Does your bisexuality ebb, and flow?

Yes! Mostly straight BUT I have received BI anal sex, and given oral sex. A few nights ago during REM sleep i was was 1/2 awake & 1/2 asleep, dreaming, begging & wanting to be taken by another man. This happily happened more than a few nights!

Ha! Fascinating question.

When i first divorced (from a woman), i thought i might be Bi. We had enjoyable sex for the 31 years we were together, but there was always something missing for me. i also think 'something' was missing for her too and that it was directly related to the something missing for me. i often wondered if i could have stayed married if i had gotten those other needs met?

Something else that factors in is, as a young child, (elementary school age up till about 14) i had crushes on girls and boys, pretty equally? That changed after puberty hit, and i was much more attracted to boys. my first wet dream at 14 was of a boy i barely knew in high school. He was a sweet, friendly boy i only knew in passing. i can recall the feeling of the dream to this day. It was simple, short and romantic. He looked deep into my eyes and gave me a lingering kiss, and that was it. Lol, gay. Up till that time, i'd kept my feelings for guys pushed down, but this both shocked and touched something in me... or more truly, revealed something in me.

i won't bore with the details of my story, pieces of it are all over this site. Simply put, my religious/cultural upbringing conditioned me emotionally to reject my attraction to guys, which i repressed and suppressed (both unsuccessfully). i got marred to a woman at an early age (had just turned 21, and was only 5 months older than my wife). i love/loved my former wife, but i don't know if i was really equipped to have a full on all the bells and whistles relationship with her? i learned early on how to satisfy her sexually, but i still think there was a hole (so to speak) that we both couldn't fill for each other.

i think a true bisexual could have filled and met that need/desire, so i think of myself as 'gay' because i think something necessary is missing on the emotional/psychological level that connects two people intimately. No matter how great sex was physically, sex isn't just physical... or i don't think just 'great' physical sex is enough to maintain an intimate bond. Almost counter intuitively, i think what was missing was the base 'animal' drive/need/lust. She perceived i didn't have that for her and i needed that from a guy too.

So, even though i can function sexually as Bi, and even enjoy it in a way, i really think i am more gay to the degree that a monogamous relationship with a woman wouldn't work.

Mine does. I love having sex with my wife!! Sometimes though, I just want to suck a nice cock and swallow his load. I know this is Frank, but why can't I have what I want?

Mine does. I love having sex with my wife!! Sometimes though, I just want to suck a nice cock and swallow his load. I know this is Frank, but why can't I have what I want?

No reason you shouldn't. And it shouldn't be considered cheating either. It's not like your wife has a cock to compete with. It's not like you are having a love affair. It's not like you're cheating your wife of wealth if you play with a cock every once in a while. And as long as you don't deny your wife of time when she needs you, you're not cheating her out of time either.

We only have one life to live, with which to enjoy our bodies. It will be over before you know it.

No reason you shouldn't. And it shouldn't be consdered cheating either.

We only have one life to live, with which to enjoy our bodies. It will be over before you know it.

Most people will still consider it cheating, no matter what you argue.

And moreover, with the gay angle, it will most likely be considered more heinous a betrayal by most spouses. Which, to tie into another post, says something is still lacking when it comes to appreciating/tolerating diversity ...

Btw: I fully agree life will be over before you know it.

Most people will still consider it cheating, no matter what you argue.

I'm glad you brought that up. Of COURSE, many women will view it differently.

BUT, have you ever seen instances in general, where the majority of folks were wrong?

I rest my case.

Having a heterosexual or homosexual act out side of a marriage is cheating. Regardless of how you pretend to justify it. Do it if you want to, just don’t pretend having “man sex” is anything other than cheating if you are in a committed relationship unless you’re not or your spouse consents (open marriage). Obviously you’re not. So what if you have homosexual urges and act on them. If you’re ok with that and the possible risks then have at it. Don’t pretend.

For me I lean heavily enough towards the same sex to primarily identify as gay. I think sexually it’s a pretty even breakdown but Romantically I’m pretty much only interested in women. I’m so deep into the queer community at this point though I couldn’t imagine being with a cisgender straight guy, there are exceptions but I find most guys I talk to like that aren’t on the same wavelength on a lot of things.

No reason you shouldn't. And it shouldn't be consdered cheating either.

i think i get a sense of what you believe cheating isn't, but will you define what you believe cheating is?

@Graybeeb said

For me I lean heavily enough towards the same sex to primarily identify as gay. I think sexually it’s a pretty even breakdown but Romantically I’m pretty much only interested in women.

Do you identify as a homosexual? That's what lesbian or gay is.

I can say that because I partake in homosexual activity.

I know and accept what I am.

i think i get a sense of what you believe cheating isn't, but will you define what you believe cheating is?

Cheating is when you get involved with another person on a romantic or complex level, mostly with the opposite sex, beyond just 2 same sex friends getting together, mutually playing with / satisfying each other, then going their separate ways until maybe a next time.

Cheating is denying your partner of your own sexual energy. Sexless unions make this a moot point. However, if your partner wants sex, but you've been too drained of your sexual energy after having had sex with someone else, then you're cheating your partner out of sexual energy. If you refuse sex with your partner, you are cheating your partner out of sex.

Cheating is having a relationship with someone that results in a transfer of wealth on some level to that person. You are cheating your partner out of wealth. This includes everything from a paid date out to buying something of considerable value like a car or a house. As this would constitute a relationship.

Cheating is when your partner really needs you for something, but instead you are off with someone else. You are cheating your partner out of time.

If you are in a commited relationship and your partner does not want to have sex with you, your partner is cheating you out of sex.

If you are in a heterosexual union, I don't consider engaging in a homosexual act on the side to be cheating. And in cases of mutual masturbation, it is rather a mere extension of self masturbation, projected onto another person. If you are playing with a cock or a pussy which your heterosexual partner doesn't even have, it's hard for me to see that as cheating. If you are willing to perform oral on your wife, how is sucking a cock on the side cheating, when you think about it.

If you believe (self) masturbation is cheating on your partner, you will never agree with any of the aforementioned.

Since it's not my situation, I should not weigh in on homosexual committed relationships, where a same sex partner has another same sex partner on the side. I suppose it would be cheating, especially if the partner were being cheated out of sexual energy, wealth, or time, as I've alluded to with a heterosexual relationship. But someone in a homosexual relationship would be more qualified to define what cheating is for them.

By now, I've come to expect a lot of disagreement on this stance, especially from folks who have an issue with insecurity, accepting this as reasonable. That's not to say you have to have insecurity issues to disagree, but chances are if you have insecurity issues, you are not likely to see this point of view.

BUT, have you ever seen instances in general, where the majority of folks were wrong?

.

Far too many. Sometimes I think there seems to be nothing easier than to get people riled up behind a bad or illogical decision.

There arent any hard and fast rules to what makes you "bi" or not

Have you orgasmed with men and women?

Does thinking about or watching porn about men and women make you hot?

You're bisexual.

Of course it ebbs and flows. I'm in a relationship with a cis Male, so I have a lot more sex with dudes than I can with ladies.

LOVE having lady sex though. Whoo, that's NOICE. Lucky to be in a relationship I can have both.

However, if something were to happen to my marriage, its possible I would find satisfaction in a woman/woman relationship. Being married to a man doesn't make me not attracted to women like being in love with a woman didn't make me not attracted to men.

If you're bisexual you are always bisexual, even if you have chosen to be monogamous. Sexual orientation is about who you are attracted to not which you're with.

Yes

By now, I've come to expect a lot of disagreement on this stance, especially from folks who have an issue with insecurity, accepting this as reasonable. That's not to say you have to have insecurity issues to disagree, but chances are if you have insecurity issues, you are not likely to see this point of view.

You aren't insecure for calling a cheater a cheater! It seems that not being able to fess up to the fact that having sexual relationships/acts with men or women behind your spouses back is cheating is an insecure way to justify the act. I don't think any of the members here who openly admit their homosexuality or the fact that they have sex with someone other than their spouse are insecure. They don't have to white wash it. Those members I respect.

Cheating is when you get involved with another person on a romantic or complex level,.

What constitutes "romantic or complex" to you? You write in your profile:

"Would love to become involved with cougars, women in their 50's & 60's, in some capacity (being a bull for a cuckolding couple might be nice as well). I think i would like to get involved in home invasion play with the right couple perhaps too." How do you decide when "involved" becomes "romantic or complex"?

You state in your profile that you are "bisexual." Does your partner know?

In your definition of not-cheating, is it okay to lie and hide from your partner? For me, that is the hardest and most damaging part of what i would call "cheating." I.e., withholding your self from your partner because you decide they're too insecure to know who and how you are (which may be right), but that brings fear and lies into the relationship. Fear of discovery and the lies to avoid discovery, lies to cover actions.

To me, that is also lonely. To me, part of what qualifies a relationship as intimate or romantic is the intimacy of being vulnerable and known.

I've been lucky in that my spouse didn't have a problem with my homosexual activities. She's also been okay with my activities involving other women - but my instinct says she's not as okay with those. (Perhaps I'm more fearful of becoming romantically involved when it's a woman.) We are open to each other about our interests and things we - and that's a big part of our marriage lasting some 40 years now. Cheating would be keeping secrets from one another.

I have days where I’m more into men than women but I’d say that generally speaking, I’m 60/40 in terms of physical attraction to women/men. It may go to 70/30 because o don’t have a type of men that I like. It’s a lot of factors that make a guy attractive for me.

Women, as long as they have a pretty face, cute feet and are BBWs, I’m attracted.

Romantically speaking though, I’m 100% attracted to women. I cannot picture myself living and marrying a man.

I love women but i'm more comfortable with men . Then again I'm very particular about what men . maybe I'm just a lesbian trapped in a man's body ?? { think about it }

Yes it changes, somedays I think of women, but sometimes I think of cocks and men

I see some threads asking for replies from straight men, and that's got me wondering. Years ago I was a full-fledged bi, but as the decades pasted by I find I've become allot less so. So I wonder, once a bi, always a bi?

I’ve been a straight male all my life, but after prostate cancer radiation treatments two years ago, I have a “terminal” case of ED. As a result, my interest in receiving anal sex has increased tremendously. I find using butt plugs and dildos to be quite erotic and pleasing but they leave something missing...another body. My wife will not peg me thinking it is gross. Am I becoming bisexual? Anyone else been down this road?

I find using butt plugs and dildos to be quite erotic and pleasing but they leave something missing...another body. My wife will not peg me thinking it is gross. Am I becoming bisexual?

What would it really matter if you were? If your interest and longings are shifting, then I'd suggest going with the flow, as long as it doesn't cause any gross upsets in your relationship. And as clarification, if it were me I would not consider surreptitious activity to be all that much of a gross upset.

To answer the ebb and flow question itself, it is not an ebb and flow state, as it's more dictated by other factors.

I can see myself drifting further and further apart from women, as lately it often seems that impasse issues tend to arise. perhaps more intellectual than anything else. Which then makes it seem less possible in being able to make something happen. Yet i would always like to engage in heterosexual action if an opportunity were to present itself.

Meanwhile, as far as men go, for the 1st 2 weeks in February, I have scheduled 1st meets with 2 men eager to meet me for a very physical session. Plus there are another 4 men I have already met, who are more than glad to see me again when our schedules work out compatibly. And so far I am batting a thousand for men who have hosted me, telling me that I am ALWAYS welcome to come visit them. It would be nice if women in my life expressed the same sentiment.

I would say my bisexuality WOULD ebb and flow, if only the women in my life had more comparable availability and desire for me as the men in my life. But because the men are much more willing, with more demonstrated desire, and no issues unlike the lady counterparts in my life, dictates the flow of my bisexuality.

I would say my bisexuality WOULD ebb and flow, if only the women in my life had more comparable availability and desire for me as the men in my life. But because the men are much more willing, with more demonstrated desire, and no issues unlike the lady counterparts in my life, dictates the flow of my bisexuality.

Well said. I feel the same way right now. You have to just go with the opportunities that present themselves. If that's female, great. If not, work with what you've got.

But because the men are much more willing, with more demonstrated desire, and no issues unlike the lady counterparts in my life, dictates the flow of my bisexuality.

Sounds like a page out of the story of my own life - you hit the nail on the head there! I too always found easier to find men, and they were more willing, and there were no complications. Could it be men don't need as much to happen to get them in a horny state. Women are just as horny, but do they need be more to bring it on, and I just don't have what it takes to get them over that huddle? (Ha, perhaps another way to say it, men will fuck anything.)

I too always found easier to find men, and they were more willing, and there were no complications. Could it be men don't need as much to happen to get them in a horny state. Women are just as horny, but do they need be more to bring it on,

It works differently. Men will see pics of me on a website, and pay me direct compliments. Women don't do that. Only occasionally a woman comes along who will do that. Men contact me for sexually oriented meets. Again, women don't do that.

So true about men seeking it, being on the prowl - that does make it easier to hook up with a man. In my case though, I've been the more repressive one seeking it out and would find others who I worked with or was near too. Why that worked so well with men and not with women - something I wondered about. I'm too shy around women when it comes to anything sexual.

Not really. Though married to a man, I am constantly attracted to women. And whenever the woman I used to sleep with is in town... yeah, that attraction doesn’t just dissipate. Last time she was here, we had spent all day hanging by the pool. After they left, and my husband and I were alone, I was ravenous.

YES! Strongly flowing when in bed, foreplay leading to our climax, my wife makes me admit & scream "Yes I am a Cunt & Cock sucker!" "I love cocks and want to be spanked to total submission & TAKEN by another guy!" " On my back with my legs on his shoulders as he kisses me and bites my neck just before he grabs my shoulders and pushes in balls deep filling me with his cum!"