I have a serious question for all the men here. Please read and respond!

I only came to this board to bring up this ropic, because honesly, I don't want anyone in my intimate circle knowing about this, and zitybiz is one of my most private forums. Anyway, I am a married woman, we have been married for just over a year, and have been together for 3 years. We have a baby together and I am a stay at home mom. Recently I have started to stray away from our relationship. Its not that I don't love my husband and our life together, I am just young, and have more that I want to experience in life. About 9 months ago I started to reconnect with an old friend from highschool. We would text a few times a week, and then a couple months in, it got sexual. And yes he knew I was married. We started trading pics, even talked about meeting up(which we never did). Not sure if it was the differing time frames we had to work with, or that we were both scared of what may become of it. Going into it, I honestly, never thought anything would come of it. I never desired to actually cheat on my husband, nor did I want to have a relationship with my friend. It was just fun. Well about 6 days ago we got on skype. He said he wanted me to watch him jack off, so I did. I didn't show him anything because I dont have a webcam. After he finished, we said our goodbye's and went to bed. The next morning my baby broke my phone, so I got a new one with the same number, but lost all my contacts. I very innocently sent him a message on facebook telling him to text me later because I lost all my contacts. Well 2 days later, nothing. Before this we were talking everyday. So I messaged him again and asked him to please send me his number. Again, nothing. Then yesterday I asked him if he was ignoring me, and still, nothing. I know he has read the messages because facebook tells you if/when your messages are read. I just want to know what your guys's opinion is as to why he stopped talking to me. It's not like he used me for sex and then left, because we never had sex, and like I said, I didnt show him anything that night on skype. I honestly, after knowing him since 6th grade, and talking with him nearly everyday for 9 months, have fallen a bit for him. And this hurts really bad. I just want answers, so I can have some closure. And as it seems I'm not going to be getting them from him 😢 And I dont need to hear about how wrong I am and that I should let it go and be with my husband. I know this. Like I said, all I want is opinions as to why he just stopped talking to me all together. Thanks in advance.

Well I can't really know what he is thinking...but maybe he is ashamed for what he did while you two were on skype.

This is so much like high school it makes my stomach churn and my head hurt. It's hard for anyone to say why your friend has cut you off so suddenly because we are not in his shoes. My guess is that he's embarrassed by what happened. Either that, or his moral compass has kicked in and he's decided that what you guys were engaging in wasn't the right thing to do. I'm not making judgments, I'm just saying that might be his motivation. Perhaps he's frustrated by playing this game knowing it's never going to lead anywhere.

Can I give you some advice? People are going to come and go from your life, that is just the way life goes. I became very close to someone shortly after my marriage and when he moved on it hurt terribly. You have to develop coping mechanisms to deal with these issues. Instead of wishing for something you can't have, concentrate on what you do have; a husband and a baby, your family and friends, hobbies and other activities.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't spend too much time hoping that this guy will get in touch. If he does, it will be a nice surprise. He knows how to get in touch with you, now the ball is in his court, not yours. I know you wanted responses from men because I think you know what most women will say. I'm kind of curious to see what the guys will say too.

Maybe you should have thought about the "I'm young and have a lot more that I want to experience" part of your life BEFORE the husband and kid....just saying....grow up. I'm not saying you're wrong for flirting around with someone, that's certainly not for me to judge. But obviously the guy used you for some sort of sexual gratification and then decided he was done. It happens. Get over it and move on.

Guys often get interested in cyber type relationships only to get cold feet at some point and chop things off. Him masturbating on cam for you probably fulfilled a fantasy and with that done he probably thought - where to next? The where to probably scared him and he cut it off. Consider it a good thing and move on. Try to gain sexually with your husband, not without him. I'm assuming there that he is a good guy etc.

I totally agree. You should not think more about that guy. His way of acting should be enough prof to you, that he is not worth it.

Instead you should focus on your family...

I know you are looking for male perspectives, but I really believe LadyDoc hit the nail on the head with her answer. I know this is difficult, and emotionally it probably feels like a break-up, which seems odd for a married person to be dealing with. Still, it is what it is.

Every situation is different, but I've had similar feelings when I meet someone here on Zity, we get to know each other and have some great conversations, and then all of a sudden they stop communicating. I always wonder why... Did I say something wrong? Did she start to feel guilty about all of this? Did she find someone else more interesting to chat with? Was I not good-looking enough in my photo? Did she look at my profile and decide I was too old? Too young? Too married? Who knows... it could be any of those things, or something completely different that never crossed my mind. You have to accept that there are times when you're not going to know why, and move on from there. You've done what you can do and it's up to him now... if your friend doesn't want to talk any more, let him go.

LadyDoc is also right that people in your life will come and go, but you need to focus on what you do have (e.g. your husband, your child) and nurture that.

You're married. He's gone. MOVE ON and be honest with your husband before you REALLY screw things up.

Right now everything is OK. Your hubby knows nothing and this guy is GONE. Consider that a blessing because if he were to stick around and mess things up by just BEING around you in any way shape or form, it would probably lead to your husband finding out under different, less desirable circumstances.

You CANNOT continue this and be happy because you will always be hiding something in the shadows. Believe me, I know......... You need to first be honest with yourself and if there's any type of attraction for him (your husband) left you need to be honest with him and give him the chance to become a contributing partner towards the effort you will BOTH make to rekindle the fire.

If that effort fails then at least you both know it's over and he will be able to move on with SOME closure and dignity.... You at least owe him that!

But the grass is always greener over the septic tank, and that should be a sign.

You had a fling over the phone. You texted and sexted.

YOU NEVER EVEN MET IN PERSON!!!!!!!

You could hardly even call this an affair.

Give it up. The whys and wherefores don't matter at all.

You are attaching way too much importance to this.

MOVE ON.

It is very interesting that two people can basically intereact in three different ways: physically, emotionally and friendly encounters. Certainly the physcial can carry a lot of emotion and high feelings but it is usually over rather quickly in time; that is not to say the relationship cannot go on but the emotional feelings cool down rather rapidly. The emotional is an entirely different story. This is where people get hooked, sometimes deeply, and often hurt very badly. I think the feelings are much broader and deeper than the physical encounter. For what ever reason, we tend to become much more emotionally and physically involved. Friendly encounters tend to be much lighter and on the surface. This is not to say that friendships cannot become deep, they just do not seem to fall as far as the emotional involvement.

It's over, you did what you both did and now its time to get on with real life, which unfortunately at times is how it has to be.

Remember the good times, but don't keep them from stopping you enjoying the rest of your life.

Sometimes its difficult. I wish you well and hope you are able to move on.

Sage advice susie [as usual] and as playdrchad said: who knows why people suddenly stop communicating with someone. hats off to those of you who found someone on this site to share your life and your fantasies with, may it last forever. as i have told many of you privately: "there's someone out there for you somewhere. it's up to you to find him/her, never, never stop looking". just remember, you gotta kiss a lotta frogs before you find your prince/princess.

I think he got caught and had to let you go

I can understand your confusion and hurt. And no matter the circumstances surrounding this "relationship" outside your marriage - you were emotionally involved and expected some consideration of your feelings.

I had a similar experience with someone I met on a dating site, some nice dates led to a couple of dates ending in sex - good sex too - but then I didn't hear again from him. A voicemail and text got no response.

I found it disrespectful and cowardly. And if he wasn't prepared to tell the truth, whatever that might be - how hard would it be to make up a lame excuse so as to provide some closure. You deserved that too.

Give it some time - the hurt will ease and I hope you can find in your own marriage what you went looking for in him.

Just my opinion which is as the saying goes.... It is very difficult for the female to detach herself from her emotions. You undoubtably had feelings that may have been dormant for a long time with this man and in your new situation (married with baby) this diversion offered some respite from the new grind and responsibilities. I don't think he was being totally honest with you and there may be a great deal he did not tell you about his current situation. Masturbating for you was probably an outlet for a fantasy of his and you might have just been someone he figured he could "convince" to watch. If you enjoyed that perhaps you could start a dialogue with your hubby (do not tell him of your dalliance unless the opportunity arises in the future and a long time has elapsed) and start by asking hubby about hand jobs and then work him into spurting for you. If you were more interested in your old friend rather than the masturbation, then you need to evaluate how you intimately feel about your mate. Communication is the most difficult part of marriage. There are some fantasies and some desires that one's mate just isn't in to. I've lived that way for 45 years and so I know. You did nothing wrong; don't let any feelings of guilt or rejection affect you. Perhaps you can channel some of the sexual tension to porn or a kink-remember we perverts out here are always wanting to take some sort of advantage of every situation. Thanks for asking on this site, best of luck!

23skidoo, you did not mention if he had a wife or girlfriend - or boyfriend, or whatever significant other. Chances are that his relationship with you was somehow discovered (facebook isn't exactly private and confidential!) and, he was forced to make a choice between you and what he had going already. Since you were miles away and just a face/photo on his screen, the decision would have been easy - or at least convenient - for him. He simply chose his wife/gf/bf over you. This is my assumption.

So do keep your chin up and enjoy life. Try getting more active here at zity.biz. It's as anonymous as you would like to keep it, totally safe, really fun and you can live a parallel life - loving your family and living your fantasy! And one never knows, you might find someone more interesting than him right here. Now, how cool is that!

Ask yourself this... did you enjoy watching him? Did you want to show yourself to him doing the same thing to yourself as he was doing by pleasuring himself and letting him watch you. This is all but a natural occurrence when it comes to old flames. One thing you can do if you answered yes to these questions is to get a cam and cam for your husband it really leads to a very erotic relationship. The guy does feel guilty because it was a one sided affair so he got to know in his mind that you seen him he wanted to know if you thought he was big or if you liked what you seen. Believe me I been there done that and I am happily married and still like to masturbate with my INGF's use your imagination sweety this guy is a stepping stone don't let him slow you down you have a great future in front of you.

I think your right iucam. I also think that he is affraid of what you will say to him.

Switchable has the very best advice of ANY. As simple as it sounds - get over it! You have WAY too much to offer to let a very limited "affair" hold you back. There really wasn't much of a "relationship" to be upset over.

You rock and he was a flash in the pan - that's all...

Thanks, Tyler. I think 23skidoo, is appraising much more significance to a situation which is only slightly more noteworthy than forgetting to buy milk at the grocery store.

I too, think that he either had someone in his life, or found someone to fill his life closer. I too, had an experience in August/September/early October last year - where I was involved very heavily with someone online met in an erotic chat room. We texted, emailed, and talked on the phone everyday, sometimes multiple times a day. There was sexting, and phone sex - and I thought we really had a connection (we did have a lot in common). Then, he just disappeared without warning. Stopped returning texts & emails. I had sent him an email asking him "what happened" and got no response. I did, however, get a yahoo message from him about 2 months after he disappeared - actually telling me what happened. He had found someone closer to home, he got involved with her, and he didn't realize that his cell phone plan did not cover text messages (and we were texting A LOT). He did go on to say that I had been the best thing he had found in ages - lots in common - and a "connection" but he had gotten drunk at a bar and brought a girl home, and then he decided they would try and see if it would "work," seeing that she lived in his home town and I was a country away. Ironically, after the disappearing act - he wanted to "try again" - I just couldn't bring myself to trust him again. Take what happened for what's its worth - a life lesson and move forward with the man in your life. There is plenty you can do to to liven up your marriage and add spice back to it if you are willing to put in the effort. You might want to see about arranging for an erotic/romantic weekend away to rekindle and spark things with your husband. For the sake of your marriage & child - work on what you have - you'll have to take it day by day - but it will get easier (eventually) - speaking from experience...

Well maybe he just realized that he'd crossed the line of just talking to you about sexual stuff and actually letting himself be seen by you doing something probably no one else had ever seen him do and after a guy cums , he kinda loses his urge to be nasty/kinky//perverted and now maybe he is just embarrassed and ashamed that he exposed himself soi personally ? Was he drunk or high on anything ? That would make a difference too . Just a couple of thougfhts , hope all gets better for you ............kinky

For what it may be worth, I agree with LadyDoc. for once I may have few words, but others have really said it all, imho

For guys there is a need to conquer things. He did that with you and is on to new adventures. It is basic. His choice of quest is not that noble, but for him the need was met. He may have a woman to love already or at least sees that you are not available.

Well- there's an overt binary true/false question of if *ALL* emotionally and ethically involved folks were 100% honest- or not. From before the first message exchange. Do note that "my" profile's rather overtly explicit in what I am and am not. It's a matter of trust above all else- there's a huge difference between flirty chat in a group, steamy side messages that become intimate only so far..and the crossing into insincere pleadings of romance. Asking for trust as such? When the foundations are a core of deceit that's not even hidden. Damned if I can see a worse or less bad in overt deceit or airbrushed mere omissions. It's all about if we're honest. Some things are so not an innocent slip of keyboard fingers or however one cares to pretty it up.

Love's a space we enter into often unawares of how fragile others or us are when they share it with us?

Yeah...that's a safe phrasing of it. Part of love is trust and how can you trust someone who is known to be already lying to someone who trusted them. Make no mistaking my point- some guys really DO take monogamy as for keeps. Both perhaps a husband who may or may not "know" now or ever.. and a wanted to be lover who grasped that they'd never be the only one.. Dunno if I've hit a single point spot on or not. Still and all- it's a case of you both escaped with no scarybad damages and that's liable to be luckier than usually granted in such scenes! That recurrent word- trust?

Trust is all we have in this or any other life.