The subject of submission is a favorite of mine and one that I often explore in many of my stories. In the BDSM play world I am a switch. That means that I like both ends of the whip and in the E world I am happy on either end of the hose.
I don’t really ever remember a time when I wasn’t aware of this duality. When I was little and played with girls, I always liked being the baby to a girls Mama when we played house. Even then I would be bad in hopes of a spanking! Since this time period was a long time before puberty I can safely say that it isn’t totally a sexually driven pleasure. Strangely as I became older, my submissive side to the females became more and more pronounced while my relations with other males seemed to become more aggressively motivated. I was an easy target for a female but could be mean as a junk yard dog if a male tried to bully me.
I love to have total power over a woman. I love to offer a woman total power over me. As I moved into the BDSM community I learned that this exchange of power is at the root of most D/s relationships even more so in many ways that just sex. The surrender has a special sweetness to it and after a while you begin to see that this power exchange (in a healthy D/s relationship) truly is an exchange. Each is giving something in order to get something. What each gets is really hard to define or describe in part because each person is different and their needs vary widely.
I have submitted to women that have been hurt by men in their past and what they receive from me is a safe and secure male that they can let their guard down around without fear or worry. Some of the Dominant women are just women that have become bored with uninspired male partners that never do quite what the lady needs or stop just short of the finish line. They finally get tired of waiting for the fumble fingered male to find the right buttons to push and become bossy. When this happens, depending on the male, some men become upset and fearful that their male machismo is being threatened and they bolt while others easily are molded and try to give the lady what she wants. This taste of power and the total sexual satisfaction that is possible once she takes charge leads some women into the role of the Dom. Sadly just as some males are threatened by this, some ladies still want the powerful all man male partner and find it a let down it they have to take control. The D/s isn’t for every one.
Some men find that when they Dom, the freedom to demand and receive sex on demand is an irresistible pleasure. The problem with this is that unless they can find a woman that needs to be treated like a roll of toilet paper, this game becomes very dissatisfying real fast for her. It has to be a fair exchange!
The balance is different for each couple. When I am in Dom mode, it is never the mean master role that I will gravitate towards. I am more of a loving Daddy sort of Dom that will punish your transgressions firmly but never be mean to you and call you names. Not all women respond to this. Many want a totally dominating Master and love denigration and humiliation. Many males love the same. LOL, I was around one time when Sophia went off on another of her slaves. She literally flayed him alive with her tongue!! She went after his physical shortcomings, his ancestry, his flaws and faults and called him names that brought tears to MY eyes!!!! He LOVED IT!!! I told her later that if she did that to me that I would be crushed and cry at her! She laughed and said that that is why she would never do that to me. To each according to their needs and desires was what she believed in. This man paid quite well to have her tongue lash him!!
Submission can also be a freedom, especially for a man. Listen to a few of the get hard, stay hard and do it better with a bigger special part of the male anatomy commercials and you can begin to see the pressure to perform that is placed on men. As we get older those special parts don’t work as well or dependably and sometimes the worry about this becomes a self fulfilling prophecy!! I’m sure that for a woman it is hard to understand but there is a freedom of responsibility in being at times the fuckee rather than the fucker! I have found anal play to be a much more relaxing form of play because in part, there is no performance anxiety when it is you bent over the end of the bed.
Over the years I have found that if the best of what oral, manual and toy sex can provide a woman is offered, most women are more than happy to accept it. There is never disappointment and it never stops just as she was about to get there. It was nice when I was young but the search for the mutual simultaneous orgasm has a price and that price is in the quality. Why should a woman be satisfied with one orgasm when she can have them by the bucket load and if a man is only going to get one shot, the timing needs to be so that one orgasm is a whopper.
When Topping OR submitting, (Vivianna likes to be topped, tied up and forced to endure endless orgasms as I explore all possible entrances) I first off offer my partner endless service in any form that she wishes without penile concerns or worry about my needs or satisfaction. If regular intercourse is involved it is a short side issue or the icing on top of the cake. In exchange, on another night altogether in the case of Vivianna and I, my needs are met to overflowing as this time I submit to her total control of MY body. She has trained my responses such that I am multi-orgasmic anally or when restrained and forced to endure endless and repeated anal/oral assaults!! She often tells me when I beg her to stop that it isn’t over until the fat lady sings!!! With her, an orgasm and ejaculation means it’s time to get busy!!!! Males are not generally multi-orgasmic because when they are running things they STOP when they cum the first time. Only by submitting can a male get past this barricade to pleasure. At first it feels unnatural and so overwhelming are the sensations that it almost verges on pain but if you submit and go past this, things start happening again and once started back up it is more like a long string of firecrackers than a single cherry bomb!!!
Submission isn’t for every one but for a male, if he can get past the shame of not being the MAN IN CHARGE, the rewards can be amazing.