My wife says NO to diapers. What do I do now?

I have been into diapers for years and the thought of wearing one or seeing a woman in one is a huge turn on. I was fortunate enough to introduce my ex wife to this and she loved it too. But that marriage didn't work.

Now my current relationship, when I introduced my fetish, was frowned upon and all but forbidden. I do truly love her and besides that am happy but not completely satisfied sexually.

My question is who else has been in my shoes, what was the outcome, and are you happy or sad with whatever decision you made?

Que, I hate to say it, but there are no completely perfect relationships.

People have problems, and as mature adults, it's up to each person to consider all the parts of the relationship. If her being toyless and diaperless is a deal breaker then, so be it. If you can live without it because the rests of the relationship is wonderful, then you should stay. Time may change her, and you DON'T have to marry her, but you should consider the totality of your relationship before abandoning it.

You need to decide if it is worth losing what you have (you love her, does she love you?) for something you want but may not ever get.

I may be mistaken, but I think most of the diaper guys here are single, so if a relationship with a woman is what you want, you need to carefully consider your options.

You are absolutely right nothing is perfect. It just makes it hard when something that you once had is taken away. I have lived without it before and could again. I think this is a very good topic that wasn't on here before for others to put in there imput and share experances.

Now there is a great question of interest Susie. I wonder how many of the Diaper People are married or in a long time relationship? I think you may be correct in your thinking.

I myself have been married but not for near twenty years now. Lots have tried to get me to the alter but I am just not the long term married guy type anymore.

I'm currently engaged(have been for 3 years now) with my wonderful fiance, and she is not all that accepting of my kink. She understands I enjoy wearing, and its a stress relieving thing, but in her mind, she cannot separate the idea that diapers are for babies and people with incontinence. She lets me wear cloth diapers around her once in a while as long as I have sweat pants on and don't wet them.

To be honest, I would give this kink up for her. If you truly love someone, then they should come first, always. It's nice that I'm allowed to wear around her sometimes, but I'd stay with her, even if I wasn't.

Taggers, I appreciate your reply. I see so many people posting (or more accurately, bitching) about how they don't have anyone to participate in their kinks. I wish that more people would realize that other people don't have some kind of obligation to indulge them in their fantasies. It's okay for people to reject fetishes. Different things turn people off and on and that's just a fact of life.

Que, you didn't have it all. I'm sorry that your marriage didn't work out, but that probably means something was missing. And now you don't have nothing. You said you truly love this woman. That doesn't sound like nothing to me. I hope your idea of "all" and "nothing" isn't based on a kink.

Every relationship involves compromises and sacrifices. There's no way around it.

I didn't exactly mean I have nothing it was just said to make it more dramatic so more would look. I do love her and I do love my kink maybe I'm just being greedy but having the two together is great cause I had that before. The reason I'm not with my exwife is she decided to let drugs come between her and the kids and I didn't want that for them they didn't deserve that

Get back to her and get her out of that drugs problem. Work your way to the perfect combination, don't just sit and wait. Is she a mother to your children? If she is - there's nothing to think about, do it! It's not my opinion, it is the right way of doing the right thing.

Que, I'm sorry that happened. You're right, having someone you love who will participate in your kinks is great. But losing that willing participant is a small price to pay for getting your kids away from the decimating impact of a mom's drug problem.

And dilu, you seem to think that kinks are the basis of a relationship. You said to "work your way to the perfect combination." That is absurd. The fact that you would call someone who shares a common fetish a "perfect combination" shows a drastically oversimplified view of.. well, everything. You are ignoring all of the other things that are involved in a meaningful relationship to focus on one good orgasm. Like I just mentioned, being with someone who shares your kinks is wonderful. But for people who are dating exclusively or married, there are other aspects that need to be taken into consideration for it to really work. I'm sure you two know that since you're a married couple. (I'll just theorize that those aspects might seem less important for the few minutes you spend logged on to this site.)

And you think that this is something that can be worked towards? Wrong. There's this pesky little thing called free will. Que does not have the ability to go up to his ex-wife and "get her out of that drugs problem." That is impossible--only the person addicted can make that decision.

And your asinine suggestions are not the right way of doing the right thing. The best thing for those kids is to be far removed from their mom's addiction, even if that means being far removed from their mom. I speak from personal experience. My dad did all kinds of drugs, though I won't mention all the things he did to my family. He died when I was four, and I can say with complete confidence that that was the best thing for my three siblings and I. We were able to escape his drug problem. I sincerely hope that the situation with Que's ex wife was not as extreme as that of my family's, but addiction always has a devastating impact on families, especially children. Think about that the next time you try to reduce something as severe as addiction to "get her out of that drugs problem" and "there's nothing to think about, do it!"

To answer the second part of the question that was posed. I am a Diaper lover and to my good fortune I met my Wife (Anne Bonney) We met in the Chat rooms, hit it off very well and haven't looked back since. I think one of the keys is we were able to get our kinks out on the table very early in our relationship. I cater to her needs and she mine although I think my diaper fetish has grown on her more then her enema fetish has grown on me, however I am not so put off by the enemas that i won't participate. I am not claiming to be some kind of expert in the arena of relationships with fetishes. However in my experience it seems to work better if the kinks come out early and are discussed.

I am going to have to agree with adelaalba, drug problems will destroy a family. i am really glad Que you were able to get your self and your kids out of that relationship. As far as your current relationship Que there maybe some compromise you could reach with your fetish maybe not involving her in it or something to that effect. Truth is there is no simple answer here. This is something you and your partner will have to discuss. I wish there was a simple solution here however as you know relationships involve people and people are different and everyone approaches problems with their own thoughts and Ideas. I wish you and your family all of the best.

Mick

Adelaalba:

you misunderstood first part: "you seem to think that kinks are the basis of a relationship. You said to "work your way to the perfect combination." That is absurd."

-I think that true love is the most valuable thing here on earth. My kid provide me with true love, so is my wife. That is the basis of a true relationship. And that is great! Now, if I wish for that same wife of mine to excite me the way some super duper domina excites me, then I am wishing for the PERFECT COMBINATION, COMBINATION of loving wife and perfect lover in one person. Que, you married your wife probably because you loved her, well work your problems out, help her and have a beautiful life as a family, you, your wife and your children.

As for the second comment:

" Que does not have the ability to go up to his ex-wife and "get her out of that drugs problem." That is impossible--only the person addicted can make that decision."

--IMPOSSIBLE? 😃) you should meet our Lord, and the things He does 😃

If it's difficult, I understand. It's not the end of the world if you decide to make your wife wishing to give up drugs. It might last months, even a year or two, but as soon as she decides to get back on the right side, your reward will come. The main word here is TO DECIDE. If you want something really bad, you will find the way of getting to your zeal, especially because it can reflect on many lives for a decades to come. For example, I persuaded my wife into many things which were totally against her will. She's nit drug addict, but I believe I could influence positively on her if she was.

adelaalba, please comment. I wish I made myself clearer this time and that you can advise me with that.

As is so often the case, Switchablesusie has it right, as do a few others.

If you want a partner you cannot let perfection get in the way of good.

A quick look at the web finds that about 2.4% of males are transvestites. Not very many. And, its probably safe to say that the number of male diaper wearers is less than that. So if you are a female AB looking for a diaper-wearing male, you will only find one in about every 40 dates.

Pretty grim. But worse if you are a male looking for a female. The incidence of female transvestites is stated in the same paper as 0.4%. That implies that a male AB looking for a female diaper-wearer has to approach something over 200 gals. Fat chance of finding your dream of a matching kink.

Seems to me that Switchable is correct -- for a lot of kinks, you'd be better served to pick a mate by looking at other properties than to try to find the rarity that shares your kink and is also desirable in other ways.

I assume this grim statistical approach does not apply so well to enemas and spanking. Spanking certainly seems to have a broader appeal, so broad that it is routinely joked about as in Bday spankings and frat and sorority rituals and allusions that often get a laughing response. Enemas less so but still probably much more common than diapers. So I suppose for these two categories, the odds of finding a mate are probably a lot better but still not good enough for the basis of an enduring marriage; even here you should carry your lucky rabbit's foot on your first date.

Dilu,

I'm afraid it still is impossible. I'm not going to get in a faith/religion debate, but God gave us all free will. If Que's wife makes the decision to get out of drugs, then she can do so with God's help. If she does not make the decision herself, that would be an interference with free will, which is something that the Christian God doesn't do.

It's not as simple as getting back together with someone and helping them and living happily ever after. You have obviously never dealt with someone who has had an addiction. It is not something that can be overcome by another person's influence. It has to be a personal decision. Just because someone wants his ex wife or whoever to get out of drugs doesn't mean that it will happen. My mom wanted my dad off drugs, but that never happened. Two of my cousins are hardcore addicts, and nothing their devoutly Christian mother does has made them "get out of that drugs problem" because they never made the decision to do so themselves.

And yes, switchablesusie does have it right. Your chances of finding someone kinky, especially in the AB/DL department is incredibly slim. The priority should be a stable, healthy relationship, even if it comes at the expense of not getting exactly what you want in bed.

I have very little experience with addictions but my limited contact leaves me very impressed with AA.

They seem to have done a remarkable job of finding the commonalities among alcoholics and, more importantly, finding ways to keep the addict as stable as possible....including as you allude, to finding God in some form as a way of staying on course.

AA, as you know, has 12 steps. But it also has 12 traditions and those dictate that there be a minimal structure in AA and that management must never be central nor paid. I think that is the major ingredient in their success. It has left them free to find solutions without developing axes to grind.

I dont know if there is an equivalent of AA for drug users, but the ideas should be similar.

For both alcohol and drugs, there are real limits to tough love as a solution. Tough love at first gets the addict pointed in the right direction. But too much leaves the addict stranded with nobody to help and that leads to demise. And, yes, freewill is necessary, not so much for Christianity's sake, but without it, patient, forced into a program, simply evades the program or relapses when the cat is away.

I have come to the conclusion that strong addictions are better treated as a disease with lethal results unless the patient can be made stable and can find a way to avoid consumption or perhaps find less harmful substitutes. Unfortunately many substitutes have their own debilitating problems, particularly depression.

Wish you the best of luck Que. Or, if you are out of the picture, my best to the addict. Let us hope she wants to be free of addiction's grip.

HI Que, I'm jumping into this thread as an experienced professional and a caring human.

First, you can call your local AA Intergroup office and ask them for contact information for NA, (for drug addicts), or CA, (for cocaine addicts), but you may not be able to interest your SO in these programs witch are based on the AA twelve step program and do work for addicts who are willing to totally give themselves to the program.

While talking to Intergroup, please ask for a contact to NarcAnon, for families of drug addicts. Again, this is based on AlAnon which is for families of alcoholics. If you cannot find a NarcAnon meeting ask the AA intergroup if they have names of AlAnon folks who will work with families of addicts.

Addiction is a very complex condition which affects the individual on a medical, psychological and spiritual level. We who are familiar with addiction know how difficult it is for families to deal with an active addict. I might recommend that you borrow a copy of the AA Big Book and read two short extracts: on page XXV, (Roman numeral for 25), The Doctors Opinion, written by Dr William Silkworth in the mid nineteen thirties, is still as true and accurate as it was on the day it was written. Following that on page XXVII, (Roman numeral for 27), "The Doctor Writes" Is an excellent primer on alcoholism which is very useful in understanding drug addiction.

I wish you and anyone else dealing with addicts the best of luck and I hope that you can find a good life with or without the addict. You are not to blame for anyone else who is an addict. Do not let the addict or their family and friends get away with blaming you.

Wow I started a serious debate... I did try to help my ex wife with her problems, even picked up my life and moved 700 miles away. 3 months later she made the choice to leave me and kids behind to go back.

As for my current relationship, she has been more understanding since the original post. She lets me wear, and she wears them with me too. Has even been a handful of times she surprised me by having one on.

I was just impatient and didn't give her time to warm up to it I guess.

Thanx for all the feedback everybody.

I read this post and it brought back many painful memories. I'd like to add this. I'm still married to my loving wife that I met so many years ago. I take for granted sometimes everything she does for me and that bothers me. Sometimes the abdl urges seem to blind me with emotions.

Before we married I tried to give it all up. I lived a job that was all consuming with endless hours with little relief. The nature of the job created for me, almost unbearable stress. I continued to work this job for 26 years to support our family.I retreated to my special ab place for refuge. During this time I tried to give the whole ab thing up. But it ate me alive.

After proposing to my wife I realized how wrong it would be to drop this on her after we were married. So, one evening I did one of the most painful things I'd ever done. I actually broke down and pretty much fell apart . I was prepared to say goodbye to the love of my life as there was no way that I could rid myself of these feelings. To my surprise she took it all in and basically told me that that wasn't a problem. Over the years though it became clear to her just how powerful this whole thing is to me. She has admitted that she thought she could change me. I had hoped I could change. It was very painful going thru all of this. And still is. It took me once to the brink of suicide. Admittedly it is sexually immensely powerful and overwhelming. My wife has to compete with this and lost. How we manage to stay together is a miracle. I really don't deserve a woman this wonderful. I should add that I do function in an adult world and only escape to baby land. Albeit more than I would should.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, to people like me this fetish is so powerful and overwhelming that we are forced to live it. It isn't something that we could just "Give Up" God knows I've tried.....

I don't know what I would have done if my wife found my needing nappies a problem. Fortunately it was her that suggested I wore them for bed when my problems started. She has no problem with them at all and still happily sleeps with me.

My wife and I came to a crossroads in our relationship when it came to me evolving into a sissy baby girl. What I had become is not what she agreed to marry and choices had to be made as to what path our relationship would take. I know relationships are supposed to be give and take. Unfortunately I just could not be the man I once was despite loving my wife more than anything. Yes, yes, I know...people beleive that you should be able to give everything up for the one you love but that is not always reality. Diapers are so much a part of me both emotionally and physically that I could never stop wearing them. This was not just my fetish but who I am and who I became. My wife is the love of my life and because of that I want her to be a part of who I am more than anything. For my wife, she had to decide. Do I sacrifice my sexuality and emotions to be with the man (baby girl) I love or leave him? Through communication and honesty and love our relationship is not only still together but stronger than it ever has been. Our fighting has been reduced dramatically and trust in one another has increased. We are husband and wife and also Mommy and babygirl thanks to my wife deciding to stay by my side.

I've said this many times to many ABDL friends: The only thing worse than risking your relationship by telling your fiancee about your diapers, is NOT telling her then getting married and then having her find your box of diapers in the closet!

Face it. We love our diapers and no matter what we say or how hard we try, 99% of us just can't give them up. Trust me. I tried to for ten years--doing the "binge and purge" from when I was about 15 until I was 25. I'd be into my diapers, then meet a girl, then fall in love, then throw away my diapers, then two months later go crazy wanting my diapers, then we'd have an argument or break up and I'd make a beeline straight to the store where I'd buy more diapers, then there I was, back in my diapers!

I had one girlfriend when I was 20-23 whom I told, she thought it was cute and let me wear them--UNTIL she finally decided to let me into her pants. At that point it became "Now that you have this, you don't need THOSE anymore." That (plus lots of other non-related issues) led to us breaking up. Then it was back to a few more years of the binge and purge.

Then one day I finally just decided that I love my diapers and I'm never going to give up my diapers and any girl I ever marry will HAVE to know of and approve of my diapers (and if she wants to participate, well, that's icing on the cake). I accepted this and made peace with it. Then--how about that!--I found a girl who loves me and doesn't care if I wear my diapers! She even participates when the kids are gone and she's able.

So, the bottom line is:

1) You're probably never going to quit loving your diapers.

2) You should always tell your girlfriend about your diapers--not immediately, but if it really starts to get serious, you owe it to her and to yourself to be honest. If she doesn't want this in her life, fine. Breaking up prior to marriage is 100 times easier than after. (And this gets 1000 times worse if you happen to have kids!)

3) Don't despair. There are lots of girls out there who will let you wear your diapers. You just have to be brave and keep looking. The older you get, the easier this becomes. You get more brave about it, and they seem to be more accepting of it.

4) If you tell her and it leads to you breaking up, well, you still have your diapers and now your free to keep looking.

I can't imagine being in a marriage with someone who doesn't know about or can't accept this very important part of who I am. And if it's that big of a part of who you are, you shouldn't either.

As I always have said, "Girls come and girls go, but you always have your diapers."

Good luck!

Que's question isn't the right question. It doesn't matter who else has had similar situations and how it turned out. What matters is how he handled it.

And that comes down to a very simple choice only he can make. His diapers or his relationship, pick one and don't look back.

Maybe she just doesn't understand. I have not been into diapers and nothing about the idea excites me. However, maybe if I knew why and what attracts you to the fetish it would help. Every fetish of mine did not come naturally. Usually it was introduced by someone or an image of something. Then when I understood more about it, the more I got into it. Sharing how is makes you feel might help her understand and be able to appreciate it. It's so hard to share these feeling and I have some I'm not ready to share yet either. Encouraging her to share some of the things she's never shared may help as well. I curious about how others were first introduced to this fetish and I hope she can get into it and you have tons of fun with you.