Let's all gather around the gas fireplace and I will share a special Christmas tale with you.
How an enema saved Christmas.
It happened a long time ago in 1964. Up in the North Pole, Santa and his elf helpers were getting ready for the big night. Delivering Christmas presents to all of the good boys an girls across the world.
I see a hand up from a little girl. Yes little girl.
"If you rearrange the letters in Santa it spells Satan and that means you are associating Satan with a Christian celebration."
Any other questions? Fine. Let's continue. Santa not Satan was in his North pole condominium with Mrs. Claus...
I see another hand up from a little boy. Yes little boy?
"Were they having sex?"
Probably...Let's continue...Santa was complaining about an upset stomach.
"Did he drink? My dad always gets an upset stomach when he drinks."
No Santa wast drinking. He just had an upset stomach. But, an upset stomach wasn't going to keep him from completing his delivery task. So with the Sleigh all loaded up with presents and hooked up to his eight tiny reindeer. Santa was...
A little boy's hand waves back and forth.
What now!
"How can eight tiny reindeer pull a sled that weighs probably 20 tons?"
They are magical...
"Bull Shit."
Probably...Let's continue...Santa cracked his whip and the huge sleigh packed with presents lifted off and before zooming off into the night...
"He had to check with flight control for other airplanes."
No. He circled the North Pole and with another crack of the whip. Disappeared at light speed into the cold icy night.
"He whipped his eight tiny reindeer? Santa should be turned in for cruelty to animals."
His whip never touched an antler. He cracks the whip for effect...Let's continue. Santa arrived at the first house and landed on the roof.
"No roof can support 20 tons."
Probably...Santa jumped out of his sleigh with his bag of toys and jumped down the chimney.
"Didn't he get his Santa suit dirty. When my dad cleans our Chimney he looks like a black man."
But you are black. You're a black little boy.
"Really?" The little black boy said with surprise. "I thought this was temporary."
Let's continue...Santa slid down the chimney and didn't soil his Santa suit. He popped out in the living room. As he was placing presents under the tree, a painful stomach cramp hit Santa. He sat down on the couch and groaned. He then looked for the bathroom. Finding it, Santa sat down on the toilet. But, he couldn't go. No matter how hard he tried. Santa couldn't go potty. He groaned even louder and woke up the young woman who lived in the house. She grabbed a baseball bat and walked toward the groaning. As she reached the bathroom she raised the baseball bat preparing to bash out the brains of whoever was intruding in her house.
"She was going to kill Santa Claus?" A wide eyed little girl looked panicked.
She didn't know it was Santa Claus until she jumped into the bathroom with raised baseball bat. When she saw who it was, she lowered the bat.
"Thank goodness." The little girl said with relief. "I've been a very good little girl this year.
I'm sure you have. Let's continue. Santa looked like he was in a lot of pain and told the young woman he was constipated and didn't think he could finish delivering the presents.
The young woman smiled and told Santa she could fix him right up. Rummaging under her bathroom sink, she pulled out an enema bag, hose and nozzle.
"Ewwwwww. She was going to give Santa an enema. My mom does that to me." said a little boy with a disgusted expression.
But you feel better afterwards. Right?
"I guess so."
Well this young woman wanted to make Santa feel better and she offered to give him an enema. Santa agreed and after the enema, Santa was able to go potty and felt a lot better. Santa finished delivering all of his presents and after he was finished. He went back to the young woman's house and delivered a special gift to her. The End. Did you like that story boys and girls?