Does anyone have some tips on talking to my son about sex?

All my Dad did was ask "You know about girls, don't you son?" It wasn't very helpful. Thanks

Well, my father didn´t say much else either. He did give me a bunch of very good quality condoms and told me to be sure never to get any girl into trouble ... that was about the extent of his advice and talk.

But in all fairness, I´m glad he didn´t say anything more than that. These kind of intimate discussions In the family can be so embarrassing. I found that the school did a much better job than a parent ever could and reading good informative books was even better. And he came with the condoms afterwards, sort of like closing a barn door after the livestock had all fled ... which would have made things even more embarrassing.

Depending on the age of your son, he could have already picked certain things up from the internet, books and friends. However if he hasn't when you feel the time is right you should sit him down and do your best to explain about puberty, sex, contraception etc etc. Have some books, leaflets or even bona-fida internet links for him to look at when on his own. The Family Planning Clinics are usually a good source for information pamphlets.

Be open and honest, answer any questions he asks as far as you can and if needs be get clarification yourself to explain to him at a later date. Put aside a couple of hours when you will hopefully not be disturbed during your discussion.

For me, with two girls, I always kept the subject open and they could come to me with questions whenever they wanted to, yes it is difficult and embarrasing at times, just to admit that adults do have sex!

In the long run though you will make it easier for him because he will have the relevant knowledge to make decisions when he is old enough.

Hope all goes well with your discussions.

For us it was EASY.

My husband and I decided we were going to walk around the house in the nude, leave the bathroom doors open and not hide our bodies to our daughters from birth on. They knew their parents were built differently right from the start.

When they were about three and a half, they asked where babies come from. We told that "mommy has half the seed and daddy has the other half of the seed and together it makes a baby." That didn't work. They were not satisfied until they learned exactly EXACTLY how sexual intercourse worked with ovaries, testicles, penis, vaginas, erections and ejaculations and the fetus growing in the uterus and vaginal births. At three and a half, they knew all about how babies were made.

Just tell them everything. Their ages DON'T matter.

If you tell the truth they will understand and believe what you tell them.

For our girls, their talking about sexual matters is as easy as talking about their tweets or favorite TV program. They tell me just about everything and I encouraged them to test out their bodies and masturbate, but NOT to have intercourse at very young ages. I even left them astroglide in their medicine cabinets when they started puberty as an enticement and demonstration of my approval.

By the time children are 8 they should know all about puberty, sexual relations and safe sex. You can tell them about how to be a good lover as soon as they ask. My girls knew about S&M before they were 10 without my saying anything to them about it. They learned it on the school bus. You might as well tell them everything when they are young to make sure they get valid information.

My advice is twofold. First, don't try to keep him from having sex. That's about as effective as trying to change the weather. Second, empower him and encourage him to be safe. Accept NO as a valid answer and use condoms EVERY TIME, NO EXCEPTION, NO EXCUSE.

If necessary, buy condoms for him. Teach him how to use them properly. It's not encouragement, it's empowerment. I did the same thing for my daughter when the time was right.

I have a son turning 12 in another week or so. I plan to play it based on whether or not he starts showing an early interest in girls & dating. In which case, I will be proactive in a discussion, to make sure he is properly prepared.

Otherwise, I will rely on the natural way of his acquiring information. Through peers, what's taught in class, & any questions he may want to ask me.

The key is to detect when you son is ready for that type of discussion. If your son has not demonstrated any interest in dating, he may not be ready yet to entertain that topic. Like my son seems to be preoccupied with playing various sports, video games, and interacting with friends. So he doesn't seem ready at this point for me to broach the subject.

When your son has begun to demonstrate a desire for dating & starting a romantic-ish relationship, the key tips to discuss are safety, responsibility, and awareness of the potential for pregnancy and potential STDs. Start by asking & finding out what he already knows, and then try to fill in the gaps where necessary.

I have a son turning 12 in another week or so...I will be proactive in a discussion, to make sure he is properly prepared.

I can't remember any real talks with my parents about sex. I think they assumed that I'd just figure it out on my own. I guess I'm still trying to do that every day.

But if you do plan on having a discussion with your son, you probably need to do it soon. As Susie said, 12-13 is probably too late. I think the most important thing that I would have appreciated hearing from my parents (if they bothered to discuss sex at all with me), would be that sex is a normal part of life. They could have reassured me that any urges and feelings that I was having at the time were normal and that it was OK to act upon them, and the importance of keeping "safe" and not getting anyone pregnant if I did.

And not to hijack this thread, but on a completely different subject: JTMac, you said your son is into sports. Have you shared with him the importance of being properly 'strapped when engaging in athletic activities? Have you shared with him your interest in jockstraps? Or even bought him his first one? 😃

I can't remember any real talks with my parents about sex. I think they assumed that I'd just figure it out on my own.

My parents never had any talks with me either, for which I am eternally grateful. Books were a much better and probably far more accurate source of information for me.

The only verbal interaction about sex I had with my parents - my father - was when he would come back from his month long trips at sea and dump dozens of condoms on me with the admonishment that I be fucking super careful and never get anyone pregnant. And to further lay as many broads as I could - which in the end only amounted to 1 girl: my later wife. And moreover, he was very premature by 3 or 4 years with his advice before I got an opportunity to make use of his thoughtful gifts.

That's the extent of my parental sex ed. And I suppose you could add my mother never saying anything about my stash of Dutch sex mags and French erotic comics and my Grove Press paperbacks ... 😃

Otherwise, I will rely on the natural way of his acquiring information. Through peers, what's taught in class, & any questions he may want to ask me.

Don't. Please don't. While the variety of information available from peers has increased since we were young the accuracy and completeness have not. There's also more "information" from porn, which is almost entirely useless.

Taught in class? Look around at the political discussions and you will understand that that's not to be relied on. It's not awful as far as information on reproduction, but doesn't go far enough. When I went through it they talked about how children are conceived, STIs, and some birth control - but they never touched on why someone might want to engage in this activity other than because they wanted to have a baby, or other than vaginal sex (except to say that you could get a STI that way). Not helpful. Not that I blame them too much - would you want to be the teacher standing up in front of a bunch of adolescent boys and talking about sex? Would you want to be the school board member who's house is picketed because somebody didn't like that you admitted the existence of sex? For what both of those people are paid going with the flow is so much easier.

Yes, you should always cultivate a relationship where he's comfortable asking questions, and always be honest, but don't wait for it all the time. People and especially children/adolescents don't know what they don't know.

Start with "changes" and hit on erections and ejaculations/wet dreams. Those are most likely to be embarrassing and potentially distressing. You're also not discussing anything anyone is doing so the discussion is less embarrassing. Later you can move on to sexual relationships/masturbation/whatever.

It all dependes on the age of the child and maturity level, use langage and info that he can understand and give enough info.

Be honest and accurate with him. Teach him about respect and responsibility. Offer support when appropriate. Take the stigma out of it. Take the embarrassment out. When appropriate, teach him about safer sex and buy him supplies - not to encourage, but to empower. Empower him to be a man, not an asshole.

BTW, there's some great age appropriate books that you can share with your young son and supply for your older son.

Just explain it like it is. You're not talking about anything inappropriate or secretive so talk confidently and matter-of-factly.

This day and age there are so many ways to get boatloads of good and bad information, so make sure your son gets this information first from you.

I think a lot of parents probably do a satisfactory job explaining puberty and the basic mechanics of vaginal sexual intercourse, but don't go much further than that. You'll do your son a favor if you just talk frankly and calmly about things like maturbation, wet dreams, and pornography, which I think many parents are too shy to discuss in any detail if at all.

Have you shared with him the importance of being properly 'strapped when engaging in athletic activities? Have you shared with him your interest in jockstraps? Or even bought him his first one? 😃

It's a rule in little league that if you play Catcher, which he has, that you must wear a cup. And now that the kids are older and starting to hit & pitch the ball harder, cups are recommended for all players. As a result, he wears a cup inside his Rawlings briefs that have a pocket specifically for a cup.

Honestly, I don't believe jockstraps without a cup offer much if any protection, other than to help keep things in place and the benefits of that. He hasn't quite developed to that point yet.

I have not shared my interest in jockstraps with him, as that is of a strong sexual nature. Nor have i been open about that to anyone in my life except masseuses who see me in & out of them. That was a 35 year secret kept from the entire world that I only ever really opened up about online, but still a well kept secret from everyone else.

I'm not a parent. Yet I seem to have given the safe sex talk (and the physiological and mechanical explanations) that go along with that too many times. Some people seem to think leaving that to 'their peers' is fine.

Those parents are idiots.

Just today I was yelling at one of my idiotic friends who thinks sex without being on the pill is fine because most of the time they use condoms. Except she doesn't supply the condoms, so if they run out, oh well, and we all know just how easily they can rip.

The worst part is the earth is over populated and the people with an IQ too low to figure out how to use a condom or get the pill ARE NOT the people I feel will produce the fittest offspring for my species. YES I'm being a bitch saying that but it's not a bloody lie, is it?!

NOT all peers will give GOOD sex advice. I know some guys who only recommend condom-free sex as it feels better. Idiots.

NOT all peers (LIKE ME!) WANT your kid running to them every time they have unprotected sex because YOU weren't clear enough at a young age how important condoms are! IT'S NOT MY JOB. Also when word gets around you know what you're talking about, more and more people come to you.

Just to note, I got no sex talk. What I learned I got from a highschool textbook (I was about 8, my granddad always gave me textbooks and chocolate as gifts, it's wasn't from school). From there I searched online and read about STDs and found more books. My dad found a corner of a sweet wrapper when I was 16 and didn't speak to me for days because he thought it was the corner of a condom wrapper.

I strongly agree with @JR3 and @Jds4med. Peers often dispense bad advice and tend to provide very poor quality information. Want any evidence to support that? Take a look at this little lot that some people actually believe as a result of listening to their peers -

http://www.nhs.uk/Livewell/Sexandyoungpeople/Pages/Sexmythsbusted.aspx

My favourite is the one discussing if a boy's balls will explode if he doesn't have sex. Well, as I've never seen large numbers of teenage boys needing an ambulance to be called after their testicles have exploded, I'm confident the answer to that question must be no. 😁 😁 😁

Schools are still very backward when it comes to sex education, and if it is discussed at all, it will probably concentrate on the biology of reproduction. The majority of so-called sex education will probably fail to mention recreational sex for fear of parents trying to 'protect' their kids from developing into adults.

The other problem that concerns me if parents fail to discuss sex and relationships properly is that boys are receiving no education on consent. Some are growing up thinking it's fine to impose themselves on girls, and that if they don't hear a loud "NO", consent has been given. They also don't properly understand there are issues surrounding whether a woman is capable of giving consent.

Parents have a responsibility to discuss these topics. Hanging back until their kids approach them is foolish. From that a teenager can be given the impression that sex is unspeakable and a taboo subject. The result is that nobody talks, and the only winner there is ignorance.

My favourite is the one discussing if a boy's balls will explode if he doesn't have sex.

@DrZ from a few horror stories I have been told, I would think that injury to testicles is FAR more likely to be caused by a girl who doesn't really know how gently they have to be handled (or what to do with them at all) than virginity! 😁

On a more serious note, consent is a huge issue that I didn't even consider. It's one of the most important thing to teach your child, boy, girl, gender non-conforming. Everyone can rape, and everyone can be raped. It's a horrifying topic that is something you may not want to discuss with someone as young as 8 (taking the rough age I figured out sex) but children have been abused when they were younger, and ideas like 'my outfit is not my consent' should be instilled as early as possible.

@DrZ from a few horror stories I have been told, I would think that injury to testicles is FAR more likely to be caused by a girl who doesn't really know how gently they have to be handled (or what to do with them at all) than virginity! 😁

@JR3 - You are correct. The problem is that discussing that would be far too close to the subject of technique and what might be pleasurable, and we can't have any of that kind of talk, can we? 😁

. . . . Those parents are idiots. . . . .

I was going to say that but held back lest people think I was being too tough, but that statement is absolutely correct. 😁

Just told my son today if he doesn't want an unplanned pregnancy he should make sure his cock is wrapped. He mad an "Oh my gosh Mom" sound while daughter snorted in the other room.

Daughter later asked us why went to a certain store (it's one we don't go to often because it isn't locally available to us). I told her we went for their lube. Then both of them asked why we didn't get it at Walmart. "Because we like how this stores lube works and feels, " I said. Daughter replies, "You can use coconut oil I have heard." As she looks at our coconut oil jar on the stove.

We've just been pretty open with our kids about sex. They could always ask any question as long as they were prepared to get an honest answer from me. So far they have never asked something I was embarrassed to answer but did because I said I would.

"You can use coconut oil I have heard."

Just a reminder oils break down latex. Making a condom weak pretty quick. Polypropylene condoms are thinner , stronger and oil safe.

Just a reminder oils break down latex. Making a condom weak pretty quick. Polypropylene condoms are thinner , stronger and oil safe.

You mean polyurethane condoms.

My own parents? Zilch. Nada.