Expectation Management

Have any of you ever left a play session of any kind feeling like it just wasn't enough? Like things just went too easy? Maybe the "Top" was too nice? Or, have you felt that they don't take you seriously when you ask for something edgy?

i experience this on a regular basis. A former dominant of mine called it "Expectation Management" and he would do his best to not build up my hopes so high that i constantly felt let down after a visit. Do any of you do that? Build up the scene in your mind to a level that your partner never reaches and you feel let down later?

Is it good to have such a creative imagination or is it more of a curse? Why does it seem like when you discuss edgy things, most "tops" think you are joking? Why is it when you say you want to experience something extreme, their idea of extreme is WAY below yours?

Oh, and one more question... Why is it when a "Top" is using a dildo on someone with small (closed) pelvic bones, they insist on scraping the bone with the dildo to the point where even vanilla sex hurts? BUT they think you are lying about it hurting? Maybe i'm just experiencing the wrong kind of people, but so far i've run into a whole bunch of morons. How can i learn to not expect so much from these dominants/tops? Should i just maybe lower my standards, or lower my expectations? And when a "top" says he is going to do something to you, and gets a positive response from your body, but then fails to actually do what he said he was going to do, do you find yourself extremely frustrated and betrayed? Or am i just spoiled?

soumise

Dear Soumise,

finding the right partner for this can sometimes be a very difficult task. Just like real life issues such as long term relationships (Marriage, etc,.)

You shouldn't have to lower your standards at all and it may take some time to find one that REALLY LISTENS to your needs and expectations. There is someone out there that feels the same way you do and with that, you will have a very strong connection. Having a creative mind can often cause disappointment when you finally have the experience. The biggest key to this is pure communication and undeniable understanding. No one should ever have to lower their standards or lower their level of expectations with their fantasies.

If all else fails, then one might consider having a different outlook on what to expect.

I am not in the same boat you are, but I definitely have had many disappointments in real life issues compared to what I was expecting or hoping for.

Do not give up and have fun during your quest for the perfect connection. It will happen! From my experience, this usually happens when you least expect it too. Like divine intervention

Good Luck Soumise