Found out about my boyfriend's fetish and I don't know what to do. Please help.

I just found out my boyfriend has a medical fetish and I don't know what to do about it. I discovered it by accident on his computer. He doesn't know that I know and I imagine it must be very difficult for him to share something like this with me. I already tried talking to him about it several times (before I knew the truth) and he said he wasn't into anything. We talked about general fetishes, what turns him on, I asked him if there's something he would like me to do to him, we visited an online shop and looked for toys and he wasn't interested in anything... basically, anything I tried didn't work and now I don't know what to do about it.

I know he visits this site and I loved reading his stories, I just wish he would share them with me in person so we can have some fun together. Maybe only strangers turn him on, I don't know. I feel hurt and sad and a little betrayed. I don't mind him reading stories and watching videos, but having an online relationship with someone is a deal breaker for me.

How do I approach this topic with him one more time to get a better response? I was thinking about buying a box of toys for him with a note: I know. Let's play😃. What do you think? Any other (verbal) suggestions?

Please share how you told your partner about your fetish. Thank you so much!!!!

Are you interested in joining in with his fetish?

Yes, of course, I would do anything for him.

Did you spy on his computer? If you did, your being trusted may be questionable and that may make it harder to bring it up, but give it a try anyway.

Yes and no. He lets me use his computer and this time his email was open. I noticed he got a notification from this site and I read his username. Then I signed up myself and looked his profile and that's how I found out about it.

Hello Samby , welcome to Zity . I would like to suggest that you just tell him . Presentation goes a long way tho . Wait till you are both in a good mood maybe when you are cuddling or just spending some quiet time together . Let him know that he can feel comfortable telling you anything and that you will never judge or hold it against him . Then tell him what you discovered . Tell him that this is something that you would love to share with him whenever he is ready. No rush , no pressure . Also let him know that there may be somethings that you and he may like or may not like and thats its ok .

This should open the door . Wishing you the best of luck ! ???

Thank you bridgette for your kind reply. I know it would be best to just tell him but I'm afraid that he'll get defensive and deny everything. I'd rather make him tell me himself. I will try again when we're cuddling like you suggested and I'll be very gentle. God, why is this so difficult? I'm nervous just thinking about it. I guess this is how he must be feeling too. I love him so much, he is my everything and it breaks my heart that he feels he needs to hide it from me.

I'll try to do it this weekend when I see him. Keep your fingers crossed all goes well.

Thank you again for your kind words. It means a lot to me and gives me hope. You're the best😃

Samby, i think time is a key element here. If you give it time, in time he may be more comfortable with himself having the fetish that he could begin to share his with you. In the meantime, i think you're doing a good job being supportive. You want to be careful letting on how much you know because you want to build the trust & not be suspected of snooping.

Key is he has to be ready. Otherwise it could drive a wedge in your relationship.

My partner still has no knowledge of my fetishes. I prefer to keep that to people i meet that already also have similar fetishes. Bringing new live people in real life into my fetishes only came about when i was ready. And because i waited until i was ready, incorporating my fetishes into my life has allowed those fetishes and my life to thrive.

For now, maintain an impression that you're open to anything, trying new things, & sharing of yourself with him, in the way of secrets, kinks, etc, so he will begin to think that you can actually fit into his private communities, or at least into his secret fetish world.

Healthy44, thank you for your reply. You are right. I never thought about that maybe he is not comfortable with himself yet. This makes a lot of sense. I remember the other day when I was cleaning the house he saw me put on some rubber gloves and said smiling "Are you going to examine me?" and I said playfully "Would you like me to?" and then he immediately stopped smiling and just said "No." and walked away. You are absolutely right. He is not ready.

I promise I won't snoop. Privacy is important to me too and I want him to be happy and feel safe.

So for now, I will talk to him more about my likes and let him get to know me better first and maybe then he will feel comfortable enough to open up to me too.

Thank you for your advice. It really helped me and I feel much better now.

Some ideas: Ways that you can try to gravitate into making him more comfortable to get you involved.

1. At the right time (like during intimacy or you'd know better when it's right), suggest or offer him the option of roleplay, letting him choose roles & scenarios. Go along with whatever he chooses, even if it's not medfet. Getting used to incorporating roleplay into your lives can lead the way to medfet eventually being roleplay.

2. Suggest that you want to take turns playing doctor on each other, as it appeals to YOU. If you make it about "your" medfet, he may learn to incorporate his desires into the relationship.

3. Follow the advice of the .38 Special song Hold On Loosely. He may feel the need to use online activity as an escape if he feels smothered.

4. Try to be open to giving him as much sex as he wants. If he is satisfied to a worn out status, he will have neither the desire nor the energy to cheat.

5. Avoid sounding judgmental on any issue. If he feels you are judgmental on many things, he will never want to open up to you, for fear of being judged. Which is why we like this website community so much, because people are open with their fetishes and for the most part, don't judge others on theirs. Him finding a similar online community is actually healthy & a step in the right direction.

One of the reasons time is a healer for folks who are not ready to step out of their fetish closet is they often think they are alone, & sometimes they are afraid of being mislabeled because the outside world does not understand nor relate to fetishes as normal in a public sense. A lot of what you rea discussed here is never discussed with people in the outside world, where folks are judgmental & keep their own fetishes hidden safely away.

Again, patience & time is the key, And because you're so understanding & supportive & want to be involved, eventually your relationship should thrive.

Are you truly interested in Medfet, or just trying to please your partner?

If the two of you watch porn together, try watching a medfet type movie and let him know that looks like something you'd like to try.

If you have an annual exam coming up, invite him to join. That should give you some feedback as to his interest level.

Would be great to know what’s happened ever since

If you looked at his profile, you would have seen he has not been here in four YEARS.

Despite being an old thread, this has value because other people may have the same problem with their partners and this may give insight on how to deal with it.

My advice is to be patient if you can. He might be trying to figure out how to tell you. In fact, he might still be trying to figure himself out.

I have stated several times on zity that people who are on social media sites where sexual activity or dating is discussed should NEVER share computers for any reason. For that matter, cmputers with bank or other fiduciary information should not be shared. The log-ons on all computers should always be password protected. It is NOT enough for people to have separate log-ons.

Consider a computer to be a contaminated sex toy.

Had my advice not to share computers been followed, this would not have been a problem.

This thread has actually helped me come up with a plan to talk to my husband about my fetish. I have seen some solid advice and I honestly don’t want him to feel like I’m hiding anything from him if he were to find out by accident somehow.

This thread has actually helped me come up with a plan to talk to my husband about my fetish. I have seen some solid advice and I honestly don’t want him to feel like I’m hiding anything from him if he were to find out by accident somehow.

TheDesireIsReal,

After reading this post of yours I reviewed your Profile. We have a couple or a few kinks/fetishes in common, notably enemas, butt plugs, being submissive in bed to my (ex-)GFs or ex-wife. I'm a straight male switch but really enjoyed trading enemas with her, mostly with me as her sub, though she liked enemas too so I acted Dom to her sometimes so she could enjoy receiving enemas too.

I'm just curious about which fetish(es) you want to discuss or reveal to your husband? Does he know of any of them? I'm glad you found some useful discussion methods in this thread. Good luck with your husband talks.

Eric

This thread has actually helped me come up with a plan to talk to my husband about my fetish. I have seen some solid advice and I honestly don’t want him to feel like I’m hiding anything from him if he were to find out by accident somehow.

Another thread about sexless marriages motivated me to bring up my frustration with my wife. Turned out she was frustrated as well. Our situation is complicated and we couldn’t return to the sex life we previously had, but we adapted. Communication is so important in a healthy relationship. Glad to hear this thread was helpful for you.

Dejar Samby,

I think you should invite him to your anual physical exam, just casually, only to feel you save. After that Im sure its would be a good point to start some honest conversations about your physical and led to his physical and medical fetish.

Be patient because sometime oír fethises are something embarrassing for us.

To me the obvious approach is to send him a message and link up with him on Zity, I saw that it had been a number of years since he has been on. He will get email notifications from the site if you make contact. I also suggest that you rely to his posts, that way you can express your own feelings and MedFet desires. Worth a try! Everything to gain nothing to lose Good luck

First of all, Samby, you sound like a fundamentally open-minded and very supportive partner, and I think your boyfriend is a lucky guy, particularly if he can summon up the courage to be honest with you about his fetish. Here's some thoughts for you to consider as you move ahead, and best wishes to both of you for a happy resolution to your dilemma.

1) It is natural and completely understandable to feel hurt and a bit betrayed, particularly since you have asked him point blank about his desires/interests. I have myself been on the other side of this issue, having not revealed the full extent of my med fet interest to my wife (she knew it turned me on, but not that I played doctor, by myself, when alone.) When she found some toys and med fet porn in a guitar case about 10 years ago she felt that way too, and I felt terrible and ashamed, both for having hid the stuff and for hurting her. We worked through it, thankfully, and though she understands my med fetish, she does not share it. When she found the stuff, I told her, "you have a snapshot of the inside of my brain--but I don't have one of yours." Turns out, however, she's really very conventional in her sexual needs, and I'm thrilled and honored I can help her fulfill those. That's a compromise we've worked out. Our marriage (and our sex life) is in all other respects fabulous. This year we will celebrate our 40th anniversary.

2) As you can tell from #1 above, shame and guilt over my fetish is a part of my story--which like the fetish itself, has its roots in childhood and adolescent experiences that are mine alone and potentially embarrassing and difficult to explain. My sexuality has been indelibly impacted by them and will likely remain for the rest of my life. Consider that as you consider how to respond to your boyfriend, who likely has his own deep-seated secrets he's afraid to reveal, even to you, for fear of judgment and rejection. You should NOT 'confront' him with your discovery, he will not react well to having been spied on--even though he's been hiding this from you. Several good suggestions offered in other posts here.

Please consider joining us here on Zity, and again, best of luck--could be a real happy ending to this story!

It's called role play.. your solution is simple, be his patient..buy an enema bag while you are at it. if you give into his fetish, he may want to marry you. You are welcome here to learn more...

The OP on this thread has not been here for 5 years, so most likely will not see any comments.

Oops--don't I feel dumb, didn't see the OP was 5 years ago (thanks Dr Z)... guess that ship has sailed, eh? Wonder what happened... 😉

He was found brutally murdered hanging from a meat hook in a restaurant freezer.

Suspect is still at large ......

LOL for real, jonormal! Guess he had a snuff fetish...

This might not be what you’re looking for, but if I were you, I would just invite him with you to your next exam. Or surprise him with pictures. My boyfriend let me know that this was his thing, and I’d never heard of it before, but I was curious and wanted to participate. I sent pictures from the exam room, some discreet but some were showing everything. I feel like your bf would be even more excited if it was a surprise. Instead of telling him you’re into it.. show him. After I sent pictures upon my bf’s request, I invited him with me the next year. By this point, I saw how much he loved the photos from the year before, and I knew it would turn him on to be in the room. I’ll spare SOME details, but he took his own photos… some that I knew about before the doctor came in and some that I didn’t know about during my exam. After the gyno left, we had sex on the medical table and it was the best we’ve ever had. I realized that I loved it, too

Long story short.. don’t question what his fetish is since you already know— use the element of surprise to just send him what he wants

The original poster might be long gone but there are always others reading this and some might be in the similar situation. So it's always possible that some readers find this discussion and the advices given useful.

My current girlfriend had no experience playing doctor before meeting me. Don’t even think it crossed her mind. So I was nervous to bring it up. Once we reached a point where I felt some sincere trust existed between us, I just decided Now Or Never. One night I asked her if she would “help me with a fantasy Ive had for a long time”. That got her interested. She smiled and said yes. I said “I want you to take my temperature in my bottom.” She kept smiling and said OK and off we went. That was the beginning and her rectal temp taking skills have only improved, and also gotten a lot naughtier and unprofessional!

In my case, my sister paved the way with my girlfriend from Junior High School with their girl talk. Then years later, it was more or less the same with the girl I married.

As preteens, our RN grandmother taught us to administer enemas to ourselves, an our sister to douche. Within six months after being taught personal hygiene, my sister an I started giving each other enemas after school in the afternoon. A few weeks later, our brother got home really early from practice, because it was a rainy day. He walked in the bathroom, just as my sister slid her index finger in my anus to lubricate me, before she inserted the nozzle. The only thing he said was, “I need one too”, as he took his clothes off. My sister look over at him and replied, “ok, but I’m next, then I’ll do you.”

A year or so later, after school one afternoon, my girlfriend an I were doing our homework together when she started having period cramps. She got up and said, “I need to talk to your sister.” I didn’t realize it at the time, but she asked my sister, if she wouldn’t mind giving her a couple of enemas. Next thing I knew, both girls disappeared and when they reappeared, my girlfriend was feeling much better. Later that evening, as I walked her home, she told me what happened. Unbeknownst to me, my sister told her about our enema activities after school in the afternoon. Telling her, next time you need to ask my brother (meaning me) when you need a couple of enemas. He gives me enemas whenever I ask, and he’s really good at it. A month or two later she did asked, and I said, “sure, as long as you give me a couple as well.” That’s what got us started giving each other enemas, with few a exceptions, once a month during her period through High School. All thanks to my sister.