How to tell him I'm naturally submissive

I have been in my relationship for 5 years and we have a pretty vanilla sex life.

I love him to pieces, but it is very difficult for me to communicate my emotions let alone to tell him what i may or may not like in bed.

He recently found a conversation I had with another man through some app i downloaded. He basically read a kinky conversation i had w/ a stranger.

No, I never had intentions of meeting this person or having sex with him but it was nice to talk to someone who wouldn't judge me and is knowledgeable. I guess it was just something done out of boredom to fulfill my submissive cravings ? I'm not sure, but i promise you I do not want any other Dick then that of my boyfriends inside me.

I've been doing my share of kinky research and I have found I might be naturally submissive.

I don't like to have to think. I don't want to think I just want to let go. Sometimes I feel i just don't know how or what to do next. I want my man in control of the situation at hand always. I like and almost need that guidance.

He is a great man, and i truly want nothing more then to please him. He is naturally an Alpha male so I know being more dominant wouldn't be a big issue.

I guess I am just overly embarrassed at what he saw and do not know how to tell him I may be naturally submissive-and I'd like him to show more Dominance.

Communicating is not my thing.

He currently hasn't been talking to me at all-we live together.

Every now and then when he makes eye contact with me he makes a look of disgust and turns away.

I cleaned the house spic and span and made him T-bone steak dinner last night, and nothing. Is he punishing me? Do I just let it be until he approaches me? Do i go out and buy some kinky toys and tell him what i may like?

I feel as if he in someway wants to be dominant, but is waiting for me to say it? When he called me out on the conversation i had he threw in a comment along the lines of "That's why I don't fuck you like that". Might of missed a word here and there.... It is a really awkward conversation for me to have especially being so embarrassed of the conversation he read b/c it put the wrong ideas in his head. (I don't want to fuck strangers.The conversation implied I would potentially have sex w/ him had i ever met this stranger.) HELP?

😢

He may be resentful that you were having a sexy conversation with another man. How the hell did he find the conversation anyway? Computers, telephones and any other communication device IS A SEX TOY, and like insertable sex toys, DON'T SHARE THEM and password protect them. My husband and I have our own computers and phones, and neither of us knows the other's passwords.

You have a problem more than he does if you don't communicate because he seemed to be getting satisfied in your relationship or else you wouldn't be together for five years. You betrayed him and he is hurt. If you don't tell him what you want, it's your fault.

I have said this before here, you have to sit down [dressed] at the kitchen table with a pad and pen and get your desires out on the table. Tell him what you want and find out what he wants and is willing to do. Do not defer this or neglect it.

You are clearly submissive when you say you don't want to think or do anything, you just want to let go. You are giving him the responsibility and job of pleasing you, which is fine as long as you're both agreeable to that. My husband and I switch and do some pretty rough and severe scenes. I used to only dominate, but it became tiring because it is a lot of work planning everything out. Now I also submit and endure the pain, but it is more relaxing tied up and flogged in subspace than dominating a scene.

Get over your embarrassment and talk to him. You have no choice. YOU have a lot to make up to him because you screwed up by not communicating and then by letting him find that sexy conversation you had with another man. It doesn't matter if it was a stranger.

The key to your man's heart ISN'T going to be through his stomach. You can fix all the gourmet meals you want but that won't help you because if that's all he wants, he can get that in a good restaurant. You must communicate and show him that you love him. The man wants YOU, your commitment and your love and touch. FIX THIS AND GIVE IT TO HIM.

Actions speak louder than words. I had no idea that my beautiful, strong-willed and confident girlfriend desired domination until I once playfully smacked her bottom and she promptly bent over my lap for more of the same. She had a fear of injections, so I took her to my doctor for booster shots (in the bottom, of course) and she was thrilled although frightened.

Just let your friend know that he should spank you for misbehaving and you will both soon welcome the result of misbehaviour.

@Switchablesusie I have to say that your post is dead on and correct on every level. I'm just going to add my two cents. I don't believe your SO is punishing you because if he were you would know it. I agree that he is hurt and feels very betrayed by your actions. If you are submissive as I clearly suspect you may be just from reading your post, then you need to communicate your needs and be prepared that this may not be his cup of tea. There is nothing more comforting to me than letting go to someone else as I get so overwhelmed in my day to day. But , it takes a lot of communication and respect on both ends to understand one another. I won't go into detail about myself but in a nutshell I am very dark inside and need someone that can understand that. You need to listen to yourself and what you need and as Susie said write it down and communicate . At this point it's sink or swim in my opinion and it may be to late. First and foremost you owe a sincere apology, and have to be prepared for the worst . I wish you the best and keep your devices locked . But maybe you wanted or needed this to happen. Take care.

Submissivlee

I would think your desire to be submissive would be a lot easier to deal with than, say, if you wanted to dominate him.

Communication is key, and in a loving relationship, communication is essential, whether it be about submissive desires or not.

I think if he loves you, he would be interested in whatever your desires you have, particularly if it meant yielding to him & his desires, or doing for him as a submissive. You can probably explore those areas where you would like to function as a submissive, whether it be for play, or more real to the relationship. It would no doubt take time to develop. His mind may not be working that way now, but in time & with time you can make it work together to a point where you're both satisfied in how your submissive role has evolved after a point in time.

Best of luck & hang in there. But regardless of whether or not you purse your submissive desires with him, always remember communication is key in any loving relationship.

Communication is key in ANY relationship, as is being realistic in your needs and wants, and it is a two way street for both parties. Whether or not he is the one you will commit to or not, only time will tell. Sounds like both of you have some growing to do. I see red flags already in what you have written and you both need to sit down and talk one on one. There is a workbook that I would like to email as it is big pdf file that I am working on with the owner of this site but we are having to convert to html and break it down into chapters. I will message you with my email address privately if you are interested in this workbook.

Demystifying D-S - Essential Information for and about submissives

It is a workbook that actually both Dominant and submissive should do together as it will help each other learn about each other. There needs and wants, to get it out in the open. You may also want to take a look at the following link below as this is something new as we are trying to consolidate things into certain categories and certainly worth a look at.

http://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=docs;ox=showcat;cx=6274

Yes, it is so frustrating to have a bunch of thoughts running around in your head and your fantasies are rampant with urges you want to experience. Your frustration level must be sky-high. I hope you open a dialogue soon with him and find a way to get both of you enjoying that side of you that you need so much to share. Keep us posted on how things are going for you.

I 'am reversed was once the alpha but do to becoming incontinence from being diabetic and prostate problems she has took over she is younger and a more dominant person.We work well togather she is the one who had me go back into diapers to keep everything dry.The stigma was very hard to deal with but know just take it in stride,not a ab or anything rough but it still works great.