Low Libido

A question for the guys...

Have any of you experienced a lack of intimacy with your wives due to their disinterest in sex? My wife has avoided sex since the day we met. Sometimes I think that she might actually have a desire for other women, but I'm not sure. She gets mad when I bring up the topic and tries to avoid it. I'm confused and don't know what to do.

If you have encountered a similar experience, what actions did you take to overcome it? Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Mine ended in divorce. Her idea of sex was that I took 45 minutes to get her off then she'd lay back and let me relieve myself. No sense of adventure or passion.

I am on the opposite situation and am married to a man who does not like sex

There are a TON of men on this site whose wives have lost interest in sex - but mostly due to the approach of menopause combined with a poor history of communication and declining sexual satisfaction over the years.

But to say she has avoided sex since the day you met makes me question how well you knew her before you got married? I married my high school sweetheart - but not until we spent a few years fucking like minks. I feel bad for people whose partners lose interest in sex, but have a hard time feeling sorry for someone had fair warning going into it. Sorry.

I think it depends on how the rest of your relationship is. If everything else is great, then maybe she's just never found a way to really enjoy sex or is uncomfortable with it. If this is the case, buy her some massage oil and ask to use it on her, or find one of those role play card games where you pick a card and it describes a scene. try to find what turns her on or gets her curiosity up. But if she's shown interest in sex with others or before you met her, you should probably find someone else. Lack of sex is very difficult, my boyfriend has 0 libido due to medications and its a struggle even knowing he wishes it were different and its out of his hands at the moment. Being with someone who has no interest in sex with you and no medical condition to cause this usually means there not that into you.

@ Primetime

I am very curious... why would you marry someone who avoided sex from the day you met?

I had a problem with just a general incompatibility with my ex. Our sex life was fine in the beginning of our relationship but the longer we were together things got really stale. After we were married it was like he thought he'd break me if he got as rough as he used to so I lost interest in doing it at all, my libido dropped like crazy, he stopped initiating anything. It was a mess. So we're getting a divorce and I'm enjoying casual (safe) sex again.

My question to you is why are you still with this woman. It seems that she did only what was necessary to get a man and then cut off her feelings, once she got what she wanted...You are talking just about sex; what about all he other things that it takes to make a marriage, and are you happy with your life and have you asked her if she is happy with her life. DO NOT allow her to avoid you. Communication is the most essential part of any marriage. period.

I think sex drive can be affected by many things some of which are definitely physical in nature. But if you are not taking any meds and are relatively healthy and have low sex drive then it probably is a relationship problem.

I think the sexual side of a relationship is a leading indicator of how the relationship is going overall. If he the sex is in decline, then things in the marriage are probably deteriorating and in your case never seemed to right from the beginning.

If you are unhappy about not having sex and you really are at the end of your rope, then I think it may be its time put all the cards on the table and tell her how you feel. If the marriage blows up which is a terrible thing to go through, it still is better than living in an unhappy life. If the talk reveals something that can be fixed, then maybe things can be put back together.

Doing nothing is probably the worst thing you can do.

Ill start with statement, womans are complicated! But i advice You to wit down with her and talk about it but talk about your emotion and how You feeling about this subject. Ask her whats going on. My wife has most of the time low libidio but its due to high stress at work and overworking. In case of woman its not the best combination if You looking for a lot of sex. There maybe a lot of reasons thats why it is important to raise this subject with her, communicate with her. You need to make her realise that sex its very important in relationship but in the same time that You love her very much ( i assume u do) and situation like this destroys your relationship. Be understanding and if neccessery look for professional help.

I'm in a similar situation right now. My wife and I had good sex the first few years of our marriage. But now (primarily since menopause) she has no interest in sex at all. Although I don't think it's fair to blame it 100% on menopause. I just don't think she really likes sex.

I've tried to introduce various toys into the bedroom, but nothing really seems to spark her interest. She has no interest, no sense of adventure, no willingness to try new things, or to even put forth any effort to do the same old things. If I insisted, she would have sex with me, but when she does, she would just lay there as if she's just doing it out of some sort of "duty" to me. Where's the fun in that? I've basically given up at this point.

My wife and I are both senior citizens now. Sex when we first married 25 years ago was good, but she never loved sex. As time went on, sexual intercourse became rarer and rarer. On top of that she developed a situation where insertion of the penis became painful. Lubrication didn't help.v She is always willing to get me off manually, but she has little desire to get off herself. But, maybe every 6 or 7 weeks she gets horny and wants to get off,... which I am more that happy to accommodate her. We do love each other very much and would do anything for each other. I have now resolved myself to the fact that the sexual relationship I had when I was younger is now over and I find satisfaction with masturbation or the occasional mutual masturbation. When certain good things in a relationship come to an end, there always other things there that can carry you through. Nothing will be 100 percent good for all time, so take what is good now and enjoy that part of your life while you can.

Yes...I am 68, wife 70, I have a high libido, she has very low...so I masturbate a lot, get massages (wink wink) and visit tantra goddesses for fun...what is one to do? I do not want to leave her or have an affair. She even tells me to go masturbate sometime when i ask for sex. She is good to have manual stimulation (for each of us) about twice a month...not close to enough for me!

This can/is a really complex situation. I'm in the over 60 bunch, and I enjoy every time my wife and I get together. It can be a bit of an emotional low spot... We finally have the house to ourselves but don't use the opportunities like we would 20 years ago. The plus side is that I'm much less reticient about trying different things and just enjoying the sensuality of arousal.