Menopause and all it entails

I am a woman of 48(soon anyway). I am currently going through the physical change of a female .... menopause symptoms. The sad and unsettling thing about this is that the women in my life don't discuss what happens and all the "stuff" that goes on. It just doesn't happen to come up in conversation. I was wondering if anyone else would want to discuss what changes, thoughts, and all that, that they have or went through.

My experience is hot and cold flashes and erratic periods. I keep hoping that I don't loose what interest I have in sex when I do finish up with this change. There are days in the month that the interest just tanks and I have to really put in an effort to provide enjoyment for sub. I hate those days, but try to not let on when they actually are happening.

I'm turning 49 in a few weeks and I, too, have been experiencing "The Change."

My mom went to 60 before periods stopped. But docs have told me because I've had chemo twice, that it would put me into early menopause. I do have to say that I am absolutely ecstatic not to have periods every month. I occasionally will have a hot flash. I do find that I still get PMS and emotional and stressed at times, but no menses occurs. Sheesh, I think I'm having a flash right now as I type this!

I can't say that I've had the low libido, but then again I don't have a man to play with every day. I am sure I would have days I would want to say no to, but I don't think I'd blame it on menopause.

I hope my well doesn't run dry after the change either. I do know that I have a very dear family friend who is nearly 80 and she has recently met a man 25 yrs younger than her and had not been with a man in 10 years. She told me she was very surprised to find that she was extremely wet and lubricated and is enjoying herself and he's having trouble keeping up with her appetite.

Whilst I am not giving my age away via this board, I too have had the pleasure of experiencing symptoms as described. Due to ill health a few years ago, at which time it was suggested that it was an “early” menopause, it is still ongoing. The days fluctuate anything between 17 and 65 and then back to the normal 25-28 days, so it’s a case of supplies in handbag at all times! Never had hot flushes (as we call them here), but the mood swings are dire and I can be very snappy and erratic at times – yes to those of you that have experienced these moods of mine – you already know lol. Mentally though I dont think I have suffered any adverse symptoms in this respect. Other friends have or are experiencing the same kind of things and we often discuss such issues. On a positive note think of the money we can save in due course without extra items in our shopping trolleys and not wondering if/when you are going to get caught short again when out and about.

If there is such a thing as reincarnation, please may I return as a man?

Although we don't know the cause, I went through menopause in my early 40s and mine was different than most, one month I had a normal period and the next month, nothing. And the next month, and the next and so on. I have had one or two minor episodes of "breakthrough periods" but nothing that couldn't be handled with a pantiliner.

I am in my early 50s and I've had more than my fair share of hot flashes and they are indeed miserable. I'll never forget the day I had a flash while I was judging a dog show. It was so bad that I had to suspend the class for 15 minutes so that I could get to the bathroom and pulll myself together. That was a day that will live in infamy.

I don't think I experienced too many mood swings but this was all going on at the time that my leg was amputated. Perhaps I had so many other things going on that I sorted the mood swings into the stress column. The one symptom that plagues me to this day is the night sweats. Most nights, I'm sleeping solo but every so often when I'm not, my companion will wake me up and ask me if I've wet the bed. Well, indeed I have, but not the way he's thinking. Very embarrassing. Nothing is worse than having to get up at 0200 and change the bedding. My gynecologist, bless her heart, tells me that the night sweats could be due to a sharp drop in blood sugar and that I should have a snack before bed. That doesn't seem to make a difference.

Yes, libido does rise and fall but as I've come through most of the process I find myself just as interested in intimate (and kinky) activities as I ever was. As for dryness, that happens too but could also be associated with diabetes. As I told my gynecologist, if you use enough lube, you can get a Cadillac into a dog house!! As for remedies, there is Hormone Replacement Therapy which I chose not to use. I figure I have enough health issues as it is, I don't need to add more risks. Some people swear by Sam-E and others by black cohosh but I haven't tried either of them.

For those that have partners (or subhubs), I would say that you should discuss your symptoms and that you just don't feel up to engaging in naughtiness on that particular day. Just remember that there is nothing wrong with you, this is simply a process that Mother Nature dictates. Frankly, I consider it a badge of honor, I've made it through life long enough to experience this phenomenon, that makes me a pretty tough cookie. As they say, gettin' old ain't for pussies. Well, maybe it is!

And, to my sisters under the skin, keep your chins up, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, I can't add a whole lot here. I make no bones about the fact that I am 41. I was just discussing this with Doc the night before last, although we have had this conversation many times over the past 4.5 years now.

I have always heard that you can kind of judge when you will go through menopause by when your mother did it. And if memory serves me correctly, my mom didn't start having any menopausal symptoms until she was 60, then by 63 she was completely done. Based on this theory, I might be looking at possibly another 20 flipping years of bleeding for 7 days every month. I don't know about you ladies, but nothing should be able to bleed for 7 days in a row and still be alive? You know what I am sayin?

My mom hit menopause late, and in the grand scheme of things, a lot of women have menopause symptoms for ten years. So my mom hit late and it didn't last very long, however, during those three years, it hit hard, very hard. I also believe that menopause symptoms would be much easier to handle physically when you are younger rather than older. Medically speaking with just about everything concerning our bodies and our health, the younger you are the quicker and easier you can recover. When my mom got hot flashes, as you know, they come on suddenly with no warning usually and you just have to ride them out. When they would hit my mom and she was in bed, she too had to change the entire bed because it was soaked, and she usually had to do this multiple times a night. Now, during the day when they would hit her, often times it would take everything out of her to the point that she couldn't even stand up, they would simply exhaust her.

I experienced what I thought were pretty bad hot flashes when I was pregnant with my first baby, but after watching my mom go through hers, mine were nothing at all.

I can't even begin to tell you how tired I am of bleeding every month. I have been asking Doc to get one of his OB friends to fix me so I won't have to worry about "other" things, although I am not entirely sure I am ready to give up the possibility of having some more "other" things yet. Actually, I'm at the age where my body is telling me "if you are going to do it, you had better get cracking, time to be able to have "other" things is slipping away very quickly. If you know what I mean.

But Doc also says, "if it's not broken, we're not going to fix it." And he's right, there's nothing wrong with my plumbing, but again, I beg to differ, nothing should be able to bleed for seven days and live.

Anyway, I wish I could help or give some useful tip on this topic, but I just can't yet. Sorry.

Mashie

I hope that this is not a Ladies Only thread since a Male is going to weigh in here, and I'm going to Play Doctor as I do. As it happens, I have done extensive research on the topic for the past 5 years in addition to having first hand experience. Please do not beat me up if you feel it is a male chauvenistic opinion, it is intended as "an opinion".

I am surprised to see only one reference to "the change", but more surprised that concerns are primarily physical in nature with very minimal consideration of emotional changes. While it is accepted that most girls undergo emotional changes for a few days during PMS, increased irritability most frequently but also depression or unexplained anxiety, it is sometimes overlooked that these same hormonal influenced emotional changes may last months or even years during peri-menopause. In those cases, "the change" may lead to a degradation of long term relationships in both family, friends, and career life. Some relationships will inevitably break down when it no longer becomes a "once a month" but rather a full time behaviour.

If I may give this advice to those girls who are experiencing the physical effects such as hot flashes and night sweats, is to not ignore the possible emotional changes you may be experiencing, but may be unaware of. Speak frankly to your spouse and closest friends to make sure that you are not going through "the change" alone. If you need help, they will be part of the emotional support you need to make it through. If you ignore the symptoms it may result in life changing circumstances which may impact your Golden Years in more ways than just physical.

🌹

~ DrJ58

Thank you DrJ58. Your response is absolutely dead right, as per usual. We do often overlook the emotional impact of these changes but they can certainly be substantial. As I said, I think I may have covered my emotions with other "stuff" but that doesn't negate the fact that emotional changes are valid.

Mashie, your point about following the same patterns our mothers set is also valid. My mother started menopause the summer I was 16, that would make her 46 at the time. I'll never forget that summer, it was the season from hell. My mother has, unfortunately, been "difficult" to deal with but that summer, she became particularly vicious. It got to the point where the entire family unit was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. My father, my sister and I stayed at our summer residence and Mom spent the summer in town. I don't know how she felt, being alone but I know the rest of us were much better off not being in a poisonous atmosphere.

She may have sought treatment that summer because I recall that after Labor Day, she was somewhat easier to live with, kind of back to her normal level of difficulty. I like to think that I didn't put my daughter through that but if she follows the early pattern, she may well be experiencing the same thing in about 15 years.

Thank you all for sharing your experiences.

I would have asked my Mom, but she has been gone 4 1/2 years and wasn't herself for a few years before that. I don't really know much on my own female family history. I know I started menses (when my chiro/body whisperer says it I giggle inside) early just after 10. So I was eager to have this done early. But when one is sexually active I worry about the "what if" we messed up/got it right this month (depends how you look at it). I missed last month but knew we had not broken condoms so the chance was so small that I was pregnant.

Thank you Dr.J58 for adding your view as well. Men can give their point of view on how their partner went through menopause. What they saw, how they helped or made the change go much more smoothly.

I want to feel that what I am going through is "normal" (atleast for me). That I'm not doing something else that is "weird". lol

Thank you Ladies, I sincerely appreciate your responses. Menopause is a topic which most guys "don't get" however there are some who do, those who also understand PMS and Post-Partum Depression. Hormones are an essential part of our makeup, and for females Estrogen is the most powerful. Knowing how that affects a woman not only physically but also emotionally makes it easier to understand why Girls are Girls.

Although purely an arm-chair medical opinion, my research was brought about by a need to understand why someone would change personality 180 degrees from who they were and throw away a lifetime of relationships and achievements without any self-reflection of how harmful their actions were to not only themselves, but most of the people they knew. Subsequent to my experience with someone I had known almost my whole life, I met three other girls who also went through "The Change" in an almost identical manner. I had to satisfy myself as to a possible reason.

My research has followed the link between Estrogen and Serotonin. It has been well established that Estrogen influences production and absorbtion of Serotonin, a mood chemical which is connected to Depression. It is the fluctuation of Serotonin due to Estrogen which is thought to influence the emotional changes of PMS, Post-Partum, and Menopause. A possible warning sign may be that girls who undergo extreme emotional changes as a result of hormonal birth control, PMS, and/or Post-Partum Depression, may also dramatically experience "The Change" emotionally during Peri-Menopause. Failure to recognize and treat the emotional effects may have dire consequences to their well-being.

Following this school of thought, treatment would address either Estrogen or Serotonin, or both. HRT is considered risky, however risks must outweigh benefits in the course of treatment. For some girls, HRT for a year or two may ease their transition through Peri-Menopause, both physically as well as emotionally. SSRI Anti-depressants which act on Serotonin may also be beneficial if a girl is experiencing severe negative mood swings. In some extreme cases a combination of both may be recommended.

Of course herbal remedies should be considered before chemicals in my opinion. Some girls do find significant relief with combinations of Evening Primrose and Black Cohosh however they may not be effective for long periods. St. John's Wort has been used effectively since the Ancient Egyptians to treat depression, and presents far less risk of side effects than SSRIs. A sensible course of action would be to try the herbal remedies first, and use HRT and SSRIs as a last resort.

I hope this gives the Ladies something to consider, which they should discuss with their doctor. If you have experienced severe PMS or Post-Partum Depression, you may be at risk for negative emotional changes during menopause. Mental health is equally as important as physical health. Please make sure your doctor recognizes this and asks about how you are feeling emotionally.

Treat the Whole Patient 🌹

~ Dr J58

I'm turning 53 in a couple of weeks and the change has been slow in coming. I'll get the occasional hot flash and my periods have been erratic, but emotionally I go from not wanting sex at all to being unbelievably horny. Not having my period is a little unsettling, mostly because it's been a part of my life for so long, the other being that I've always enjoyed menstrual sex and that will eventually no long be a part of me. Let's just say it's an interesting experience and I think I'll make a blog for it. :-\

I am a guy, after a vasectomy i got a 6 year run of male pause. If it is anything like what females go through i feel for you females, It really sucks, good luck as you go through it.

I went through menopause in my early 50's. A few years of hell - hot flashes, night sweats. The mood swings were worse because I am bipolar and take meds so there was nothing I could do to stop the extra insanity menopause brought my way.

Then a year or two after my periods stopped, I started spotting. Long story short - I ended up with uterine cancer and lost the works - uterus, cervix, tubes, ovaries. No biggie - the baby machine was closed anyway. But because of the bipolar I can't take any hormone replacement therapy. I guess I will have permanent hot flashes and night sweats. I cannot go into a store without coming out drenched it seems.

l was blessed that I found an ob/gyn who deals with patients with BPD so she knows where I am coming from. She is waterproof and doesn't get flustered when she looks at me and I bust out in tears. To the person who said they had to small periods after their change, I highly recommend you tell that to a gyn. I didn't think anything of it at first. Big surprise. Big C. But Stage One is the cure. Catch it early and be done with it. I had no chemo, no radiation. They just took it out.

I too have started noticing little changes in myself over the past 6 months. I first didn't have a period for 3 months. Pregnancy, I highly doubt it. I eventually started. Also with that cycle I found myself in a few hot flashes thrown into the mix. Both those are a weird feeing. I wasn't sure if it was stress related or in fact that I might be headed into the change. That I am not ready for. Grrrrr.

Over the past couple of years my periods have become more irregular, though no hot flushes as yet. They have also become much lighter and I have often missed 2 or 3 in a row. Having said that, my last couple have been regular, heavier and much longer than usual (10-15 days). I never know where I will be these days - do I buy more sanitary towels or not? Am I menopausal, pre-, peri-, or pre-peri-menopausal? I don't know - all I do know is it sucks!

Amy have you seen a doctor? That doesn't sound normal 15 days of heavy bleeding?

No Persiphone, I haven't yet, but I will if it persists/recurs - I'm back to normal this time (whatever that is lol). Also heavy, prolonged periods are part of what was for a long time a normal pattern for me. I was always that way as a teenager. It's just the way my body is. My periods were lighter and more regular for only around 10 years (mid-thirties to mid-forties). Now my hormones are going haywire my periods have just reverted to how they were back in my teens. Cycle anywhere from 14 to 56 days (or longer now), period anywhere from 3 to 15 days, but always heavy - or at least they were always heavy back then. Now I never know. Happy days... NOT!

I should add that my 15 day period followed immediately after 3 months without one.

That's the part I am not liking Amy is the "unknown" from month to month or week to week. Will it return to a normal cycle, will it just be erratic, heavy, light? I'd ask my Mom, but she has been gone for some time now. This was not something she discussed, so I am making sure to give my daughter some clue as to what I am going through. Then she may not be a clueless as I am.

My wife recently went through menopause. When we have intercourse, she tells me that is is painful because her vagina is not what it used to be - dry and more tender.

So, I am wondering if using vaginal estrogen suppositories and estrogen cream on her pubic parts would rejuvenate her tissues and make intercourse more pleasurable for her.

Comments please.

Ask your doc about Premarin. Supposedly it helps for painful vaginal sex. Hold your breath though - it's pricey. We had it prescribed for recurring UTIs - $450 and the insurance would only cover 80. Estradiol is another one that supposedly helps and is cheaper. our insurance hasn't authorized it yet.

The solution is very simple. And you can start right now. First of all, kindly whispers on the ear of your wife. First give a nice long lick to your wife. Start from face to foot, and keep most in the middle. If it does not help, there is always butter or oil at home, in case you do not have creams, fat or gel. Have fun!

My wife also....intercourse is not painful, but sometimes difficult.

Solution was simple, tanks her gyno....my wife has to insert deeply in vagina a gel with an applicator (similar a big syringe) about 20 ml of this gel every evening.. It is not estrogen o estradiol, bat water and glycol based (safety and anallergic) It is not uncomfortable....only little burning and emptyness sensation...after a couple of months all the way become better

Here in Itali is cheap and named ACCAERRE.

Try it, if you find it in your country....

Good luck

Just use a water based lubricant like KY Jelly or a similar own brand product before intercourse. Put small amount into the vagina and rub some around the head of the penis as well if you want. Intercourse should then be perfectly comfortable and pleasurable.

Vaginal estrogen suppositories do help. You’re still going to need lube but the suppositories make a difference.

Lady's I could Google it. But I want your opinion. At what age do women have menopause. Stop bleeding I mean. If there is a chance to find not a young woman but middle age may be. I still have high sex Drive. Blood is full of essence. I still crave it. Appreciate your help.

It is difficult to say with one definition when women enter menopause, because it depends on race, diet, physical condition ... Most often generally from 40 to 50. in long-lived peoples it may be later.

MISTRESS M , I know you're busy . If at all possible you could point 👉 me , I know you would punish me ever so sweetly. I need pain to make me focus. When I go out shopping, I'm afraid the wolf in me is showing too much. If you could with your wisdom and elegance talk to your mistress friends to put me under a whip. Would be forever grateful.

Just the other day this was on my local NPR station which is full of good information.

https://the1a.org/segments/why-does-menopause-give-us-pause-rebroadcast/

I think it's a process that has an onset followed by a gradual dissipation of the cycle and associated hormones. It's somewhat like beginning and finishing puberty, but in reverse.

I think it's a process that has an onset followed by a gradual dissipation of the cycle and associated hormones. It's somewhat like beginning and finishing puberty, but in reverse.

Having gone through it, over it and past it, this the best definition - reverse puberty.

What I learned in my 50s, (because they DON'T teach you about this) is you first go through peri-menopause. This is the worst! Menopause technically is the cessation of your menses ( for a full year). Peri-menopause is where all the hot flashes, painful sex, NO sleep, brain fog, muscle loss, weight gain, did I say painful sex, your skin dries up and sags and about 300 other symptoms not widely know. Most people only experience a few symptoms. Men leave their wives or wives divorce their husbands. Peri-menopause can last for years, even decades. Fortunately there is help. Unfortunately many women want to “go through it naturally”. FUCK that. I went through symptoms for a few years waiting for my periods to stop, 100%. After 3 years of no real sleep we sought help and encourage all women to find the treatment that works for them.

If you find a woman on BHRT or HRT, go for it, she's got her life and sex drive back.

Does anyone who posted a while ago, have any updates?

Since I've had a hysterectomy it was difficult to tell exactly when I started menopause. I do have vaginal atrophy, but I still had some lubrication before I started hormone replacement. My skin is extremely dry. I've tried so many different moisturizers and creams. My night sweats and hot flashes weren't debilitating.

The hormone replacement therapy that I'm on is now making my breasts and nipples tender. This started recently and about a month after I began using the estrogen patches. The specialist I'm seeing says that it should resolve soon. I hope it does resolve before my mammogram.