Any advice?

Hi, only been here for a few days, but you seem like a knowledgeable bunch. Just wondered what you would do in my situation.

Got married at 20 years old (am 43 now), had two kids, and in the last 10 years have developed a massive fascination with most things anal.

Have learned to insert quite large plugs, and the Mrs peg me a couple of times, but I would LOVE to fuck her arse. She however, does not share my enthusiasm. She literally hates it.

I think it basically boils down to us trying it a long time ago, and me being an inexperienced idiot, just rammed it in there... Hey, I was 20 something and was a very stupid thing to do.

We've tried it a few times since, but she really isn't into anal at all, and at the end of the day, I have to respect that. There are just some people who don't like it, full stop, and can't be taught to like it, which is absolutely fair enough.

Otherwise, our partnership is reasonable. Very vanilla, but reasonable.

Now, my question is.. What would you do?

Would you meet someone on the side who you could experiment with, and have essentially an "anal affair"

Or.. Would you just accept that it will always just remain an unfulfilled fantasy?

Or.. Would you leave your partner for the sake of one aspect of sex, no matter how impelling?

Assume, for the sake of argument, that any anal play with wife was off the table.

Thanks for opinions!

Man, I don't have nearly the time in my marriage that you do, but I'd suggest not leaving your marriage over that. A bird in the hand, you know?

The "anal affair" is also something I'd suggest you avoid. Even finding a chick that will sign up for an anal only relationship will be tough. Add to that the risk of getting caught by your wife.

Imagine being an old man with no one in your life because you threw it all away because you wanted anal.

Talk to your wife man, she's been your partner for 20+ years. I think it really comes down to things getting stale in your sex life, and spicing things up in other ways might fulfill some of your lust for anal.

Not sure how you've been going about it the few times you've tried, but if it hurts her, she is definitely gonna hesitate the next time you want it.

All I can suggest is that if she ever lets you try again, you have to find a way to make her love it. Have you tried small toys on her bum to warm up during foreplay & vaginal sex? Have you gone after it with your tongue? The most important part is making sure she knows how special and exciting it is for you. Another approach might be daring her to wear a small plug out in public or on a car ride to appeal to her kinky side if she has one.

Hm, being a woman, I can suggest first to talk with her about your anal fantasies. She had first to accept it at in her brain... I don't know, f I was clear enough about. She had to accept in her head firstly to have something inserted in her ass, something what can cause pleasure for her. Give her time to get familiar with the idea, may it would take months. Meanwhile, when you are having sex with her, start to please her anally with your tongue, lick her hole, insert your tongue in it .. and have very much patience. You will need it, because of the first sh.tty experience.

I am fortunate enough to be able to get it openly on the side. But not all spouses are as understanding.

I doubt you will be able to change her mind about anal sex. I wouldn't push it too far.

Can't always get what you want.

Enjoy what you have and leave the rest to fantasy.

I suggest to try first to persuade her about, and give her time, very much time, may a whole year. Hm, if she doesn't want to try after this, is no reason to force it. May than you should go to a professional girl, who is making this kind of service too. But choose carefully.

Maybe you could do something she would like that you don't wish to do.

Ah Rockdoc, you mean like fitting a new kitchen? 😉

Nice long oral sex with your finger rubbing but no insertion into her anus.

. . . . our partnership is reasonable. Very vanilla, but reasonable.

Would you meet someone on the side who you could experiment with, and have essentially an "anal affair"

NO, not unless you tell your wife and she agrees. Even if she agrees, your affair could cause severe damage to your relationship.

.

Or.. Would you just accept that it will always just remain an unfulfilled fantasy? Or.. Would you leave your partner for the sake of one aspect of sex, no matter how impelling?

It depends. . . Is what you want more important than what you have?

This is a tough one. I do not think you should have an anal affair if you value your relationship. Although anal may be very important to you, I don think it was something that you want to throw away your relationship for if it means something to you. I suggest that you talk it out and see where it goes. Maybe you can convince her to explore the idea by starting slowly. Annalingus, fingering, massaging, etc. and see where it goes. She may be more open to a quid pro quo proposal. You finger her ass, she fingers your ass; you lick her ass, she licks yours; you slide your dick in her ass, she slides a strap-on in yours.