A woman's explanation of why she enjoys anal sex
This woman writes a powerful and beautiful essay about why she likes anal sex.
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I like anal sex. I really like anal sex.
It's intense. It's this more intense pleasure that makes me feel full, kind of. Full of everything, not just of him. Like, so full and so good, and so intense that I want to cry. I mean, I have cried during. Not crying for being sore, but crying for the goodness and intensity of doing it, of having someone put themselves inside me there. Like crying when you meet someone at the airport, or when you finally achieve something you really want. Crying like that.
Anal is so much more intense, so unspeakably intense, and I think pretty much everything about it turns me on.
I like the whole sexy kinky wrongness of what an ass is for, and what you're doing with it instead when you get fucked there. That it's wrong, but that you actually want to, and that someone wants to do it to you, too.
I like the uncertainty. Doing it, but knowing something could go wrong, so every time you do there's a little bit of relief when its all working and nothing awful has happened, because even when you're completely into anal, and adore it, and doing it with someone tender and careful and sexy, and who knows how to with you, sometimes you still just can't. So when you can, it's slightly a relief, and that relief is a bit sexy too. Like a slight little extra whateverness on top of the rest. The same as with public-places sex and not getting caught, I suppose, even if you don't mind getting caught maybe, but you still don't want to be. Like that.
I like the little rituals of anal. The getting ready. I adore the getting ready. I adore how people think it's special, to fuck you there, and take more care and time and effort about it. Like all the gentle fingering and stroking and asking if you're okay, when with other sex they just stick it in or pull your head down.
I like the actual start, the gentle touches, the stroking and fingering. I like feeling someone's hands on my ass, spreading it, spreading me. Like a caress but firmer, opening me a little, and the way I can feel myself open up, and the back of my pussy lips too, usually, so all of me is involved. I love the moment, kneeling, waiting, while someone gets organized behind me and is about to stick something up my ass. When I'm already lubed, and can feel the lube all cool, and am relaxing myself, so I'm ready and mostly just waiting, a little nervously, expecting what I'm about to feel, anticipating it. Right then, I'm just there. I'm completely there, in that moment, feeling and listening. Hearing his breath, feeling his hands. Feeling me, too. My hands on the bed, my weight on my knees, my toes curled, my back tense. My anxious, unsteady breathing and nervousness.
And then it starts, and he goes up inside me and it's this splendid aching wonderful sore kind of pleasure.
It's wonderful, that's what it is. That first moment, that first sliding into me, it's wonderful. How it kind-of almost hurts, even when it doesn't hurt, and how I feel everything so very much more. That's wonderful.
I like the way it happens, that first push. I like how he goes go into me, not really slowly, even when he's trying to be gentle and slow. Like he's slow for half a moment, half a breath, slow at the very start when he's inside and pushing me open, slow when I'm feeling him filling me, all breathless and acheily intense, slow for the moment that always happens when I think perhaps maybe I can't this time after all, while knowing actually I can. Slow as I hesitate, nervous and a little scared, perhaps having to calm myself down a bit, and relax my insides all over again to let him in me.
Right then he's slow, but only for the time it takes me to gasp and start to say oh god and really feel him, and then he just pushes. He lunges. He goes a little too fast. He just does, pretty much always, if he's a he, so that suddenly he's all the way up inside me, because he just can't wait, even at the same time as I'm still saying ouch. Because I guess, even the kindest guy in the world feels ass and goes a little faster. Or something. And that speediness isn't always good, and sometimes it hurts, but it also kind of means something special that he does. Because even when it hurts, even at the same time as it hurts, it means that he can't wait. And I adore the idea that my insides, those particular slightly icky insides, feel so good that he can't think about anything but fucking me, even if I gasp and shriek and whisper for him to be careful. Weirdly, I like that, and I like that it means so much to me that I don't mind that he hurts me a little and goes too fast.
I like that, and I like all the rest of it, too.
I like how I feel like my insides are shifting slightly around him, making room. I mean, they probably are with any sex, or not, if insides don't do that. But with anal it feels as though they are, somehow more. Like how once he's in me, when he starts to slide back out again, how it makes this momentary emptiness which is almost a relief. I like that it's a relief, but then as soon as he's gone I miss him, too, and then, when he goes back in, it feels good all over again. And then the next time, and the one after, over and over, always that relief and regret, both at once.
I like how it's taking someone else inside my body, but more so. Because it means more there. Like it's more of everything about what being fucked is, I think. It's more of being smaller and weaker and just being had. And it's intimate, too. It's a connection to another person. It's private and personal, even with a stranger. It's sharing something not everyone wants to share.
Most of all, though, I like the intensity of anal sex. I adore the intensity of it. Oh my fuck, the intensity. Anal is just this raw intense fucking with nothing between me and what I feel. It's unrefined and richer and somehow precise, kind of oddly more feeling-filled and less numbed, like fucking in the air and feeling everything, when all other sex is like fucking in water and slightly dulled. I feel more, inside me. More detail and more intensity, as well as more feelings. Anal isn't just feeling pleasure, but feeling an intensity of pleasure, an intensity of everythingness that I can't quite describe. It's like losing myself in me, or like feeling unbearably thin, as if I'm nothing but a thin me-ness wrapped around a cock or a finger or a dildo. Like all of me is slipping backwards into myself there, and everything, all of the world that I care about, suddenly becomes that little part of me.
So yep. I like anal. I really like everything about it, even the bits that are complicated and untidy and a bit ick. I like being fucked there and I like being fingered there and I like fingering other people there, too.
I like it because I feel more. Because it's so intensely good its like finding myself, or touching the divine, or something stupid like that.
Anal isn't just sex. It's like what sex ought to be and hardly ever is.
But it more often seems to be, fucking that way.