Domination and Humiliation

Not necessarily. There is not anything I can think of that I could be embarrassed of humiliated by with a play partner.

If the same thing happened in public, it could be a different story.

I'd say I'm exactly the same, except for two possible subtleties. First, with a trusted Domme I had in the past, I actually did feel some embarrassment or sometimes humiliation, but being with the known and trusted Domme I actually enjoyed it and found it erotic. And I felt that way specifically because of the trust - I absolutely knew that she would never reveal our mutually beneficial D/s or s/D enema/kink/sex scenes to anyone. She could even joke about it as the Domme during our enema nights, threatening me that if I didn't do this or that specific challenging submissive task, she'd start taking videos and reveal our kinks. Though I knew she wouldnt IRL, psychologically dominantly it was a great move. The second point is that I'm still trying to decide exactly how embarrassment and humiliation are related and how one develops into or from the other.

Now just now within the hour I was very aroused and craving an enema after a long break. I'm solo, so I took 3.5 quarts of normal saline with a 2.5" Delrin nozzle that is big enough for me to have it help me retain it for about 30 minutes. My prior latex DBC had the outer balloon rupture recently and the single balloon that works is not enough to plug me effectively. ????

I just mention this enema tonight because I really enjoyed it physically and psychologically, in part because I was fantasizing an ex Domme of mine giving it to me and talking me through it to accentuate my submission. At 68 with serious ED My orgasms need a lot of various stimuli to actually have one. Tonight I think I'd been thinking about the orgasm as well as the long break since my last enema so much that came very close to pretty easily orgasming during my retention. As usual I was helping it along not only with the enema hold and fantasy Domme, but including my other kinks of wearing a rubber (hood) and (rubber) sneakers. It felt glorious but I decided to wait for the orgasm until in bed later when I really knew I'd be empty. Looking forward to it greatly.

Eric

Not necessarily. More often the knot but being used doesn't necessarily mean being humiliated.

I was humiliated with my 1st wife and later learned why.I was tested after my 2nd marriage and found to be autistic and also lower IQ from developmental disability.

Well not for humiliation in public BUT when i respond to my SWEETIE of 50 years, after telling me that SHE is going to SPANK ME, that “i have been good” SHE responds “ Yes you have been a good BOY BUT I am going to SPANK you because I CAN AND I BECAUSE I WANT TO! SPANK YOU!” i just respondt to her very meekly & submissvly “ yes Mistress!” All my begging and pleading have just been dismissed and i know SHE will be spanking me! As for in public not yet but would get VERY excited, if humiliated, in a public store being told that i was going to be spanked when we get home OR getting spanked in view of motorists while we were on the the side of the road ! i would even crave it!!

@bigbabyhusband

Well not for humiliation in public BUT when i respond to my SWEETIE of 50 years, after telling me that SHE is going to SPANK ME, that “i have been good” SHE responds “ Yes you have been a good BOY BUT I am going to SPANK you because I CAN AND I BECAUSE I WANT TO! SPANK YOU!” i just respondt to her very meekly & submissvly “ yes Mistress!” All my begging and pleading have just been dismissed and i know SHE will be spanking me! As for in public not yet but would get VERY excited, if humiliated, in a public store being told that i was going to be spanked when we get home OR getting spanked in view of motorists while we were on the the side of the road ! i would even crave it!!

"BUT I am going to SPANK you because I CAN AND BECAUSE I WANT TO SPANK YOU!” That's exactly how I wish my wife/Mistress would respond!!! If the situation were right, I'd go for an outdoor spanking.

It does for me.

Who but a dom could demand that you undress until you are naked and then perform intimate tests. It started years ago, and it took an age to work out that it was the embarrassment and humiliation that was turning me on.

To illustrate my point, check out Esther Schweins in Sie hatten keine Wahal (The victory of women).

She is in prison at what looks to be at the start of the last century. She stands before a doctor, naked and covering her boobs and bush clearly very embarrassed. After washing his hands, the doctor says something in German (I think it might be put your arms by your side). She lowers her arms and is clearly humiliated being naked in front of a man. He inserts a finger into her vagina, says something and then leaves.

That is the power of the dom!

I think it can be either way.

Being dominated doesn't mean that you humiliate as well. I love wifey to dominate me. She doesn't play often but when she does she will wear a strapon and i will dress up in my sexy clothes. From there I am hers to do as she pleases with. This though, has never resulted in her wanting to humiliate me. I love to be dominated but don't get off on humiliation. Each to their own.

Not for me. I like to be dominated but humiliation is off the table.

I always found enemas to be very humiliating, especially if you have to expell with the person who gave it to you watching

I always found enemas to be very humiliating, especially if you have to expell with the person who gave it to you watching

I agree. Especially, if it is the first time with that person.

It does for me.

Who but a dom could demand that you undress until you are naked and then perform intimate tests. It started years ago, and it took an age to work out that it was the embarrassment and humiliation that was turning me on.

To illustrate my point, check out Esther Schweins in Sie hatten keine Wahal (The victory of women).

She is in prison at what looks to be at the start of the last century. She stands before a doctor, naked and covering her boobs and bush clearly very embarrassed. After washing his hands, the doctor says something in German (I think it might be put your arms by your side). She lowers her arms and is clearly humiliated being naked in front of a man. He inserts a finger into her vagina, says something and then leaves.

That is the power of the dom!

I didn’t know this one, but it is absolutely fabulous. The first order for her is to turn around. The second order is to spread her legs: she puts her hands on top of her head and spreads her legs. Very nice.

I enjoy reading this topic. For me there is a thin line between shyness/being ashamed, being embarrassed or being humiliated.

The female in the picture i embarrassed, but looking at the circumstances (being imprisoned), in my opinion she isn’t humiliated. She would have been if she was told to masturbate or more people were staring at her body while the doctor insert his fingers into her vagina.

I myself enjoy to walk that thin line. If a patient or submissive specifically asks too be humiliated I will cross the line to humiliation.

They do go hand in hand. When you are being dominated, you expect to be humiliated as well. The best way to deal with it is not to take it seriously.

Post number62

“I guess I have always known I am not pure submissive material for some dominant and this confirms it for me. Embarrassment maybe, but I am not into being humiliated and just because a dom needs that from me. I need to be able to provide input into the scene and I would hope for a strong leader yes, but not a dom who could be in it just for himself. I feel at my best when I can use both my brain and my body and my sense is that many turn off their own brains in the process of submission. I'm not sure what that makes me??”

There is the idea, that if one is outgoing, extroverted, assertive, or accomplished in life, they aren't submissive. It's just not true. One could have a hard job, and want to just let go and give up control with a submissive session. So if you are a smart woman, it doesn't mean you can't enjoy submissive play, or being what's called “a bottom” to a top.

I like being submissive, but I don't call myself “a sub”. I am not into “serving” or obeying orders 24/7. I wouldn't want to know someone in my life, and have to act differently due to some arrangement, in regular life. Outside of a play time, I wouldn't want someone bossing me around like I can't do for myself or something.

I would want a man as mentally strong as me. I personally feel intelligence is a high attraction marker. But with kink, I would want him to dominate me, when we played. I'm not into a lot of things, but the few things I want run very deep with me. That's where I surrender. It's not even about sex, but it could be about sex, with someone one desires that way, and that's not everyone.

That's why I like tops, as opposed to “masters” or “doms”. The whole matter is simply about having someone who truly enjoys what they are doing to you, and you can feel this.

My personal thought id that humiliation is just a natural part from domination. Suppose it depends the situation, but if a Dr the dominant figure with a patient, the patient would naturally feel humiliation Having to undergo undressing and certain procedure. My thoughts anyway.

I am not into inflicting pain on someone. That said, the administration of a physical exam does incorporate the elements of domination and humiliation in general, and for medfet purposes. This in my view is more of a highly developed psychological skill than threats of physical force to obtain compliance.

For me, there is the necessity of anticipation; perhaps an exam with a new physician; perhaps one given by a female, etc. The anticipation and prolonged wait for the exam date to arrive fuels the recollection of past experiences and the inevitable rehearsal and arousal that comes from reenactment.

The day of my exam is a flood of anxiety from showering to what specific color of underpants to wear. The passage of time only adds to the mix of anxiety and curiosity. This is even true if I am fortunate to engage with someone for a role play that remains medically focused.

Arriving at the doctor's building and parking my car is met by sheer physical tension and noticing that my heart is starting to race as the inevitable is becoming real. This anticipatory state becomes associated with a marked degree of self consciousness as I proceed to enter the building and make my way to the doctor's office. Often I will stop and use a hall bathroom to make sure I have taken care of business, especially having a BM.

Upon entering the doctor's reception area, I always scan the room. I quickly attempt to determine who is a new patient or who appears to be the most nervous and surely check out those that appear to be leaving. The the task is to determine how undressed the the person had to get as I search for some evidence of disarray. Usually it is more in my imagination.

Upon hearing my name called, which can occur at any time during the waiting period, the ensuing process makes me totally self conscious. Standing and walking begin but I am nervous while trying to look confident but my immediate thoughts are “Do as you're told.” Depending on what happens next, my heart rate either slows or races. If I am first asked to provide a urine, I feel less anxious as I do if the assistant weighs me in the hall fully clothed. If this is altered and I am first taken to the exam room and hear, “Take off everything for the doctor,” I flash back to exams of old and as I disrobe, the sensation of cold air on my skin awakens me to the reality of being in the exam room. I always debate whether the briefs come off first or once it is the only article of clothing left to remove?

For me that moment of being totally naked is one of huge significance. It clearly means that the doctor is going to evaluate me completely whether I wish for this or not. The process of submission has begun. If I have been fortunate to start off the exam in just my briefs without a gown, I also realize that the odds of retaining them are maybe 50-50. For my doctor, it is always to allow his exam to start but to have me remove them at mid point.

The mid point may vary from doc to doc. The buzz words for me are, “Let's lower the gown or lay back to lift up your hips,” as the briefs come down and off. Talk about domination, this is that moment and with it comes sheer humiliation as my manhood is now prominently displayed, as it was for the other patients. I always wonder if he has a mental note of how many of us he has seen that day. Does he have an internal reaction to seeing my genitals? Is there a privately held scorecard? All of this even before he touches me.

As a teen, the evaluation of my testicles while lying down tended to lead to at least a semi erection if not a full one. The fear of that still occupies my mind but usually doesn't happen; a semi is more likely than a full erection depending on his manipulation of my testicles. The obligatory rectal exam with me lying on my side is routine but met with clenching and a gasp as his finger twists deep into me. Then making me stand for a hernia exam that is preceded by him lifting my penis, feeling my sack again, and then squeezing each testicle has me stare wide eyed at the wall. It is the moment of total surrender. Should anyone walk into the room at that moment, I am helpless to offer any resistance, as i utter the obligatory cough for the hernia check. It feels like forever but soon he has me turning to face the table, spread wide; he will part my cheeks and asks me to pulse my anus several times. Usually, I am dangling though my sack could be tight. The sounds of him lubing his finger creates tension met with those familiar words,"Push like your having a BM," as his finger enters me steadily and deeply. Grunt or moan, which ever occurs, but this is total domination. Add to that a nurse who suddenly appears with a shot to follow the ordeal and you have total helplessness.

The mix of total exposure (my nakedness), his finger or fingers in places that are totally private and privileged, makes for this unique experience that started so many years ago. It's not my day to day to have a relative stranger see me naked and explore all of my most personal body parts. After all is done, the necessity to replay the exam at home is an absolute. Even then it feels like it isn't much of a choice. Domination continues until the release has been achieved; all of which is intensified given tell tale signs of KY between my cheeks!

This is probably more detailed response than the question was designed to gather. An excellent one given how I think about all of this.

Some of the experiences of "humiliation" described in this thread are instead describing a loss of control, which isn't the same as the degrading or demeaning stuff that is usually understood to be humiliation play in BDSM circles. Domination goes hand in hand with loss of control, but not with humiliation.

To me, humiliation in a BDSM context aims at taking away someone's dignity, and if taken to the extreme, involves dehumanizing that person. The usual techniques in humiliation play range from the mildest types, which is embarrassment by putting the sub in socially awkward situations and roles, to assaults on the sub's dignity, by using insulting and demeaning language, or using the sub's body as a tool like a chair or a spittoon, or being plain rude. More extreme and edgy techniques may involve treating the sub like an animal or as subhuman, going way beyond the stripping of human dignity.

Being naked in front of clothed people or being medically examined might have an element of humiliation if it evokes the socialized shame of being naked in public. But in consensual play settings where the participants are familiar to each other, being naked itself is not humiliating, mostly intimate and perhaps liberating.

I generally think humiliation in BDSM play is a misnomer because it's rarely real humiliation. If BDSM activities were performed in a non-consensual setting, they would be truly humiliating (not to mention criminal) and dignity-robbing. In consensual play, physical pain and loss of control may be very real, but feelings like fear and humiliation are blunted and tempered by the knowledge that it's all consensual, there's a safe word, and that ultimately the dom is serving at the sub's pleasure. I am intimately familiar with the difference because I have experienced real humiliation where I was held down like a helpless screaming animal, where the only respite was to try to ignore the degrading things being done to my body, and had to deal with the guilt and shame for years after those humiliating episodes. So I view consensual humiliation play as fun role play that can turn hilarious at any moment 😃. That said, humiliation probably means different things to different people. For some, being trussed up like an animal might evoke some aspects of humiliation. To others, plain vanilla spanking may evoke memories of a past real-life spanking that was humiliating. But it's never true humiliation, which can perhaps only be replicated by something edgier like consensual non-consent play. I think most people who get turned on by light embarrassment are only appreciating the surface, and would be totally turned off by the rest of the iceberg of humiliation play.

A spanking is humiliating. Somethings are just not complex.