Mates and Lovers

How many couples have lovers within their relationship? What is the impact on your primary relationship? We do. Before I agreed to even date my mate I told him that monogamy was not something I had ever been very good at achieving. My lover has been part of our life for over a decade. HIs presence is like a zesty spice for all of us.

We don't have another couple to play with but is a fantasy of ours . As long as it works for you and you enjoy it , go for it . Life is very short so enjoy it as much as you can !!!

Doc and I have thought about bringing in a mate into our relationships before, the first one cause a lot and I do mean a lot of trouble for us. So now we are a tad shy on the whole issue, but someday perhaps if he wants that.

Sirensong, You and hubby are very fortunate to have found a nice fitting 3rd. Sometimes it gets screwed up with ego or other such crap. I have been the 3rd a few times with couples, but had to bow out when things became "troubled" Don't need the turmoil since life is too short. Once a hubby thought he and I should be together full time... NOPE,,,

Special Friend and I have one guy that is OUR friend but only plays on special occasions like when the moon and all the stars are in alignment. (Would that be a 4th like in bridge?) Nice Spice, and since he is more of a bottom for the two of us we tend to gang up to get our way. Don't get me wrong, he is enjoying every moment. Actually I am jealous as he can stay hard longer, but then again my balls are bigger so there! 😉

Enjoy enjoy enjoy,,,,

Skybear

Thank you for sharing your comments. One of the factors that makes our situation work is DISTANCE. My lover is "my Yankee" and I am and always will be his "southern belle". We have often lamented the distance as it is not possible to have a quick date in an afternoon. Everything must be planned.

Skybear!! I love you wit! You never fail to bring a smile to my face.

We have dated quite a few couples over the years 10+ couples. A number of these were quite intimate with us exchanging spouses for the night. Made for hot sex and even better sex the next morning when we were together again. This is not for everyone but we sure a lot to talk about now.

Until about a year before I became pregnant with our first daughter we used to swing. That was until the early 1990's. We stopped because we wanted to be absolutely sure we wouldn't have an AIDS baby. We have not done any swinging since. We actually swung for a short time more after we were married than before, but like I said, we haven't in almost 20 years. We don't have any plans to start again any time soon. We do however partake in occasional S&M parties where we do about everything with other people except have intercourse.

Susie, for lack of better terms, I am so jealous of you and what you have done and probably will do in the S and M parties. People laugh at me when I tell them that I am a newbie to the whole med fet scene, or they think I am lying. But seriously, all things considered, I am. I have played with some of the big dogs in the community a time or two, and now exclusively play only with my Doc. He occasionally will go to one of his S and M clubs to play. It's a very high-class up-scale dungeon of sorts. I have been invited to go but haven't made it up there as of late. It is my greatest dream to go. I have never really seen anyone else getting spanked, or hooked, caged, or chained or any of the other stuff involved. But I so can't wait, lol.

Mashie

Skybear & siren, I'm so glad you've found something that works for you. Congratulations.

My lady & I have a convoluted set of significant others. She has a male friend she texts with several times a week and sees roughly once a month. I join them 2 or 3 times a year. She's also become very close friends with a long time male friend of mine. Neither of us are sexual with him, but they're together 1 or 2 nights a week. I have a female friend that I've known a couple months longer than my partner. We used to be sexual, spent 2 or 3 nights together each week, but our relationship changed when her health took a turn a few months ago. My partner introduced me to a couple who are long-time friends of hers who asked about playing with me, and told me I have carte-blanche permission with them. We're still figuring out where that goes. We also know a few swinging couples, triads, and more-somes, some of who have asked about playing with us. Needless to say, there's been some heated discussions through our 5 1/2 years together, but we've learned a few things that make a big difference.

1) Be clear who are primaries and who are lovers, significant others, playmates, friends, etc.. -- Primaries are like your spouse. They are the number one other part of a relationship. If you had to choose a single person as your best, closest, most significant other, this is who you'ld choose. If someone else comes into your life, be clear with them and your primary about who is who. Spell it out, and don't be afraid to say it again if needed. Make sure everyone understands where they stand. Your primary likes to know how special they are to you, and be reminded periodically, so make sure you tell and clearly show them and others.

2) Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. -- This can't be stressed enough. Be open and honest with each other. You won't always hear what you want to hear, but noone should have to guess what's going on or how someone is feeling. If there's a problem, bring everybody involved together and have an open, honest discussion. Keep an open mind, try not to judge, and try not to get upset, but do talk with each other regularly.

3) Ground rules. -- Set a few simple, basic rules between you and your partner, and stick to them. One of our biggest is that we don't play with someone else without explicit permission from everyone involved. If one person of a couple wants to play with one of us, all 4 of us sit together and agree that it's okay. If it becomes a question later, talk again to be sure. Ask if anyone has any hard stops or ground rules, then respect them unconditionally. We feel no amount of sex is worth breaking up a relationship -- yours or theirs.

Adding someone to a monogamous relationship is rarely easy. It works for some people, not for others. Talk it over and see what comes out. If it works, enjoy the spice!

If having a mate and a lover were easy, for me... I've been married (15 yrs) and have had several relationships outside of such. Three are happening now: near the west coast, over in England, and here in my home town. Each relationship outside of marriage is wonderful, each being from a close-friend, for whom I would do anything, a long-distance lover of whom I am seriously planning on visiting, to the truest love of my life, here. The saddest part (to me, at least) is a combo of how I want to be with "them", more than being with my wife.

My relationship is centered around her having other lovers, she currently has three besides me. She has a black lover she sees at least once a week sometimes more. Her second lover she sees about once a month and the third several times a year. Both of us are very happy and confident with our extra curricular partners. AS for me I have a woman I see several times a year and she fulfills my kinky side.

That would never work for me. I'm single now but was in a relationship for 2+ years with someone who wasn't exactly honest and dependable. It was hell.. he had this habit of getting close to and befriending every girl he met and I spend most of my free time making sure he didn't get intimate with any of them, both physically and mentally.

So for me anything like that is a deal breaker, him sleeping with another woman as well as emotional cheating (sharing our personal things and problems, spending too much alone time with her and so on) would result in a breakup fast.

That said, Im not fully opposed to threesomes or bringing other couples in, even if its sexual but that doesnt mean it would be ok for him to sleep with whoever we bring in when I'm not there.

My wife and I have been married 17 years . She has had a few lovers and likes the kink sometimes.. I have no desire for another woman,as I greatly enjoy her being pleasured. My joy is seeing her get pleasure(or at least knowing about it)

1) Be clear who are primaries and who are lovers, significant others, playmates, friends, etc.. -- Primaries are like your spouse.

I may be very square here, but I've often wondered about the risk of "falling in love" with someone else. The human mind is a fickle thing. All it takes is an intense conversation with someone else and unmet emotional needs start getting fulfilled. Someone mentioned "emotional cheating." People give up on that "primary" due to a variety of reasons. What then?

I have a hard enough time dealing with my SO's past relationships. Even platonic friendships can cause angst in some partners. What then? We are all programmed differently. I think it is very hard to commit to one person "till death do you part." Unrealistic.

Me and my wife have wanted to try this but having a hard time cause everyone that we talk to backs last minute it drivesnus crazy lol they mostly back out when she says that i have to watch thats the only way she said she will do it the other would only be for her im not looking for an other woman i found my soul mate it was my idea and she loved the idea

This question has made me want to write something.

It has been a long time since i have written anything on the forum and i have lost a bit of confidence in writing my thoughts.

It has been a tough year,I had a bad fall from my horse,broke two ribs,then my right lung collapsed so i needed a chest drain,then to top it all i caught a hospital bug while i was there so had to stay in hospital longer.

I do like medical stuff in play but not in real life and this was the first time any fall from a horse or any illness ment a hospital stay for me.I had always not liked medical stuff for real but the good thing to come from it was i got over a few phobias about doctors and needles.The other thing that happened was because of the accident the doctors were able to give me an early diagnosis of COPD and emphysema ,Now that is all my own fault as i have smoked most of my life.

Then six weeks ago my adoptive dad died of a horrible cancer and he suffered so much before the end.

My Jewish new year is all about giving up smoking and making each day count,the last words my adoptive dad said to me before the medications and cancer stopped him from talking,

OH golly i have gone on so and i havnt answered the forum question,

rightly or wrongly depending on your points of view i live in a situation where i am married to a very nice man who i married while i was in a very highly controled religion where sex is not talked about and any sort of masterbation is wronge.I was not sexualy attracted to him when we married and we were honest with each other that sex would not be a part of out marrage.we married for company and friendship.

I dont know why but i dont like having sex and niether does my husband so for 17 years every thing was fine .

I turned forty, found the internet,then i found Zity biz and i found that whilst i dont like the act of sex its self i do like role playing games, medical games and having a nice dad games.and it amazed me at how much fun can be had in a sexual way with some games with out having sex.

After talking to a very nice man i met here on Biz i wanted to meet him, The man i met first knew i was married .he himself was not looking for a couple type relationship so as long as my husband would be okay with it,all will be fine, no one is getting hurt or lied to.

i am very lucky my husband let me follow my dreams,but not only that we will stay married and best of friends.

So i met this man for a time or two, i met a coupe of other men,some worked well, some not so well,but that is just life in general.After my fun i would go back to my marrige and religion.

Right now i am sort of living with my play partner and my husband lives in our house in my home town.My play partner has parkinsons disease and whilst that doesnt affect our games it does mean he needs help in the house and things so i live with him.

We live by the sea,i keep my horse down here as in my home town there are not many good places to ride so here with Billy i have everything.

My family find the whole thing of me having two men in my life that i love and care about very odd,,They dont understand it and feel sorry for my husband who is living alone,but he is okay and comes to stay with me and billy sometimes when he has time and they do get on very well.

As long as no one is being lied to or hurt i think living this way is okay, there are many who think its not okay.I have not lied to any one so my conscience is clear.

i am sorry for having gone on so long and sorry for any bad spelling or grammer i am not too good at that.

i hope you are all well.

Peace. Caz

Id like to say thanks to caz for what she has written, im so sorry for her regards the early part of this letter, with all thats gone wrong lately in her life, but im glad to have met her, and its me she is living with , and although life is hard financially right now , i hope we make a go of things.

We havnt played much at all recently, and i hope this changes.

I do love you caz. even though sometimes its difficult, but im here for you . xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Both my girlfriend, and I will have lovers whenever we please. We both know that we will always come back to each other. We both love sex with men, but are not looking for a boyfriend.

Although we had one threesome, once, we pretty much keep the details of out liaisons to ourselves, and although we both belong to a swingers club, we rarely go at the same time.

Our romantic attachment is girl/girl, our sexual attraction is hetero.

Caz , I have liked you from the very first time we chatted , its been a while but you remain in my thoughts . You are what I call a good egg 😃

They say people come into your life for a reason and I believe that is true . While your situation is not for everyone it works for you . Nobody has to agree with it and no one has the right to pass judgement. Life is too short to not seek happiness and when you find it hang on tight .

I hope you are feeling better and I am so glad you took the time to write again . I miss chatting with you . I am sorry things are not going easy for you and Sir Will , I wish you both a smoother road and the very best !

Big hug ? , Bridgette xxoo

I've been true to the same man since I was 17 and I believe my man has been true to me. We don't swing, swap or fool around with other people in any way, shape or form sexually. We have been approached but have never taken anyone up on a sexual request. I guess we are old school but that's fine by me. I've been asked to get together here but my answer has and will always be no.

I enjoy being here at Zity Biz and sharing messages and taking part in the many topics. I like showing my images and enjoy the feed back. I guess that's sharing me with other people but a face to face adventure is out of the question. That just does not interest me!

I found my match and I don't think either of us could handle a third. Friends of our we go out with all the time (another married couple) we heard through the grapevine, like to swing. My wife and I always joke after getting together with them, that we never get the "invite". I gotta say I'm a little insulted.

I did not write this, I found it on bdsmlr. I have tried to explain What My hot wife relationship is all about And why I do it and why she does it and it's been difficult but this woman really lays it out in a way that makes it easy to understand everyone might not agree with it but I think is very well written

I’m a Hotwife, I have sex with men other than my husband, whom I adore, with his full knowledge, acceptance and often presence. I am a promiscuous woman because I crave more male attention than one man can give me, both in terms of my sexual insatiability and because I love the ego boost of being the centre of all the male attention and lust in any room. My husband is an all-star Alpha Male, and is completely devoted to my self indulgence and needs. He puts me first in all matters and is unwavering in his monogamous love for me. I am completely unfaithful and promiscuous, he is totally faithful and monogamous. That is our form of the Hotwife lifestyle. Or is it…?

You see, there is a little flaw in my summary of the styling of our Hotwife marriage. It’s not so much what I put in as to what I left out (isn’t that always the way?). I didn’t mention my husband’s attitude to my promiscuity other than to say he is devoted to my self indulgence. Of course, this could mean that he is very laissez-faire about whatever I do, but that would not be true if being so suggests a level of disinterest or detachment from my journey. He takes a very keen interest in all my choices and is my sounding board and ‘wise protector’ for anything that I am undecided or uncertain about. I would go so far as to say he is my guru in achieving self-fulfillment, so laissez-faire he is not: he is an empowerer with strong views on how life should be lived.

My Hotwife Husband, (and I would suggest almost all Hotwife Husbands, whether Stags or Cuckolds), is Promiscuous by Proxy.

He wants to see and hear me fuck. He wants to discover evidence, by accident, that I have been or am about to fuck someone else. He wants to watch me pull off condoms, hold a man in and tell him not to pull out. He wants to choose the lingerie that someone else will later remove from my body. He wants to suffer the highs and lows of the libidinous rollercoaster of my sexual unpredictability (I would like to acknowledge your applause for that sentence and go and lie down for a while). It all seems to be about me and my enjoyment of being promiscuous, but it isn’t just that: he lives his lusts through me.

Every new cock I suck, every new head that stretches my pussy lips, every new tongue on my clit is a new sexual encounter. They are new conquests, new delights, new orgasms. I cum differently with each of them, I enjoy different aspects of their physicality, mentality and sexuality. Every sexual experience my pussy enjoys is apparently promiscuous, profound and personal.

But, and here is ‘the thing’, they are not personal: they are shared with the man who has the vanilla-esque right to expect monogamy. He keeps his wedding day promise to me (which I remember with the clarity of ‘just yesterday’) to be faithful forever, but he does not have to relinquish the thrill of many encounters with new sexual partners, it’s just that they are my new sexual partners.

What my Hotwife husband learns to do is to use me as his Promiscuous Proxy. When I fuck he feels the anticipation of a new meeting through my excitement. When I kiss he feels the Adrenalin rush of possibility through my blush and softness. When my breasts are squeezed on the dance floor he feels the hardening of arousal through my wetness..

But in my experience, for many men, finding a lifelong partner is just as important as it is for the stereotypical woman, and for many Hotwives, sowing seeds (or at least being a hungry bed into which seeds may be sown) is an important lifeblood of sexual self expression just as much as it is for the stereotypical man.

So my husband, in common with many husbands of Hotwives, has discovered that he can still live the exhilaration and high of new sexual encounters, without endangering the sanctuary of his marriage, if he can manage to re-envisage and re-purpose his libido so that it is fed not through his own promiscuity but through his wife’s.

Without doubt it requires uncommon self awareness on the part of the husband and uncommon self indulgence on the part of the Hotwife. It also requires a huge amount of trust and commitment, infused with 5 star communication. Welcome to my marriage. Perhaps by describing it I have given you a philosophical framework for your own marriage and a way to understand just why you like your ‘unorthodox’ lifestyle so much.

I am a self indulgent and promiscuous Hotwife and he is my husband.

I welcome your comments. Please share your story with me and feel free to email me me at femalesrulemen@aol.com Comments from men and women are welcome and encouraged. Kisses!