You know you're horny when....

Someone else started a thread similar to this the other day along the lines of, you know you own too much kink equipment when.....

So as I am sitting here mentally exhausted, totally frustrated, and overly horny, the question came to mind. I rather enjoy topics like this because you never know what people are going to say. Sometimes the things they say make you nod your head and smile, some will make you laugh, and others will make you say, hummm, I never thought of that before. So here it goes, please, allow me to start the list.

You know you are horny when....

1) You are standing in the meat department at your local grocery store and you find yourself just standing there staring and smiling at the rolls of Summer sausage.

2) You are standing in the meat department at your local grocery store and you find yourself just standing there staring and smiling at the rolls of Summer sausage and the butcher looks over the counter and ask's, "can I help you Ma'am?" And he looks down at you, sees the smile on your face, the Summer sausage in your hand and says, "no, apparently you have all the meat you can handle. You look up at him with a big smile and blushed cheeks and reply, "no, but soon, I will very very soon."

3) You wake up with a stiff neck and your co-workers don't bother asking you something like, "oh, you have a stiff neck, you okay?" Instead they say something like, "you know, most vibrators have multiple settings, try turning it down a few notches that way it doesn't throw your neck out of line."

4) When everything you see, touch, feel, smell and hear reminds you of him.

5) When you seriously have to stop yourself from buying one of those cheap plastic swimming pool ball and paddle sets because the paddle is bright orange, will be easy to find in the dark, and it has a neat waffle design on it that you are sure will leave an even better design on his ass.

6) When you call the hotel for reservations and you pretty much just flat out tell them, "listen, I see my man every 3 months, we won't need housekeeping services because we really don't plan on getting out of bed, so please don't bother us, and he's a stud, I'm a screamer, you might want to put us as far away from others as you can. And when the hotel guy laughs, you clear your throat, and you say in a nice, serious yet firm tone, "Ummm, I'm not joking."

7) You make a special trip to your local warehouse store because they have the boxes of 100 count AA batteries on sale, and you know from experience that you will use them up before they expire on you.

😎 When you find yourself buying very strange and odd sex toys from the Internet at 4:00 AM

9) When you start thinking up new uses for everyday household items, items you see, use, and walk by every single day, but just never gave them a second thought before, such as, the thick rubber hair tie, the industrial sized rubber spatula, the plug on your Downy Wonder Ball, the pretty red candles that sit on your dinning room table everyday just for looks. The butterfly shaped flyswatter, the turkey baster, the BBQ brush, and your plastic funnel. Just to name a few off the top of my head.

And last but not least, and the easiest way for me to tell when I am really horny is.......

10) When I am about 3 weeks away from seeing him and every single time I sit down to pee I can't go. Without even realizing it, I'm thinking about him almost constantly, so I have to really stop and think about something that doesn't relate to him, remind me of him, look like him, smell like him, or sound like him. So I usually think something along the lines of Margaret Thatcher standing in the rain, against a brick wall at Yankee Stadium. Then I laugh, which is usually enough to allow my brain enough time for all my horny parts to relax enough for my pee pee parts to start working again, lol.

Oddly enough, all of the above mentioned are true, and have actually happened to me.

So, do tell, "You know you're horny when?"..................

Mashie