Euphemisms for sexual activity

OK folks, this is a lighthearted thread. Don't take it too seriously. 'Offensive' terms are welcome, just think about some of the famous stand-up comedians. We're not judging, just laughing.

I'm wondering what euphemisms you use or know of for various sexual activities. This could be M/F, F/M, M/M or F/F. If you don't think others might know what you're talking about, please define.

I'll start - bumping uglys

Some of my sorority sisters would talk about hiding the sausage. Although I suspect most the guys are a bit more colorful in their descriptions.

Banging, boning, bonking - there's a definite theme there...

"Beating off." "Beating your meat."

When my daughter's were teens, husband and I thought we we home alone. I'm vocal anyways, but this time, my moans turned to squeals, which got rather loud. Afterwards, we realize there was a whole house full of people over. Daughter announces, mom, we heard you. I replied, I saw a spider. So now it's known as Killing Spiders.

Almost the same as what Sweet Julie said..play hide the salami..

I never said it..but heard it used.

A euphemism an older colleague said to me a couple of years was "When you get older you find you're not going out into the field as often, and you have to content yourself with solo batting practice"

We like some of the Thai language phrases - Tahm Lahk - simply "make love".. Ow Gahn - "want together" as close as I can describe... and for male masturbation: Chuk Wow - literally "fly a kite" - but just imagine one hand held in front going back and forth - as if tugging on a kite string.. One of my favorites is - Tang Dtoot - "stick (something) up ass". Unfortunately what I hear too often is Tahm Eng - "do yourself"..

A few from Downunder ---

A collection of sayings in relation to sexual activity heard from around the nation over many decades

1) "Jump the bones" 2) "Park porky in the pantry" 3) "Hit the crackpot" 4) "Dip & dippin the Wick" 5) "Bonkin sum bum" 6) "Bury the sausage" 7) "Surf the turf " 8.) "Ride some hide" 9) "Stuffin the Muffin" 10) "Rock the cock" 11) "Ball the mall" 12) "Drown the budgie" 13) "Drain the brain" 14) "Bunny bumpin" 15 ) "Lets play hog the log" 16) "Rockin some stockin" 17) "Goin the grunt" 18.) "Bit of slap & tickle" 19) "Bonk the brains out" 20) "Hone the bone" 21) “Going muff diving” . . Sorry folks Stops right here, any that I may have inadvertently missed I'll add on at some down the track.

And in conclusion kinda cute lil sayings

Balls law :

1) : The angle of the dangle is equal to the rise & fall of the right & left ball so long as the pull is kept constant.....2) When the dick goes hard the brain goes numb....Bye now.

Here are a few British Euphemisms for sexual activity:

bonk, knob, ride, rodger, shag, leg over, cop off, get off, get your end away, having it off, how’s your father and Rumpy pumpy.

Toad in the Hole.

Which also refers to the English "cuisine" of sausages cooked in batter in the oven. But I think the other meaning is far more interesting.

Slightly relevant: A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter". The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can’t type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Let's ignore the fact that the pair appear to not communicate directly with each other, and choose to use their child as the go-between, but still, pretty funny.

Wind her clock?

Wind his clock, for that matter...

I once seen a sign saying that "Children are a sexually transmitted disease." I go around asking people I know how there STD is and get the funniest looks; When I explain it to them they just break out laughing too.

The great satirical British magazine "Private Eye" referred to heterosexual activity as "discussing Uganda" (these were the days of Idi Amin-- the 70's). Homosexual games were "discussions of a specialized nature." In addition they used code names for the royal family: the Queen was Brenda, Prince Philip = Nigel, etc etc. So they might write "Nigel has been discussing Uganda with one of the scullery maids from Balmoral" etc etc. And all completely legal. -- sometimes on Mt Everest hikes some climbers would become involved with one another. They would hike from very early morning hours until early afternoon. If a couple retreated to a tent in the afternoon the Sherpa porters would call it "sauce making."

Years ago I had a boyfriend who would ask me if I wanted "a visit from Mr. Happy!"

Some 35+ years ago, the first boyfriend I had always referred to giving me Anal Sex as" taking the Aldwych Shuttle."

This referred to a short in and out branch line on the London Underground

When I was in college my sorority sisters would talk about "doing it" or "doing the deed". I had also heard of "hiding the sausage" but also "a weenie in your bun".

My fraternity brothers would use the term slipping her the sausage which pretty much says it all

We referred to it as "boppin the brillo". A reference to the course pubic hair.

Can I ‘Park my car in your garage’.

‘Check the oil’.

‘lubricate the dipstick’.

We had a term we used around the kids “OSTC” (Oral Sex to Completion) - often on a bet where both the winner and the loser were winners!!

Horizontal Mambo, bumping jiggly bits, lick your honey, hide the salami,

🐾

I remember people using “balling”. Mary balled John last night.

Hide the pickle, knocking boobs

Doing the nasty

“Afternoon delight” worked out for code once and awhile.

“Afternoon delight” worked out for code once and awhile.

That was the CB handle for a bar tender/waitress I used to know.

Just these two,

A bit of the ole knee trembler & show er the one eyed panty bandit . . .or substitute trouser snake

This is an oldie from my “miss”guided youth 😁

Doin the dirty