Dom/Domme and sub

Can you really be trained and be a great Dom if you have never been a sub. I have heard it said . So if you want a well mannered sub how were you trained? Do you need a refresher course?

I think you need to understand both side of dommination to appericate either. I have been switch and found my true following as a sub

and I must admit it was a good journey to take and made me understand the needs of both sides and I am a better sub as such.

I've heard that saying too, that the best Dominant was once a submissive. That's because the general thought is that who knows better how something will feel than someone who's experienced it.

However. There are exceptions to the rule. They are far and few between. They are the ones that are naturally Dominant and do not need to have experienced submission to be a good Dominant.

my Master is a an excellent example. He is a great Master, knowledgable, understanding, firm yet gentle. Knows what makes me tick, what pushes my buttons and how to turn me off and on. He knows exactly how something is going to make me feel. How does He do this? It isn't because He was ever a submissive. It's just who He is and it's second nature to Him.

His gem and jewel,

angel

I was an ill informed submissive. Things like safe words and the like were forgotten. I was taken advantage of until a former g/f rescued me. Then I was taught properly and my new master thought I was more domme than sub so trained changed. I've been what I am now for 5 years and my girls are fine with me.

I agree completely with rs_adahl.

To be a great dominant you MUST have been a submissive at some time in your training. Exceptions are very few and very far in between.

To be a great dominant, you must know what the submissive is feeling both physically and emotionally.

When professional Dommes are trained, they are trained as a submissive first.

I tend to agree with Angel. To be a great dominant starts with a natural inclination towards domination. Practicing as a sub is simply not who they are.

I am very Sub in my opinion, I have an assertive side, where I can control more and take lead/charge, but not as often as I appreciate the art of being a Sub.

I have had many men want me to Dom train, and I'm just not sure it's my thing. which I guess is the clearest answer for me.

I think domination and submission are two sides of the same coin. Sometimes that coin lands on one side a lot more than the other. I usually am submissive but quite often I end up dishing it out; it just seems to happen. I was in a submissive relationship for several months and enjoying it. One day it just happened while were playing the "dom" ended up over my lap and from then on the relationship turned 180 and was still enjoyable.

I think You must have experienced both sides to become ''good'' at one of them

I am a sub but one time, one memorable time i was a dom and it felt great, i like taking charge sometimes

I've seen quite a few dominants who were really sadists, but never really understood the difference between the two. A true dominant controls others with actions and words, by utilizing psychology. They don't hand out pain or discomfort liberally. Instead, they only apply pain and discomfort when it is truly warranted. In most instances, the submissive wants to feel the discomfort and pain that is being administered to them. But, a sadist thrives on administering pain, whether the submissive deserves it or not. If you are submissive, you always want to choose a true dominant, rather than a sadistic person who operates under the cloak of domination. A true dominant will respect your needs and limits, and give you the submissive experience that you want most. While the sadist will simply hurt you repeatedly, simply for their own pleasure, whether you enjoy or deserve it or not. If you’re into submission, learn how to spot the sadist, and learn how to avoid them at all costs, because you will suffer if you were to mistakenly allow a sadist to dominate you.

And if you are a good Dom/Domme it is also upon you to spot the sadists as well to protect those that are uninformed. The bad guys learn to hate you real quick when you start pulling their potential victims away from them. I love being threatened by those chicken shits. Then you get to see me get to be Momma Bear. I'm told it can be impressive as hell and a bit on the scary side too.

I have my moments. Some I'm even a bit lady like. But mostly not.

I was an ill-informed submissive. Things like safe words were forgotten. I was taken advantage of.

I wrote my comment after reading what you said, Faith.

Apparently, some sadistic person found a little beginner girl, and took advantage of her innocence, and used it as a way to torture her, for their own pleasures. That’s not domination, not by any means. That is the sign of a stupid amateur dominant with an emotional problem. They grew up with abuse, and now they go through life hurting others, every chance they get.

Even the most submissive pain slut needs love and acceptance in her life. When a submissive woman has served me well, she is rewarded with kindness and acceptance. All women want and deserve love, regardless of what submission emotions that they have. Dominance is really an art form, and you need to have a capable understanding of human psychology to perform it well. There are very few genuine dominants in this fetish. Lots of hacks, with a riding crop and a bullwhip. But, very few truly skilled artisans.

I have read all ideas said about how to be a good dom. In my point of view it is not necesarilly to be trained as a sub before being a good dom. It is all about how you are as a person, in your real life: if you are dominant of course you could be a good dom, as well as if you are in real life, shy, with low personality than you can become a good sub. In any situation you need patience and try to understand both sides. For example if you are dom., you have to understand the limits of the sub, you have to treat the sub correctly, and try to learn more about each aspects of being better dom.

I think to know what your sub is feeling you have to at least experience it; we are all good to a sense of reading body language and try to read a person's mind to see what they are feeling. I think to make a good dom you have to experience it so you can understand the mental pathways.

Everyone's thought processes are different, and it wouldn't make me think less of a dominant who had tried to experience that side.

I have talked to the Dom I go to about this subgject. She agreed that a good dom needs tro start out as a sub and experience that in order to truly feel what a sub wants and needs. Those who don't are more likely to end up as sadists with no regard for the sub, who is frequently a paying client.

By my view of point:

Very difficult to find a right partner, because the most of people deem enema is erotic. I dislike this phrase: erotic enema. I think the enema is absolutly no erotic, it’s a very unpleasant procedure for me; I’m looking for someone who knows what can be happen after enema. The enema is always a symbol in my eyes being subordinated to someone, so it’s just one of the tools to express your power, so you need to add something else to the enema, like strict voice or firm, strong behavour and so on… But most people want only administer an enema and have sex. And they aren’t same.

So, my dom needs to be clever, that he can realize when I try to trick, and then I will know: really no escape...

This is an interesting point of view..For me, I can honeslty say that all of the procedures I administer, I enjoy receiving as well. One thing is for sure, you have to make sure which part you are when play begins..not in between. Learing your partners needs, whatever play it may be is of the utmost of importance.. not assuming he or she likes it because another person did. It is stimulating to lend an ear to learn the niches, at least it is for me!

Which part: I'm only on sub side.

But it doesn't mean, I succumb myself. I fight against doctor, I disagree him, I say NO, knowing well, the punishment follows. There are some short minutes between "no" and the punishment - and those minutes are the most exciting, with hard heartbeat... so, then… the powerless and his angry wake up a new, unknown feeling in me – maybe it’s a kind of the escape – and this feeling is the lust. And then can come the kinky things 😉

Laura, nothing at all wrong with being 100% sub all the way. I think they mean does the Dr./Dom have to have a submissive side.

"A true dominant will respect your needs and limits, and give you the submissive experience that you want most. While the sadist will simply hurt you repeatedly, simply for their own pleasure, whether you enjoy or deserve it or not."

Although I completely agree with Faith's first dom to be an abusive asshole, sadists are are not "evil" in comparison with doms. Just like every sane dom wants a sub who enjoys submitting, sane sadists only hurt those who enjoy it. Hurt of course, not harm.

I consider myself a well trained Dom and have never been submissive. I think the true test of being a good Dom is in the listening and learning about the particular submissive you are with. As in vanilla relationships, no two people are alike or want the same things. What attracts a man and a woman is universal whether vanilla, D/s, S/m, B/D I believe. One thing I am attracted to is an independent, self assured woman that can't deny her craving to submit. Knowing this about her gives me the perspective to dominate her in a way that she finds pleasing and encorages her to continue. Another thing I have found is that many so called Doms basically either dislike women, or fear them. They find it necessary to abuse a woman in the name of dominance in order to interact with them interpersonally. Knowing that I "like" women and have no desire to harm them, they understand that "hurt" doesn't mean harm. They understand that they can trust themselves to me utterly. When you have that bond...fireworks can occur. Also, speaking in general, a lady reacts well to being treated like a slut...and that little vixen that you treat like a lady...well...she ends up submitting too. I think being a decent human being and understanding a person is the big factor.

Who do you think is more dominant or submissive? Men or women?

I would like to belive that the dominant men are more - it's more ideal situation for submissive women (like me) 😃

I see posts about what subs or slaves want and what are good qualities. I am curious what subs slaves look for in a Dominant. What makes a a good one? What qualities should they have and how do you find some one that is worth of your gift as I have heard a friend say. Just wondering.

A good Dominant, Master or Mistress will listen to their sub. Once they have communicated their needs the Dominant, Master or Mistress will guide them in the direction they need to go. They will also tell the sub what they expect in return for their guidance. The key to a good relationship is open and honest communication .

Lisa is correct. While so many people went to various side topics, her point was simple. I.e., to be good at one, it's best to have experienced both. Dom/Domme, and sub.

THEN, you know both sides of the coin, and are better able to get in tune as to where your partner wants to go.

It is all about taking your partner on a safe, sane, consensual, and non-exploitive journey, and returning her/him safely to their point of origin.

After-care is always a part of play.

A good Dom WILL LISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Listening is the key and is essential in any and all relationships.

All should try it.