Unable to orgasm

My wife is having a problem recently having orgasms. She had thyroid cancer this summer and had a radioactive iodine treatment. We are wondering if this could have something to do with it.

She has never had this difficulty in the past. She is extremely horny recently, but having an orgasm is getting harder and harder to achieve and she says the intensity is not there either.

Any similar problems out there??? Any suggestions????

Thanks all !!!

You don't say what other treatments she may have had.

Cancer is extremely serious and she and you should talk to her physician about it.

The only treatment she had was the radioactive iodine treatment. She has an appointment with Dr. but can't get in till the 1st week in December.

As Susie wisely says, this is something that should be discussed with your wife's healthcare provider.

I'm not conversant enough with radioactive iodine to say if her difficulty is related to her treatment. It could also be that this issue is psychological in nature. Cancer is a devastating diagnosis, as you well know, whether the reproductive/sexual system is directly affected or not. As they say, 90% of sex is in the mind and it may be that there are some lingering physical concerns that are taking a psychological course.

I'm sure that with a supportive and caring partner like yourself, and some reassurance from her physician, she'll be right as rain in short order.

Best wishes to both of you.

LadyDoc

I think my username says it all. Mid-40s, happily married over 25 years, three adult children. Was given forced suppositories as a small child when my father's family had me for the summer (starting around age four) because I would go 5-7 days between BMs. Then they would shame me when I would leak. Age 5, my sister caught me and the neighbor boy putting Legos in my vagina (I think one or two?) and I was shamed for that as well. Add to that, whenever I have intercourse, no matter how turned on I am, I always tear a little at my perenium. I love the sensation of DP, with vibrating anal beads in my ass as my husband fucks me, but I never get the happy ending. Recently started reading taboo erotica *thank God for Kindle* and the enemas sounds like a real turn-on, but nothing I would feel comfortable sharing with my husband. I'm stuck in this rut. I know the brain is the most erogonous zone of the body, and boy have I tried to let it happen... but it's like I simply get bored because it's taking so long. I have a doctor-prescribed STEM unit, and only saw last night on here the discussions about using it for masturbation. I just need to know what the hell I'm doing. I am ready to try anything self-exploritory at this point to achieve orgasm. I think if I can achieve it on my own first, then my husband will be able to assist when we're together. So... any advice please? And thank God for anonimity, while I'm at it. I have never told anyone about any of this.

QUESTIONS YOU NEED TO ANSWER:

Have you always had the condition where you tear at your perineum when you have intercourse? Before and after you gave birth?

If you have three adult children, I doubt your vagina is too small. Did you have an episiotomy where they sutured you tighter after your delivery than you were before you gave birth? That (and scar tissue with reduced flexibility) might be a reason for tearing.

Are you well lubricated? There are plenty of personal sex lubes on the market.

Is your husband's penis "tremendous" causing the tearing? I do not mean that as a joke.

Do you think your husband is good or bad in bed? That's also NOT a joke.

Do you have an orgasm when your husband orals you or masturbates you?

Do you have an orgasm when you masturbate?

Keep in mind that statistically, TWO THIRDS OF WOMEN DO NOT ORGASM FROM INTERCOURSE ALONE even when the sex feels great.

You should also speak to your gynecologist about tis specific problem you are having.

Answers to these questions can help us make suggestions to remedy your situation. I hope we can assist you in achieving your goals.

I have always been small, and typically can only go one round vaginally with 1-2 days to heal (even before kids, but I didn't bleed before them). I did have an episiotomy with my first, and tore with my last two. I'm sure that's a contribution to my issue.

Always use lube. Always always always. Astroglide, Pjur... no KY. It burns my skin. Found out the really hard way.

Hubby is average-sized.

My husband will listen to me, is attentive, and will do anything I ask of him. We've looked at sex books together, tried different ideas. He's very open to anything that's traditionalish.

No orgasm. Never, ever, no way, no how. :-(

I've spoken to gynos and therapists alike for over 20 years...

In view of your answers, I can make only one suggestion that worked for a friend of mine when we were in our late twenties: We got into bed when we knew no one would be around to interrupt us, we did a lot of hugging, foreplay and oralling and then using lots of water based lube I massaged her G-spot area and her clitoris starting very slowly and gently and building to furious stimulation over about half an hour. She eventually had her first ever orgasm.

Orgasms for some women come naturally, for others it is a reflex they have to learn.

This may not agree with your belief system and it may sound like it's coming from left field, but maybe it would help if you knew a knowledgable woman (preferably a lesbian) you could trust to assist you.

You said your husband is average size. I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but have you had sex with other men before you were married so that you can compare. You may consider your husband average size but is that in length? If he is average in length but very thick that could cause the problem that you are describing. Do you have a vibrator? You can also try a female tantric massage therapist.

I had two partners before him, yes. And I have lots of toys. LOL

Have you ever had a neurologic or spinal chord injury?

At six weeks, I had a spinal tap. Refused to put weight on my legs until I was well past 1. My mother put a Johnny Jump Up on the door frame and played music so I'd bounce.

I was bucked off a horse two years ago. Fractured my T2 and T3. I've had back problems my entire life, mostly from bad falls from horses.

Maybe you should try different size dildos. Slowly graduate to a larger size until your vagina gets used to the size, much like anal stretching. Have you been able to have anal intercourse?

Why did you have a spinal tap at 6 weeks of age?

Do you know why you wouldn't put weight on your legs until you were past 1 year?

It sounds like your problem may stem from the early spinal tap. I doubt your recent falls from horses have anything to do with it since your problem pre-dates those falls.

They were concerned about menangitis. It was negative.

C'mon Susie. Lumbar punctures don't cause any problems. You know that.

She had it at six weeks of age.

I don't think you can completely rule it out especially if other pudendal sensations are abnormal.

Repressed,

I just came across your thread today. Sorry if I missed it, but I guess my first question is have you ever had an orgasm ever with anyone (or by yourself)? Can you orgasm alone if you masturbate with the right toys and technique? If so, when was it relative to these other events you mention (pre-husband sex, marriage, childbirth(s), etc.)? I'm glad you and spouse in fact enjoy sex, and that you're exploring things like enemas that may really arouse you. You seem to like things in your ass - have you ever had an enema ever? As far as hubby sex goes, since he does DP with you with anal vibrations, do you think you could bring enemas up gradually as an interesting type of aphrodisiac? Also, on the other problem of frequent or constant perineal tearing with sex, what has your OB/GYN said about that? Let us know about these things, and we'll keep responding. Good luck.

Eric

Well, here's my update. I nutted up (took a Klonopin) last night and told hubby I needed to talk to him. I told him I was putting more trust in him with this conversation than possibly anything else in our marriage. I think I scared him. So I told him about finding some kink that I want to try on myself, but some of it would include him as well. It got easier as I went along, and I finally broke the dam and told him all of it. He didn't even blink. Told me the enemas were probably a good idea regardless because I still sometimes have difficulties with regular BMs. He asked if he had to be there for the enemas.. lol. I told him no, BUT maybe he'd consider starting one on me, then he could leave before I purged. Today I bought a 150mL syringe because I want to try a wine enema, and I'll need his help with it. I doubt he'd say no. (I'm only going to do the equivilant of one glass, followed by water). Then HE admitted to ME that he's been on the little blue pill for two years now. Compared to my laundry list, that was mild. He understands that I'm going to need private time (and complete privacy) to work on myself, but it'll hopefully result in a smoking hot sex life that will maybe even force the 21 year old son to get his own place and move out.

Knowing that I can be me, take care of me, and not be judged or have to hide is so freeing. Hopefully this is a good start to achieving my goal.

Others can correct me if I'm wrong, but a wine enema even one glass will make you very intoxicated very quickly. Even if you chugged a glass in one gulp, your stomach can't absorb it as fast as your colon can. Be careful.

I was thinking 4-5 oz. I'm not a very committed alcoholic. *sigh*

From a metabolic standpoint, you can have as much as you would drink, but you will get buzzed faster and sometimes higher because the alcohol will be absorbed faster.

I like to think in terms of an equivalent amount of three, two ounce hard liquor drinks or half a bottle of wine or three 12 ounce bottles of beer.

I would drink 2 glasses full, so this is half that amount (or less).

Hi Ms repressed,

I along with others had been reading your posts, you may like to click the zity links below that provide ample quality information about wine enemas as well as informative posts on alcohol mixtures

http://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=13805

http://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=787467

http://www.zity.biz/index.php?mx=forum;ox=display;msg=560004

Thank you! I truly appreciate everyone who's been so helpful.

So happy that you were able to share your desires. with your husband.

PSA, and as has been pointed out numerous times here on Zity, while wine and beer in moderation are fun and relatively safe, don't even think about firing ACTUAL hard liquor up there; some very bad, bad things will happen to you. Can confirm from personal experience, put a big IXNAY on this one up front and early.

Oh and:

"...force the 21 year old son to get his own place and move out."

Maybe start with this idea.

So, update. I bought a Womanizer W500 and the Olivia Wand (poor Amazon doesn't know what to think of me anymore. I'm such a naughty girl). I need to change the subject line to "Able to orgasm, wants at least one every day for the rest of her life". Success!!!

So, update. I bought a Womanizer W500 and the Olivia Wand (poor Amazon doesn't know what to think of me anymore. I'm such a naughty girl). I need to change the subject line to "Able to orgasm, wants at least one every day for the rest of her life". Success!!!

That is good. I do not think you can not really go wrong with the Womaniser W500. 😈 😃