Why is it so rare to like BDSM just for fun?

I've been a member here for over 2 years I think and I know the negative reception most "50 shades" stuff gets from a lot of BDSM folks but to me its all about that butterflies feeling and excitement and fun. I dont wish to be a slave and I'm not really submissive at all and roleplay creeps me out. Its not like its a health hazard either if youre both reasonable people and dont do anything too extreme. So basically whats wrong with just finding it really hot while not being a masochist or submissive?

There's nothing wrong with and safe and consensual play. Too many people think they need to fit in a defined role. That's bullshit. Just have fun. Consider yourself as a top or bottom or switch, not any more or less.

I don't consider myself a real "BDSM" person because it seems like most ( not all) consider it a lifestyle & there seems to be a line drawn that if you don't practice what I consider the hard core stuff that you are not a true member of the BDSM group .

I agree with Sybiandrive , there should be no defined role . There are so different things that excites one person but not another . It really is an individual preference .

To keep all options open I guess I will just label myself as kinky . 😉

Thank you Bridgette and Sybian! To me its all about fun, its exciting! And its the best feeling ever. But then the BDSM diehards come to tell me that what I like is abusive and it should be about roleplay and sub/master something? Done get me wrong, I like it pretty "hardcore" as in I want to get spanked hard but I dont see myself as a slave, I dont want to call him daddy or master. Its all about looking him in the eye, knowing, smiling.. and then doing it. Mutual respect, love and maybe some embarrassment.

I don't know that BDSM for fun is so rare. I suspect there's a continuum from mild to hardcore, and everyone has different likes and dislikes. Perhaps it's just a matter of negotiating with a partner about what is fun and what isn't. Then dive in.

I'm curious, Cherie, what constitutes BDSM for you? You wrote that you don't want to be a slave or submissive. And roleplay creeps you out. So what part of your perceived BDSM appeals to you? In other words, what activity would you enjoy that smacks of BDSM? Do you want to be dominant with your partner? Or want your partner to tie you up with chains/ropes/straps? Do you want to be rendered helpless and tickled in all the right places? Whatever you desire, you can probably find a partner who would go along with that.

I guess I want that, Sally, what you said, for him to just be dominant, no matter how much I bitch and object.. but in a way that he respects me, that he can look me straight into my eyes, smile and do it. I would never submit to him unless he has the sheer will power to do it. And even then Id make it hard for him. However realistically , I guess I just want a kinky bf who wants to do weird stuff. 50 shades style.

Oh and more... since you asked, I guess im not being truthful. I want a powerful man who can do that. I would NEVER ever submit on my own. I love to be in charge. but in the bedroom, take the edge off, take control, spank me, dont ask for permission. I guess I want that.

I've always considered med fet a type of BDSM "lite." Instead of being strapped to a St. Andrews Cross, you willingly put your feet in stirrups and spread your legs. Instead of being hit with a riding crop for looking at your Dom without permission, you obey the authority figure by bending over a table and accepting a rectal thermometer.

Cherie, I hear you! There's something about an authoritative man, isn't there? In my fantasies, my dream man takes the initiative, but never poses a danger to me. I know him well enough that I don't have to worry about any harm coming to me. That said, I agree with you about the perfect boyfriend who encourages kinky activities and has enough enthusiasm and sheer will power to coax me into complying.

You wrote that you prefer him to just be dominant, "no matter how much I bitch and object." It sounds like you want to be over-ruled after making it hard for him. In a way, that might fall under the category of role-playing. That is, you protest, but he confidently looks you in the eye, smiles, and does what he wants. If you have a 'safe word', that could work just fine. You say you don't want to be submissive, but your description of what you want to do sounds like surrendering to a strong-willed man. If that's not a mild form of BDSM, I don't know what it is.

I feel the same way you do about dominant men, Cherie. And I'm not going to let the hard-core BDSM fans put me down because I want my fun and games to be tailor-made for me.

I've always considered med fet a type of BDSM "lite." Instead of being strapped to a St. Andrews Cross, you willingly put your feet in stirrups and spread your legs. Instead of being hit with a riding crop for looking at your Dom without permission, you obey the authority figure by bending over a table and accepting a rectal thermometer.

Please do not use anything as fragile as glass thermometer in any form of BDSM. Fragile instruments and insertions into delicate areas like the urethra should be done carefully and NOT in conjunction with severe corporal punishment where the submissive/patient is likely to move and injure themselves.

Sally , I could have wrote your last post word for word . YUM ! Cherie we are quite similar in those regards . I do not like to be submissive and will do the opposite of what I am told . But a big strong confident guy ( that I trust completely ) overpowering me and doing what HE wants , OMG soooo flippin hot !!!!

I've always considered med fet a type of BDSM "lite."

Oh, you have NO idea.

I can inflict as much domination and pain, and extract similar levels of intensity and submission in a medical fetish context as i can in the "traditional" BDSM dungeon.

I've been on both sides of the equation, in both settings.

Doc

Yikes but kinda hot too 😃

The truth is that BDSM encompasses a lot of different degrees, and, while you are not into the lifestyle in total, you do enjoy a couple of aspects of it.

From what I see you are what some in the lifestyle would call a kinkster with spanko tendencies.

There is nothing wrong with you enjoying the degree you want; while I have seen some subs and Dominants that are extreme, I have also met plenty of people who like you do not embrace it as a lifestyle but do it instead as an occasional release and variety!

Fencer is exactly right as far as I'm concerned.

As for Docinny45, You know it takes one hell of a strong man, physically and mentally to even start to control me, in or out of the bedroom, and you my love are exactly that man, exactly that strong.

Mashie

Yea, thats true Fencer. Im pretty much in the "if its fun and safe, why not? camp". Kinky, fun, different.. more importantly consensual. So I guess kinkster would be a fitting term maybe.

Oh boy! I guess Ive deleted and rewritten this at least 10 times now. Maybe I just dont like labels. As long as its fun, right?

Totally agree to the fun and pleasure part as am not into pain and torture! Tickling massaging edging anal hooks while tied can be very sensual but as some have said maybe it’s just kinky!

It's really not that rare, I'm a sub, I was in a D/s relationship for many years. It wasn't a 24/7 type but bedroom only more or less. He is a sexual sadist, meaning your gonna cum alot and like it, it was wonderful! But it takes time to build trust! Every relationship is different, admittedly sometimes I want to be pinned to the bed and taken for a hard ride! But sometimes good old fashioned slow hot love making is perfect!

I'm diffenetly in the "if it's fun why not category" . There is so many different levels of BDSM try something see what happens, always play safe, it may just put a big smile on your face!?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with BDSM for the "fun of it". As long as both participants have the same level of interest, let the games begin!

I am Dom and I enjoy being Dom with a female sub. It is better to teach a new sub and more enjoyable. There is always the problem of the sub feeling and saying that is not how my other Dom did it. But............................... I feel it is the stigma that goes with what most people think or feel that a male Dom or even a Domme is this big mean person who will beat his/her sub and he/she will feel a lot of pain.

It is not like that at all. The D/S relationship is like most other relationships. There is a give and take and compromises that need to be made by both parties. As I have said so many times you MUST listen, talk to each other and explore together and find what works for you as a couple. Read what Wolfairl66 posted again because her post is worth reading a few times.

Do not be afraid to try new things, ask questions, exploration is the human way to learn more, see more and do more.........................................