Advice about having a crush on a same-sex co-worker?

I have been working with this girl for about a month now. At first, I didn't have any attraction towards her or feelings for her. But now, I'm so very attracted to her that I've fantasized about doing every little thing possible with her. She is very open with me, telling me about her breast augmentation, her gyno exams, and the fact that she is a virgin. She even wanted to show me her breasts and I just avoided her offer. I didn't want to seem too eager or turned on by the sight. I'm pretty sure she is straight, so how do I hide my attraction? I don't want to overcompensate and make it weird, but I still want to be open and friendly like we are. Thoughts?

Office romances frequently don't end well regardless of gender.I wouldn't risk my job for a fling.

I may not have made it clear that I don't plan to pursue her, but I do not. I want to know how to hide my attraction and just be normal around her.

Jds4med said

Office romances frequently don't end well regardless of gender.I wouldn't risk my job for a fling.

Midnightrose--listen to him.

Office romances frequently don't end well regardless of gender.I wouldn't risk my job for a fling.

Do not defecate where you eat! I agree with Susie and Jds4med.

Nothing special about having a crush on someone who is the same sex as you, don't act any differently as you would if you had a crush on a man.

Every time you find yourself fantasizing about her, look around and find someone with an attractive ass to admire, or if you're alone picture Emma Watson wearing skin tight leather and black heels, with a thin collar around her neck... What was I saying?...

I'm pretty sure she is straight, so how do I hide my attraction? I don't want to overcompensate and make it weird, but I still want to be open and friendly like we are. Thoughts?

I'm pretty certain she is not all that straight, at least not from what you have described. I'm socially dense and all, but I have the impression the signals are loud and clear.

That said, office romances are probably not a good idea. Then again, in these modern times, chances are that people can be fired on a whim, with little notice. Don't expect life-long job security. Which sort of undercuts the 'no office romance' advice.

Sharing the advices of previous posts and I agree with @agracier she is not 100 % straight, after one month proposing to show her breath to you, because the talks you had, well this is surprising for me.

Be carefull about your job and career, actually there is too much manpower for the amount of work available. If you don't be unique and over specialized for a very specific job, job were there are too many offers and too less candidates, and remember been so unique this will change over the passing years.

Be carefull, it is as dangerous as playing with fire, back fires exists, the direction's wind will change.

I'll echo what others have said here @MidnightRose with the advice to treat this just as anyone would treat any other crush regardless of sexual orientation. The fact that this is a female-female attraction is immaterial. Continue to be amicable, but take care to guard your true feelings.

I will, however, also add the following perspective: office/workplace romances/relationships are very common. It is quite possible for them to be successful - Mrs. LIK and I are an example. My wife and I met in the workplace 20 years ago. Our jobs were in no way related, nor did we occupy the same part of the company organization structure. She was a smoking hot office manager and fortunately found me attractive.

Potential complications and risks arise from 2 things.

1. Feelings of animosity if and when the relationship does not work out can lead to very awkward situations in the workplace.

2. If the relationship develops in a manager/subordinate structure in the organization hierarchy where the manager, be it immediate or indirect, is in a position to influence the career success or failure of the subordinate. I don't need to spell out how bad this would be.

Contrary to the advice others have shared, I'd suggest that, if you are comfortable dealing with the potential fallout of point 1 above, and point 2 above does not apply, then, as you would do with any other attraction, let it play out. Let your colleague make the first move - if she is keen for this to evolve then sooner or later she will make that plain. BUT, if you're not prepared for the ugliness that point 1 might bring OR if point 2 does apply, then you absolutely should do nothing to encourage things to advance and, I'm sorry to say, must suppress your inner feelings of attraction and limit the friendship to just that.

Thank you all so much for your advice! The reason she offered to show me her breasts is because we were talking about her augmentation. She had tuberous breast deformity, and got that corrected with implants. As I stated before, she is very open and not bashful about these things. That being said, I feel this is not an indication of bisexuality or heteroflexibility, but I cannot be certain either way. I'm terribly fearful that I will unintentionally cross a social line that will tip her off, or at the least, make things awkward.

Thursday, it was just her and me in the office for about 5 hours. We had deep conversations about this and that. She told me her biggest worry was "dying alone." This is laughable because she is very pretty, funny, outgoing, and honest. She has healthy standards for a mate, and is not willing to compromise. Personally, I applaud that. She told me various things about her body that she'd like to change, and insecurities she has. I said "I think you're beautiful and don't need to change a thing." It was a true statement, but might have needed to remain unsaid?? Again, I dont want to be creepy awkward and ruin our friendship.

To get really deep here, I feel like this is an example of why I have a hard time becoming close friends with girls. I'm afraid I'll accidentally "out" myself to them. None of my family or current friends know I'm bisexual.

@MIdnight, I actually relate to you very well. You spend considerable time (at work) around a woman you're very attracted to, and how best to deal with it?

As I, too, have had crushes on female co-workers, I can tell you how I try to deal with it. Now for all that she has personally opened up to you, i would say you've been doing the right thing. Rely on the feelings of warmth toward her that are the effect that the crush gives you, & be yourself with it. This will send that subtle message to her that you dig her and are "open to...", without "making any moves". You don't need to do anything risky. You don't need to be suggestive or anything.

This way, if there's the chance she would be interested, you've given out the subtle signals & nature will take its course. And then if she would not be interested, you didn't overstep any bounds or make any regrettable moves. She'll detect your clandestine interest "in" her and respect "for" her, and I can only think positive reactions can come from that. So far, I think you've obviously been doing the right thing.

....but I cannot be certain either way......

One caveat is to try not to be determined to ever ultimately get all the answers. Be ok with uncertainty status of something if the mystery never gets solved. Just a good way to play it safe. Let there be no mandate for necessary closure.

@MidnightRose

She is very open with me, telling me about her breast augmentation, her gyno exams, and the fact that she is a virgin.

Only guessing but since you're in your 30s that she is as well, or at least in her 20s. Let's take inventory here:

- Gave intimate details about medical procedures she's had including the all-important gyno exam (plenty of kinksters talking about that on this site)

- Offered to show you her new store bought rack, presumably while not wearing a bra.

- 'Admitted' to you she is a virgin - in her 20s or 30s, based on your profile and that she's a coworker

Oh yeah, she's not entirely straight. From the last one especially - which was the big Suze Ormond tell when she outed herself on national TV while deep in her 50s.

Reasonable conclusion: unless she's hardcore Catholic or Mormon pre-marital celibate, I'm going with full on lipstick Lesbian.

That said two issues:

1. Office affairs, as others have pointed out are high risk for going south. You're thinking about banging her. We all think about it with coworkers from time to time. If she's in any position to get you fired out of bitterness when it ends (and it most likely will rn its course this way), your job is on the line right now moving forward. Even if she isn't, you still have to go to work daily and see her. Awkward icy cold silences, hard feelings, wondering who she's banging now etc.

2. She may already be out to her friends and family. You're not, and likely don't want to be. This is the bigger issue. People find new work all the time. Based on your attraction to her, if you had the affair and it didn't work out or ended badly, or she just couldn't keep her trap shut about it, she could out YOU. Far bigger risk I would think than getting canned, even in this economy. Even if one of you left the company voluntarily, this one could hang over your head for quite some time.

Can't tell you how to address your attraction or feelings, but they're a whole lot easier to bury once you know what the stakes are and remind yourself daily of them.

Now go bang her anyway, and be sure to tell us hopeless pervs on Zity the juicy details...

I have been there and done that. It was awkward. I now am facing a crush. Due to where I work, it probably isn't advised. The information your coworker shared isn't professional. I'm not sure how long you plan on working there, from past experiences, if something happens romantically or sexually, work could be tense. I myself, am planning on crushing on my coworker but doing nothing about it. I would advise similar actions from you to prevent any awkwardness.

I have had two office romances. Neither of which turned out well. The first one I wasn't expecting at all. I went to her house to BBQ. She ended up trimming my split ends. We were outside so hair was all over. She then took a shower and after called me to the shower which is where she took my clothes and put both of our clothes on the washer. I got out of the shower and she was laying on her bed with a towel on. She asked if I wanted to dry off. When I said yes she said come and get the towel. I had never seen this approach. So we had fun that night. I really wasn't interested in making it a romance. She did. She kept calling me when she was off and I was working. Then she wanted me to help her do her taxes. Then one night she ended up working with me. We went to lunch and she tried to kiss me in the stairwell. I put a stop to it. She was upset. Then she started dating some guy and they did it in the stairwell. The problem was there are cameras all over that hospital and her little fling was recorded. Both of them were fired. Which was good for me because I felt really uneasy when she was around.

The second one this other girl and I both wanted it. She had a lot of baggage I was unaware of. Like her ex husband worked with us. He had written some bad checks and kept calling her to borrow money. She got an order of protection against him.

The hospital had to make sure they would not work together on the same shift. He would ask for me. When I would not take his calls he started telling everyone about us. I know it wasn't her fault but it finally got under my skin and that was that.

I will never do that again. There are three examples of what can happen. If she is straight and takes offence to an advancement from you and start crap with you and your bosses. Just don't do it. It's not worth it. Try to keep busy. Try and pick out every flaw that she has. I mean you can be friends.

@MidnightRose

To get really deep here, I feel like this is an example of why I have a hard time becoming close friends with girls. I'm afraid I'll accidentally "out" myself to them. None of my family or current friends know I'm bisexual.

Your office coworker is at - the very least, bi-curious. But you've only known her a month or so - and she is a coworker, so take care as the others have said.

I'm fairly new at being bisexual - also fairly new to husband swapping and 'getting my kink' on. However - I only do this with friends I've known for a lot longer than a month or so. When I 'came out' - I knew I wasn't really taking a chance but I sure as hell wasn't making a social awareness statement with all that political bullshit that the media eats up.

Find a close friend - or friends, and be yourself, Just be yourself. No shit - no sugar. Don't be quick to jump into things - and play your cards close to the vest before you let anyone close enough to see them, and make sure before you commit yourself.

Friends - acquaintances, outside of my 'inner circle' probably don't know of my sexuality, or the sexual circle my husband and I are in, but I'm not naive enough to believe that there are those out there who know or have a good idea. It's kind of like being stupid - 😉 let people wonder if you are stupid or not, and DON'T open your mouth and confirm it! 😄 😄 😄

Lora C, what you ay it totally true.

Keep your mouth shut, don't ask don't tell.

Never volunteer information.

@MidnightRose

To get really deep here, I feel like this is an example of why I have a hard time becoming close friends with girls. I'm afraid I'll accidentally "out" myself to them. None of my family or current friends know I'm bisexual.

I wish I could undo coming out to my family. They are very conservative and strong in their faith. I have nothing to fear by accidently "outing" myself. I do have to fear losing my job in my own current situation.

Again, thank you all for the sound advice. We're still coworkers and friends. Nothing more. I still have a crush on her, which I will not make known. She has done and said more things to make it harder on me, like undressing in front of me and telling me about her girl crush, Ruby Rose. She is openly looking for a new job, currently. When she leaves, I guess we'll see what happens.

...like undressing in front of me and telling me about her girl crush...

Definitely spend more time with her. Pay her compliments whenever there is something about her you like. The blouse she's wearing that day, how her eyes look with the eye shadow she applied, etc.

Give light grabs or touches to her arm, elbow or shoulder when you greet her or are saying goodbye for the day. Subtle touch adds so much.

Maybe become a little playful. Come up behind her & cover her eyes & say "guess who?" or something like that. The mild playfulness will send a subtle message. And at the same time, it will lead to a little more touching will help progress things.

"She who hesitates is lost." "We think we have forever, 'til 'forever' comes to an end"

Maybe she's looking for a new job in the secret hopes you'll feel less inhibited toward her.....

... like undressing in front of me and telling me about her girl crush...

One word emanates from that: "possibilities"

Sometimes it works out, but more often not. A time-honored rule of thumb applies: don't shit where you eat.

@Nelson

A time-honored rule of thumb applies: don't shit where you eat.

"And more importantly, don't shit where I eat." -- Tony Soprano

Total agreement on making a move on somebody you work with.

If you were not co-workers, it's much easier to hit on women than men hitting on men. Women, when approached by another woman, will simply say 'No thanks'. Men can become offended at minimum, and possibly violent. Your gaydar has to be at 100% before hitting on men.

I work in a close knit environment with people of both sexes. It is a high stress work place with constant danger.

The temptation to get involved Romantically/Sexually is always a simmering undercurrent when doing long hours in a hostile workplace.

Workplace Affairs regularly occur.

They invariably end in tears for parties involved and/or Families.

No matter how discreet YOU think you are being, people will pick up clues quickly.

DON'T Screw the Crew.

Be safe and keep your "Intimate Action" where it belongs, Outside of work...

Just a bit of friendly advice.

Nooooooooo don't do it

No thank you. I'll be fine. Im not desperate.

Sorry I know this is taking things of topic but am I the only one shocked that a virgin would get breast augmentation?

PS: I might flirt a little but don't think it is wise to go there.

While I don't know that much about your work situation, I'd suggest you proceed with caution.

But, to me it looks like she is definitely a little bi-curious and making a move on you, so I don't think you should reject her, especially if she leaves the company, which would eliminate all the workplace related problems. Just be yourself, and don't force anything.

Finally, you should probably make sure you have a communications channel (phone number, email address etc.) open for when she leaves the company.

MidnightRose hasn't been on Zity for 10 months.... don't think she will be hearing any new advice.

One of the old sayings I have heard so many times “Don’t get your honey where you get your money.”

MidnightRose hasn't been on Zity for 10 months.... don't think she will be hearing any new advice.

True but the post may help others with similar problems.

There ar all sorts of old sayings that prety much say dont have work place romances.

Well just dont. One word or act can end up in a sexual harasment complaint. Baiting is a common practice .