Why are guys more into AB/DL than women?

Why are guys more into AB/DL than women?

90% of the time I see guys on these sites. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing girls in diapers but, for different reasons... Just curious. Plus, I don't get out much 😃

I'm not sure that guys are more into this then girls are, but I do think that guys are more likely to talk about it with like-minded people so we join groups like this one (and in the past we were members of DPF and such).

I think that there are lots of girls into this but for them it's a much more private thing. Also I think that--in general, there are lots of exceptions--most girls enjoy it because it makes them feel loved and secure, while most guys enjoy it because it's a kink that turns us on.

Also, I think that guys tend to talk about such things more. Just like how--if you go to a bar--you'll probably find lots more guys sitting there talking about their sexual exploits than girls...doesn't mean girls enjoy it any less, they just tend to keep personal things personal. At least that's my two cents.

All that being said, I'll pass on something my wife told me years ago. We'd just started dating and I'd just told her about my diapers, she approved and we'd spend weekends together with her keeping me diapered the entire time. Once I talked her into wearing them with me, she said she didn't like feeling all of the bulk between her legs because it reminded her of having to wear pads while having periods. So maybe that has something to do with why some girls don't like this. But there are definitely plenty of them that do!

Okay, I can answer this as a general over all statement. It may not apply to everyone, but it will apply to most.

The reason more men then women are into AB/DL is very very simple and is a psych issue. And no I don't mean that you all are psycho or anything like that. What I mean is the reasons more men are into this than women is because of how the different sexes are wired mentally speaking, as well as outside influences too.

There is an old saying, something along the lines of "the only difference between men and boys is the size of their toys". Think about that saying for a minute. What is it really saying? Also another saying, "boys will be boys".

When it comes to people who pay to be professionally spanked, tied up, humiliated, controlled and the like there are people from every walk of life who enjoy this, both sexes too, but the overwhelming majority of people who pay for these types of services are men. The professions of these men also show a trend, all are position of power and they are pilots, lawyers, judges, and doctors. Why do you think this is?

A basic human need and desire is to be loved and accepted no matter what you do, what sex you are, where you live etc. Women in general are very snugly creatures. We give birth and we get that love and acceptance from our babies for example. We also group together with other women and form our own safe groups where we are loved and accepted. With men this doesn't happen as often. Yes, you may have a group of buddies that you golf with or drink with, but you can't usually let your soft side out with them. And because of how you all are wired you would never ever appear as the weaker male in front of the others. There is nothing wrong with that either. You all are like that for a reason and if you weren't then the human race would have died out a long time ago.

So because men often times do not have these types of groups in which they can "get back to basics" in they have to find it in other ways, other places. Again, a basic human desire and need is to feel loved, safe and accepted. Little boys are raised to be boys, strong. They are taught that they are men and that they need to work hard, support the family, protect them, care for them and be the head of the family. Society works that way and that is just how it is. That will never change no matter what we women or how much we women are raised to be in charge and the head of the family. Now I am not trying to start a debate here as I am a very strong and strong willed woman myself. But again, men and women are wired completely differently and we both are hard wired to do certain jobs or we wouldn't have survived. Men go out and hunt the meat (work), then they kill it and drag it back to the cave (provide for family) for the little woman to fix for dinner. The basic human concepts have not changed in a billion years, because again of how we are wired.

So as children grow, how they are influenced by both nature and nurture, the basic concepts again don't change. However, men never regain the place that they can call their own where they continue to be safe, loved and accepted. The place that they got that growing up was and is mommy. IN mommy's arms little boys don't have to be grown-ups, they don't have to be in charge, or be working. Mommy will always protect and love her little boy. In mommy's arms no matter how old a boy/man is, he will always be a little boy with mommy.

As men get older and further removed from mommy their needs and desires don't change or go away, they will always remain. Over all the reasons men like to be AD/BL's and women like doing it are for totally different reasons. For women, often times it's a submission issue and tickles their maternal instincts. I know that probably doesn't make sense seeing as how she is on the other end, but trust me, it does. And for men, while most would think it is also a submission issue as well, it really isn't. For some maybe it is, but generally speaking it doesn't have anything to do with submission but rather takes them back to being with mommy where a boy is safe, loved, isn't in charge, and is totally accepted. It's the same reason it's men who are the ones that are always wanting to breast feed as adults. If you think about it, when a man is sad, hurting, crying and a woman is the one doing the consoling if able the man will automatically lay his head beside the woman's shoulder so his forehead is basically close to the woman's neck, which puts his mouth closer to her nipple. This is NOT a sexual response at all but a natural one as he needs to be nurtured. If a man and a women are in bed together and this happens if the women puts the mans head at her breasts the man will settle down a lot faster than not. That has actually been proven over and over. And he will for the reasons mentioned above.

I didn't mean for this post to be long, sorry. When it comes to psych issues they can be complicated and you have to be somewhat careful how you word things because they often times can be taken the wrong way. I hope some of what I said makes sense to you.

Mashie

Mashie, Also remember that some guys refer to each other as "old boys". They are older, but still function as boys. Thus your reference to the size of their toys.

As kids, we were cared for and taken care of. But in the mid to late teen years, increasing levels of maturity are expected. You start picking out your own clothes, and having to pay for them. Driving privileges and responsibilities come along. But not everyone relishes the maturity and responsibilities They want the freedom and privileges, but not all of what goes with it. Just look at the number of hours some guys spend on video games and fantasy sports leagues.

So it doesn't surprise me in the least that most ABDL are male. The women are busy running the world.

Yes quincy you are exactly correct. I'm glad you read my post and understood what I was trying to convey. I wasn't articulating myself as well as I could have. Thanks for reading it.

Mashie

I like that explanation Mashie. Thanks for sharing!

I asking myself if there are more men wearing diapers then women wearing diapers, if so want is reason men enjoy diapers.

Judging from the membership here there are more men. For me I'm incontinent.

My experience in real life I think you will find more women in diapers.

There are probably more women wearing diapers, as more women are incontinent... as a fetish/lifestyle it seems to be predominantly male though. Women perhaps have a more negative image of adult diapers given their similarity to sanitary products, and these type of fetishes seem to be disproportionately male in any case.

Nice conventional ABDL theory, Mashie. Expressed in so many ABDL stories. Well written, but still... A big shot executive wants to return to babyhood because he cannot handle the pressure at work? There is no pressure. No "responsibilities". No "hard work" they brainwash their subordinates with. And for the most part no merits. It gets easier with the "career" growth. Golfing with your investors and making visionary decisions while sailing on your yacht: by calling someone in your team to elaborate on the vague idea you suddenly had.

The Hollywood and real life versions of "success" are different. You are talking about a yet another common wisdom for an average man. I suppose there was a time: the golden 50s, 60s, and all the way to the nineties yuppie paradise depicted in numerous movies, when someone average could go to college, get some "management" degree, and just make a "career" by growing at one company via 3% annual increases and automatic promotions. Being a good boy/girl, working long hours, and coming to work at 5am to show his/her dedication. Not anymore. Just like homesteading ended, when all of the land was taken, there are no more jobs like that. All non-creative commodity jobs are either done by machines (computers) or "outsourced".

There isn't much for an average man to do nowadays, and I am glad Europe recognized it with its welfare programs, while the US still insists that everyone (no matter how stupid or clumsy) works for living. The difference is average people no longer grow by just working "hard". And having come from a second-world country I also have a rather strong opinion about the American definition of "hardwork". The sleep deprivation heroics of coming to work at 5am to toss some useless reports until falling asleep by 2pm is not that.

Today one either needs to be born rich/connected or invent something (like Facebook) to succeed. There aren't that many of the former to make any impact on ABDL demographics. And the latter's "little boy psych" is a bit more complex, than the average ABDL pop psychology. Yes, many crave their mommies. But not because of the burden of success and responsibility. Most likely because of the everyday job misery: underpaid and abused by their bosses.

The image of the warm mommy's embrace is so cliche. It can be anything else. One can picture himself a secret agent killing his enemies and sleeping with gorgeous women. Or a slave whipped by a leather-clad goddess. Flying an F-35. Accelerating down the front straight in a Formula 1 car. Being stranded in Antarctica... We all daydream about something unique.

I don't know how to classify my kinks. Yes, I want to return to childhood, but I don't want any mommy or auntie to hug me. I want to suffer in the hands of a mean condescending teenage babysitter. Or a cruel nurse. Many DLs don't have any fantasies at all. They are just into diapers. There is no deep "psych" behind ABDL. It's fuzzy and emotional, like any other kink or fetish. Don't try to rationalize it.

Having said that there are several generic down to Earth reasons for less ABDLs among women.

1. They are more timid and fragile, than men - to open up. Easily offended. They try to stay away from rude horny guys. Any sex-themed community, no matter how carefully managed/moderated, is going to consist primarily of those, Zity included. Nothing you can do about it. There is just going to be more men on sites like this one. Largely the kind women try to stay away from. Look at all the defensive "fuck off" statements in the women profiles here. Not many in men's. Let's be real, shall we?

2. Women are used to pads and other protection. Diapers are nothing exotic for them to fantasize about.

3. Women are raised to be mothers. Most modern societies are still rigid about it. If anything, I can agree with, in the popular psychology, it is men being allowed to do silly boy things, while girls for the most part expected to be "responsible" adults to watch over kids. Makes it hard to imagine yourself one.

Okay, I can answer this as a general over all statement. It may not apply to everyone, but it will apply to most.

I hope some of what I said makes sense to you.

Mashie

Mashie,

Thanks for being motivated to provide a detailed response.

I've lived through the, no control part, with 5 days in ICU; glad of the professional care and the genuine empathy. Reality is nothing like the 'movie behind ones eyes'.

The fantasy stuff --- seems to me to be hearkening back to a time when we became aware of humiliation at not meeting the 'standard' expectations; overlaid with a dose of stimulation triggered by the sensuality of the very soft encompassing and unusual clothing.

@Mashie Oooh you can't say that about men and women being hardwired differently, terribly sexist! haha As it happens I agree with you.

@PottyTrainee Some very interesting thoughts, I agree with you totally about 'hard work' and how the average guy is in a very difficult position nowadays. Also agree that big execs have no responsibility. If they bugger up, they just resign with a golden handshake and probably a pention. They can ruin a hell of a lot of lives and get away with little but a slap on the wrist. I like the idea of that condescending teenage babysitter. Must try and find some stories about that scenario.

Daniel1984 said

@Mashie Oooh you can't say that about men and women being hardwired differently, terribly sexist! haha As it happens I agree with you.

That NOT sexist, That's biology. Men and women have definite differences.

@SwitchableSusie Oh yes as I said I agree, just there are some people who can't accept it because of their ultra-feminist ideology... apparently. Heard of one fellah who almost lost a university faculty place because he said it. I won't swear to the truth of that mind, just sommat I read in a book.

I've been following the ABDL scene all my life. While I agree that it seems that there are far more men that are abdl, the women seem to be catching up fast. There's a lot more women showing up on other forums now. Mostly in their late teens and early 20's. Zity Biz seems to attract a more mature (older) group, so maybe most of the younguns' are turned off by us.

Also todays youth seems to be more accepting of diapers within their peer groups and that trendiness may make it appealing to more women. Diapers may have a facet of rebelliousness by the youth. Diaper loving would make a great anti establishment statement. Possibly the family structure that has seen tremendous change in the last 30 years has begun to affect the ladies with the same insecurity that comes with males entrance into adult society and the desire retreat into a more secure time.

Nearly all sex forums attract far more males than females. I'd like to think males are more kinky. But I suspect what's going on is men seem to have the desire to openly explore their ABDL side more than women. I know of two ladies that are totally into diapers. But that is kept between them and their close girlfriends. I wonder if women just don't have the desire to use the forums to explore this side of themselves. Also it's well known that girls are frequently oppressed by the weirdos that don't understand courtesy and privacy. So one trip to the discussion boards and that's the end of it.

Anyways, I think there's a lot more women enjoying diapers than there appears.

I suspect women are every bit as kinky as men are, if not even more so, the difference being they tend to keep such matters to themselves or within their peer groups with other women, while relegating men as "outsiders." Men, being more likely to disclose their kinky natures, often do so to attract like-minded female partners, who tend to be more reserved with such disclosure, especially in public media venues.

This question seems to be a commonly asked question in these communities with very similar responses. It seems like most of us agree that even though it would seem like this is a male dominated kink because of the lack of women who are members of communities like this one but those numbers aren't an accurate representation of how many women are really into it.

I think that part of the discrepancy is because these types of communities appeal to more men then women. I think we need someone who's good with statistical analysis to compare the number of women who visit that are into diapers vs the number of men who visit and are into diapers to get a more accurate comparison.