How do you feel when your partner does sexual things for you THEY don't enjoy?

How do each of you feel if your partners do sexual things for you that they don't really get anything out of or outright don't enjoy, but they do it because you like it? How does that make you feel?

Personally it would make me feel pretty terrible actually.

Depends. I would be grateful & appreciative, but also feel awkward. What's the alternative. Go out & get what you want/need someplace else? With somebody else?

My husband and I both have things that the other isn't that into, but we entertain each other's interests. We can't be 100% into all of the things all of the time and I'm okay doing things that make him happy and to have that reciprocated.

I prefer she likes what she is doing for me. I like for her suck me. I cum in her mouth then she will.french kiss me. Passing the cum to me. I ask her ever so often. Does it bother u to do this. She says she really likes it. Makes her wet... so that makes me feel good and knowing she likes doing it. Makes me even harder in her mouth... as for me. I would do anything she ask.

I feel flattered. My ex boyfriend I and had that kind of relationship—we both had out kinks, and we accommodated each other. That’s part of what being in a relationship entails. And that’s how I discovered a lot of knew kinks.

At least in my marriage, when I introduced my wife to all types of anal play and anal sex she wasn't a huge fan and she still isn't. But from time to time she does do anal play on me and occasionally we'll have anal sex. For me, it makes me feel wonderful that my wife is being very giving and she likes doing it for me which is a turn-on for her. I will say I don't push the anal play that often. When I suggest it and she doesn't want to do it, I drop it and don't make her feel bad for not doing it. So we have our boundaries and it seems to work.

It depends on how I think they actually FEEL about it, not whether or not they actually enjoy it themselves.

If I think it makes them happy to tend to me and my needs/wants/desires, then I feel good about it and feel loved.

But if I think they're rolling their eyes on the inside, NOT having any fun pleasing me, and just trying to "maintain" the relationship, then I won't have a good feeling about it.

At that point, it's time to find a good relationship therapist who is also a sex therapist that you're not embarrassed to talk in front of.

With my husband I would have sex with him because I thought I had to, that I owed it to him, that it was my wifely duty. I hated sex in general, not just with him but with everyone. So looking at it that way, I can answer that and say yes.

Now when I met Doc something changed. It had been 13 years since I had had sex. I attacked Doc, I ripped his clothes off and just took him. I had never done anything like that before ever, I was never the aggressor. From that first night sex wasn't a chore, something I hated or something that I felt I had to do. I wanted to do it and I loved it.

For Doc and I we have found that for the most part we both are in 100 percent total agreement on what we wanted, enjoyed, and did in bed, or sexually speaking. There are some things that I want to happen that he has basically put his foot down on and refuses to do, but it isn't anything between us alone. I want people to watch us have sex, and I want to see him with another man, not necessarily having sex, but getting examined by for example. He will not do either of those.

But other than those things, we are 100 percent copacetic

Mashie.

Sounds like you found the right partner.

😁

If it makes you feel bad, or uncomfortable, no. I would not want my partner to do anything that they don't like or get turned off. Having said that, I have been fortunate to have partners that are willing to try almost anything at least once. Within reason. No cutting, blood, etc. If it doesn't do anything for me but partner likes it, no problem. And there has been a partner in the past that things just happen, and we just kept exploring.

But other than those things, we are 100 percent copacetic 😁

That is so nicely said. I thought copacetic went out of use after they repealed Prohibition ... ha ha.

It's good to see a wordsmith put that cute word back to use. 😃

LOL, thanks Agracier. I have a few favorite words and that is one of them along with behoove, and discombobulated.

Mashie

Right now - I am hoping that my husband will see how much I like what I've found, he just seems a little lost, maybe I've sprung too much all at once. But I've done things with him - for him, that I wasn't real sure of, and I know he likes it, so I came to like it too. It is about give and take - I like making his toes curl, and if it isn't something I am totally into, it doesn't matter as long as it gets him off.

So right now - I am trying to get him into enemas, or at least giving me enemas, or trying to see that I have found something new that he might like as much as I do. I think it will just take time - and a lot of talking, which he isn't real good at, but most men aren't, I think that is just how guys are built. It's about give and take.

...it will just take time - and a lot of talking, which he isn't real good at, but most men aren't...

Lora, you hit the nail square on the head. In my experiences, this is the number one challenge in straight couples when it comes to getting needs met, especially sexual ones. Same-sex couples don't seem to have this problem so much.

My wife will not do ANYTHING for me sexually that is the least bit out of her vanilla mind set. Once upon a time, way back when, I asked her to "help" me take an enema and during the whole time the water was flowing I heard a continual stream of invective about how much she hates "these things" and doing what I asked her to do for me. That was the last time I ever asked her for anything out of the ordinary. Come to think of it, she doesn't like doing even the ordinary things that occur in most sexual relationships. In many ways she is just a (not so) good house keeper., but after so many decades of being married to her I guess it is a little too late to consider a change. My understanding of how she feels about anything kinky just shuts me down and turns me off. It makes me feel bad, perhaps even a little guilty, if I want something I suspect is not totally vanilla because it will devolve into a very negative confrontation. Her mind set and attitude almost bring me to tears at times and sure makes me tempted to look elsewhere for sexual satisfaction.

I don’t enjoy any part of sex with my wife if she doesn’t enjoy it. It turns me off completely. Early on I realized she hated sucking my cock even though I’m only about 5.5” long, so that ended early in our marriage. She also is disgusted by anything anal which has been my biggest disappointment because anal stimulation is my biggest turn on. Since menopause she doesn’t want or desire sex at all. She is willing to play around with me but I know she is not really interested in it so I just don’t feel right doing it. So I play with myself alone.

How do you feel when your partner does sexual things for you THEY don't enjoy?

There is a BIG difference between doing something they don't enjoy, something they do not like, something they do not want to do and something they will not do. A person can also be neutral about doing something or will do it because they know their partner likes it.

In my younger life, I know there were sexual things my partners and I did that some of the boys/men didn't like and/or sexual things they didn't want to do but we did them anyway. I was perfectly OK with that because there were things they wanted me to do (mostly fuck them) and I felt an accommodation, price or tribute of sorts was due---and I DO NOT mean money or gifts. Their submission to these acts was a means of widening my sexual experience and repertoire. Despite their not liking certain sexual acts, yet doing them anyway, meant they DID want to do those things, however reluctantly, to receive "the prize."

I guess I had a lot of macho looking but covertly submissive partners during the first six or seven years of my sexual life because this happened a lot. I never felt bad about it because ultimately, we both got what we wanted.

Oh! . . . . I almost forgot, I AM THE DOMME.

Oh! . . . . I almost forgot, I AM THE DOMME.

LOL! That made me smile..

I would not like it a bit. I say that because of my ex-fiance came in my mouth the first time I agreed to give him a blowjob. It was bitter and slimy. But the worst part was him shoving my head down on it. I was gagging also. I hated it. Then he kept begging sometime later and promised not to grab my head and shove it down. He still did it. Same gross taste. I gave him a kiss and spit in his mouth and then said,"there you can have it back." He almost threw up. He never asked me again after that.

@Tabitha32

As a jerk in college I came in a girls mouth with no warning Totally revolted her. A simple “I’m coming” would have defused the situation - she could have pulled off or not. My wife let me come in her mouth because she thought I wanted to. She gagged and we never did that again. Cumming in the mouth shouldn’t be a big deal unless the receiver likes it. You had a bad experience. @tabitha32 Hope he learned his lesson.

I'd be nonaroused or very quickly turned off. I need to know that my partner is enjoying at least the whole of the evening and preferably every part of it, or I literally cannot enjoy myself. I once turned my first wife down for giving her an enema because I knew she really didn't want to do it. Intimacy and sex is so both people can enjoy themselves and obtain whatever they need from having it with their partner.

Eric

It depends on how I think they actually FEEL about it, not whether or not they actually enjoy it themselves.

If I think it makes them happy to tend to me and my needs/wants/desires, then I feel good about it and feel loved.

But if I think they're rolling their eyes on the inside, NOT having any fun pleasing me, and just trying to "maintain" the relationship, then I won't have a good feeling about it.

At that point, it's time to find a good relationship therapist who is also a sex therapist that you're not embarrassed to talk in front of.

I posted below, but this post from Radio actually explains it even better. It depends on how she actually feels about what she's doing. I might receiprocate and do the same for her.

Eric