my Husband decides to share me with his friends for a pile on their is just going to be just his cock in me so I just tease guys . It's a cruel substitute but I get off on it From the hard cocks I see I think they do to. There is no rule against it. Not that he likes it.

Au contraire!

I always paid a lot of attention to their balls. Not having my own I liked playing with theirs

Totally agree with this! Balls are so cool! Squishy hard!

@Nurse_Phillips said

Totally agree with this! Balls are so cool! Squishy hard!

. . . . and so easy to switch from giving pleasure to giving pain. 😈

When I see pictures of men in regular clothes, underwear, or naked I feel nothing... yet when I see a rock hard penis sticking out of a woman's pair of full-cover panties or a 1950's style girdle, I become interested...

i love the variety of how different people's "kinkiness" presents.

For me, from the opposite side of this, i get a "rock hard penis" when a guy wants or visualizes me thusly. i'm not inclined to dress in women's underwear or girdle on my own, but to be desired that way by another guy seems to unlock and open something in me. It's not like i feel i am being 'made' to do something, but rather, something in me is being surfaced that isn't otherwise in evidence in the absence of the desire of another.

I will also confess that I'm bisexual. My first kiss happened to a girl ha-ha. And the next, and a few more next too. But with women I have platonic love, because it never came to sex. But I don't deny that I might like it. I only kissed men a couple of times and I didn't really like it. And since I'm a rather antisocial and self-sufficient person, my only inclination is self-love. What is the name of orientation, when all the time, emotional resources and love you devote exclusively to yourself?

Warm welcome to Zity @berenika. No matter what you feel, you are welcome here.

I am not a doctor or any kind of professional but from what I have read over time, you might be assexual. You might want to Google and research.

I’ve always considered myself to be hetero with a curiousness about others, I’m not really attracted to straight men. I find myself being extremely attracted to transgenders, tv, cd and more feminine appearing and softer male types. Maybe it’s because I have a preference for soft, caring, affectionate and loving relationships.

I label myself bisexual or queer if I do bring it up with people (not often I do, only if they explicitly ask). I think for many bisexuals, which gender(s) their sexual, emotional, or physical attention is directed to can shift over time and for many reasons. Just as over time, we as human beings can have changing beliefs, interests, or jobs. Just is.

My journey with it is that I do find more males attractive than I had previously. Over the last 2-3 years I've been in therapy with one of my goals being to unpack my sexuality. I've found as I've gotten better accepting myself for who I am, I don't simply shut out my homosexual thoughts that I used to. I still think its a 75/25 split women vs. men in terms of physical attractiveness (fetish play non-withstanding). In fetish interests I feel a lot less shame now about my desire to play with the same sex too.

My bisexuality is fluid, but definitely leans more toward me, a man, being interested more in women. There are definitely times, though, where that ratio flips. It isn't as often, though.

Mine runs in seasons.. I can go most of the year desiring women .. but then I get a bug up my butt (no pun intended) and the idea of feeling the warm head of a guys cock in my mouth and running my tongue over the mushroom head is a big turn-on.. So for me it just comes and goes.. I’ll admit that if I had a naked guy and naked girl at my disposal, I’d pick pussy any day of the week.

While being “trysexual” and not particularly bisexual, and being a paraplegic for almost twenty years- since my injury, my urge to have a fit, clean shaved man on my lap so I can jack him off grows stronger by the day. At least I could experience half the joy once again.

I think definitely. There have been times where I described myself as a lesbian. I love women romantically and sexually all the time.

But every once in a while you want a big muscular man with hair all over and a massive cock to completely ravish you. It’s not something that you control, it’s just another part of your sexuality that wants to be expressed.

The only shrink I ever saw tried to convince me that traumatic sex with older men early in my adulthood turned me off men and that I would mature into a heterosexual woman eventually. But frankly I think that’s horseshit. My feelings about men are extremely complicated and I had already had more positive experiences and more negative experiences with men than that shrink was taking into account.

It’s a spectrum. I genuinely believe that I just fall well towards the gay end but not all the way.

The only shrink I ever saw tried to convince me that traumatic sex with older men early in my adulthood turned me off men and that I would mature into a heterosexual woman eventually. But frankly I think that’s horseshit.

It always seems to be about traumatic this and traumatic that with therapists.

Why don't they seem to base their deductions on things/experiences being extremely pleasant as the parameters defining someone's personality and sexual character and choices/preferences?

When I first realized I was homosexual, I thought that I was totally gay and acted on those beliefs. With the passage of time though, I found I was also excited by the looks of a naked female! This confused me, and at first I tried to suppress those thoughts and concentrate on pleasing men. I soon realized that both naked men and women excited me about equally. Accepting this conclusion was very comforting, as I knew both genders were equally capable of giving me satisfaction, but for different reasons. Now, do to age, my actual sexual activities are with men, and I love every act that men can do with each other. I also know that if I had known this early in my adult life, I would have had about double my sexual experiences than I did!!

I also know that if I had known this early in my adult life, I would have had about double my sexual experiences than I did!!

That's why I often wish that in an ideal world (not in our present sad and crappy world) it would be beneficial to really and truly give practical, hands-on sexual education. To treat sex ed like any other practical skill like woodwork or like gymnastics/sports. No one expects people to become proficient at a skill without (lots of) practice. The same with sexual activity.

I know it is an unrealistic notion, but do I often wish that when still young I hadn't had to figure it all out on my own. Even just being allowed to observe would have helped a lot, helped us learn and how to figure out what we liked and what things clicked with our personalities.

Oh to be tested. To bee honest, if I find anyone attractive I will show some interest. The only thing that's changed are my standards. I'm more picky these day regardless of race, creed or colour.

My bisexuality ebbs and flows, varying from day to day, mood to mood. Its complicated but I will explain.

My attraction to women is total. Whether naked or clothed, or in between [lingerie/underwear] I find women attractive. My tastes are quite broad - plump, regular, slender all good. Her face is the most important - and I am not tied to one face type, hair colour, breast size etc. Confidence is sexy. A women who is BBW and 44DD but nicely and tastefully dressed with hair done nicely, who is confident about herself but kind to others with a ready smile can be VERY attractive. So can a slender lady with 38A breasts.

My attraction to men is much more limited. I don't get attracted by fully clothed men. But, a man in underwear or naked, showing his penis, testicles etc. can be very exciting. I prefer uncut, soft with hanging testicles.

Some days I am really into men's genitalia. I call them my gay days. Other days, not so much. Still other days not at all.

It definitely does.

Mine does,sometimes i will look at some gay porn clips or even gay gifs,if im in the mood for looking at cocks

The sight of a really nice, sexy male hiney can really get my motor running.

During 50+ years of having sex with women, and there were many, not one ever played with my balls. Either separately as an independent activity, or while giving me a blow job.

For 1+ years, of having sex with men, they all have been enjoying my balls, in playing with them, or in being giving me a blow job.

Also, I play, suck, or lick mens balls with every man, I have been with. 25+. I find it impossible to not include them, because I know how much pleasure is in giving them pleasure, or in knowing how much pleasure I get from having a man play with me.

Regardless, my bi-sexuality has never wavered. Only age has decided which way I prefer now.

I’ve always liked boys and girls. It wasn’t a question in my mind. But I didn’t broadcast it either, I’m very private.

Lately I spend more intimate time with women. That may change but I don’t feel in control of it… it depends on the individuals I meet, do we connect? Is there something special between us?

So yes you could say ebb and flow.