Taking time out

Just wanted to let anyone who ive spoken to here that im taking time out from here,my decision is due to many reasons.But mainly due to being messed around by various individuals who like to play mind games or generally mess you around.

im taking time to gather my thoughts...

What is the problem with some of you people who seem determined to make this an uncomfortable place for other members? Let's face it, most of us are still closeted about our fetish, and this is one place where we should be able to write frankly about it and be supportive of each other.

I have been on this board for about 18 months (not always under the same name), and this problem seems to come up all too often. The way in which Kimberly was hounded off the board last year still leaves a bad taste in my mouth - and no doubt in others' mouths too.

So hang in there nichty, don't let the naysayers get you down. And to everyone, please try to show a little more respect for each other. If you don't agree with what someone writes, at least be courteous when you disagree. And if someone else's kink seems weird to you, remember that this how the outside world thinks of most if not all of us.

Very well said, Woodpecker.

I can half understand nichty regarding some members who mess you about. I've suffered it to but I'm half glad also the perpetrators reveal themselves before we get in too deep.

It's been in several formats. I've had males who pretend to be females but on reading their posts the numbskulls can't even remember what gender they purport to be! I've had males who are speaking on behalf of their wives. I just ask for a quick voice call with the lady - SILENCE - henceforth! Poor lady's who have no idea what hubby is planning! And so on!!!!

There's another one too, just becoming obvious. That of phishing scams where it seems so called female members target male members (oooh). Anyone responding will receive a pic of a beautiful girl, accompanied by a promise of their undying love if one sends money to enable said pretty lady to fly to meet with them. Beware!

But, I have met - on and off screen - with some of the most genuine and lovely people one could wish for - to our mutual benefit. It's a case of taking the rough with the smooth, or missing out on some real lovely encounters.

So hang on in there folks, men and women alike. Use your 'sixth sense' to flush them out but when you finally sever that connection make it abundantly clear why you are doing so.

Great ideas from everyone. Thanks for standing up to the "bullies" on the board, Woodpecker and others. I have been very fortunate to meet some wonderful people on this board, including the love of my life 😃. Others have not been as fortunate and have disappeared due to bullying by others. I also remember Kimberley and I miss her. We should not let that happen again.

And, Mashie, I can't believe anyone would question that you are really a female or not! BigK, I agree, it is all in taking the good with the bad or missing out altogether.

Lady Teddy

I have to add a note to this posting i apologise if my comments were rather broad based, i was referring to a few bad meets and im sorry if anyone else thought i was referring to them :'(

Timewasters are an unfortunate fact of life in this game. I've got a folder in my Yahoo email account dedicated to them. They sometimes forget they have already contacted you and do it again in the future.

I'm with BigK on this and if someone enquires about a play exam I just ask the woman or the female half of a couple to leave a message on my cell phone. Anyone who is genuine is happy to do that and it's only let me down once in over 8 years.

Actually I haven't had too many problems on this board as most people do seem to be genuine.

The worse offenders seem to be on the Yahoo groups.

Dr Philip - The UK Play Doctor.

Being on here for almost 2 years ( which I can't believe it I've lasted this long 😉 ) has taught me to learn to be more open to others' kinks or at least keep a lot of my opinions to myself.You learn from your mistakes when you post dislikes toward others' kinks and hurt feelings that you didn't mean to.I have tried to be more neutral or at least be kinder towards fetishes I have never been exposed to and even branched out a wee bit as I research the other forums for new ideas I would have never tried before.If I really don't like the fetish,I usually don't post there.This site has really helped me to accept all kinds of people and ideas I have never been open to before and meet so many great people.Because we can't hear and see what the members are saying here,many posts are misinterpreted and twisted.Everyone needs to consider this when posting their thoughts and ideas,etc.I myself have said or wrote things that were taken out of context or misunderstood so I know how this original poster feels.Once the member leaves you can't always apologize and make amends to them so please think before speaking!

[quote author=Mash4077th link=topic=30847.msg291130#msg291130 date=1272877662]

.....there is a chance that what seems like a good idea at the time scares them later on. ....Usually the longer it takes to come to the point that a meeting is going to take place, the more likely it is to happen. Remember, trust eliminates fear to a certain point.[/quote]

I've just quoted part of Mashie's response here but the whole of her post makes admirable sense.

There is no substitute for long long chats. Each needs to make it clear to the other what it is they want from the contact. Forget about 'when can you meet?' until the trust is firm and established - and of course its a two way trust!

I'm pleased to say that I have never, ever, been let down with a 'no show', nor has anyone ever arrived and at some point departed because they had discovered it 'wasn't for them'. I don't pretend to be particularly clever when I make that claim. I do claim though that absolute honesty and thorough exploration of each other (even if it loses you a patient or a playdoc now and again) is the best defence against sitting in a coffee shop waiting for someone who doesn't appear.

The time for discovering if 'its for you' is before a meeting is ever mooted though I have to say that I have sometimes had prior cancellations for whatever reason but thats a whole lot better than a 'no show' and saves everyones time and probable expense.

I usually ask those I chat with to read at least some of my postings and I read their's too. Doing so provokes questions of each other and can sometimes throw up obvious incompatabilities. I also make it clear that if someone mentions early doubts about meeting that I'm quite happy to chat and advise about the fetish, even if they should be set against a meeting for their own good reasons. You'd be quite surprised at how many chats about generalities convert into quite delightful meetings simply because there are no pressures, from either side of the exam table.

I do think though that nichty's perceived problems are not related to time wasters so much as the sheer difficulty he has in finding potential 'mates' in the region he lives in. Scotland is by nature more thinly populated than the rest of the UK. I have similar difficulties in my region, the North West of the UK, as distinct from the South East/London region. I solve this to some extent by cultivating contacts from other parts of the UK on the understanding that when I have several in a given region I will be able to find it economically and timewise possible to arrange a 'tour'. I'm retired and I acknowledge its easier for me to take a few days out. If however those contacts have been rejected as being too far away and there is no one 'waiting in the wings' then it won't happen!

Just as an aside to this, thanks to working a few months a year, I'm privileged to be able to take a round the world tour every couple of years. I see people in various countries and between August and November this year I'll see 5 patients in places as far apart as New Zealand and the US. Yes, I know you will say 'lucky sod' but you know it works the other way too and I see patients from overseas holidaying in the UK as well (Icelandic volcano's permitting).

Just keep working at it and be prepared to bend a little.

I am pleased to see though that although nichty has said that he's disenchanted with the scene he is frequently seen online. I wish him and others with similar problems well, in their search.

Yes BigK is spot on, there is no substitute for lots of pre-exam communication, it is essential really for both parties.On a few occasions I've been in contact with a prospective 'patient' for over a year before the actual live meeting took place, these things can't be rushed. But just make sure that you are not communicating with a time waster before putting this effort in.

This will pay dividends in the long run and like BigK I've never ever had a no show or a reluctant 'patient.'

What I would say to prospective play docs is that you must raise your profile to attract attention and to become reputable. It's no good lurking and contacting women solicited or unsolicited, they will soon check out your profile and realise that you haven't ever posted anything. That type of behaviour just sends the woman a negative message.

But yes I realise that being in the South East myself and within 30 mins of Stansted airport I am in a better position...But keep trying nichty you will most likely get a pleasant surprise someday.

Dr Philip - The UK Play Doctor

I agree totally with the above posters. Lots of emails communications before meeting is the key. When I first started exploring my kink, I corresponded with the fellow for over a year before I became brave enough to meet with him. I am quicker now that I have had a few more experiences. My regular play Doc and I exchanged daily emails and we met three weeks later. So, I am no longer the very nervous beginner and have made progress.

If you can afford it (and no Iceland volcano occur) I think traveling is the perfect solution. I am so looking forward to meeting various play Docs from this board. Gentlemen Doctors out there, you always make this Lady feel very welcome 😃.

Lady Teddy

Timewasters seem to be a fact of life, unfortunately, and I am sorry that nichty has fallen prey to some of them. I too have been let down by an individual who contacted me through this site. But with the benefit of hindsight (a wonderful tool!) I should have seen the warning signs (they were there), I should have taken more steps to verify what I was being told (I didn't) and i should have managed my own expectations better (I didn't). I am not, incidentally, accusing nichty of any or all of these failings.

So why did I fall for it? because the individual knew exactly what buttons I (as a heterosexual male medfet doc) needed to have pressed in order for me to stand a good chance of losing my common sense. And they did it very well! I was new to the site (but not new to this sort of activity or medfet which just makes it worse!) and frankly was flattered by the attention so soon after emerging as a member rather than a lurker. It was I guess a bit like being infatuated with a new lover - the faults, failures and signs are ignored.

Luckily this didn't get too far and i came to my senses before being seriously let down, and, needless to say, have realised (again!) how careful I need to be.

On a more general point this site is great; the discussions valuable; the stories show an amazing level of imagination; and I believe there is a good community spirit generally. The level of flaming and trolling seems to be much more limited than other sites.

But medfet is a minority sport in the overall scheme of things and there are not many of us to go round, particularly if you start to bring geography into the equation. My solution to that is to use other sites as well - I have written elsewhere about one experience of a patient from another site. It spreads the net wider, introduces others to medfet and helps me define what I am and what I offer to prospective patients.

There are also times when to recharge batteries or for other reasons i need to just drop out for a bit. I hope that nichty's hiatus is temporary.