MEN: has a woman ever made a sexual request that you were unwilling to grant?

I asked this question before, but the replies swayed so far away from the original question that I'm going to try again.

Men, has a woman ever made a sexual request that you were unwilling to grant? It's a given that men will often request acts from their partner and will be refused. But I'm wondering if men find themselves in the same situations.

I'd also like to know if you reluctantly agreed to do what you didn't want to do and if you were pleasantly surprised that you enjoyed it or if it was as bad as or worse than you imagined.

Please keep in mind that I'm asking what a woman ACTUALLY asked. I'm asking what you have actually refused or reluctantly agreed to do and what the results were; whether or not you enjoyed it.

We all pretty much agree that scat is a hard limit for us and that wasn't part of my the question, so let's not go off on that tangent again, shall we?

The women that left me last month wanted to be choked and i just couldn't do it.

My girlfriend has asked for anal sex and I have turned her down. Not every time she has asked, but every time recently. This does not come up very often---maybe because I have rejected her. My reason is scat. I have suggested an enema, but only very casually. She doesn't want to talk about enemas at all. This actually presents a problem in our relationship---that there are things we don't talk about. I would prefer no secrets and nothing off limits in a conversation. Sorry to get off track there.

Interesting issue. I've been pretty willing for most things but when a GF (current) asked me for oral sex after the regular sort. I was kind of hesitant but she talked me into it. She had a HUGE orgasm and I really enjoyed her pleasure. Guys, let go and try something different. Your lover will thank you forever!

I would always say "yes" to any request my g/f made until she started shaving me ALL the time. I couldn't stand the itching.

Well, quite a few years ago my lady asked me to "fuck her in the ass"! I was shocked and very reluctant to do that for fear that I would hurt her...or something. I was just shocked, I guess. (She was such a Lady.) Well, I did overcome my reluctance and she did have an Off-The-Wall orgasm.

From that time on I was always willing to try anything that she suggested or that we had heard about, etc. As a result we had a wonderful sex life.

the boxcar

I was all ways welling to try anything my giral freinds whated to do and with boyh of mt wifes I do not know any thing that if asked I would not try

My guy is so vanilla that I had to explain to him what vanilla is. He is an amazing man, loves me dearly and treats me extremely well. But not so much passion in the bedroom. He is happy with the usual play and although he is a very creative and artistic person, it doesn't carry over into the bedroom. Thank goodness for toys, erotica, my special Internet and phone friends and my bags. 😃

Yes I refuse to participate in SCAT, blood letting, and violence. Sex is suppose to be fun, exciting, and romantic for all involved. If someone really has that drive for S & M, B & D, blood, etc. The should pursue careers as prison guard, autopsy technicians, or insane murderers. Lite spanking, medical play, and enemas don't fall into the above category. They might be a little out of the main stream, but they don't injure anyone eather.

I answered your first posting but here we go again: I would at least try just about anything, I would love to find a lady that wants to explore just about every facet of sexual activities!!

Thinking back through the years, the only time one of my "suggestions" was not met with enthusiasm was when I brought up an enema - with me receiving. This was about 17 years ago. He was all for anal play but drew the line at enemas.

When I first read this, I thought there wasn't anything I wouldn't do if my wife asked, but then I wouldn't do severe S&M ( a little red butt from spanking or slightly brused wrists would be Ok)or choking.

But then again, my wife will not give me a handjob because it tis too messy! ( Does on her back and motionless come to mind!)

Pat

I feel for you, Pat, but it sounds like you are saying she will at least let you use her body for your release even if she does not actively participate.

I realize that this is demoralizing to a man, but consider the ladies here who do not have even that option---it's just a plain, flat-out No. When a man says no, there is not much a woman can do, and I am not talking about getting the little guy to put in a good word with the big guy, it is just No.

I have had to back off of "bi-curious" stuff my wife asked me for.

There was a period where she used a strap-on pretty regularly, which I enjoyed. For me a major part of the enjoyment was letting her "use" me - I don't know what the female response to being penetrated (at all, regardless of the orifice) is like. It is understanding the female response I was trying to expand for myself.

I tend to believe that an orgasm is an orgasm, whatever produces it should be fine, as long as there is no physical harm done (mental, emotional spiritual harm either but hopefully that goes without saying). I think one should be be able to muster some enthusiasm for the activity or wait until one can...

What my wife wanted was for me to accept being taken by a man, and for me to give as well. This would have been done with her directing, so she was (and is, to some degree) interested in the domme side of things but fortunately we completely agree that pain is not good. (NOT JUDGING, JUST STATING OUR PREFERENCES...) She also wanted me to experience swallowing the ejaculate of more than one guy, again with her directing, and also for me to be sucked and manually brought to orgasm by one or more guys.

All with her directing...never as a solo activity.

I am comfortable with the concept but somehow the right partner never presented himself. Before we met she had had a couple of sessions where a domme she knew brought her sub and she was taken by the sub (let's be clear, my wife is NOT into anal receiving) and then was allowed to direct the sub in taking the mistress...sort of as a training and an introduction to the play.

My wife is much more experienced than I am, I have never had sex with multiple partners.

I like the idea of my wife letting me be used as the subject of her instructing a SMALL group of women in the use of her strap on, with each of the women having a turn. This could be expanded into the idea that one of the group would bring her male SO to the next meeting and then he would be the subject so the women could all be properly instructed as to what would be necessary to achieve compliance from a male.

I suppose this is domme sub stuff on the surface of it, but there is for me the idea that the sensitivity to the female point of view would be much increased.

I like to think I will be able to get to a place where this would all work - I do want to perform in the service of my wife...

Chivalry is not dead, in spite of what we observe in the new and in life these days.

I hope this helps anyone reading...

Smiles,

Hi Lady Di,

I feel for the ladies here also. During the last 2 times we attempted to make love, once I said thanks but no thanks and rolled off of her and the second time, my little guy wouldn't work. That was at least a year ago. I do feel people's frustrations!

I have had to back off of "bi-curious" stuff my wife asked me for.

There was a period where she used a strap-on pretty regularly, which I enjoyed. For me a major part of the enjoyment was letting her "use" me - I don't know what the female response to being penetrated (at all, regardless of the orifice) is like. It is understanding the female response I was trying to expand for myself.

I tend to believe that an orgasm is an orgasm, whatever produces it should be fine, as long as there is no physical harm done (mental, emotional spiritual harm either but hopefully that goes without saying). I think one should be be able to muster some enthusiasm for the activity or wait until one can...Wm

What my wife wanted was for me to accept being taken by a man, and for me to give as well. This would have been done with her directing, so she was (and is, to some degree) interested in the domme side of things but fortunately we completely agree that pain is not good. (NOT JUDGING, JUST STATING OUR PREFERENCES...) She also wanted me to experience swallowing the ejaculate of more than one guy, again with her directing, and also for me to be sucked and manually brought to orgasm by one or more guys.

All with her directing...never as a solo activity.

I am comfortable with the concept but somehow the right partner never presented himself. Before we met she had had a couple of sessions where a domme she knew brought her sub and she was taken by the sub (let's be clear, my wife is NOT into anal receiving) and then was allowed to direct the sub in taking the mistress...sort of as a training and an introduction to the play.

My wife is much more experienced than I am, I have never had sex with multiple partners.

I like the idea of my wife letting me be used as the subject of her instructing a SMALL group of women in the use of her strap on, with each of the women having a turn. This could be expanded into the idea that one of the group would bring her male SO to the next meeting and then he would be the subject so the women could all be properly instructed as to what would be necessary to achieve compliance from a male.

I suppose this is domme sub stuff on the surface of it, but there is for me the idea that the sensitivity to the female point of view would be much increased.

I like to think I will be able to get to a place where this would all work - I do want to perform in the service of my wife...

Chivalry is not dead, in spite of what we observe in the new and in life these days.

I can relate to what you are saying very well. My husband is completely hetero, and has never had a man "do him" in any fashion. I, on the other hand, will take the opportunity of having a woman, but only if the right one, who really turns me on, presents herself. In groups and S&M functions, my husband will trot around naked with the rest of those around, and before we had children have sex with other women (always with a condom), but never with a man. Interestingly, I never asked him to have any kind of sex with another man. The thought never occurred to me, and now I can't really say why. I guess I felt that if he was going to be penetrated or have sex with anyone besides myself, it would be with another woman.

In any case, if your desire is to have sex with a man as your wife directs the action, make sure she starts the action slowly and you become comfortable with the man. It is also a good idea to get acquainted in a non-sexual situation first, just like you would with a woman, to find out if that is the person you want to lose your "virginity" to.

Good luck and have lots of fun!

I don't understand why a man or woman would stay with a partner who says no to their requests for normal sexual contact. There is a world filled with willing men and women who will take loving care of their partner and never embarass them or humiliate them in any way. The woman demanding of her man to have same-sex relations with another man is playing with dynamite, and she is going to get some sort of negative unexpected reaction. I would throw a woman out of the house that suggested anythying like that to me. I guess that what ever turns you on is ok----but it needs to consensual. harry adams

I would bet that we all have a limit, I definitely draw the line when it comes to children, animals, physically harming/beating etc. I have also found that as I matured the lines of what I thought were firmly drawn began to blur and fade.....I swore I would never do oral after I had sex with a woman, took one special woman and that was wiped out, swore I'd never be submissive....one special woman convinced me that was a lie, There were many others and they all pushed the line until I finally realized that granting a woman a wish, a fantasy, etc not only benefited her but paid huge dividends to me. Thankfully no woman has ever asked me to even consider crossing my Hard and Fast Lines, for it would be met with an equally FIRM NEVER, but beyond that I remain at least open to suggestions. I believe that we choose on some subconscious level mates who excite us but never someone who would make us abandon our Standards.

Men, has a woman ever made a sexual request that you were unwilling to grant? It's a given that men will often request acts from their partner and will be refused. But I'm wondering if men find themselves in the same situations.

NO!!!

The problem is she never requested anything of a sexual nature.

She never wanted anything of a sexual nature.

As far as she was concerned sex was only for having children and otherwise was unneeded.

On the other hand she very seldom had any answer for me except NO.

I had a girlfriend that wanted me to hit her, not spank her, but full on hit. She was a petit lady and I was 6ft 230lbs. I could not bring myself to hit her as hard as I could.

I just about done it all. To switchablesusie: I love the aftermath cunnilingus, it is the best, things are nice and wet and it gives slickness to those tender tissues, I think it speeds up feminine response a little, too. I have posted some of those experiences on this forum previously, so I won't waste everyone's time; you can always check out my posts through my member profile. As to this topic of refusal, I also mentioned here before that it was a gf desire to have sex in a public place, specifically in a planetarium, that I declined. I would love to have please her, but I was afraid of arrest, etc. I'm sure that with that much tension, I would not have been able to perform in any case. She was just about totally unabashed! One of my most erotic memories was of her attaching a minipad to her sexy black undies; she had a date with another guy (an older married friend she had been seeing for a long time) and it was across town and as she pulled those tight little panties up on her very beautiful ass and crotch she explained the particulars of post coital discharge to me. I had to leave, so unfortunately, I was unable to sample that batch.

I'd have to agree with stamp. 98% happy is a wonderful thing, but a comforting friend without disrupting our partners' lives can help make life complete. Ya'll play nice. Perhaps one day completeness will come to us each and all. W

You have no idea what a painstaking decision it is to go elsewhere to get what won't be given at home and as stated in the last 2 posts,you don't want to destroy your homelife anymore than you have to because you love the person you are with.In the case of my spouse,he just won't go to a doctor and get checked out for low testosterone because he thinks all they'll look for is cancer-he won't accept that it's just to check the level which in my mind tells me that I'm not worth the effort or that he just wants to keep things the way they are now and that I just have to accept it!All I do is make him dig his heels in more by bringing it up and sometimes it's just not worth the fight!I feel like shit that I do this but like so many others,what the heck do you do?He's pretty much given up on a normal sex life or anything else so I get to be happy with once a month or less vanilla sex?It's not my style and he didn't used to be that way so it's not like I married into it like that.I'm sure this sounds like the "woe is me" speech but venting on here sure helps alot!lol.

I would agree with each of your statements except the first one.

You have no idea what a painstaking decision it is to go elsewhere to get what won't be given at home

Or, perhaps, I was misreading and you were actually affirming that those in the prior two posts were among the few who really DO have an idea. I certainly DO. It's a tough, tough call.

I think my basic premise is that we are all just trying to exist as best we are able.

Hang in there. W

I know how you feel. I have been there also. It helps when you can get your frustrations off your chest to someone you may or may not know.I wish you the best.

tailpiper

I have always been the agressor for new sexual activities in our relationship. Almost every time I have been turned down...Enemas will never be part of the game. Before we got married I told her that I would seek in other places what I could not get at home. I have been true to my word. She has become more compliant in the last few years but still wants to control our sex life and does to a large extent. If there is something I feel I need that she won't do or let me do to her,I will go somewhere else if and when the opportunity presents itself. I won't throw out the whole relationship though...I try to be very discreet.....Jimbeaux

I agree with the decision to find what you need or want is a hard one to make. However; in my case the decision was made for me. My wife whom I love dearly slowly drifted away from love making to total celibacy(?) over a period of time until she finally moved to the guest room and than out of the house. We still see each other and go to functions as a couple with the only physical contact a kiss on the cheek or a dance at a party.

We came up with a very fair, for both of us, legal agreement that provides security for her and freedom for me. I am free to do whatever I want, and it can not be used against me if a divorce action occurred, which it won't.

Should she decide to divorce me she gets nothing; if I divorce her it would cost me close to 7 figures. So now I seem to have the best of both world's without making that painful decision.

Stamps and all the others seem to echo my sentiments as well. I know that no simple solution exists to the problem of the "mate/SO" not being willing to participate in our interests whatever they may be, so what do we do? Comments by others in this group have offered suggestions from going elsewhere to just living with the situation, all having their limitations for pleasant life. My bet is that a large majority of the readers/writers on this and other forums all are in similar situations, that's why we are on these boards. Meeting others certainly has risks, but often times that is a necessary alternative if you are lucky enough to find the right person so you don't blow apart from frustration. If you can't sense my frustration you are missing my point. Anybody have a really good solution if the person you are attached to just isn't with it????? All of your thoughts will be appreciated, not only by me, but I'll bet many others as well. We all keep searching for an answer. It almost pains me when I read about some of the really lucky folks that have found the "right" person. How can you be so fortunate?

My experience is that if you have the nerve to ask then as your husband or boyfriend, I should be willing to try and enjoy the moment. Anybody can enjoy vanilla, but moving out of your comfort area is very rewarding and even then a new desision can be made to continue or decide it wasn't that great of an idea to begin with............hmmmmmm

I said no to a request from my g/f when she wanted to watch another guy screw me. I'm not bi or gay yet. I would let her use a strap-on, but no guys.