Hi:
You asked me to send you an email with my "ideal scene." This is not an easy task, though I have made an effort below as you will see.
Before beginning, though, let me say that although I have some experience as a sub, I don't consider myself an expert by any means; and my m2m experience is nil. That said, I have a strong desire, a voracious appetite, to experience both more in a safe, sane, and consensual setting. Like you I am disease free and wish to remain that way. I udnerstand that bdsm is not just about the physical, but the mental connection as well. While it is easy to play on a physical level, the mental aspect takes longer to establish; but as it does develop, the submission can grow deeper and the physical more intense.
As you will see in my profile list of interests, I want to experience much. I have an interest in "percussion" play. But, my main focus, at least in a physical sense, is ass-play. Anything to do with "ass" will surely attract my attention and tickle my libido, from fingers to tongues and plugs, and more.
I have played a little in public, but that was at a bdsm party. Outside of that context, I don't know; I'd have to perhaps "grow into it" (or, perhaps, more accurately, "submit into it" in time).
One thing I find of interest in bdsm is the "fear and anticipation" of what's to come. So, when you ask for an explanation of my ideal scene, I am somewhat reluctant, since I don't want to write a script. I fear that a script, while easy for you to understand and implement, will diminish the power, the erotic charge, of the scene itself if and when it happens. Nevertheless, I have provided you with a scene that I find highly charged and would welcome experiencing in some form or another at some time, though it may be too much for a first time event.
As you will see, the scene involves the use of enemas in bdsm, which from perusing your profile, you seem to have an interest in, or at least a curiosity about, as well.
Many have written about the physical and sexual aspects of enemas. There has been little; however, written about what happens to the recipient when he experiences an enema, and how the event progresses from invasion, to ordeal and finally to surrender.
The enema session can be a sensuous experience for the enema itself. It can also be part of a D/s scene in which the top uses the enema to punish his submissive. Either way, there is a transfer of total control from the recipient to the giver.
For me, a successful enema is one of the most profound lowering of barriers, intimacy, and complete liberation from cares and responsibilities that I ever experience. An enema can transform a tense, care-worn, uptight, walled-off and lonely individual to a relaxed, nurtured, and restored person in literally seconds. Here's how I experience the process:
I. Anticipation
Long before the nozzle begins its job of penetration and delivery of the physical enema, the psychological enema is well underway. We often hurry through days without true intimate contact. Most arrange their lives to prevent pain and inconvenience, and many of us work with concepts and ideas all day long. Often we go for hours without ever physically touching anything or having anyone touch us. The result is often a numbness, or absence of feelings, and an existence reduced to mental awareness. Layers of thoughts, media images, deadlines and stress insulate our beings from our bodies.
The words, "I am going to give you an enema," bring most plummeting back to the physical world. Floods of childhood memories combine with the hard reality: soon there will be no
privacy, no place to hide, no thoughts of meetings, deadlines, worries, or pleasant diversions.
Anticipation, embarrassment, fear of pain, sexual excitement, and a gnawing awareness of exposure take over. Power struggles cease to exist. There is no choice and no options: the imminent event is looming and there is nowhere to hide. Time begins now and ends with the inevitable insertion.
Most adults disrobe occasionally for medical tests, and many are nude often with sexual partners. But sex is spread with the balm of hormones and endorphins: we are not nude until we are excited. Medical exposure is brief, carries the blessing or society, parents, church, and friends and is usually partial.
The enema requires exposure that is total, sometimes shameful, and "bad." Enemas are taken in the nude. Sexual enemas are sometimes preceded by a bare-bottomed spanking or paddling. There is no societal or parental blessing.
The enema is prepared and anticipation grows. "Can I really take all of that? Will he be kind and gentle, or will I suffer?" "Why did I agree to this?" The questions race, but find no answer.
Finally, the time comes.
II. Preparation and Invasion.
The "administrator," stern and demanding, collects the necessary equipment in front of his charge. He chooses the nozzle and bag. He assesses whether the behavioral infractions are severe enough to require the use of Vicks as a lubricant, or whether Vaseline will suffice. The lubricant, once chosen, is opened. The nozzle is dipped into the jar and twisted, coating it with the jelly. The nozzle is slowly and deliberately assembled to the hose. Sometimes the administrator will require the charge to help in the preparations. Other times, he will just make him watch with fear and anticipation.
Before filling the bag, he makes the charge get on the exam table. He pulls out a rectal thermometer. He shakes it down and lubricates it in his view. He spreads his cheeks and quickly spears his hole with the cold, thin intruder. He holds it in place with his hand. If it pushes out, he pushes it back in with gentle firmness.
Soon the temperature is determined and the administrator begins to test the temperature of the water. When it is just right, he fills the bag. He hangs it and burps the air out of the line.
When preparations are complete, the executioner and prisoner take their final positions. The position of the prisoner of course is chosen by the administrator to please him and to expose him.
The glistening nozzle swings by the hose, the clamp hanging noose-like. Far above, the bulging, bloated, bag's froth dribbles down its side.
One is never prepared for even a well-lubricated finger as it penetrates the private opening: every nerve from hair to toes screams alarm, all on highest alert. If the administrator has chosen the vicks, it soon makes its presence known. Of course the administrator will wait as the vicks begins to take its effect.
When he is sufficiently satisfied with his work-product in lubricating the opening, the nozzle slowly makes its way through the soft barrier and begins its short journey. Incredible pleasure, shock, mild pain and fright combine as the nozzle's snug fit is secured. The initial intrusion is established and a moment's rest follows. The nozzle feels benign, even friendly. But it will soon fill both tormentor and comforter roles. It has become the only connection to the outside world.
III. Panic
A click, and a soothing healing, peaceful bliss begins in a rush of warmth almost spiritual in nature. The most powerful orgasm, the most wonderful sunshine-filled childhood dreams pale in comparison. Almost as quickly as they began, they dissolve into thoughts of panic. "How much can I hold?" "How much have I taken?" "Why am I getting full so fast?" Memories of ancient pain flash: an agony unlike any known in any other realm blots out the thoughts.
Cries of, "Oh, please stop!" have no effect the enema continues; filling, washing, relaxing, breaking through, triumphing. Nothing exists but the nozzle, and the pressure it delivers. Glimpses reveal blurry images of the enema bag, and the tormentor holding the precious clamp: inches away but hopelessly out of reach. The one person who can stop the agony is unmoved. In fact he is excited beyond all comprehension.
"Why won't it stop?" "How can I survive this?" "When will it be over?" Questions escalate their urgency. Their answers are steady pressure, and growing fear.
IV. Struggle
Finally, a click. The room returns. A dull ache rides between consciousness and the nozzle. At last, its over. But the bag still bulges with fluid destined for delivery. The respite will not last long. For when the mind begins to think things are under control, shooting cramps beg for resolution. No amount of panting, griping the sheets, or pleading stems their fury. Soon the recess begins to be as malevolent as the flow itself. The angry tide ebbs and flows, threatening the invader's delicate seal. While clinching friend and foe between desperate cheeks and praying for relief, recess ends. The unavoidable click signals the onslaught's return. Ancient pleas escalate their cry: "Please help me..please let it end! "
The waves crest higher and higher. The struggle grows into panic. Panic turns to screams. Desperation sets in. The prisoner grips the sheets, pounds his fists, curls his ankles and bounces up and down to relieve the pressure, but to no avail. The administrator is orgasmic seeing him clench his teeth. A return of the paddle restores order. At the moment the pain and pressure become unbearable, a long-forgotten door opens.
V. Surrender
Embrace the pain. Become its friend. Surrender. Let go. Its obvious. The one solution that seemed out of reach. Of course. Give in.
The administrator's soothing words course their way into his brain, "There, there, take it like a good man." He strokes him, comfort him.
The bag gurgles its last life through the opening and the hose empties. A sigh, followed by a peace long forgotten. Caresses turn angry welts and red cheeks to glowing contentment.
The struggle ends.
Orgasms follow naturally. Oneness with partner and universe seem natural. The release is total. The cycle begins again.