Anyone Have a PTSD Story?

As most of you know I had quite the time this summer as far as my health is concerned. To be completely honest with you I still am not exactly sure what happened, or why I got so sick. I went up to have my two kidney stones removed, which they were and that part couldn't have gone better in our medical opinions. Like 7 years ago my surgeon placed a stent to help pass any remaining pieces of the two stones that might still be there.

This time we decided that we would just leave the stent in for a week or ten days then have it pulled out. It was decided that I would go back home and then come back up in a week to have the stent removed in the OR. I stopped for gas about 30 minutes out and when I got out of the van to gas up I could immediately tell something was wrong, very very wrong. I just didn't feel good and I knew I would not be able to make the 10 hour drive home, and if for some reason I did make it home, there wouldn't be a chance in hell I would be able to make it back. So I decided to turn around and get a hotel room.

Doc found out and ended up taking me back to his house, which I was fine with, and I am very glad I did and I'm guessing he is too. Most of this story you all know so I will be brief. I got really really sick and Doc and his wife had to drag me out of the house and take me to the ER where I was then admitted. By the end of the week I got the stent out and was feeling a bit better for a few days but then things went bad again. I almost completely stopped eating, drinking, moving. Apparently I would lay in bed for days.

After a good 6 weeks to 2 months maybe it became apparent that I needed 24 hour around the clock nursing care, and from a nurse that I couldn't bully and get my way. So I spent 3 weeks doing so at my best friends house. I got better, slowly, but I got better. I had some residual issues from being that sick like almost no short term memory, I was stuttering which isn't something I do, and I was severely lacking in fine motor movements. Also, I had trouble putting a proper sentence together and I would get words and word tenses mixed up all the time. All of which were completely annoying.

I have severe insomnia as it is but when I can't remember things it completely drives me crazy. I won't even allow some anesthesia meds to be used on me because it causes me to loose time, memory and that drives me crazy. So for the past 4 months every time I tried to sleep my mind raced and raced trying to remember basically 3 months of my life this summer that I had not been able to remember. Every night my brain would fight with itself, sometimes going back as far as when I was 2 maybe 3 years old with the first of my memories in the hopes that all of them would fall into place again and I would be able to remember what happened to me this summer.

I just wasn't remembering crap. So now to current. Last week I went back up to Doc's house because I had a dentist appointment. As we all know, I hate dentists with a passion, not them as people mind you, but what they do. So needless to say I wasn't feeling all that warm and fuzzy to start with. I also had a weird feeling about this trip like something was going to go very wrong. That's never happened before either. I had also been awake for 48 hours, and just driven the last 12 of that. I had about 2 hours before I had to be at the dentist's office. Just enough time to get myself and suitcase in Doc's house and take a hot shower.

So I opened the door and walked inside. I closed the door behind me and took a few breaths and then it started. It took less than a minute of just being in Doc's house to this PTSD panic attack to be full blown. I have to tall you, I have had a few anxiety/panic attacks in the past but this was a very different animal, very different. I have always been very smell oriented which isn't all that uncommon really. Smells for many of us bring back memories we have often forgotten, or remind us of times past etc. I think my sense of smell is something that I have just always thought about and relied on more than a lot of people. I smell everything. Once when Doc and I were in bed and it was our last night before I had to leave I put my nose in his neck and just smelled him. He asked me what I was doing and I told him, "I'm making a memory".

So standing in Doc's house for the first time since I had left when I was very sick sparked a chain reaction in myself that I was not at all ready or prepared for, or even expecting. Everyone's house has it's own smell. It's hard to explain what Doc's house smells like but the best I can describe it is that it has a clean smell, and smells like fresh cut wood in the fall. It's always been a very comfortable smell for me, welcoming.

This time was very different. Smelling his house through me into this PTSD situation. For the past 3 months or so I had been fighting every single night to remember what happened to me both in the hospital and while I was in this house. Within a couple of deep breaths about 90 percent of everything I had forgotten and had been fighting to remember suddenly came flooding back all at the same time. I can only explain it to you what it looked like and felt like as when someone says that their life flashed before their eyes. It was sort of like that.

The problem with those memories coming back so quick and so vividly I also remembered that I almost died in this house. I should have died probably but had it not been for the love and dedication of Doc and his wife taking care of me, I would have been dead. As crazy as this sounds, I was suddenly afraid I was going to die in this house. Then the black stars started darting in my eyes, my hands and fingers were tingling, and I was getting very light headed. I was going to pass out real quick if I didn't get out of that house.

I made it back out and sat on the porch. I was crying uncontrollably and shaking. My whole body felt like I was sitting on a very rough hard running tractor if that makes any sense. I called Doc and let him know. I did make it to the dentist office after a hot shower but was still shaking so badly it took me a half hour to fill out my name, address and telephone number. It was terrible.

After that appointment I went to Doc's office. By this time I was so nauseated, and not any better. I felt like I was getting sick all over again which just made the PTSD worse and the attack continue. Then I started vomiting, again, which again is exactly how it all started this past summer. I was basically convinced I was going to die. I was freezing and sweating profusely at the same time. Again, exactly what happened when I started getting sick earlier this summer. My face went from ghostly white to a deep red and blotchy, and then back again. It was the craziest thing.

Lucky for me my boyfriend is a doctor and I was puking in his office bathroom. He felt the need to sink some Zofran into my backside, which I needed and it did help with my nausea somewhat. He assured me he wasn't going to let me die, and I trust him enough to believe him.

I think we finally went to bed about 2am. I still was in the middle of this PTSD attack. So it has been going on for about 12 hours. I was exhausted, beyond exhausted and I actually fell asleep very quickly and slept very well. But I also knew that Doc was just a few feet away if I needed anything.

I woke up the next day well rested. The attack was finally over. I went downstairs to an empty house and my thoughts and again, as crazy as this sounds, made peace with the house, my feelings, and with myself. I sat on the couch for a few hours going over and digesting all the thoughts and memories that I was finally remembering. Not all of them were good things or things I wanted to remember, but some of them were good things and good memories. Either way though I have most of my own memories back and having them back meant that I could deal with them and file them mentally where I needed to so that I could move forward finally and put the ones to rest that needed to be.

It was sure hell that day, but it was a much needed day of personal growth for me. The only residual effects I have from that day is a huge stress knot in the back of my neck. With time that too will relax and go away or Doc will do a trigger point injection and make it go away, but one way or another, it will go away.

Sometimes as a nurse, I am often thankful for going through things personally so that when I have a patient going through the same thing I can honestly say I know how they feel.

Mashie

* THIS POST MAY UPSET SOME PEOPLE. I'M SORRY IF IT DOES *

@Mashie - I really hope you are ok now . It's really not a nice thing to experience .

Fourteen years ago when I was pregnant with my Twins everything was going perfectly fine . I was just a few days short of reaching 27 weeks when I don't know , I just didn't feel right . I felt huge , my skin felt tight and I was getting pain , but not contractions . So the then husband and I set off for the hospital after calling in to tell them what I was experiencing .

We arrived . I was shown to a room and was told to take everything off , put on a gown and lie on the bed. I was told I'd be monitored for 20 minutes then a dr would come and see me , but they were extremely busy .

So I got hooked up to the monitor with two belts picking up the girls heartbeats . One was fine and very strong . The other was very erratic . Sometimes missing , fast , then slow . Sometimes it vanished completely and I'd have to wiggle the monitor to get it back .

The midwife came in to check on me . Then a dr came . Did an exam , asked lots of questions , looked at the monitor screen and left . Five minutes later he was back with a whole team of nurses , Drs and peadiatricians. Said we were going to theatre asap .

I was prepped on the way . Given an epidural the minute the anaesthetist got the go ahead and they began my Emergency C-Section. I was feeling a mixture of excitement that I was going to meet my babies and nervousness that they were still only 26 weeks .

After about 10 minutes from behind the screen we heard a tiny kitten like cry. Twin 1 was held up to show us and they took her away . One minute later Twin 2 was delivered . They didn't hold her up . But someone hit the emergency triangle and all hell broke loose . Medics were running everywhere .

I got told that they were working on her and just to relax and breathe in the oxygen deeply whilst they stitched me up . That emergency bell was still going and that was all I could hear. Thirty minutes later they all came in to tell me that my Twin 1 was in Neonatal Intensive Care and that she was on a ventilator but doing ok .

They then told me that sadly they'd worked on Twin 2 for 30 minutes and they'd had to call it . She was too sick and had became an angel . I was so shocked . I don't remember much else about that night . I just couldn't get the Emergency alarm noise out my head .

Move forward to two years ago . I was in hospital with CF . I was really sick . They tried to get an NG tube in and I was not exactly co-operating . I hate them . I gagged and was sick . In my panic I inhaled my vomit . Right into my lungs . The last thing I remember hearing was that Emergency alarm .

Since then I've had many admissions . Every single time I hear that Emergency alarm July 14th 2002 comes back to me . I get this strange smell ( the operating theatre smell) that doesn't go away . I can't breathe , I feel sick , have clear pictures in my head of events that night . My whole body just sweats . There's the sound of a train running through my head . Scared to close my eyes and go too sleep.

In the moment I feel like I'm dying . I want people around me because I'm scared , but hate them for being there at the same time . In a way I want to clutch onto some of those memories , not them all . Some just fade away .

Last year just a week before Christmas I was in hospital with Urosepsis . I was waiting in my bed at the scan department for the porters to come and collect me and take me back to my room. They put a lady next to me , who had the most amazing tattoos . We were making small talk with each other , when she suddenly went quiet . Too my horror when I turned to look at her , she was fitting violently and was choking on vomit .

I was on oxygen , shouting was not an option . My catheter was hooked under my bed on one side . I was connected to an IV pole the other side . So my movements were limited . I panicked myself , but knew this lady needed help. Somehow I managed to shuffle up that bed and I hit that Emergency triangle . Medics came running . In the process I dislodged my catheter . Then the constant noise from that alarm sent me into a full blown panic . I was vomiting as July 14th 2002 came back to me in the same way yet again . I was moved and taken to my room , whilst they sorted her out .

This year I've had many of the PTSD attacks again . Especially when I'm in Critical Care . The bell goes off often. I lay in my bed , hands over my ears . Waiting for it to stop . I knew I needed help to try to relax when that bell goes as I'm in hospital very often lately .

Recently I've been diagnosed with PTSD . It's very early days but I've started having therapy to help .

Nik

CF = Cystic Fibrosis

If by PTSD you mean post traumatic stress disorder, Then living in the central plains and severe weather season is the big one for me just like with Nik and the emergency siren. the tornado siren sounds so familiar to it, it stresses me out. That's why I hate storm season.

I finally have been diagnosed with PTSD. Most would say my reactions are mild compared to others', but it is real to me.

After 7 years in emergency services plus 3 years in the Army, I react to people walking too close behind me. I hate sitting with my back to an open room. I startle easily. Certain noises make me very anxious and on edge.

I have had panic attacks from the sound of sirens, from watching a trailer for a firefighter movie. Bullwhips/single tail whips cracking sound like gunfire. Being near construction or roofing sounds like a firefight.

I frequently am super safety cautious because I can envision a potential injury to myself or others - not always a good thing when you're supposed to be working with a substance ( such as hot sugar in sugar class).

Yes I do. Seen too much bad shit in life. Too much time in EMS and law enforcement.

First of all, I never really expected anyone to respond to this thread. I am surprised, and in an odd way pleased. Having PTSD is very personal, and it's different for everyone. Even when people are in the same situation like war for example, what triggers PTSD for them could be vastly different.

My father was a manic depressive and a paranoid schizophrenic and I know that mental disorders can often times be genetic. Admitting to myself that I actually had a mental condition in and of itself scared the shit out of me. I hated my father and now that he's dead I still hate him, but hate him even more. I was never strong enough to tell him how I felt about him and what he did to my mother and myself. I didn't have the balls back then to tell him that, but I do now, but sadly I will never be able to close that chapter and it will remain a place of anger for me. I stood at my fathers funeral and in the church I grew up in for the most part and said I no longer believe in god, but if I had one prayer it would be that I would not turn into my father. So having a PTSD episode is so scary all by itself, but when you have a past family history like I do that sort of a mental diagnosis is scary as hell.

I have said a thousand times over that what makes this site so much better than all the rest is because we can talk about the hard topics like this one. We feel close enough to each other to share the hard things, the things that scare us, frighten us and things so far from kink that some of our new members have to sometimes wonder if they are in the right place, lol.

For me personally I deal with things by talking about them, sharing them, bouncing things off of others. Like when I came here for the first time and found out that my kink was a kink, it had a name and more importantly that I wasn't alone, same can be said for other issue such as topics like PTSD. Some people probably think I'm nuts for sharing personal information, but for me it's a form of therapy that works for me. I often hope that by me opening up and being honest about myself and some of my issues that others realize that they are not alone either and that many will understand and can help if they would only be willing to share.

Niks, I don't even have words for you and I know no matter what I say it won't change anything, fix anything, or help you back when you needed to be surrounded by people that love you and support you. Just know that if I could have been there for you I would have in a New York City minute. I just can't express how sorry I am for the loss of your beautiful baby girl. I promise you that you will see her again somewhere down the road in the eyes of your first granddaughter. Trust me when I tell you that.

PTSD is an odd mental illness because the same thing doesn't always trigger it, and there is often no warnings before hand. PTSD can make you a prisoner in a sense that many can't even fathom. I don't expect to have PTSD much longer. My health is getting better, I'm getting stronger, the "event" is over and my little legal issue is also coming to a close as well. So I have no reason to think it will continue.

I greatly appreciate the others of you who had the courage to share your stories as well. They are hard to share, I understand that, but know that from you all telling your stories chances are you have just helped someone here who is too afraid to speak up or admit, or even understand what's going on with them. You are all heros in my book. Thank you all very much!

Mashie

Hey mashie, we need talk but at least we post a warning about what the non psdt folks read here

been there done that didnt get the shirt

Superego, what do you mean? What exactly are you trying to say here? I'm sorry I am still having slight issues figuring things out when they are not spelled out for me exactly. So please ask me again in a different way so that I may understand and be able to answer you. Thanks in advance.

Mashie

Mashie, Never had it myself, but been around those that have/do. I have very deep, feelings for those that suffer from PTSD, as it is real, and is to be an illness to be very concerned about!! I admire your fortitude to recognize it, talk about it, and get help for it. Yes, you are very fortunate to have Doc in your life, and vice/versa!! We all love you both, and are concerned, highly, for you, both!! We need you!!! 😉 Mike & Kid 😃

Mashie, we need to remember that our coffee chat/war stories could be really hard on someone not ready to hear what we have done/seen. no secondary traumatization please.

but mashie something really earth shattering is what happened to you. you in a special category for a while.

btw, lots of hugs and snuggles are all we can offer. I cant imagine being awake and tubed. goddddd.

I don't know if I have PTSD, and if I do, it's nothing compared to anything others have had to deal with. Mine is very minor, but it still scares me some.

This past July, my friend I live with (my best friend) was in the hospital. Another friend, Darcy, was staying with us because a few weeks before, there was an electrical fire in her trailer. It was burnt to the ground, pretty much. We had an extra room, so we told her she could stay until she found a new place and got back on her feet.

We were getting a lot of rain that June and July. The ground was saturated. It took days and days for it to dry out. The thunderstorms were fierce and there had even been some tornadoes that touched down and did a lot of damage.

This one night it was storming really bad. I remember the flashes of lightning were every few seconds. I am assuming there was a lot of thunder to go with it. I am severely hard of hearing. I can't hear low tones, like thunder, unless it's right overhead and sometimes that is iffy.

I remember that something woke our dog Bella up. She went running to the door like someone was there. The other two didn't react, so I figured Bella Grace was just barking at air molecules colliding together again. It's her favorite past time. I ignored the barking and just went back to sleep.

A few minutes later Darcy cane into my room and told me I had to get up, that there was a rescue squad outside to rescue us. From what? Well, there us a creek out behind our trailer somewhere. Twelve inches of rain had fallen during the night and there was a flash flood!

I remember telling her to ask them to give us a few minutes to get dressed and grab some things and gather pets. I had 2 cats and 3 dogs, plus Darcy has a dog. We got dressed and she told me there was a whole lot of water out there. I opened the door and OMG! I have never, ever seen anything like this in my whole life.

The brown water was swirling and rushing by the front door. It wasn't that far from being able to come into the house. We grabbed a few changes of clothes and meds and grabbed the animals and leased them. I had a small dog crate thar I shoved one cat into, and I couldn't find the other. I made sure she had several days worth of food and water and tearfully left her behind.

At the end of our wheelchair ramp, a rubber raft was waiting. Someone grabbed my bags and the dogs and cat were put in the boat. Water was still everywhere, swirling around. I had to take a few steps in it to get into the boat. We were taken out of the water and the rescuers even got Darcy's truck put of the mess so we were able to get out of the area.

We were fortunate. The water didn't cone in our house, my cat was ok, and the waters were gone after just a few hours.

The thing that scared me the most is that had Darcy not been staying there, I never would have known anyone was at the door. I don't sleep with my hearing-aids in. I tend to ignore the one barking dog because she barks at anything!

I am terrified now of flash flood warnings. We don't live there anymore, but where we live now also had a lot of bad flooding that day. I am so afraid that someone will knock and I will be alone and not hear that I need evacuated or that there's some other disaster headed our way. MY friend is disabled and takes about a bazillion meds to help her to sleep, so she sleeps like the dead.

The panic set in on me the other night when at 2:30 in the morning a neighbor knocked on my door. I was still awake, so I heard it plus all 3 dogs were at the door. My first thought was OMG FLASH FLOOD! It had been raining. My next thoughts were more along the normal creepy clowns in the woods (I live next to woods) or burglers or worse. My friend is on Oregon so I am alone at the moment.

I get the whole PTSD thing now, where I didn't completely before. Currently, I am waiting for some devices that will signal me by shaking my bed and there is a pager thing to wear on your belt that will vibrate when someone us at the door or the smoke alarms are going off. They should be here any day now.

Breaze

I have a couple, involving tragic deaths and/or attempted suicides of siblings or children, but I don't really care to relate them.

I imagine most of us do of one kind or another, whether we care to admit it to anonymous others or not.

I am Bi-polar and was very introverted my whole life wasn't diagnosed until I was 18yrs old. I don't like loud noises like voices being raised in fighting, I also don't like places likes malls where there are a lot of people if someone comes up behind me my defenses go up right away and who ever it is behind me gets hurt. I don't know if this is PTSD or not. I also have panic attacks.

I was involved with a airliner that went down I was at the level one facility reciving patients. Katrina I did triage slept 6 in 72 hours. Done alot of CBRNE training that has stuck with me

Mashie, Nik,

So sorry to hear your awful experiences with PTSD. I do hope that you manage to find ways of coping with it.

I'm not sure whether my experiences are truly PTSD. As a child I was abused by a female caregiver, but had no awareness of it until well into adulthood when I was assaulted. During teenage and early adulthood, I had struggled with relationships and intimacy but had no understanding of why (I'm told the brain blocks memories as a form of self-protection). That all changed when I was assaulted as an adult, with constant flashbacks and nightmares particularly when trying to be close with my partner.

Mashie, Nik,

So sorry to hear your awful experiences with PTSD. I do hope that you manage to find ways of coping with it.

I'm not sure whether my experiences are truly PTSD. As a child I was abused by a female caregiver, but had no awareness of it until well into adulthood when I was assaulted. During teenage and early adulthood, I had struggled with relationships and intimacy but had no understanding of why (I'm told the brain blocks memories as a form of self-protection). That all changed when I was assaulted as an adult, with constant flashbacks and nightmares particularly when trying to be close with my partner.

I can tell you with 100 percent certainty that you have suffered and might still be suffering from episodes of PTSD. I am sorry to hear that you went through your ordeal. People cope with things like this differently. Some face it head on, some use medications, some talk or write about it. For me, I use a combination of things, I talk about it, I write about it, and if needed I take Ativan to get me through to the other side of it.

The key to beating the PTSD monster is to find what works best for you. As I have always said, admitting there is a problem is 90 percent of the solution.

Thank you for having the courage to share. If you ever want to just have someone listen, please feel free to contact me anytime. I will always be there.

Mashie

I never thought I had acquired PTSD from my days in S.E. Asia, as an Infantry 2nd Lt. One day several years ago, I was in a new car show room that was near a National Guard Air base that flew Huey's all the time. The Huey's always had mufflers on their exhausts so as to not get complaints from citizens. While in this showroom, 3 Hueys flew over without their mufflers, just like they did in Viet Nam. The loud engine noise and the "wump-wump" of the whirling blades put me into a catatonic state. I just stood there motionless, until one car salesman came over and asked me if I was alright. It was like being hypnotized and all I could hear was the Hueys.

I started seeing a clinical psych. after that and with many sessions I've never had anything else happen again. I guess I got off easy, compared to others I know.

If it only happened one time while in the car show room years after Viet Nam and never again after all your psych "therapy" how do you know the many psych sessions did anything at all?

You probably were "spooked" that one time and that was it.

For many years the psychologists I saw interpreted my issues as PTSD, until about eighteen months ago when a guy I've been a longtime client of had me take a huge, 400-question exam. I was then more or less pinpointed as having schizoaffective disorder; and the Social Security disability claim I'd been attempting for years, finally got approved.

My husband is a Vietnam Veteran. He was there in 1969-1970. He rarely ever talked about his time there. He was in the 1st Cavalry Division. There had been numerous times over the years when fast asleep he would scream "Incoming" and actually hit me flying out of bed to be prone on the floor. He had the same dream that triggered this over and over. At times I would find him alone crying. I'd ask why? He'd say "I miss Johnny!" Quite often he would mumble the word "Illingworth" and walk away shaking his head. He had gotten worse over the years.

A few weeks ago he had to go to the VA hospital for an Agent Orange registration examination. He's already "Service Connected" by the VA for his cancer problems being caused by exposure to Dioxin. The doctor asked him questions about the past. Questions about Vietnam? I've read everything about this visit to the VA hospital. My husband can see and read everything the doctors put into his medical files from our home on the computer. It was strongly suggested by the doctor for him to seek help with a Psychologist. The doctor stated in her records, "I broke down into tears as this man fell apart before my eyes!" The doctor made his first appointment for him to see a psychologist.

My husband has been diagnosed with PTSD after being out of Vietnam for nearly 47 years. Finding out about what he and thousands of young men, men that were actually kids of 19 and 20 years old went through. Google "Fire Support Base Illingworth, Hell On Earth" and see what those boys went through. I learned how and why a 122mm rocket attack had him diving off the bed in a deep sleep for years. The story about Johnny is heart breaking. I can't mention anything about that here.

So now after all those years he has finally shared with another human being the stories that had him totally captured in crying silence for years. I believe now he can actually start living the life he was intended to live. A life he can finally enjoy. My husband was a volunteer. He asked to go to Vietnam for Army combat duty. He's a good man! Now we enjoy the retired life. The thing that bothers me the most is, he still cries for Johnny. He's taking action though! He will visit Johnny's hometown and go to his grave to say hello to a friend! He will also visit his place on "The Wall" This will be difficult for him but he wants to talk to Johnny. Ground Pounding Grunt to Ground Pounding Grunt once again!

I have a PTSD story that I almost declined to post here because of the severe judgement from people who made the mistake of comparing my story with theirs. My story began in 1965, during the Vietnam War, when I was stationed in Thailand as a member of the U.S.A.F. Of course in my case, and according to many of my counterparts in other branches of the U.S. Military, since I wasn't in the "front lines", and considered by many of them to have been "on vacation", I couldn't possibly have P.T.S.D.

Having the job of crew chief in the Air Force, requires you to be able to accept tremendous responsibility. Not only are you responsible for the condition of your aircraft while it's on the ground, as well as your fellows around it, but you're responsible for the pilot who's flying it in conditions of extreme danger in the skies over the enemy but when it's on training missions, you're also responsible for the lives of those on the ground that's being flown over by it.

Well, for all you naysayers, I've got news for you. If you don't think an Air Force crew chief that served behind the lines can't have P.T.S.D., you need to try to understand that this disease has many, faces with many origins. Hey, WE LOST PILOTS and fellow crewmen in that "little skirmish"!! These were the most precious of our charges and always of the highest priority. I've been through lots of therapy and I have to give credit, where credit's deserved. My therapy has been mostly administered through the V.A. folks and it's been wonderful. I've been able to keep others from being exposed to that secret part of my life, so that I won't be mentally harmful to any one else. It's taken years to get to this point.

When I was honorably discharged I was 22 years old. I'm 71 now! If I were to tell you the entire story, blow by blow, there simply isn't enough time to tell it. I was in S.E. Asia for 2 years 6 months

Now that's March, and storm season is right around the corner PTSD is starting to kick in. Hate storm season.

Very traumatic past as a child abuse maltreatment

ptsd also

I have PRSD due to sexual abuse by a medical provider, a plain old jack*** of a Doctor, and childhood abuse. Med play is exciting, but real life medical situations in which I’m unclothed are terrifying.

First up I would like to say a huge 'Thank You' for those posters who have shared deep, intimate, and often long - suppressed extremely distressing personal experiences. Yes....some people have endured some extremely terrifying situations as regards extremely serious (potentially life - threatening) medical conditions / procedures. The horrifying ordeal of many young combatants in Vietnam (& other areas of war / conflict) evoke feelings of incredible admiration ( for their incredible bravery and fortitude) and also acute sorrow ( that they had to go through such shocking events. PTSD can obviously be extremely serious and distressing....not only for the unfortunate victims, but also for close family / relatives / friends trying to help them. Some of the accounts already posted are extremely moving, yet also inspiring.

Myself, yes....I have experienced PTSD. The root cause is that I suffered extremely serious sexual abuse (lasting for several years) as a very young boy. It is not something that I wish to go into great personal detail about on a public forum...but it was bad, very bad. However, it is remarkable how resilient children can be. Certainly true in my case. I somehow found a way to deal with it and survive.

After it all ended, I managed to get on with my life (successfully ) for many, many years - 47 years to be exact. Yes, I was convinced that I had dealt with it all. Shut away the memories, mentally locked them away, buried them.

In my case, what triggered the PTSD was as follows: I was having an incredibly stressful time at work. Huge stress. Potentially, I was about to lose my job. IMHO I was being unfairly 'scapegoated' and put under constant, intolerable pressure. In brief it began to involve innumerable 'performance management' sessions / observations / incompetency proceedings threats /lawyers / employment tribunals etc., etc. To try and compensate....I was working 80 hour weeks (the bulk of it unpaid overtime ). Something had to give.

I know now (but I could not see it at the time)...I was severely depressed and I had a near nervous breakdown. So.,,.I was now mentally and emotionally extremely weakened. This was around the time of the Jimmy Saville (notorious UK celebrity Paedophile scandal) revelations. Suddenly there were lots of TV programmes and newspaper articles about horrific abuse of children...as more victims came forward and other high profile Paedophile were brought to book for their crimes.

Awful abuse of young girls...but, for the first time, there was a national scandal about horrific abuse inflicted upon young boys, which - to everyone's shame had been ignored / not recognised / covered up for 60, 70 years in some cases. I know there are many similar incidents in the USA too.

I was watching a programme during which a man of about my age (waiving his right to anonymity) was recounting some of his terrible childhood experiences. He was becoming visibly distressed, on the verge of tears, his voice cracking.

That is when it happened (my 'trigger' as I now understand). Because of my own fragile mental state I am sure. I could no longer suppress (much as I tried) the appalling sexual abuse I had suffered myself. To my horror and right out of the blue, images and feelings of something terrible done to me when I was only 7 flashed into my mind. I tried to shut the memory out. I could not. I began to hyperventilate and had to rush out of the room. I just gulped down glasses of water and tried to calm myself down. I was shaking uncontrollably. My wife was very concerned, I just simply said that I felt unwell and that I was going to bed.

But..,I began to have nightmares, waking up soaked in sweat, my heart thundering. I knew this was serious, because I was losing self -control and I could not keep the thoughts / memories at bay. It was just two nights later..watching the BBC TV News. Another item, about the abuse of young boys by a former Bishop in the C. of E & another interview with one of his (now adult ) victims.

I just lost it totally. I could not stop myself...thinking about what had been done to me for 4 years as an innocent, trusting youngster. I just started crying, then shaking, weeping and sobbing uncontrollably. It must have been a huge shock for my poor wife. But I have to say that she was marvellously supportive and understanding.

My job resolved itself when I was offered an early retirement package and I decided to take it. My other issues were eventually resolved ( as much as they ever could be ) following Counselling and Therapy sessions. It was a long road, but I recovered. For anyone who has not suffered any kind of serious trauma, it must be very difficult to understand fully just what PTSD is like. But...with treatment and support (plus medication in some cases) there is always hope...,

Schoolmedsboi Just have to say good for you for getting this far!!! So glad you have a supportive wife and other assistance. It helps to hear that others have overcome trauma like this, and this is the only place I’ve seen it really addressed as it pertains to medical issues.

@Rainydayplay ..many thanks. I like to think that I am fine now. The psychological support and counselling I received was superb, that - and the wonderful understanding of my wife. I think it helped too that (before my near breakdown related to the other problem) I was a mentally strong individual.

Sadly, I have heard / read all too many accounts of individuals whose abuse caused their lives to fall apart. Typically,..things like...suffering depression / anxiety attacks for years, becoming withdrawn, suffering from self - loathing, guilt and low - esteem, turning to drugs, descending into alcoholism, winding up in mental institutions or prison. Most tragically of all - committing suicide.

None of those things happened to me.....but it was a dreadful period of my life once I did 'crack' emotionally / mentally and could no longer suppress the vile memories. Nowadays, I can once again. There have been more high - profile cases again here in the UK recently. In my case, I find that what happens now is that I feel incredible sympathy for the victims and a raging hatred....not just for the perpetrators, but the whole social / legal systems at the time which, inadvertently or otherwise, allowed these shameful situations to continue....

Highly recommend Canyon Heroes to anyone suffering from PTSD.