I'm not sure who I really am sexually, so here are some snippets from my life, comments welcome:
As a kid, I hated sports, and always played with my sister and her friends. I had my own dolls, doll-baby stroller, and would even put on my older sister's hand-me-down sundress over my boy-clothes sometimes when we played. I had forgotten about this, until a couple of years ago when we were watching some old home movies from the early sixties, and there I appeared on the movie screen at 5 years old. It was Summer, and I was pushing my doll coach down the sidewalk with my sister and her friend, I'm wearing a sundress, with my diapers and rubber pants peeking out under my sundress. ( I was impossible to potty-train, my next youngest brother was trained a year before me, and I was a bedwetter into my teens. As such, I'm a Diaper lover, but that's another story)
Other reels showed us in our Halloween costumes through the years, and mine all had a definite theme. Through the years I was dressed as Cinderella, Snow White, a Fairy Godmother, Pixanne (a local Kids show host, I believe it was syndicated and there was a "Pixanne" on a local TV station in most major markets) Dorothy (I had a stuffed toy dog in a basket as Toto). I had forgotten about my Halloween costumes as well, but I remember being called "Sissy" quite often. My Mom would often say that I was going to grow up to be a "Queer" and instead of marrying a woman, I'd end up living with a man like her Uncle and 2 cousins did. ( I never knew which Uncle or cousins she was talking about.) Upon watching the movies with my brothers and sisters we all had a good chuckle.
When I was about 8, my older sister and her friends lost interest in me, as they were old enough to ride their bikes to other neighborhoods and vist other school friends. About this time an older couple accross the street started having their Grandkids show up for the Summer, a boy about my age, and a girl about 2 years younger than me. The boy and I were somewhat friends, but it didn't take long for him to start calling me a "Sissy" as well. One Summer afternoon we were on my front lawn with some other kids in the neighborhood and he started calling me a Sissy again. At one point he said that I was such a sissy that his little sister could beat me up. Eventually he goaded her into punching me. I was tiny for my age, even my next youngest brother was bigger than me, and this girl was definitely bigger than me. It took no time for me to be crying like a baby, and I ran into the house and cried to my mother, who said that I would need to learn to fight better as boys like to beat up sissies.
The next day I was playing in the backyard, and the little girl showed up. I was wary, but she wanted to play dolls, and we became fast friends. We played dolls together for the next 3 Summers.
Through the years I never really had a girlfriend. I was "best-friends" with a very cute girl I went to school with from my Junior year in High School until our first year in College. Being cute, she dated alot, and would talk to me about her boyfriends and stuff. Once in a while she would coax me into admitting I was gay, as she was sure I was, and she would always be my friend no matter what. She felt I was in denial, as I never showed interest in her "...in that way...". I was horrified that she'd think that, and would insist that I wasn't. The female form never aroused me, and I assumed I just had a low sex drive.
At this point, I may be gay, trans, a crossdresser, definitely a DL, I don't know what I am.
Thoughts ?