First exam alone

There are plenty of discussions here about a family member (mainly mom) coming to the exam with you. But I want to know what emotions you experienced the first time she didn’t follow you into the exam room when the nurse called your name.

“Mandy come on back with me”. I was alone. I’m so independent.

“Go ahead and get undressed”. I remember looking at my pile of clothes and wondering if I needed to fold them. Like it gave me real anxiety. In the end I just made sure my bra was covered. I feared the doctor coming in and seeing me not sitting on the table. Why do I fear that? Good question.

Then sitting there for ten minutes alone was anxiety inducing. This was before cell phones were useful. I’ve got no one to talk to. Every move of my body the crinkle of the paper is so loud. I can read a people magazine from three months ago. Why do I care how Jennifer Aniston celebrates Christmas?

Then the doctor comes in and I kind of forget the whole situation. She starts asking me simple questions and I blank out. In this state of mind I could have giving my birthday wrong. No I don’t smoke. So why did I hesitate to answer? She’s going to mark down that I smoke. Mom’s going to kill me.

After the exam I come back to the waiting room for what felt like the walk of shame. My mother is sitting there. Knowing what just happened. And now she wants to talk about it?

“How did it go?” “Uhm ok”

“Anything I need to talk to the doctor about?” “Go no”

“Are you sure?” “I guess”

“Well I’ll take your word for it”. “Thanks”

She was frustrated. I was flustered. It shouldn’t have been that hard, and I don’t know why it was.

So guys and gals what was your first trip back the big scary door alone like?

Oh this brings back some memories. My mother took me to the doctor but she was only present for the exam the first time. Later, she would either wait in the waiting room or go for a quick trip to the nearby shops while I had my appointment.

My mother being there for the first exam was embarrassing but also helped with my nerves a bit. When I was alone with the doctor and nurse for the first time, I remember feeling really nervous but also a bit more grown up and mature. Being taken to the doctor by ones parents seemed more like something children experienced and I wanted to be seen as mature. I always tried to act braver than I was with the doctor and tried to not show, how embarrassed I felt.

I also remember the embarrassing ride back home. My mom asked me about my exam and if everything was fine. I felt really embarrassed. Of course she knew what just had happened to me and my body and I really did not want to talk about it and just be alone for a while.