Punishment for dom

So I really embarrassed my sub at a party her boss and other work people attended. I was bored so I played with the remote control vibe in her and I was feeling evil so I made her cum without thinking where we were. she's quite upset with me and I feel guilty about it. if the situation was reversed I know exactly what kind of punishment I'd give her and I feel I should be punished just like she would but also I think its unfair that I decide and I'm worried asking her to punish me could change our dynamic.

You have to take your dynamic into account. You really can't be a Dom and allow your sub to top you unless you have a service top relationship.

Sometimes you MUST get out of your roles and deal with matters that should not have purposely happened or were the result of an accident.

It's bullshit to stay in your roles when real life must be dealt with.

It isn't necessarily a matter of being punished by your submissive partner. You have to get matters straight between the two of you. Don't let your games ruin a relationship.

Discuss it with your sub how it would be best to punish you for your misbehavior(even Dom's misbehave). It could have had a terrible impact on her job with her being made to cum in such an environment as this party. Do what works for your relationship. Make things right with your sub.

I think this comes down to the safe, sane and consensual rule a bit. Whilst I'm in no way accusing you of not being consensual (she presumably did agree to having the vibrator inside herself) maybe there was a slight over stretching of boundaries in a situation where a safe word wasn't appropriate.

I would just discuss it, apologise for what you did (even Dommes can apologise sometimes 😉) and agree some ground rules for if you want to play in a similar situation in future.

Letting her punish you might change the dynamic so why risk what has been a solid and fun relationship to date. Apologise, work out how to make sure it or similar issues don't arise again and then move on.

And put some new batteries in the vibrator, it sounds like they might be needed!

Yeah right.

She's at a party engaged in conversation and you make her cum by remote control. Sure.

She didn't just go to the powder room and yank the thing out. Sure.

It's internal and yet the external clit can't ignore it. Sure.

Orgasm is a product of happy concentration on the excitement and is a little impeded by holding a conversation and a cocktail glass.

I think this is a happy little fantasy about having your butt warmed but it is not something to be taken seriously.

Maybe turnabout is fair play. Have her do the same thing to you.

If you are her Dominant I don't see a problem with making her irgasm in public. That's your choice and why you feel the need to be punished doesn't make sense to me.

One issue I see is this whole thing out in public with the 'norms'. If this were done at a munch or at a party with other likewise thinking individuals, then no issue. My thought is, what were you thinking as the Dominant? You were bored so it was alright to embarrass your sub in front of her employers.... my first thought is .. not cool. If bored try something new.. like talking to people you haven't or just met. You were bored also makes me wonder as well. If you were bored then you weren't in control of the situation. I'll stop now. My mind is racing and I don't like the direction it is moving in.

It was a cruel thing to do. You DO NOT deserve to have her as a sub. What goes on at home should stay at home. Being at a party with her boss and co-workers. Well that's just tasteless and rude!

As switchablesusie said, "Sometimes you MUST get out of your roles and deal with matters that should not have happened or were the result of an accident."

"I"t's bullshit to stay in your roles when real life must be dealt with."

I have never been a fan of sub punishing doms. I think it really messes with everyone's head space. Owning one's actions is part of being a leader. I think you owe her an apology, should take her out for a nice date and give her a good time to make up for it.

I long ago told my girl that I will screw up and make mistakes. If you have a sub who thinks doms can not mistakes she needs to rethink that.

In short my guess is you can fix this, it will just take some humility on your part.

Any dominant of mine must enough self control not to cross a significant boundary simply out of boredom or they will get kicked to the curb.

I think sitting down and re explaining and disscussing roles and boundaries is important, additionally treat her with a nice massage, punishing yourself will not help her get over it.

Like above, Doms make mistakes. In this case it's not about punishment for you but rather how to acknowledge your mistake and making it right. Conversation, perhaps something nice that you know she likes for a peace offering. Sometimes I think we get too carried away and forget the human element in the Dom/sub relationship and that everything has to be Dom/sub. So send her to the spa for the day. And be done with it.

I know this is old... but I think what should have happened was a a Dom man to come in and give you a long hard spanking while she witnessed it.. This was needed in my mind because you feel bad... you need release.. the humiliation of being spanked by a man in front of your sub, would likely have been good for you and let your sub know how sorry you felt... I hope things worked out.

Maybe turnabout is fair play. Have her do the same thing to you.

If you are her Dominant I don't see a problem with making her irgasm in public. That's your choice and why you feel the need to be punished doesn't make sense to me.

NEITHER of you know what the hell you are talking about. AMATEURS!

You don't do that sort of thing at a party where co-workers or non-BDSM people are present. It could have serious consequences for her job and reputation.

I stand by my post #3 from two years ago.

This is NOT a matter of a sub punishing her Domme. It's a matter of getting things straight between the two of them in their relationship.

It would appear the OP doesn't have the maturity needed to be a Dom. Your sub trusted you, trusted that you would always take care of her and do the right thing. You abused that, and if I had to guess, I'd bet your sub was way more hurt than angry. The only punishment fitting what you did, would be to lose your sub, for good. The trust is gone.

Changing roles adds confusion. If you deserved punishment let someone else administer it in front of your sub.