Hi folks, Even if you're not into diapers, please read. I've been intensely Abdl all my life and like most Abdl's (I think), have had diaper fantasies raging in my head way too much of the time. The idea of losing one's ability to control their bladder is one topic that was especially thrilling to me . With diapers, what's the sense of wearing if you can just go to the bathroom? For me, the whole idea of losing control and doing something like wetting a diaper uncontrollably has a huge naughty factor. My childhood years held a huge trove of memories of humiliation, shame and actual experiences involving diapers. These experiences seem to be a basis of my kink.
Anyways, there is a CLEAR separation between the diaper kink and normal every day life. I like it this way. I want it this way. So....Along comes real honest to god incontinence. The whole package of fantasy and the real need to wear diapers has collided in a huge train wreck. So it's, OH BOY! I get to wear diapers and I'm going to pee them like a toddler. Then there's the REALITY.... I'm going to the store. Put on a diaper because you'll be wet by the time you get home. Get home, change, and go out for dinner, Oops gotta put on a diaper, you'll be wet by the time you get home..... I'm going to the doctor....EEEEEKKK!!!. Put on a diaper. Now you talk to the doctor. Tell him you're peeing your pants. It's hugely embarrassing. Not in a fantasy kinky way either. Also every time you go for any kind of test. you get to display and feebly attempt to explain the diaper. (there's the thought in the back of your head, distant.... you know... I like diapers and you know it don't you). NO!! it's not great. This is the real deal. This is something you can't put away when it's inconvenient it's certainly not a thrill. Then there's the family and friends issue. It's awfully hard to hide the diaper thing when it becomes 24/7. The fact that your inner circle won't abandon you is crucial to me. There's the laundry and disposable diaper issue. It's hard to hide it all. In kinky land none of this is an issue.
Another confusing factor is finding a cure. Mind you, I've been to the doctor and he feels there is nothing threatening, not even pain, just the vague diagnosis of Over Active Bladder. How far do you go to resolve the incontinence problem? That fetish side screams don't!! The "proper responsible adult" where I normally reside side says whatever it takes. The reality is in most cases there may be no "cure". Improvement in symptoms, likely. But no cure. There's also the hugely embarrassing and uncomfortable urinary tests. I would be tremendously reluctant to go thru them for cancer, but I would. Because I pee my pants? Would I as a responsible adult be remiss in not pursuing that treatment? The drugs, I tried one that had painful side effects. They are all now strongly linked to dementia. The only one that doesn't is now being offered, nets the Pharmaceutical Corp 750.00 a month. I figured it out. $28,000.00 an ounce. That's 13 times the price of gold for the active ingredient. I ethically can't accept that. ....or should I and be a good citizen? My insurance will cover the bulk of the expense....?
This dynamic between the huge sexual fetish power and the real necessary need to wear diapers and exist in a normal society is really problematic and hugely unsettling. Every time I put on a diaper this cloud of thrill/dread/guilt/shame hangs over me. It is hugely muddling to me. I suspect I'm not the only one here that had to embrace real medical incontinence while having a diaper fetish. I'm wondering how you handled this issue? How about those of you that don't have a diaper interest?